Belly Rub!

AmberLiz99

I got my first unwelcome, awkward belly rub on Sunday night. I don't even have a real bump yet!

We were visiting dh's family in NYC (a long and stressful story, I won't get into). One of his cousins, who I have only met once before, was there. Assoon as she saw me she came over and started rubbing my tummy and said "how's baby?". Umm... Please stop!

Anyone else get the dreaded belly rub already? Or are you ok with it and I'm just weird?

Stephanier99

I have, but I'm a hugger so if people want to give the bump some love I say go for it, but with that said I know that not everyone feels like that.  People should respect how you feel and ask before they touch. Sorry you had an uncomfortable experience. 

KaylaR628

I got only one so far from a complete stranger whose house my husband and I went to look at to possibly purchase. Super awkward because a) stranger, b) I had zero bump yet, c) I am like the opposite of a touchy feely person!

ahernandez16

YES. DH's step mother and his step sisters all feel the need to touch my belly every time they see me and say "how's baby?" I'm always like, "He's fine but you're really just touching my lunch."

I don't like it. I don't like being touched really in general by anyone other than DH. I'm not much of a hugger and I don't even have much of a bump to touch. DH said I should just start touching their guts when they touch mine, lol. I'd be lying if I didn't think about it. Glad we don't see them too often.

DeePaddy24

Yes! Every time I see my MIL she goes right for the belly. I find it SO awkward. And my SIL rubbed my belly when we first announced to them...I was only 7.5 weeks at that point. Basically, she just rubbed fat...that was fun for me. *eye roll* 

crdo

Ugh. No awkward belly rubs for me yet, but I probably won't react well if/when it does happen.

A friend of mine told me that when she was pregnant and saw someone going for an unwanted belly touch, she just quickly put her hands on her belly. She said that typically stopped the toucher since people don't seem to want to put their hands on your hands. Just a thought!

AmberLiz99

^nice tip

I'm surprised so many do it so early on! I'm a hugger and don't mind touching in general, but my stomach, particularly when there's no visible baby bump there yet, just seems too personal for anyone who I'm not super close to.

Lyette1206

At Christmas my stepmom said that I should be happy because she had refrained from touching my "belly" (this came up during my first pregnancy and earlier in this one). I told her I'd give her a gold star for not touching mine when I get a gold star for not touching hers. She "doesn't think it's fair" that she doesn't get to touch... But I'm super uncomfortable with it. As PP have mentioned - it feels like you're rubbing my fat. I do feel it's a little different when it's clearly a big huge belly with a kicking baby - still awkward, but I'll put up with it for family. Not strangers or acquaintances though.

WinniethePoohsPants

Yup, my husband's non biological Uncle. It was super awkward.  I definitely have a bump at this point, and that still doesn't make it any better :-(

159524

My whole family wanted to rub my belly at christmas! I was so mad especially after I told people NO. It's like they purposefully made a huge effort to touch my belly when really it was just dinner or bloat lol and especially some of my cousins were TALKING to my belly. And I'm happy that there excited but I just want them to wait till I'm like 30 weeks along with this actual big round belly that I can call my baby

VikingGirl12

Yes! I posted it in bitch fest I think but... A woman I work with came up to me several weeks ago now, rubbed my belly, and said , "aww, it doesn't just look like fat anymore!" 

almostpriceless

My husband is Mexican, as is my mother. This pretty much means that we have giant families on both sides. There is an old Mexican superstition that says evil or sickness will come if you compliment or offer well wishes to someone (particularly a baby or pregnant woman) but fail to touch them. In our culture this is called El Ojo, or the evil eye. As a result, I cannot see any relative or even go to work or church without being touched. I hate being touched. I'm not a big hugger, I'd rather not even shake someone's hand. And yet, everybody is on my blump. All. The. Time. It's awful.

HBamama2B

Stuff like this drives me nuts.

No one touches me with out my permission. I'm not afraid to swat hands away or throw 'bows. If they try and get physical I don't hesitate to get physical and call them out, embarrassing them. Stay the F away from my uterus. A coworker cornered me in the bathroom with some other people and tried to reach out without asking, I turned and blocked with the wall and mean dogged her till she awkwardly put her hand down. Sorry not sorry. Maybe due to my response she won't be so quick to do it to the next person.

I also feel zero need to say yes when people ask. Rando/acquaintance/family: 'Can I touch your belly? Me: 'no.' I am 100% against people touching my body without permission and feel zero need to put on a polite face and submit to it. For my special peeps like DH tho, I practically beg them to rub my belly all the time. And if people think my response is overkill, I'm not a bitch, I'm a person and you will damn well will not violate my bodily integrity Bc I'm a reproductive age female. Sorry, end rant.

huskypuppy14

My mom did at Christmas. She was all, look you already have a little bump (not really, but ok). I told her to stop touching my fat.

MrsQ18

Ugh, yes! When we told hubby's family at 9 weeks and his sisters all touched my stomach/no bump yet and one of them even asked to be in the delivery room! I told hubby I think it's weird and he said he thinks it's different for family. So i rubbed his stomach and asked if he would like my brother doing that to him since it was basically the same at that point. I think he got the picture. I still dont have a bump yet but I'm trying to hug and turn away quickly now when we see the in laws to avoid the whole situation. I may feel differently when I actually have a bump but I cant say since I'm a FTM. Sometimes I feel like I'm a grouch about it but I am glad to see I'm not the only one who feels this way.

mrsb8244

I'm super weird and love rubbing my belly and totally don't mind people rubbing it! I don't have a real big belly yet but I am embracing it lol. DH touches it every day when we're laying in bed and I love it. My sister and mom both love touching my belly. On Christmas Eve DH's mom, sister, and grandma all gave my belly a little rub. I also absolutely love rubbing pregnant bellies and talking to babies. When my cousin was pregnant I made sure to get permission way early on to touch and talk to her belly all the time! I also had a good friend who was pregnant and she hates being touched but gave me special permission to touch her belly but then again I also was in the delivery room when her son was born. She ended up being really happy I was because her husband and mom both went straight to baby when he was born and I stayed with her while she delivered the placenta and until baby came back over to her.

Hbraun200

When I was pregnant with DS I had a lady (had no clue who she was) at the grocery store run my belly at like 30 weeks! I could have snapped she was lucky she was real old! Even more awkward is when he was only a few weeks old and an old lady in a wheelchair followed me around Walmart asking me to hold him

theatremandy

almostpriceless said:

My husband is Mexican, as is my mother. This pretty much means that we have giant families on both sides. There is an old Mexican superstition that says evil or sickness will come if you compliment or offer well wishes to someone (particularly a baby or pregnant woman) but fail to touch them. In our culture this is called El Ojo, or the evil eye. As a result, I cannot see any relative or even go to work or church without being touched. I hate being touched. I'm not a big hugger, I'd rather not even shake someone's hand. And yet, everybody is on my blump. All. The. Time. It's awful.

Thank you for sharing this! Several of my neighbors are originally from Mexico and always bless my boys while holding their hands. I love that they do that, but never knew about the touching component!

mkemommy

@almostpriceless - Ha!  My sister is married into a Mexican family and my BIL was the first to touch my belly (even before H thought to do it) when I was about 6 weeks along and it was just fat.  My 10 year old niece told him "Dad, she doesn't have a bump and I don't think you should touch her stomach anyway".  It was hilarious to me that he was scolded by his daughter.  

Seriously though, I would freak out if someone at work tried to touch my belly.  I doubt anyone will since most of my co-workers are men....at least they better not try or they will be getting the awkward side-step from me.  

susiec923

When this happens, I laugh out loud, say "that's not where the baby is". I point to my lower belly then day "she's down here. What you just rubbed was my (insert detailed last meal)" and laugh again. I've gotten quite the "geez I feel stupid" face. Mission accomplished.

augie2650

Totally not weird. I bought 2 shirts - one says "You can touch my belly if I can punch your face." I was wearing it when my sister-in-law decided she wanted to feel how hard my belly was. It was great. No face punches though, but everyone gets the hint. :-)

almostpriceless

@theatremandy of course! It's one of those things that I think isn't so weird in the region where I live and grew up, simply because of the concentration of Mexican immigrants and Mexican-Americans. It's one of those things you just deal with. Old ladies are going to touch your kids, haha. If they're polite then they'll pat them on the head, or if the person in question in a small baby then they'll maybe shake a foot.

@mkemommy I work with mostly men, most of which are immigrants. Some of them will come to my office just to touch my belly and bring me food. It helps that I have known these people for many, many years, but it's still pretty awkward. If I told them not to then they wouldn't, but they mean well and I hate the idea of embarrassing them more than I hate being touched. Sigh.

GinnyJ2012

An old lady at the grocery store gave me a belly rub when I was 10 weeks. It was so awkward as there was nothing sticking out!

I had a close friend rub my belly when I was 14 weeks, but it didn't bother me so much since we are friends. The bigger I get the less awkward it is because it's further away from me.

MsBeachNJ

Thankfully my family is equally as "pro personal space" as I am so they haven't even attempted a touch... the only one I'm comfortable touching my belly is my DH... maybe later on when you can feel kicks from the outside would I be OK with anyone else trying to touch me, but I have no problem telling people "no" - especially strangers... if the baby isn't kicking, why are they touching you anyway?? You can't feel anything! To me its just creepy.

Good for all of you that can handle the cultural aspects of people feeling the need to touch you - that would be too much for me!! 

yoshi1230

My first and only so far was a coworker who I barely know. It was super awkward since I have no bump yet...

lm45678

A coworker of mine rubbed my belly but she politely asked first- I barely had anything there at the time so I thought it was funny.

Other than that it's just me and my baby daddy rubbing my little bump!

Linsbins

Ugh. I got it from MIL when we told her and I yelled at her for mushing my dinner around. I don't like people touching me, period. It's also just now my fat pushed into a bump just this last week. Even dh hasn't rubbed it yet.

mar101483

I hate belly rubs! I too don't even have a bump yet, but I do have some new belly chubs, and my mother rubs my stomach every time she sees me and comments on how I'm getting fat! My mother I cab handle, but my new "supervisor", at a job I started less than a month ago, who knows I'm pregnant because I had an issue with passing out in my first trimester, is a touchy-feely person. Not only does she give hugs ALL THE TIME, but she also insists on touching my stomach and saying "how's baby?". Every single person now knows I'm pregnant too. Ugh! I'll be seeing her in 40 mins and I'm already cringing.

kayla2536

My friend's sister stuck her hang out to rub my belly while her SIL was doing her hair...I shook her hand and she was like "well, I was going to touch your belly" I was awkward as ever and just responded "oh...guess I'm not used to that yet..." and walked away.

HBamama2B

How on earth is shaking someone's hand more awkward than rubbing a stranger's belly. Smdh. Uh uh. No touchy.

MamaNicoleof3

kayla2536 said:

My friend's sister stuck her hang out to rub my belly while her SIL was doing her hair...I shook her hand and she was like "well, I was going to touch your belly" I was awkward as ever and just responded "oh...guess I'm not used to that yet..." and walked away.

NO ONE should ever be used to people randomly touching them. This aggravates me to no end. I just do NOT understand how pregnancy changes anything about how we interact with others. What the heck happened to physical autonomy?!? This is why I teach my kids that their body is THEIR body and they need to give permission for anyone to touch them. No forced hugs for this random relative or that weirdo...gah. I don't care if people think it's rude- no one else is going to teach our kiddos that their bodies are THEIRS, so you better be dang sure DH and I are.

I don't understand people.

*stepping down from soapbox*

noelietrex

I got at least half a dozen belly rubs at 13 weeks for Christmas. I thought I'd hate it and had all of my snarky retorts armed and ready to go, but then I completely surprised myself and enjoyed all the love and excitement. Granted it was all from family and family friends, but I think if a stranger was trying to be excited for me and wanted to say hi to the baby twenty thousand leagues under the sea I'd probably allow it.

