WTF W..... well i started the day out great had a massage this Morning, got adjusted, had a lovely adviser meeting for the sorority I am an adviser for.. just to come home to find out my Fiance can't/doesnt want to go to Babies R Us. I was looking forward to going all day. Was excited to finally start our registry and get a feel for waht we'll want and need (i've already window shopped online but im a very tactile person and like to look/feel things in person). So now im cranky, he's cranky because work ruined our plans and i just want to curl up in bed with a tub of ice cream and not move.. UGH
@blissylissy86 I have concluded most people ask the sex just because it's makes conversation. Like after you get engaged the immediate question is "so when's the wedding?" But in my mom's case I think she wants to know so she can start buying boy or girl specific things. Which frightens me a little! While we are super grateful for anything she may get us we also don't want to end up with a bunch of "stuff."
Step son starting take the bus a couple weeks ago. This morning he was responsible for getting himself to the bus stop on his own, after dad left for work and my prego ass was sleeping. I awake at 8:20 (the time the bus leaves) to hear him yelling that his backpack won't zip, to which I yell back GTF to the bus stop now! (No eff word, but thinking it) I walk out to the living room to make sure he left, and the front fucking door is wide open! We have two cats so I was flipping the fuck out. They were safe inside, but this new game my step son is playing where he suddenly doesn't know how to do anything is making me crazy. (How do I use a towel? How do I get a glass of water? How do I shampoo my hair? What is 2-1?) seriously guys, he's 8 years old and it's like HIS FIRST DAY EVERY DAY. He's been making his own breakfast since he's been 4, I swear this kid has selective ableness.
Would it have been so hard to get up for 15 minutes, make sure he's eaten a decent breakfast and send him off to the bus before you go back to bed?
Maybe he just wants attention. Maybe someone should give him some, since he's been making his own breakfast since he was four.
I don't think there is anything wrong for him being a little independent on certain days. It is possible that he wants more attention but assuming that he doesn't get any because he knows how to make breakfast at 4yrs old is a little harsh.
I'm with @jlgriff11 on this one. He's 8 and yeah, he's probably capable of doing most things for himself but he's still a child. A child whose mother left him with you and your husband. Give him some love, man.
@iamautumn I imagine part of his selective ableness is attention seeking now that he has a younger sibling on the way. It freaks out all older siblings, compound that with the fact that the relationship between his parents failed (which messes with kids) and now his dad is having a new baby with his new family. It's totally up to you guys to give him a little extra love and a lot of explaining on growing the family that 100% includes him.
Eta: Not a teacher, but I imagine the teachers on this board don't think his lateness is excused because he is 8 and has been making his own breakfast since he was 4. It's still your job as a parent to get him up and out the door on time.
I just want everyone to know he asked for this responsibility, breakfast and all. But glad ya'll assumed the worst. Sorry to complain on the wtf thread.
Kids ask for puppies all the time that they swear they will walk/feed/pick up the poop for. You know who normally ends up doing all of that? The responsible adults who understand long term commitments and consequences. If your kid was 14 and not able to get himself somewhere on time I would understand being so hands off. But, he's 8, he is still at the 'learn by example' stage, an example you are 100% responsible for setting and following through on.
And I repeat, you need to give the kid some slack on his behavior because his behavior is 100% textbook for a kid getting a younger sibling. He's not trying to make his stepmom miserable (for what, having to get out of bed? Boo hoo), he is worrying about being replaced by the new baby ( because in his head, his mommy was replaced by you).
We took him evey morning and afternoon for 3 weeks, him telling us everyday he didn't want us to walk him to our front yard for the bus. Yes, it is in our front yard. He used to make his own breakfast because he would wake up at 3am everyday, and despite all our efforts he wouldn't sleep longer, so that was the solution we came up with. He had a cute IKEA kitchen where he poured cereal into a bowl. Kid wasn't flipping pancakes. If we gave him any more attention we would be sleeping in his bed with him. He has separation anxiety and PTSD from his mother abandoning him twice. We are trying to teach him some independence for when the baby comes so it isnt such a shock. I forgot as a step mom I have to explain all oft actions so I don't look like cinderells's evil step mother...
