Just another pregnant girl...

MrsAlT68

**Disclosure: this post is probably going to sound super judgey and bitchy, just putting it out there...haha

DH and I were trying for 16 months, no where close to how long some women wait, but much longer than many others.  Needless to say we are THRILLED to be pregnant and the few people that helped support us through infertility know nice any early to help support us through this too.  I am so thankful that now when I find out someone new is pregnant I don't have to curl up in a ball and sob for a whole day, but at the same time, I'm still slightly bummed because I kind of want it to be all about me 'ya know? (like I said, bitchy)

I have two friends pregnant, one who is just the most spoiled ridiculous person ever, and the other one who decided to get pregnant like 2 seconds before she was.  Then in my family my brother and his girlfriend just had a baby (unplanned) one cousin is expecting their second (unplanned, their first one was unplanned too) and another cousin is pregnant (unplanned and she doesn't even know who the dad is)  Already after the third family announcement everyone is like "OMG, SO many babies" and I feel like when we announce no one is even going to care, they will all just be overwhelmed that it will be the 4th baby in one year.  But we've been trying for a baby the whole time, quite a bit before actually, and we are the only ones who were actually trying. 

I know that the people who knew we were struggling to get pregnant will be so happy for us, but I don't think that many people know and I'm really kind of bummed that I'm just going to be "another pregnant" cousin and the 4th one at that.  People have already starting making comments "oh what next, Alyssa too?"  YES ME TOO! ME ONLY! I'm the only one who is married with a job with a home and actually wanted a baby. 

I know its just me being selfish and other people being pregnant doesn't take away from our joy.  And I'm trying to remind myself that with all of the divided attention maybe people will leave us alone (I don't expect to do well with people up in my space)  But nonetheless, I wanted to rant on the subject and where better to do it than here? 

Anyone else out there in a similar position?

bananers

I get what you're feeling. We've had two losses and while grieving those it seemed like everyone and their dog was getting pregnant and a lot of them had no business doing so, IMO. Here we are married, successful, financially stable and why was everyone else pregnant but us? Try not to let it get to you. Those closest to you probably know what you've been through and will be insanely happy for you. For everyone else, just smile and acknowledge how great it will be to have so many babies close together, able to grow up together. Because that is pretty cool.

riveridgional

The reaction from those who know you've been struggling will be so emotionally powerful, it'll be easier to forget about the lesser reactions and to shrug off the painful comments. Plus, you could always slip in how long it took you when you tell those who didn't know (like,"16th try was a charm!"). Maybe someone else is struggling and your story can give hope and/or open a line of communication for the IF issue.

I do understand how your situation can be hurtful, not so much in a selfish way, but because infertility is like fighting your own battle and a battle you (finally) won! You want the significance of your pregnancy to be just as significant to everyone else as it is to you. A comment like "oh the fourth one this year" is understandably a little hurtful because you just want to yell..."you have no idea how amazing it is! I'm pregnant with a baby I have cried, struggled and dreamed about for 16 months!" This is not "just another pregnancy", this is a miracle!

As far as I know, I luckily don't have to deal with this, but I can definitely understand how and why you feel the way you do. I still feel hurt when I see FB baby announcements. They don't send me into crying spells and pity parties like they used to, but I still feel a little jealous when I know that the person had no struggle at all to get pregnant. Infertility causes scars and wounds that go deep and take a long time to heal (hopefully they heal). It's also hard to see people seem to trivialize the pregnancy process, being pregnant, and having a baby. Most likely anyone who reads this who hasn't gone through IF or loss(es) won't understand and will probably judge, but, as you know with several things IF-related, it's impossible to understand unless you've been through it.

