Single Parents

21, single, 6 weeks and not sure what to do..

Hey girls, I'm new to this group and I just wanted to see if anyone had some advice or uplifting words. Here's my story.I'm 21, 22 in march. I'm 6 weeks pregnant, found out on new years eve! I've honestly been going back and fourth on if I should even go through with this pregnancy or not. I told the father I might be pregnant the day before I found out and he said he would be here for me. I found out and told him and he never responded and I haven't heard from him since. I've hitched him out and told him I wasn't going to have it but now I'm having second thoughts.  I had an accidental pregnancy a year ago and it ended in a miscarriage but I had told my parents and at first my mom said she would support me and then the next day she told me to get an abortion and drug me to a clinic but, unknown to me, the baby had already died. So, I'm scared my parents won't be supportive of me doing the while single mom thing or be supportive at all. And I know I should tell the dad but I know my mom will try to talk me out of telling him.  He is a ****ty person but I still believe he has the right to know. Help!!!  I work full time and rent a house with a roommate and pay for all my bills.

Re: 21, single, 6 weeks and not sure what to do..

  • Hi hon, 

    I just wanted to quickly give you a virtual hug and tell you things will be okay either way. The decision is extremely personal, and life changing, so you need to go with what feels best for you.

    I was in a short relationship when I got pregnant, and will be having my baby in a few weeks. The decision I made was based on my own beliefs and life - I just couldn't go through with an abortion. But I am also older -  28, stable job and lots of support around me, including my ex. And still it has been very very hard emotionally, to separate my ex that I still have feelings for, from the dad of my baby. I think you will have to do the same, and thing in terms of what your child will need growing up. I think your thinking is very mature - hopefully the dad is the same way.

    I sometimes think "was this really the best choice for me and the baby?". So really both are extremely hard, and also brave. It's not selfish to terminate a pregnancy when you know the situation isn't good for a baby. So the decision has to come only from you!

    let us know how you are doing!
  • Hi, 
    I can say I completely understand where you are coming from. I got pregnant at 23 ( I'll be having baby in a few weeks) and I told my boyfriend who is my sons father and he told me if I went thru with the pregnancy he would leave me. When I told my mom she wanted me to get the abortion and even offered to pay. I had an abortion the year before and really didn't want to go thru it again because of how horrible I felt. When I told my older sister she also wanted me to get an abortion. The reason I kept baby, knowing I will loose my boyfriend and my mom's and sisters support is only because my Dad wanted me to and supported me 100%. So when I told my boyfriend he left and I'm currently 34 weeks preggo and still haven't herd from him.And my sister and Mom finally came around. I live on my own as well so I really needed the support of one my parents when I will be out of work after LO is born. This entire pregnancy has NOT been easy whatsoever with having no Boyfriend. My advice to you, is if you decide to keep LO make sure you have all the support you can get ( i.e Friends and Family). Because that is the ONLY way I have been able to survive. I think you should tell him and let him decide if he wants to be a part of LO life or not. And if he doesnt, then dont force it and either get child support or terminate his rights. I hope you choose what you believe is best for you. Good Luck!! 
  • Loading the player...
  • cardie said:
    I think you should tell him and let him decide if he wants to be a part of LO life or not. And if he doesnt, then don't force it and either get child support or terminate his rights. I hope you choose what you believe is best for you. Good Luck!! 
    I agree with this 100%.  My DD's father is not in the picture, he initially left me when I was 2.5mo along and resurfaced just to see her 2-3 times, and then vanished again.  I, however, did not go after him for CS because he didn't (and last I heard, still doesn't) have a job and in the time between us breaking up and DD being born, he became homeless (sounds like a real winner, huh?).  And where I live, if he gets $X far behind in CS payments, he'd go to jail.  And that wouldn't help either of us.  I also work full time and make enough to support me and DD.  I also kept him off the birth certificate, so he has no rights to terminate. He had a certain amount of time to do something about that but he didn't, so it'd be a few court appearances that he can't afford to get put on there.

    My mom wasn't initially supportive of the idea of me keeping DD, and she doesn't believe in abortion, so we had long talks about adoption agencies. It took me a couple months to tell her that I was keeping the baby and by the time I did, she had completely changed her mind too, hoping that I'd keep her.  Parents usually come around, and I think yours will eventually.  You're young, so you're going to get a lot of judgments from people, and get stereotyped, and really, I hope for the best for you.  There was another young mom here who used to be a regular, I keep in contact with her still, she's doing really well, she finished school and is working a career now.  She's been providing everything for her LO and she's been proving all the doubters wrong.  I think you can do it, too.  
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • Ok sweetheart I'm going to say this from the experience of having a baby at 21. I had a supportive family and my now ex was excited, I unfortunately was less than thrilled. I had plans, things I wanted to do and it was all burned bc I was pregnant. I will say that my son is a challenge and I am no longer with his father. That was 10 years ago and I just had my daughter 6 months ago with my husband. If I could do it again I don't know that I would. Look I love my son please understand that. I went to a clinic to find out if I was and was firmly against abortion but now not so much. Everyone has their reasons and I won't judge. I know this post is from January so I hope you are ok and that you made the decision that was best for you. Good luck. 
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards