Clicky Poll! Your Baby Shower...

ClaireBear90

Tis the season for baby showers for March mamas! So let's talk about them.

If you already had one (or more), how did it go? Did you have to play the dreaded melted-candy-in-a-diaper game? (I hate that game so much.) What was your favorite gift you received?

If you haven't had a shower yet, who is hosting? Do you know any details or is it supposed to be a surprise? If you registered, what item are you most hoping for?

bntfroggie

If you haven't had a shower yet, who is hosting? My mother and 2 sister in laws

Do you know any details or is it supposed to be a surprise?  I told my mom early on that I just wanted to focus on growing my baby and didn't want to be a part of it.  I did give her a list of people to invite (at her request) and know the date and the venue.

If you registered, what item are you most hoping for? I want all the things!!! ha ha ha.  Honestly it doesn't matter I carefully choose everything on the list and will be purchasing the remaining items myself, so it doesn't matter if they bought it or I bought it, I will still have them.

skruhmin

With DS1 I had two showers - one through church and one for family.  We registered at BRU and Target. 

With DS2 a group of friends took me out for dinner and got me an amazon gift card and we bought a double stroller.

This one I'm definitely not expecting anything!

ClaireBear90

skruhmin said:

With DS2 a group of friends took me out for dinner and got me an amazon gift card and we bought a double stroller.

That's awesome! What thoughtful friends.

red3ye

I won't have a shower or sprinkle but will be hosting a meet and greet. Yeah, tacky or not, I'll be hosting it. I want a chance for everyone to see them before we move again and that will more than likely be the only way. I will do what I can to let people know no gifts are needed, think we will just have everyone bring a side dish and we will eat and celebrate.
Ps. Where I'm from, a party isn't a party without food, so being asked to bring a side dish is like being asked to bring your shoes: u can show up without them, but u might feel weird, even if no one asked u to bring them

flowerpower5838

@red3ye I feel like meet and greets are usually at the new parent's house? I may be mistaken but I don't think this is tacky.

flowerpower5838

Funny this was just brought up. My mom just asked me about a baby shower when I was home for Thanksgiving and I haven't even realized that no one has offered to thrown one yet! I imagine a SIL that I am super close with will, but obviously I can't be sure. I'm not due until the end of March so I don't imagine I'll have one until the beginning of February if someone does offer though.

kynbar5

flowerpower5838 said:

@red3ye I feel like meet and greets are usually at the new parent's house? I may be mistaken but I don't think this is tacky.

I agree. I also think with the fact that you'll be moving it's not only NOT tacky but a nice way to get everyone together before y'all leave.

kfarr26

** sorry in advance for the long winded whining that's about to take place...my hormones are making me feel sorry for myself ***

Yep...nobody has said a word but several have asked where we are registered. I know my work typically throws a shower for first time moms and possibly my husband's new office does, as well, but I am a little hurt by nobody in my personal life offering yet to be honest. I know there's still time at 26 weeks, though, so I'm hoping I'm just being silly.

It's not about the gifts - people will send gifts regardless of a shower...and obviously with possibly two work showers we aren't lacking in celebrating first time parenthood with others. We also can take care of our own and don't need help or anything. It's really about the party and someone caring enough to throw it.

I threw a shower for my brother's wife in July which I told her I wanted to do from day one of her announcing, planned it for months, and dropped hundreds of dollars in addition to however much time I ended up putting into the planning and setting up. I wanted everything to be perfect for her and everything to be her favorite this or that...and she loved it and was super happy. Which made me super happy.

But I had also just lost my first pregnancy, had major surgery, didn't know if I'd be able to have my own child, got pregnant again and had a scare that it was ectopic...but I still put out a huge amount of effort to celebrate someone else...even when family members offered to take it over if it was too much.