I don't know how to balance this with PP's statements about physical autonomy... I completely agree that everyone including pregnant women and children should give permission before being touched and no one should have to endure unwanted touch of any kind. Maybe I should ask "Do you want to touch the belly?" when I see someone about to do it anyway to make them aware they need permission and grant it beforehand? I don't want to contribute to the idea that pregnant bellies are public domain (they aren't), but I do understand people wanting to touch it and I have lots of ooey gooey ideas about pregnant bellies being magical. Hmmmm

CourtJack

Neither mine nor H's family are big 'touchers'. So I have nobody trying to rub. I don't really ever recall anyone in my three pregnancies rubbing my belly and if they did I guess it didn't annoy me enough to remember it. I do, however, love rubbing my own belly. I have had to stop myself at work from doing it b/c a lot of people here don't know yet

adiaz132003

I have only had it from family and friends so I'm fine with that but I dread when I get big and random people try it.

HBamama2B

@CourtJack oh yeah, I love rubbing my belly. My hands are glued to that sucker all day except when DH is rubbing it. I'm entranced by it.

@noelietrex I really like that approach. Even if you enjoy it, it should occur with permission.

I understand people's fascination, Bc I'm fascinated. Despite that...Mine. No touchy! I hate anyone else getting near it. I don't have to be consistent, just content. So e'ery body else keep yo hands to yo'self.

jennk0118

My mother!! She rubs and kisses I absolutely hate it!!!! It's always when I'm trying to do something like cleaning up dinner from my son so I literally have to stop... Hold my breath and wait for get to finish. I generally try to avoid to be too close. Anyone else touches me, I speak up.

totsabounding

I feel ya.  Here's a fun story that happened to me with my last pregnancy: a parent at the preschool I was working in actually got on her hands and knees in front of me, cupped her hands and spoke to the baby through my belly. I could feel her breath through my shirt and it was totally bizarre. I was like, "Um...err..."

MamaNicoleof3

parsonsperson said:

I feel ya.  Here's a fun story that happened to me with my last pregnancy: a parent at the preschool I was working in actually got on her hands and knees in front of me, cupped her hands and spoke to the baby through my belly. I could feel her breath through my shirt and it was totally bizarre. I was like, "Um...err..."

That is freaking creepy.

PressLove

I'm a hugger, but I totally respect personal space.  Therefore, HANDS OFF my belly.  I have two ways I handle rubbers:

1. You rub my belly, I rub yours.  You should see the look on people's faces.
2. At church, I saw the hand coming towards me.  I nicely caught the hand and gave the lady a hug.  I may have held her hand extra long to make my point.  However, it was the nicest thing I could think to do.

ecolton01

Oh my goodness yes!! It drives me crazy ! I went to my MIL church service on Christmas Eve ( we don't typically go to church expect for that service because she likes us to ) We live in a very very very small town so I guess everyone ( most of who I have never met before ) thought that there was a free pass to rub my stomach while telling me how excited they were.. so agrevating , 1 they are all age 60-90 so I can't tell them to piss off , and 2 I don't have a "bump" to rub. I can tell my stomach if bigger and so can DH but to a stranger I look like I ate to many cookies at Christmas .
I did see a shirt that said" I'm pregnant , I'm not a petting zoo " though which I will most likely by eventually haha

vintagevix2016

I didn't have any issues with strangers or friends/family rubbing my belly until last month. My husband told his family that I'm not really a fan of belly rubs, but that if they really wanted to, they could ask me if it was okay. My MiL has decided that does not apply to her. A few instances:

• While taking my coat off, my MiL planted her hand on my belly and gave it a rub. I didn't know how to respond, so I just backed away and pretended it didn't happen. 
• After greeting my MiL with a hug, she immediately went for my belly. I stepped back, put my hand on my belly, and put my other one up (you know, the "Halt, who goes there" hand signal) to block her. She pushed both hands at of the way and went for it anyway.
• I gave her a goodbye hug and then gave my FiL one. As he and I were hugging (his large stomach and my 30 weeks belly meant that there was no in-between space), she thrust her hand between us and rubbed my belly!

After she did it the very first time, I took to making sure I always wear loose sweaters, shirts, and cardigans when I'm around her to try to cover my belly and deter her attempts. My in-laws have commented that it seemed like I was trying to hide my bump and that I should be proud of it. The thing is, I very much am! I love my belly and love how I look with it. My husband laughs because he says I strut now moreso than I ever did before. I hate feeling like I need to hide it when she's around. He said he'd chat with her on my behalf to try and resolve it since he agrees with me that it's not cool for her to just do it whenever she feels inclined to do so.