Man, I really like this board. I think if we actually were in person you might like me and be more understanding and see that I'm not a bad person. I'm sorry I made a ftm mistake. Maybe it's hormones, but I feel just terrible and weepy. I guess that's what happens on the Internet. We can bully people freely, in our sweet, sweet anonymity.
Did anyone say anything about not liking you? Maybe asking you to see your stepson's side is too much for anyone to expect? He's a kid, they ask for more responsibility way before they are prepared for it all the time. This isn't a ftm mistake, I'm a ftm with no younger siblings/neices/nephews, but even I understand the basics of how psychologically distressing the disolution of his parents' relationship and a new half-sibling can be. You are the adult, it is your job to back burner your feelings for the kids in your care.
Also, if you and I were having this conversation in person, my message would be the same and my use of expletives would be numerous. I'm a tough love kind of friend (and the friend who routinely hears 'I should have listened, you were right'), I'm not the friend who ego strokes, I'm there to offer an opposing perspective.
I teach 8 year olds. I wouldn't let them go to the bus or walk home on their own and I definitely side-eye any parent that does.
And if you want to cry bully, that's exactly the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of 8 year olds are left at bus stops by themselves without parent supervision.
I teach 8 year olds. I wouldn't let them go to the bus or walk home on their own and I definitely side-eye any parent that does.
And if you want to cry bully, that's exactly the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of 8 year olds are left at bus stops by themselves without parent supervision.
@iamautumn would it be possible to wake up 10-15 minutes before he has to leave to oversee him getting ready and getting on the bus? You can always go back to bed after he's on the bus. Although he asked for the responsibility it doesn't mean he will have it perfected immediately. He's still a kid and probably doesn't have time management down. I'm all about teaching kids independence. I'm sure it's great for their self-esteem. But that doesn't mean when they need help we sit back and say well this is the independence you wanted...get on the damn bus!
I teach 8 year olds. I wouldn't let them go to the bus or walk home on their own and I definitely side-eye any parent that does.
And if you want to cry bully, that's exactly the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of 8 year olds are left at bus stops by themselves without parent supervision.
@iamautumn I'd have no problem telling you the same thing these ladies did in person. Get out of bed and see the kid off. Even when I've had ms really terrible I still manage to get out of bed and go to work and heck my clients can be annoying as all get out but at 8, which many of my clients are. I know better then to just let them go off on their own because yes while they may be able to have some independence and responsibility but are still vulnerable.
I highly suggest some family therapy as you have often spoken poorly about your step son and it might be a good solution for you all, to help him as he goes through PTSD and his other issues all of which can cause lapses in memory and behavior regression. So instead of insinuating that he is just doing it as "a game" do more research into these disorders.
The judgement is strong here today ladies, something in the water?
Eh, this isn't the first time she has posted some really mean spirited stuff about her stepson, and @jlgriff11@ButterMyBiscuit myself, and others offered up 'Hey, he's still a little kid, it's ultimately your job as a parent to get him out the door on time, and maybe he wants attention'. That's not bullying, that's telling someone that maybe their emotions are getting the best of them and they need to look at it from a different perspective. The emotional overreaction, throwing around the term bully, and claiming that people don't like her is just eye-roll inducing. We all know that defending your unpopular viewpoint is never met with everyone else conceding and stroking your ego.
I gotta say @iamautumn I agree with pp's. While I (personally) think it's ok to let him stand at the bus stop by himself, if it's in your front yard like you said, I agree that you should probably get up with him and make sure he gets out there on time. He wants responsibility and independence, but someone has to teach him how to do those things. And in this instance that is on you. So teach him how to do it and have grace when he messes up. You had a FTM mistake it's ok... you're learning how to do this step mom thing too... but except that maybe you had the wrong heart and move on.
My wtf today is Uncle Sam and the IRS. I got excited to work on taxes because we could really use the refund money. Come to find out, we owe a significant amount this year due to raises. I said fuck that shit, will file an extension, and worry about that shit after the baby is born.