So yeah, I'm hurt that it doesn't seem like her or others want to put in any effort to celebrate my happiness now. That's all. I know I'm being overly sensative...but ouch.

soxfan9968

My shower is planned for the end of January. My sister is organizing the whole thing with help from my friends. Unfortunately, ours couldn't be a surprise since DH has a difficult work schedule with coaching. They had to ask us what weekends we had available. I also accidentally found my sister's Pinterest board with her plans (she forgot to set it to private). Either way, she's been amazing and double checking with me about my likes and dislikes. She's put so much effort into it that it's hard for me to even think about being bummed that not much is a surprise.

soxfan9968

@kfarr26 I think what you're feeling is completely justifiable. It hurts that you put so much effort into being supportive for close family and that you haven't received that same support in return. It's not just about reciprocating, it's that they haven't shown the care. Hopefully, it's just a surprise that they're planning for you. Maybe they're really trying to catch you off guard. **creepy Internet hugs**

jstanton0822

I've been told my SIL wants to throw one. But no plans have been made.

We're a, "let's wing it" kinda family.

MrsLeanMeanClean

This month only because I will only be in NY from Dec 26-31st.... wil have another back in England later (at a placed called the Boston Tea Party)

kfarr26

@soxfan9968 I really appreciate that. I feel so stupid for being upset...I'll admit tears have been shed and I've felt pretty bad about myself over it wondering what I've done wrong. I have heard that the one SIL has said something about doing one, but I'm not sure I believe it since I've seen her a lot recently and she hasn't said anything at all to me.

I absolutely will not bring it up, though. I'd rather be the person nobody cares enough to throw one for than the person who begs someone to that doesn't want to. I'd be mortified if I felt like I forced someone to do something nice for me, and I would never throw my own. I'm far too Southern. I'd die of embarrassment for sure.

alligreer88

Question on this topic, but about hosting rather than my own- second baby here, I would decline any offers for one. Someone please tell me if I'm crazy, or its my cousin. My cousin is due in May, I've offered to host her shower- I'm the only cousin roughly her age still located in our home town. She lives 8 hours away so she picked the date, which is fine. I will be 37 weeks on the date she picked, she knows I'm pregnant and my due date, and obviously didn't even consider it, when I reminded her- she laughed. but whatever the shower is near my home and my pregnancy is normal, I plan to be feeling fine and still working then. Then she proceeded to call and book the location, inform me what meal to provide via the location for the people coming, and that the shower would be 3 hours long. It's not like I was taking too long, she literally called minutes after I text her offering to host, while she was like 10 weeks along. She thought we could save money by telling guests they needed to purchase their own drink (not alcohol, just their own soda, tea, etc. since we were providing the meal). What!?! Scratch the full meal, give a dessert and drink, it's 1-4pm per her decision. Not lunch or dinner time. Then she text 3 of her friends "asking" them if they wanted to co-host with me. I let it all go while I secretly started calculating the cost haha. So now that invites need sent in about a month I text her to confirm the date. She confirmed the date so I said I was going to look for invites. She then let it all go, texting me images of the invites she already picked out, cookie designs, cupcake toppers, themed card stock to print games on, etc. all the "theme" she has picked out around a kids book. She flat said, this is the stuff I want. Like, the baby scramble words can't just be on regular paper? What? She's doing the baby room in the same. I don't Pinterest, but believe she has a Pinterest board for her own shower. She suggested she just send the invites herself, reminding me she would put my number for rsvps, basically so it looked like I did them. I'm 27, have a corporate job, a home owner, married with a 4 year old.. She has to assume I'm capable of a baby shower, especially when she's already assigned out dessert and games to others. My cousins doesn't work, and moved away from family, so I know she's bored (although she doesn't work by choice and is bored becuse she had so much debt her husband basically won't let her leave the house without him now). I know our family doesn't expect an extragagent shower- we typically have them at places like a community building or someone's house. We aren't poor people, but we live in a small town and have very middle class jobs generally speaking. Am I insane or is my cousin out of line? I didn't respond negatively, but I really want to tell her she's acting like a self entitled.... Rude person. She was just like this with her wedding and wedding shower. She actually planned the entire shower and then informed the bridesmaids the bill was over $800 to be split among us and she accepted checks for the bill. Her dad paid for the wedding, but when his budget was spent she charged everything, informing her fiancé of the additional debt after he became her husband. I guess I'm stuck just going with it, or maybe just sending invites and letting the other co hosts take over. I might even be "sick" the day of the shower.

kfarr26

@alligreer88 that definitely doesn't sound normal, but judging by the wedding behavior probably should have been expected from her. I think it's awful that she's basically planning her own shower and sticking you and the cohosts with the bill!

You can keep going along with it, or get with the other cohosts and hijack it back from her. I wouldn't expect that to necessarily go over well with her, but it seems like you're kinda stuck. I agree with you completely on how ridiculous her expectations are for this.

ClaireBear90

kfarr26 said: @alligreer88 that definitely doesn't sound normal, but judging by the wedding behavior probably should have been expected from her. I think it's awful that she's basically planning her own shower and sticking you and the cohosts with the bill! You can keep going along with it, or get with the other cohosts and hijack it back from her. I wouldn't expect that to necessarily go over well with her, but it seems like you're kinda stuck. I agree with you completely on how ridiculous her expectations are for this.
Yep, and here's the thing . . . this shower is your gift to her. The recipient of a gift doesn't get to dictate what kind of gift they want. She can offer suggestions when appropriate (guest list, food preferences/restrictions, etc) but you are the host and you call the shots. I like the suggestion of getting together with the other cohosts (since, after all, you're hosting this together) and putting together your plan for the shower. And keep her out of the loop as much as possible with a smile and a "we want it to be a wonderful surprise, you don't need to worry about a thing."

ETA: silly messed up quotes.

Mcbb224

If you haven't had a shower yet, who is hosting? My shower is February 13th if anyone would like to come! Lol I have a huge Mexican family but the place my sister and mom are hosting and booked was for 30 people soooooo a big majority are my aunts and cousins! So it's basically just my side of the family. My DH was upset that the place wasn't bigger so his side could go as well. So my DH's side has not volunteered to do a baby shower for us because my DH started telling everyone we'll throw our own shower for his side of the family. We will be hosting our own in January. We are trying to decide what restaurant to do it at and then just buy everyone's meal.

Do you know any details or is it supposed to be a surprise?
Uhm, my sister hasn't given much details but I've told my mom who I want there and what kind of food I would like lol!! My sister has 3 kids ages 3 and under and two businesses she's involved in so I really don't know when she has the time to do things or plan.

Our own baby shower I don't even know. We haven't chosen a restaurant and I don't want to throw my own really.. I don't want to have to plan the games and stuff so I might ask one of his cousins wives to help with that kind of stuff since she is really excited about the baby lol I know my hubby would love to do all of it on his own but who knows!!!

If you registered, what item are you most hoping for?
Well my sister is giving us a crib and dresser so we are set on those. My DH's family already bought us some of the bigger items but i really want my stroller!!! Lol it's $400 but I'm hoping my family chips in for it or something!! I have dreams about my stroller! lol

cmerribury

I voted for "Not my first baby but I will be given a sprinkle" even though it's not really accurate. It won't be a sprinkle because there won't be any gifts. It's just a mother's tea with my closest friends and family. We've struggled with several losses in the last year and they've been with me every step of the way, so they are happy and want to celebrate me and my little one. My mom and cousin/best friend are planning and it will just be at my house and very casual.

FutureMrsCaesar

I found out that my girlfriends are planning a surprise sprinkle for me.  I have no idea who or where, I just know it's going to be in January.  I'm actually not a big fan such things, but no one knows I know so I'm just going to pretend I have no idea.  I just hope it's something really small, and my friends aren't spending too much time or money on it.  We always go out to dinner or brunch when someone is about to have a baby and usually pitch in for a gift card for the mom-to-be to a spa or something so it's not totally unsusual that we would do something, but I have a feeling it's more than that since my friend was asking DH for an invite list.  

jstanton0822

alligreer88  Oh my! That's quite a predicament! I had something similar happen to me when I was planning my new SIL's bachelorette party. Seriously, I wasn't pregnant at the time and I broke down and cried several times because she was so hard to please. After a while, I ended up just throwing money at it to get it to go the hell away! (Like $800 or so) I seriously don't want that to happen to you! 

You need to sit this girl down and explain to her that this is not the way things are done. Proper baby shower etiquette is that a close friend plans and throws a party inviting guests to come "shower" the mother with gifts to celebrate the baby. The party itself is as much a gift as the gifts that the guests bring. By demanding that the party be a certain way, she is literally demanding what you gift her and how much it should cost. She needs to understand that that is no way to treat another person...especially not family.

tJaffe

FTM, due at end of March... I'll be having three showers...

One thrown by my mom with both of our families on January 2nd in our home town. We live in Key West so its too far away for me to go on my own so Christmas/New Years is the only time my hubby can go with me.

One will be thrown by my fellow teachers, they always do one for first time moms, I'm sure that will be in March shortly before I'm due.

And one is a BBQ/shower with our friends at our house in Key West. My hubby wanted to have beers with the boys before the baby comes and their girlfriends/wives wanted to do a baby shower with us too. This one is basically just a regular party

JLaVO888

At work, my friend is throwing me a shower in February. As for my family, my sister and sister in law both offered but with family all over two states and it already being the busy holiday season I didn't want to stress everyone out (including myself). I told them we hopefully could do a fun 'co-ed all family and friends' gathering this summer so that everyone can meet the baby. It will be like a fun family BBQ/get together but we will not be asking for gifts. I think everyone was relived to not have to travel in the winter.

AlissaLee17

My mom is planning one for me, possibly assisted by a few of my friends. I only made the stipulation that it has to be at my house. Since it will be sometime in January, and my car is an absolute terror in winter weather, I refuse to drive an hour away, while pregnant, in a metal death trap. Plus, there's more parking available at my house than my mom's (my bridal shower was at her house and there was only enough parking for her side of the family, really). Other than that, I know nothing. Lol

MrsLeanMeanClean

tJaffe said:

FTM, due at end of March... I'll be having three showers...

One thrown by my mom with both of our families on January 2nd in our home town. We live in Key West so its too far away for me to go on my own so Christmas/New Years is the only time my hubby can go with me.

You can't travel alone? I will be 31 weeks and doing a transatlantic flight "on my own"... intend on the same with 10 week old as well

arcanejinx

FTM here. No one has offered. At first I wasn't sure I wanted one but now I'm a bit upset over it. My mother lives in another country and 2 out of 3 of my best friends live far away (#3 has a toddler and is a NICU nurse so she is very busy). I've had a few people ask when it is but no offers to host. I think I'm getting sad about it as this is really the only time I will be pregnant (pregnancy has not been good on my mental health and DH and I have agreed to adopt any future children).

Mcbb224

MrsLeanMeanClean said:

tJaffe said:

FTM, due at end of March... I'll be having three showers...

One thrown by my mom with both of our families on January 2nd in our home town. We live in Key West so its too far away for me to go on my own so Christmas/New Years is the only time my hubby can go with me.

You can't travel alone? I will be 31 weeks and doing a transatlantic flight "on my own"... intend on the same with 10 week old as well

I see where you're coming from but the thing about Key West is it's an island off of Florida and there is just one looonnnnng bridge to the main land- Florida! It's a 3 hour drive! I would sure as heck not drive that bridge by myself any day let alone when I'm pregnant!! So I completely understand her logic there! Unless she takes a boat but that's just as long. Oh my goodness you're one brave woman! lol I hate being alone and traveling alone!

kynbar5

Lol. I promise I'm not trying to be rude at all but these traveling alone for short (imho 3-6 hours is pretty short) time kind of shock me. I'm with @MrsLeanMeanClean on this one. I've driven 21 hours with 3 of my children and multiple 6 hour and shorter length trips alone and with kids. Never done the trans-Atlantic flight but I hope it all goes well. I'm not really seeing the big deal with traveling 3 hours alone.
ETA- At one point or another I feel like you have to make yourself comfortable with traveling alone or with just you and a child/children because honestly I'm not seeing where a SO can be available at every single free moment that you are.

chime

I have had a few family and friends mention plannning one or asking if I am going to have one. Each time I gently decline. With the bedrest it's just too much. I would feel incredibly awkward stretched out on a couch or recliner or would be too panicky sitting upright for so long if it was at a venue or something. I'm also not one to care for the attention. I'm the wallflower at parties. I stay to the side and find one or two close friends to talk to. I also feel weird asking for things and receiving gifts, especially if I am expected to open them in front of people. It was just never my thing. If someone ends up throwing a shower anyway, I will still be immensely grateful and I will get through it. Just sitting here thinking about it though is a little stressful.

Oh, and I totally loathe party games.

eivaska

I'm a FTM I know by step mom and best friend are planning a shower for me but I don't know any other details. Same with my girls at work. I know they will put in something but I don't know when.

jilloboe

@arcanejinx I was in the same situation for my first son. No family close by (all in another country), and half-hearted offers of "I can throw you a shower!" with no follow-up. Was I really expected to then call the person and say, "Sooo...about my shower..." I did have a friend step up a couple months before my DD. There's still time.

For this one, our third child, it's a little awkward. We got rid of all our baby stuff, and this is our first girl, so it really feels like new. I wasn't expecting any sort of shower though, so I've been buying things myself at garage sales, Craigslist, buy/sell/trade groups on FB, and we have almost everything we need. Including a whole closet of clothes, because GIRL CLOTHES!! I am addicted! Someone stop me! But just a couple days ago, a friend told me she really wants to throw me a shower. Ummm...yes? But could you guys all just buy me the boring stuff we still need like nipple cream, breast milk storage bags and mattress covers?? (No, I didn't say that!) I might suggest a meet & greet instead. That sounds fun...as long as someone comes and cleans my house first in lieu of presents!

arcanejinx

jilloboe said:

@arcanejinx I was in the same situation for my first son. No family close by (all in another country), and half-hearted offers of "I can throw you a shower!" with no follow-up. Was I really expected to then call the person and say, "Sooo...about my shower..." I did have a friend step up a couple months before my DD. There's still time.

For this one, our third child, it's a little awkward. We got rid of all our baby stuff, and this is our first girl, so it really feels like new. I wasn't expecting any sort of shower though, so I've been buying things myself at garage sales, Craigslist, buy/sell/trade groups on FB, and we have almost everything we need. Including a whole closet of clothes, because GIRL CLOTHES!! I am addicted! Someone stop me! But just a couple days ago, a friend told me she really wants to throw me a shower. Ummm...yes? But could you guys all just buy me the boring stuff we still need like nipple cream, breast milk storage bags and mattress covers?? (No, I didn't say that!) I might suggest a meet & greet instead. That sounds fun...as long as someone comes and cleans my house first in lieu of presents!

Thank you. I've been crying all day as I've been trying not to think about it but apparently I'm pretty upset over it. I have horrible insecurity about people not liking me (a remant of my borderline personality disorder) and being left out.

I think because so many of my friends have sisters/close family near by they assume I do as well. I'm the youngest grandchild by over a decade on one side and the oldest on the other. Both DH and I are only children and aren't close with our cousins. The only family that lives near us is my father.

DH tried to comfort me this morning saying baby showers are materialistic grabs and my friends respect me enough to know that's not our style but that's not what I'm upset by. And honestly he just made me feel worse. I'd like something just to show emotional support-I don't give two ducks if I get one gift. Mentally this has been really really tough on me (I'm in therapy for the first time in several years) and I'm feeling pretty down about everything. This week it's a lack of a baby shower. I'm sure on a few days this won't hurt as bad and something else will. I'm just ready for this to be over.

red3ye

@arcanejinx sorry you feeling down. If it makes any difference I ended up hosting my own shower for ds. I have 3 siblings, one said she'd like to but then never wanted to mess with it, and the others just never mentioned it.

