"Friend" rant/question

VToman

So, a friend and former colleague texted me last week and said she was gonna be in town for a couple days and asked if I wanted to grab lunch. I said sure! Apparently, she does not keep up on Facebook and didn't realize I am a SAHM now. She asked if I was still working at the same location as before and I told her no, I don't work outside the home anymore. I also said that I would be bringing my LO with me at lunch. She did not continue the conversation at that point.
Then, yesterday, she texted and asked if I was free to meet for Happy Hour. I said, unfortunately no because my DH doesn't get off work until after 9pm, but I am still free for lunch the next day (today), and I'd have ny daughter with me. I never heard back from her. She was only gonna be in town til this afternoon, so I'm assuming she's left town already.
So, I get that maybe she didn't want to hang out with the baby in tow. Nevermind the fact that my LO is actually pretty good when out and about. She's only had a couple of outbursts and I can usually calm her down quickly. But, how rude that she never even bothered to make some excuse as to why we never went to lunch! Or even just come out and tell the truth! If she didn't want to have lunch with me and my child, she should have just said so right?
I've been out to lunch and dinner and other places with my daughter and none of my other friends batted an eye. They all gushed over how quiet she is and not making a fuss. The only difference is, those friends have all had children and this one does not.
I'm a little hurt because I feel like if you're gonna be my friend, you shouldn't bail on me just because I had a kid. I'm more pissed off, though. Like, is she judging me because I chose to stay home with my baby? I don't have babysitters readily available and I'm not gonna leave my daughter with just anyone. And, if we're just talking lunch, I shouldn't have to get a babysitter.
Have any of you experienced anything like this? I know it's typical to lose contact with friends when you have children and they don't. But, to be so blatantly rejected (for lack of a better word) because I can't hang out like I used to just makes me mad! Am I overreacting?

mbilbrey00

Her loss, don't let it bother you. I think my kid is the coolest person on the planet and fun to hang with. If someone else doesn't, they are missing out and I don't want to spend time with them!

meganpatel

I don't think your over reacting. It's just common courtesy to say that you won't be meeting up for lunch. I am the first of all my friends to have a baby, and most of them see us once a week for a catch up and cuddles with my daughter. They think she is the best thing. If my daughter can't go I don't go as I also don't have baby sitters that I can call at the drop of a hat.
I understand some people don't feel comfortable with babies, but that is no excuse for being blatantly rude. You find out who your real friends are.

One "friend" has never even asked about my daughter let alone tried to come see us, and when I mention her all of a sudden this woman has something really urgent to do. I don't bother answering the phone anymore for her.

Hope you feel better about it soon love xxx

VToman

Thank you!! I am just really surprised at her. I would have never guessed this kind of reaction from her.

I think my LO is pretty amazing and wildly entertaining. I love hanging out with her - way better than hanging out with boring ol' adults.

klirwin82

Her loss. Maybe she's dealing with infertility or a miscarriage since you last worked together and it's painful for her to be around babies. Who knows. People get weird, all I know is my kid is awesome and if you don't wanna hang out with him then you don't wanna hang out with me either

AKOL0

klirwin82 said:

Her loss. Maybe she's dealing with infertility or a miscarriage since you last worked together...

I was going to say this. While trying to conceive it took us a while. I didn't want to be around other babies, and I love babies. You don't know her situation without talking to her so you shouldn't write her off just yet.

ashleytiff

I've hardly seen any of my single childless friends since I've had my son. They'll text me occasionally saying they gotta meet him but don't actually do it...I'm not going to beg them to hang out with me, they know where I am and what I'm doing, they can get ahold of me.

VToman

I can let a lot of things roll off my back and I wouldn't cast her aside over this. And, it's not like we are besties or anything. I just can't stand flakes and I can't understand why she would bring up meeting for lunch and then completely ignore me when I say I have my daughter with me. Hell, she could've made up an excuse instead of nothing.
Her career is super important to her. Which is all fine and good. I've been there, so I understand. My priorities have completely changed and this is my life now. I've never been happier. We are in different places in our lives.