1st Trimester
MommyOfBabyG
member
How to thank my husband?
MommyOfBabyG
member
I have had a hard first trimester, I am constantly nauseous or crazy moody. He has been amazing through all of it and I would like to thank him in someway but I can't think of how. Any ideas?
Re: How to thank my husband?
He does poker night every Friday with the guys already, I cook his favorite meal usually once a week, and we have an awesome sex life so all of the above are out of the question.
I am trying to find something meaningful especially since this is his first child (I have a 6 year old)!
You are carrying his child. It's tough work. My husband has been great during my pregnancy, and I do thank him (especially when he picks up slack for me) but it is because I love and respect him- not because I think he "earned it". We are a pair and I didn't get pregnant on my own and he happily does what he can since he can't physically be pregnant for me.
This weekend, when he was shoveling the 2 feet of snow out of our driveway and I sat inside, I made sure to cook him hot meals and make lots of coffee because that was about all I could do.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
-a heart at peace gives life to the body-
Just my personal opinion. If you're already cooking your husband his favorite meal often, he already has a guy night weekly and you guys have a phenomenal sex life, maybe just a simple thank you would actually be more appreciated in the long run? Sounds like despite your troubled first tri, you are still doing your best to reciprocate caring for him and your relationship as well. Sometimes the simple options are the best. If you want to spiff it up a bit, consider buying or making a sentimental card and put your feelings of thanks down on paper for him to keep.
ETA: Shoot, sorry OP, I didn't see that you weren't the one saying those things. I still think a heart felt thank you is something that will resonate with your spouse - but I agree with those talking favorite food. The key to my DH's heart is food. If you're still not feeling up to cooking, you could always order his favorite as well.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
***QBF***
We'll have to agree to disagree. I don't think it's gross to want to do something nice for your husband in the bedroom.
While I completely agree it's a spouses job to be helpful, supportive, and be there for the bad parts of pregnancy, I see no problem with being thankful in return. My husband was amazing throughout our pregnancy, as I knew he would be, but it didn't stop me from being extra thankful. I'd make him a special meal, let him pick a movie for our movie nights - little gestures to show I appreciated his support. He'd thank me for carrying our children by stepping up in the housework department, rubbing my back and feet, making me a special meal. We just have the type of relationship where we like to do little things to show appreciation for stuff that sometimes goes unnoticed or taken for granted.
I do agree with PPs marriage and parenting is a partnership. Your husband taking care of you is something he is supposed to do, and vice versa. There's nothing wrong with showing him you're grateful but you don't need to go to extreme lengths to do so. My DH's favorite meal is a pot roast, so occasionally when he's extra awesome I may say hey, thanks so much for all of your help recently do you want me to make a roast for dinner? I'm not a huge fan of the roast, so he knows it's something I'm doing just for him.
Another suggestion, as I think someone else mentioned, is just to surprise him with something he really enjoys, like a specific coffee or drink that he enjoys. Since my DH has been picking up a lot of slack around the house, I've picked up his favorite energy drink several times. He also mentioned that a certain type of oreos sounded good last week, so we went on a craving run for him instead of me (for once).
Maybe it is because the guy I had my almost 5-year-old daughter with was a jerk, and made my pregnancy miserable, but I have a really deep appreciation for what my husband has been doing. I know for a fact that there are lots of men who aren't this wonderful during pregnancy, even if it is something they absolutely SHOULD be doing anyway. My DH tells me how much he appreciates the things I do as well, even though they're also things that are expected of me in our marriage. And even though those things are expected, it sure does feel good to feel appreciated!
But seriously, I think the most considerate and thoughtful thing you can do is just say how you feel. People don't need special gifts to feel appreciated.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
***QBF***
A, Never said it was a reward, that's your wording. I just suggested it for her to use as a thank you.
B, It's not submissive to want to do something nice without it being reciprocated.
C, I don't know why we're beating a dead horse. Already said we can agree to disagree on this tiny subject as most of the time, I highly agree with your stances on things.
Sex should never be a reward.... That is an intimate moment between 2 people who have a connection (hopefully between to people that love eachother very much). Don't take the power of your vagina and make it into a reward.... That's just wrong. It's like giving your dog a treat for doing something good. Hubby and I have sex basically daily... Even if we are arguing and not seeing eye to eye that day .....we put all the b.s. behind us a bedtime and love each other.
***QBF***
We'll have to agree to disagree. I don't think it's gross to want to do something nice for your husband in the bedroom.
It's not gross to do something nice for your husband in the bedroom if you are BOTH in the mood. The issue I have is your suggestion that you should do something even if you are not in the mood. My SO would find it gross if I offered him sex as a means of saying thankyou, especially if he knew that I wasn't up for it. Sex should be between two adults who BOTH want it at the same time, otherwise what's the point? He would rather take care of business himself if I'm not in the mood than know I'm just doing it for his benefit. Sex is an expression of love between two people, not a means of saying thankyou for doing the dishes. My vagina is not a reward for good behaviour, and the suggestion of using it as such is the part of your original post that doesn't sit well with me.
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
LFAF Summer 2016 Awards:
I'm now almost 37 weeks and my husband has been a saint. Normally, we split our housework (both work full time), but during this pregnancy, he has taken on my share of housework, has been doing more with our toddler and has been in general, just amazing.
I do think that it is his job as s partner to help and support me during my pregnancy, and he wouldn't be my husband if he wasn't the type to do so. But I want to express to him how invaluable he's been to me during this pregnancy, and want to let him know that he's an amazing father, husband and friend.
I don't think any material gift could represent my feelings towards him, and I don't like the idea of using sex as a reward. He's a big boy, he can decide when to go have a boys night and when it's inappropriate; he doesn't need my 'permission'. So I think the best way to convey my feelings is by writing him a letter.
***QBF***
Never in my post did I say she should do it against her will or without being into it. I've had times where I wanted to just do something nice for him, we were both into it and that was that. And there have been times where he just wanted to do something nice for me. No grossness, just love and wanting to do something for your partner.
AGAIN never said it was a reward. You're the ones who keep using that word.
You have your viewpoint, which is great and I have mine. That's it. No need to keep going back and forth we both just view this differently.
Never in my post did I say she should do it against her will or without being into it.
But you did say 'A good time in the sheets even if it's one sided for him' which certainly implies having sex without one party (namely the woman in this case) being into it.
I don't see where she said to use it as a reward, nor did I see her say anything about using your vagina. There are plenty of fun little extras you can do for your husband that don't include your vagina. I read her statement of "one sided" as meaning other ways to make him, umm, happy(use your imagination, I don't want a TOU violation). Doing things like that aren't being "submissive" or using sex as a reward. Btw there is nothing wrong with being a little submissive occasionally. Some husband's actually enjoy the change/variety... Shocker.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
Fair enough, but I still would never think of giving my SO a beej (or any sexual activity) as a means of saying thankyou for anything. That's not the point of sexual intimacy to me.
I just wanted to share that it's often times the little things that mean the most.
Just say, 'Hey, man. Thanks for being so cool.'