ALManning

I have 4 lovely ladies who are co-hosting a shower for me: My mom, sister, and 2 best friends. The shower will be the last weekend in January. I feel really humbled because they are doing an outstanding job. I'm not in the loop for most of the details, but from the tidbits I pick up they are going all out. If it was up to me I'd probably have refreshments a la Trader Joe's and maybe the plates and napkins would match. My ladies are going above and beyond. I feel kinda guilty about it! But then...it's really not about me...I'm just so blessed how much my little girl is loved by everyone already! I can. not. wait. for March!

smount2011

I'm a STM but will be having a full blown shower, which my cousin asked to host.  It was supposed to be a surprise but because I had one friend shout to the rooftops that she wanted to throw me one then kind of let it go, I was asked if my friend was following through with it or not.  It may seem a little awkward having a second shower but my children will also be 11 years apart. 

As for details all she has asked me for is a guest list and what our nursery theme is going to be (elephants)- probably so she can decorate accordingly.  I don't know anything else, other than its going to be January 18th (MLK Day), when we know all my friends/coworkers/family will be out of work for the day.  I don't even know the location- my mom insists she has room for 30+ people in her house when she absolutely does NOT.

As for registry/gifts, I only have 2-3 big things on there- a dresser, a travel system, and a crib although I already have my crib from dd (its missing the bottom and a mattress).  Of those things, I don't expect anything unless a parent buys them.  I'm most looking forward to seeing all the clothes people picked out for my little guy .    For me, its all about the clothes! lol

mistygenovese

Who is hosting? My mom and sister are hosting.

Do you know any details or is it supposed to be a surprise? I know a few details, flavor of cake and one of the games but the rest is a surprise.

If you registered, what item are you most hoping for? We are most hoping for books and a salt lamp!

Torpedogirl

This is my 4th boy. I have had full showers for all of the other 3 but there were big age gaps so I basically started over each time. Between 1 and 2 is a 5 year gap and 2 and 3 there is a 8 year gap. Now between 3 and 4 there is only a 3 year gap. While I do need lots of things still I plan to buy them myself. My one friend offered to host a party but had surgery and hasn't spoke of it since I was like 12 weeks. My mom can't afford it and no one else has offered. Where I live everyone I have ever known has a shower for every baby even if they are Irish twins. There is always a party small or big for every baby celebrating the new babe. I am a bit sad we won't be having that but I will not host my own. I just love party's and have never know different in celebrating all new babies. I am thinking of doing a meet and greet when he gets here for everyone to meet him but I have never done that and after having a C-section I most likely won't feel like it. So basically after a long response my answer is no party for us.

kynbar5

I'm feeling very old and old fashioned reading this thread. I've only had one single shower with my first almost 12 years ago. I've kept about 90% of my boys clothes and have only had to buy a few things here and there for the youngest ones. In the (I don't see it as really big) gap of almost 5 years between the older three and younger two we've (my husband and I) just bought the things we did get rid of or give away (car seats, strollers, etc.).

Torpedogirl

I was only 18 with my first and didn't know any better. I lived in a very small apartment and had to get rid of everything the minute we were done with it. With my second we didn't think we wanted any more so I gave everything away to a people in need and 8 years later we decided on more. Everyone's story is different and there are many reasons why people get rid of or keep things. I believe there is no wrong way to do things as long as you are not being greedy and demanding what you want. If someone were to offer to have a shower I would enjoy it and not think twice. There is nothing wrong with celebrating every child gifts or no gifts. In my opinion anyway but like I said where I live that is what is common.

kynbar5

@Torpedogirl I understand what you're saying and just wanted to say that my previous comment wasn't aimed at anyone or trying to be rude.

kfarr26

I agree that every child should have just as much excitement and celebration, but I'm just not big on multiple full blown baby showers beyond the first child. Especially on very close together siblings of the same sex. My circle has only just recently started to accept the idea of sprinkles, but I'm still not into that either.

My work scheduled my shower from them today, though! I'm so ridiculously excited! I can't wait