I'm feeling very old and old fashioned reading this thread. I've only had one single shower with my first almost 12 years ago. I've kept about 90% of my boys clothes and have only had to buy a few things here and there for the youngest ones. In the (I don't see it as really big) gap of almost 5 years between the older three and younger two we've (my husband and I) just bought the things we did get rid of or give away (car seats, strollers, etc.).
Nope, not old or old-fashioned. I'm beginning to understand though that there are two distinct schools of thought regarding showers: the shower is for the baby OR the shower is for the mother-to-be. Personally, I think it's more logical to say that a shower is for a mother-to-be. The baby doesn't know or care, heck, the baby isn't even born yet. But it doesn't seem as unreasonable to have a shower for a second or third baby if your belief is that you are celebrating the baby, not the woman and her rite of passage in becoming a mother. In that case, it makes sense that people would celebrate all the babies, not just the first ones. (There's also that third notion that everyone is entitled to a shower for every baby and possibly even puppies and kittens so that they get new stuff and don't have to pay for it... that's the one I find repulsive.)
When I found myself in the position of "do I attend a shower for a mother of more than one?" (it's close to unheard of in my part of the world) I chose to decline, but sent a gift and a meal after the baby was born as I would have done anyway.
This is my third boy and I had a shower with my first and a sprinkle with my second. This time I was trying to avoid a sprinkle or anything, but where I live everyone has a shower for every baby and I've been getting a lot of pressure for everyone around me about it. My 83 year old grandmother even said that if no one threw one that she was going to throw one for me because every baby needs to be celebrated and she wants to buy him some new things so he doesn't have all hand me downs! It is really the social norm and I've been to showers for every single one of my friends' multiple children. I just personally do not want a huge fuss made over it because all my friends have lots of kids and everyone is busy. I have boy clothes coming out of my ears so I don't even really want any more!!
I spoke to my two best friends who wanted to throw the shower/sprinkle and asked if they could instead make it maybe a simple brunch out at a restaurant just to get together with some of my closest friends and family. They obliged so we will all be going out for a champagne brunch to celebrate the baby and spend some girl time together. I'm sure everyone is going to bring gifts even though I have told them not to, but at least someone won't have to go to the trouble of hosting it and providing food/cleanup. It will be sometime in January or early February I think.
Generally I don't have a huge problem with second/third showers if the person is really close to me, but I do get kind of annoyed if it is an invite from someone I don't know well having their 2nd or 3rd child. If I don't see you more than 2 times a year then I don't need to come to your shower for your third child! I am very very close with all of my close friends and family's children so those make sense to me as celebrating the arrival of a new member of our clan!
I don't think I'm getting one, which I'm fine with. Our families have bought us plenty of stuff, and we can get the rest on our own. I'm not so good with parties and I don't like a fuss being made over me.
I also live FAR from family and I don't have a lot of friends out here, which I don't mind. I have a few good ones and that's all I've ever needed in my life to feel fulfilled and not alone. It's just not really that conducive to a baby shower when you're only close to like 3 people and they're all guys!
I'm happy to skip it, to be honest. The bridal shower was awkward enough.
I wasn't expecting anything because it's baby #2 and they will only be 3 years apart so I still have all the big stuff...We just found out that it is a boy and when I told my Nanna she instantly said she was going to throw me a small family shower at her house to help with clothes!!
I am appreciative of it of course but still feel like it makes me look greedy I'm going to invite some of my closest friends and his family too because we are all really close!!
Had coffee with one of my best friends yesterday and she offered to host one for me! Well, sort of. She asked if anyone was throwing me a shower that she could reach out to about chipping in with and co-hosting, and I said that no one had mentioned anything yet, and she said she'd email one of my other very close friends about hosting one together. I know it's a bit of a vague offer, but honestly even if the shower doesn't end up happening, it still makes me happy that it was on her radar that it would be nice to have a shower for me. That probably sounds gift-grabby, but I honestly don't mean it in that way. Just really happy to know that some friends want to celebrate this baby with me
Quick baby shower etiquette question: I have a couple of friends who have given me baby gifts over the past few months (onesies, etc.). Are those people typically not included on a baby shower guest list, since they have already given you a gift? I want to include them, since some of them are my very close friends, but I also don't want to seem gift-grabby. One in particular just gave me a gift last night, so I'm especially conscious of it since it will be fairly recent if my shower is in January (looking likely at this point). Thoughts?
Quick baby shower etiquette question: I have a couple of friends who have given me baby gifts over the past few months (onesies, etc.). Are those people typically not included on a baby shower guest list, since they have already given you a gift? I want to include them, since some of them are my very close friends, but I also don't want to seem gift-grabby. One in particular just gave me a gift last night, so I'm especially conscious of it since it will be fairly recent if my shower is in January (looking likely at this point). Thoughts?
My opinion is that these people are still your friends and it is just a party. Unless you are requiring a present to get in, they just won't bring one since they al ready got you something.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
Thanks @bntfroggie I'm sure the ladies hosting my shower will not imply in any way that gifts are required, I was more thinking that gifts are such a cultural expectation at showers these days that I didn't want to put anyone in an awkward position of either buying me a second gift or arriving at a shower without one when other guests don't know that they've already given a gift. But I'm probably over thinking it
A very close friend asked if anyone has offered to host a shower for me yet. She was super surprised when I said no and immediately offered. I know showers are a privilege and not a right, but I was so excited! I was kind of bumming the last week or two about it. It'll be small (probably 15 people) and a "friends" only (not family) affair, but I am still pumped. My mom is likely going to host a "family" shower and ask MIL to cohost with her as it doesn't look like the SIL I thought was going to offer (she has hinted at it but not outright offered) is going to.
My mother is throwing me a shower. FTM and this is her first grandchild. Well my MIL is throwing a fit because she thinks my mother isn't allowing her to help but then again she has not asked my mom or contacted her at all (she has two other grand babies, so its not her first). She keeps nagging to my boyfriend that she feels left out but has made no effort. Now she is trying to bring me into this , I gave her my mothers number but still won't contact her. The only thing I know about my shower is the date so I could take off for work. How should I handle this because she's driving my boyfriend and I nuts.
@BearBow I would have your boyfriend explain to her that if she wants to be involved she can contact your mom. If she does not want to, no hard feelings, but don't complain about not being included.
Re: Clicky Poll! Your Baby Shower...
I also live FAR from family and I don't have a lot of friends out here, which I don't mind. I have a few good ones and that's all I've ever needed in my life to feel fulfilled and not alone. It's just not really that conducive to a baby shower when you're only close to like 3 people and they're all guys!
I'm happy to skip it, to be honest. The bridal shower was awkward enough.
I am getting a Small family sprinkle lol
I wasn't expecting anything because it's baby #2 and they will only be 3 years apart so I still have all the big stuff...We just found out that it is a boy and when I told my Nanna she instantly said she was going to throw me a small family shower at her house to help with clothes!!
I am appreciative of it of course but still feel like it makes me look greedy
I'm going to invite some of my closest friends and his family too because we are all really close!!
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
A very close friend asked if anyone has offered to host a shower for me yet. She was super surprised when I said no and immediately offered. I know showers are a privilege and not a right, but I was so excited! I was kind of bumming the last week or two about it. It'll be small (probably 15 people) and a "friends" only (not family) affair, but I am still pumped. My mom is likely going to host a "family" shower and ask MIL to cohost with her as it doesn't look like the SIL I thought was going to offer (she has hinted at it but not outright offered) is going to.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016