I'm incredibly happy for you! I can't wait for you to get the incredible reactions from those who know you've been struggling! *hugs*

kcolly32

I've been in the same boat, it took us over a year to get pregnant and that was after some help with a RE. DH and I are successful, have a house, and great jobs but we couldn't get pregnant. While everyone I knew was having babies or getting pregnant without any effort at all it seemed. The fbook announcements were dreadful and I wanted to delete my acct many times because my news feed were pregnancy announcements. As far as family goes we don't have anyone else expecting but I understand feeling that you want the attention you deserve because you worked so hard to get here. I hope your close family and friends give you all the support you'll need!

emmeline714

Well congrats and I'm happy for you and you can feel however you want but as you have said and many that know what you been through will be happy for you and just be happy for yourself just like we are for you this is an amazing miracle we will get through I been trying as well and now it's happening that's what I'm grateful for and you make sure you make yourself happy through the process it will be amazing, today I was actually day dreaming once I'm close to giving birth to my baby I know it will be an amazing most awesome experience, congratulations again to you and your husband

ThisisNumber3

I think there are always going to be people around us at this age having kids.  So try not to focus on So and So who just had their second (planned or unplanned shouldn't matter) and So and So who got pregnant really fast.  I believe all babies should be celebrated and yes, hopefully your close friends that know your IF struggle will celebrate the extra hard work it took to get here.  

jamiesc58

@MrsAlyssaT I have never been in your shoes but I give you so much respect! I admire any woman who loves babies and children enough to try and work hard and give everything they have to make babies. I believe that in itself is a huge sacrifice and you should be put on a pedestal just for giving so much to create another human life. Don't let anyone get you down or judge you. Congrats on your pregnancy!!!

Fremdschamen

Congratulations on your pregnancy!  You deserve the ability to celebrate it and have your circle of family and friends be excited for you.  While we haven't had the infertility struggles you had, I do know what it is like to be surrounded by pregnant people.

(**TW**) My last pregnancy (that ended in a loss) had an EDD of April 11.  I had a friend due in December, my boss is due in January, BFF due in February, two other friends due in March, and then after my loss, a colleague told me they were expecting in May and another friend accidentally got pregnant with a due date in June.  (I now also have a friend due in July!!). 

It can feel like your pregnancy is one among many, and I absolutely get wanting to have some positive attention on YOUR pregnancy.  Hopefully you do get that when you announce.  On a positive note, having so many people in your life pregnant at the same time will actually be a huge blessing once your baby is born.  The friends who have babies close in age to my daughter are indispensable!  It is great to have friends to talk to who are going through the same things as you, once the babies are born and growing.

SheHulk723

Congrats on your pregnancy, I'm sure struggling with IF was extremely difficult. However, pregnancy just isn't about being in the spot light. It's about bringing a beautiful, wonderful new life into the world. Don't worry about what others will think or how much attention you're going to get. Think about how your baby will have so many relatives close in age! Sounds like lots of fun play dates in the future.

And lots of us here on this board may be here with unplanned pregnancies, some are probably unmarried, some rent instead of owning, some may even be out of a job, but that doesn't mean they have any less right to be pregnant.

Congrats again on your pregnancy and I wish you a happy, healthy 9 months.

kristynmac

Congratulations on your pregnancy!
I have to say that I am pregnant and I do not know your struggle at all, but we do have very close family friends that have been trying for a few years to get pregnant and I am absolutely dreading telling her--not because she won't be happy for me, because she is the most amazing person in the world, but it still cant be easy for her to hear. It really makes me sad to read the other comments, because I can't imagine how difficult it has been. I really hope that everyone is excited for you and if anything it certainly seems like you have a group of friends on here that are happy!

MrsAlT68

@kristynmac being considerate of your friends feelings is super great! And probably all she needs to hear from you to make her feel better, just knowing that you know that it's hard for her matters a lot. She will be happy for you, she really will, but she will also be sad for herself. Every woman is different but for me when i found out about a few people, I liked a phone call so they could hear how happy I was for them, but i could also try to hide it if I was sad and then I could more easily end the conversation if I needed to go process. I would give myself a day to be a mess, and then after that I would pull myself together. I would also recommend having an honest convo with her up front about if she wants you to ask how she is or if she will tell you, etc. Often both parties can be trying to do the right thing and both may be making it worse. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Just be there for her and she will be there for you