Also, bedrest kinda blows. It's hard to feel put together and sexy while laying on the couch watching HGTV. Also, kind of lonely. A lot of my conversations start with "I read on the bump boards..." I know it's for the best and wouldn't jeopardize anything, but I was kind of looking forward to acting out on all this crazy second trimester libido and energy!
@iamautumn, I'm sorry, I'm adding to the viewpoint that the child needs more from you. You are at least 3 months pregnant. So by a little basic math that's at least 4 months minimum you've been with this child's father. In that whole time (+ if you've been together longer) you knew your SO had a child already. That is beyond plenty of time, even if only parenting part time, to stop trying to use the excuse of "I'm a FTM, my bad." Being awake when he gets ready for school is not interfering with him learning how to be responsible for getting himself ready.
@iamautumn I'm going to be completely open and honest with you about something I never really voiced. I lived with my biological dad for a two year period in high school (who was in and out of my life but just because he was so young when I was born. No hard feeling against him. I truly believe he did the best he could but didn't know any better when I was younger because he was still a kid too). He had remarried at this point and had a child with his new wife. About a month after I moved in, her son (my stepbrother) moved in. I was constantly walking on eggshells around her. It was obvious she didn't like me. I cleaned up after myself, was polite and respectful, and always tried to please her and get her to "like" me. It got to the point that I would do my homework in front of the TV after school until she got home from work, then I'd go to my room and stay out of the way until dinner, spend time with my bio dad, then go to bed. Do not put that child into the position I felt I was in. It is completely unfair to him, not to mention damaging. I would hope that you don't speak freely about your strong dislike, if not hatred/resentment, for your stepson. Let's be honest. He didn't ask for this situation either. I know the struggle of getting a blended family to work, but it is your responsibility as the adult in the situation to set the example. He's only 8 years old. Get out of bed and make sure he's getting up, around, to the bus stop on time. Watch him from your front door of you don't want to walk him as a compromise to the responsibility he seeks. This isn't an issue of being a FTM. No excuses.
I agree with PP. Raising children is about giving kids freedom within a framework, and walking the fine line between making sure they're doing what they need to do and not micromanaging them (I say this as a teacher). So get up and do your own thing, keep an eye on him to make sure he's taking care of his responsibilities (eating, grooming, getting out the door with all his shit), and then go back to sleep. While you're at it, try to be sweet with him so that he feels loved and wanted in this new house and new life. Leaving the door open will be the last of your worries if you end up with a kid who is bitter and resentful because he thinks his parents don't want him.
@iamautumn I'm sorry you had a rough morning. I don't want to get out of bed in the morning,but I have to get my 6 year old ready and take him to school. I know he's only 6, but I couldn't imagine a 8 year old waking up by himself and feeding himself and getting ready for school without some adult supervision. Even if you got up and made sure he was okay, dressed appropriately for the weather, fed, ect. I would be okay with him going to the bus stop alone since its in your front yard. I don't know everything going on in your life and the situation of his mom and dad, but with a new child coming along, this is your time to bond with him before the baby comes. I hope you and him have a better morning tomorrow. Each day is a new day!
@Racso12 my puppy has gotten kennel cough before. The breeder told us to go to whole food and get the human medicine below. She said it's like a common cold for dogs and it will go away in a few days. We gave him the cough syrup at night mixed with honey and one of the pills at night and/or morning depending on he was doing. The rumex crispus is dry coughs worsened by cold air and the drosera rotundifolia is used for a spasmodic dry cough worsened at night and by heat. I hope this helps you with paying the cost for an office visit from a vet.
WTF body - have you ever had morning (all day) sickness, and then gotten a really nasty cold? Every time I cough, I risk spontaneously vomiting onto whatever I'm doing (or whomever I'm speaking with). Plus I had to work today - I missed 2 days already because of this damn cold and I'm the only person trained to cover the nurse who's away this week, so I really couldn't miss any more or I'd have been really screwing them over. On top of all of it I had to wear a face mask every time I interacted with anyone to avoid spreading the damn cold, and those things make me feel light headed and claustrophobic.
