TTC after 35

Need some encouragement

Hey though I don't post often I thought what better place to find encourage than a place where so many understand. I have had so many friends and coworkers announce pregnancies over the past couple months. I have 3 coworkers now that are expecting and about 7 friends/aquaintences that are expecting as well once of which just announced hers. It's all over Facebook which easy solution there just don't go on but let's face it it's a part of our daily lives. Believe me am so happy for all of them as it is such a miracle and such an exciting time in ones life. I have PCOS and currently doing Accupunture taking Clomid about every couple of months. We have had sadness in past years and I'm just so bummed that it can't just be as easy for all of us as it for so many. I know that all happens when the time is right and staying positive is the best but it's so hard to not be emotional about not getting to share in their excitement. Thanks for any words of encouragement and good luck to all of us that 2016 brings us all a happy ending.

Re: Need some encouragement

  • I'm really sorry. I don't know what to say because I have been feeling very much the same way. But I am trying to just trust that it will happen eventually and to take comfort where I can find it--in my DH, some close friends, my mom, this group, etc. Sometimes, for me, just being able to tell someone that it all makes me sad makes me feel a little better.

    Hang in there and yes--here's to lots of BFPs soon to celebrate the new year!
  • Thanks! I totally agree that it helps to talk about it. Just so hard when it's so "up in your face". After having two losses 6 years ago and then nothing since and now more actively trying it is just so hard. I am thankful though to have a few close friends that have gone through the same trials all of which now now have their miracles. So here is to staying as positive as we can and BFPs in the new year!
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  • I get that. Totally. I have several coworkers who are pregnant and keep talking about how it was just so amazing how quickly/unexpectedly it happened. Not fun. But, hopefully, our time will come too. And we can handle it with more grace, knowing others out there may be struggling.
  • I agree its really tough. I have the same thing with Facebook right now too. The other day at work this lady was saying how her daughter is trying to have a second child but didn't realize it was so hard because they didn't even try for the first baby! then she told me "it will happen when its right" ughhh Also, is it bad I'm dreading seeing my SIL over the Holidays because she's much younger and just had a baby?! If she asks us if we are having kids I'm going to scream! Sorry I went off on a rant but I totally know how you feel!!
  • I feel like EVERYBODY is pregnant right now.  So many friends who said they may want a second or try for a third even, SNEEZE and get pregnant.  It's really frustrating.  It's not that I'm not happy for them or that I feel like it's aimed to hurt me, but it is truly an unintentional slap in the face.  I'm so glad none of my close family is pregnant like some of you are dealing with - UGH!!  To hear someone complain about swollen ankles or how they're getting fat!  I would kill to have swollen ankles and morning sickness right now!
    Thanks for letting us all vent with you @emilyldm79!
    **child mentioned**
    Me(38)PCOS/Hypothyroid   DH(43)Low T/ED
    MMC at 10 weeks 03/2011 DD born 01/2012   TTC #2 since 04/2014
    BFP 8/26/2016

  • Thank you! I'm just glad to have so many that understand. It you I think summed it up perfect! Even the other day on my train ride home from work I had two very prego ladies sitting the seats in front of me. I know it will happen for all us when the time is right but seriously these days can't even turn on the TV or scroll through Facebook with out something about babies. I am so excited for everyone though I ache deep down inside and I do try my best to be very positive in this negative world. And it's women like you all that will help keep that positive light shining bright.
  • Just wanted to add that it's particularly tough this time of year- esp on Facebook. Everyone posting how wonderful their holidays are and then the pregnancy announcements on top of it. It's really hard not to let TTC put a fog over everything. It's something I try to manage on a daily basis. Sometimes Facebook is the worst.
  • While I'm new to this board and have only just begun trying with my wife, I want to tell you how sorry I am that you're feeling this way.

    We had an experience just last month in which my SIL found herself unexpectedly pregnant. She needed my wife (her sister) to be her support through the process of termination. I am certainly not looking to cause debate about such a serious and controversial topic. What I am trying to convey is how painful it was for my wife, who is looking to carry a baby for us, to help her sister through one of the most difficult times in her life. So, I can somewhat relate to your feelings of sadness.
  • Gosh @L&V2016 - that must have been so hard for your wife.  I can't imagine.
    *** Child & current pregnancy mentioned ***
    Me - 41 (PCOS), Hubby - 43 (healthy)
    7/2013 - Sweet baby girl born (Clomid + TI)
    3/2014 - TTC #2, return to RE 7/2014
    12/2015: IVF #1 transferred two great looking embryos - BFP!
    First ultrasound: TWO beautiful little heartbeats!!
    Harmony: negative; level 2: babies look great and are boy/girl! :) 
  • I can relate to all of you, as this has been my life lately too. It's so hard and unavoidable. I think what makes it so hard is it's not easy to see our pain. Pregnant people get all the questions about how they're doing, but we suffer silently and the topic makes people uncomfortable, so we feel isolated in the process. I finally just started telling everyone how long we've been trying, not trying to hide any sincerity about the difficulty of this process, and honestly telling people that cliche phrases aren't the best thing to say to those of us who have difficulty. i in 8 couples have trouble, and that number goes up in this age group, so we're not alone.
    Due date for baby boy: 3/27/17

  • Hi ladies, I'm mostly a lurker on this board but just wanted to say thank you! I took fb off my phone a week ago and it has helped but does feel like I'm missing something! My mom is so worried that I'm going to ruin my marriage over this that she just tells me to be strong, not get upset and reminds me I'm not the first to go through this. She's always been the person I talk to - it's hard. I don't know anyone personally who has been through this. At 37 I'm blessed with a large circle of friends....and every one of them have kids. It is so hard for me to act normal and keep the tears from flowing. Thanks for sharing ladies, this really helped me today!
    TTC since May 2013
    Mild PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR
    No Folic acid/pharmaceuticals/supplements (too many to list- private message me if interested), IVIL infusion
  • Thank you all! I am loving hearing all of these and I can truly say that it is such a hard topic. Especially with having had two loses I do find that actually talking about them has helped and I have also seen lately so much more being said about the commonness of miscarriages which I believe is huge and very much needed in our day in age.

    @L&V2016 I can only imagine what your wife's emotions were with that. Only advice to share would be to please have no resentment towards the hard decision that she made. And to be there for every up and down after. When my sister became pregnant with my nephew I felt so much resentment towards her for months as he was an unplanned surprise. Best ever though. I can say that I NEVER want to feel that feeling ever again towards anyone and have even expressed that to my DH as he is 3 years younger than I and feels like we have so much time. I let him know that I never want to have that feelin towards him or myself if I am unable to help him carry on his line as he is the last boy on his dad's side. To all of us keep your heads up high and positive thoughts and prayers going and we all will win in the end. Happy holidays to all of you.
  • @emilyldm79 So glad that talking about your difficulty. The more people talk about such issues is the only way to bring awareness to loss. And, increased awareness may bring more resources to help those who need it.

    As for my SIL, thanks for the kind words. We have a lot of compassion for her, no resentment. The last thing we would want her to feel is regret or loneliness after such a life-changing experience.

    It's interesting, because while there is never a "good" time for a unwanted pregnancy, my SIL's occurred while my wife and I are trying for a baby. Also, my wife's brother and his wife will welcome their baby girl on Dec. 28th. So weird.
  • I am right there with you!  It's very difficult!  We started for the first time TTC about 6 months before DH's brother/wife began TTC for their second child and she is now due with baby #2 in March and we are still TTC.  I guess luckily I don't see them a ton so it's not a constant reminder, but it's tough to think about.  We were at dinner with MIL/FIL, BIL/SIL, and my MIL asked them what baby names they were considering and then she asked me and DH what names we like (for our own).  I know my MIL was trying to include us to be nice, but frankly I didn't even want to respond.  We're over that initial optimistic phase and into the "if it happens" stage, so when you see others popping up pregnant it's disheartening.

    This forum is great for talking about these feelings and you are not alone!  My husband wants to keep our TTC journey very private so sometimes I feel like I'm all alone in feeling these things.
    Me: 41
    Husband: 40
    TTC#1 since 9/2014
    Unexplained Infertility - Trying naturally
  • @L&V2016 That is awesome. I find that it is when you are trying that everyone else around you is expecting hence my 3 coworkers, and about 10 friends. I think that bringin awareness is what needs to be done for a topic that is never really discussed, maybe because of the personal nature of it or its kind of like politics and religion, you just don't talk about it. I also find it so interesting that you never really hear about the statics of children that pass. I was both appreciative and annoyed by Mark Zuckerburg and his wife's announcement about the miscarriage and hope much media surrounded it when it happens to so many.

    That is great that there is so much compassion. My sister and I are much closer now after everything and I just adore my nephew/godson and he is just a joy to be around and watch grow.

    @jennh75b I find that it is even harder when people talk about it in front of me and forget to be sensitive towards others. Hang in there, I wish more people would be about TTC, though I know it is a private time in your life I think it helps. I talk to my girlfriends about our trails and errors and what we are doing now or thinking about trying. It's so tough though. We have been actively trying since April but also haven't done any precautions against conceiving the past 6 years. Here's to lots of BFPs in 2016.
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