WTF DD - she poured a huge cup of water onto the floor from the bathtub tonight. Good thing DH does bath duty.
Also...wtf to my puppy. He poop in the house last night. I just summed that up to him trying to wake me up and I did not hear him. But when I get home from work when I am tired and emotional already I see I peed all over his crate. I was so upset with him. I just cleaned it up and ate my pizza. #2- my husband just got home around 10pm and being in the road since 8:15 because people cannot drive in a inch of snow. Most of Maryland is excepted to get 2 feet of snow. Friday is going to be a cluster f on the road. I hope I can telework Friday.
Married: August 2012
TTC #1: July 2015
BFP 1: October 30, 2015; EDD: July 6, 2016- Team Pink
Wtf to YouTube. I just watched a natural twin vaginal delivery (Jess' Fam if you're curious) and now I'm kind of terrified. And hoping I can get through delivery without screaming. I was secretly hoping that was just something they did for effect in movies.
Re: WTF Wednesday?!?!?
Me: 27
Fiance: 29
Step kids: 9&7
Eta: Not a teacher, but I imagine the teachers on this board don't think his lateness is excused because he is 8 and has been making his own breakfast since he was 4. It's still your job as a parent to get him up and out the door on time.
And I repeat, you need to give the kid some slack on his behavior because his behavior is 100% textbook for a kid getting a younger sibling. He's not trying to make his stepmom miserable (for what, having to get out of bed? Boo hoo), he is worrying about being replaced by the new baby ( because in his head, his mommy was replaced by you).
Married: May 16th 2015
Also, if you and I were having this conversation in person, my message would be the same and my use of expletives would be numerous. I'm a tough love kind of friend (and the friend who routinely hears 'I should have listened, you were right'), I'm not the friend who ego strokes, I'm there to offer an opposing perspective.
Married: May 16th 2015
And if you want to cry bully, that's exactly the sort of thing that happens when a bunch of 8 year olds are left at bus stops by themselves without parent supervision.
Married: May 16th 2015
I highly suggest some family therapy as you have often spoken poorly about your step son and it might be a good solution for you all, to help him as he goes through PTSD and his other issues all of which can cause lapses in memory and behavior regression. So instead of insinuating that he is just doing it as "a game" do more research into these disorders.
Also, bedrest kinda blows. It's hard to feel put together and sexy while laying on the couch watching HGTV. Also, kind of lonely. A lot of my conversations start with "I read on the bump boards..." I know it's for the best and wouldn't jeopardize anything, but I was kind of looking forward to acting out on all this crazy second trimester libido and energy!
Being awake when he gets ready for school is not interfering with him learning how to be responsible for getting himself ready.
I was constantly walking on eggshells around her. It was obvious she didn't like me. I cleaned up after myself, was polite and respectful, and always tried to please her and get her to "like" me. It got to the point that I would do my homework in front of the TV after school until she got home from work, then I'd go to my room and stay out of the way until dinner, spend time with my bio dad, then go to bed.
Do not put that child into the position I felt I was in. It is completely unfair to him, not to mention damaging. I would hope that you don't speak freely about your strong dislike, if not hatred/resentment, for your stepson. Let's be honest. He didn't ask for this situation either. I know the struggle of getting a blended family to work, but it is your responsibility as the adult in the situation to set the example. He's only 8 years old. Get out of bed and make sure he's getting up, around, to the bus stop on time. Watch him from your front door of you don't want to walk him as a compromise to the responsibility he seeks.
This isn't an issue of being a FTM. No excuses.
WTF DD - she poured a huge cup of water onto the floor from the bathtub tonight. Good thing DH does bath duty.
#2- my husband just got home around 10pm and being in the road since 8:15 because people cannot drive in a inch of snow. Most of Maryland is excepted to get 2 feet of snow. Friday is going to be a cluster f on the road. I hope I can telework Friday.