Why do YOU track your ovulation? Just curious... (possible TW - loss mentioned, maybe TMI?)

britters314

I started charting to use it as birth control because no other methods were good for me.

Now I actually mainly use it to keep track of non-TTC related things to see if they are cyclical (migraines, breast pain, etc.). 

MrsCrow2010

I chart bc I have a 2 year old and we just don't have the time to have sex regularly. Btwn work, house chores, and chasing a 2 yo around and just life in general is exhausting. I'm a lurking but I kinda took this wrong. Not everyone can have sex 3-4 times a week. Sometimes we plan to and then baby girl wants to sleep with mommy and daddy. It's life. So we have to have something to help us to know when that FW is.
I am sorry for your loss and I hope your stay here is short. Good luck.

DanyTargaryen

Figured I couldn't be the only one who didn't appreciate the judgy-feel comment on how often a couple has sex. On vacation? Sex pretty much every day. Normal every day life at home? Usually twice a week and generally Friday-Sunday.

If I O'd on a Thursday, our timing would suck without knowing when I might O. Hence tracking.

ArtlessIbex

Ditto on the PPs who noted the slightly patronizing tone of the OP.  More sex isn't definitively better, and no, many people would not routinely hit their FW without charting.  The humblebrag was obvious and unnecessary. 

DH and I work 13 hours a day, commute an hour each way and have a 5 yo daughter.  If I didn't chart, we would rarely have sex.  It's just too exhausting most nights.  We're both fine with this, however it isn't the most expedient way to conceive.   

I began charting originally to determine that I was ovulating regularly.  Basically, I figured that there was no reason to pay a doctor to find out what I could determine at home for free.  Like the others here, I'm hooked on the information that can be gleaned from recording my temps and symptoms.  I know how long my LP is, so I generally know when to expect AF.  I am satisfied that I'm regularly ovulating, and I know what my symptoms mean and why they happen. 

spunkybrewster

1faceinacrowd said:

We started TTC at the end of September, but other than knowing the first day of my LMP, I didn't track anything (no charting, temping, ovulation tests, etc.). I did have some ovulation symptoms that I noticed, and we did get a BFP on 10/24, but I experienced an early MC on 10/31 at 5 weeks. So, since it's hard to say what my cycle will do post-MC, I'm charting and using O tests, not to time intercourse, but simply so that I know about when ovulation took place if we do conceive this cycle. My thing is, we have intercourse regularly (4-6 times per week) and I figure we'll definitely do it within the right window as long as we keep that up, and this whole temping and charting and taking a daily ovulation test is all exhausting to me. I've also read a lot of articles about why people fail to conceive, and one of the main points I read was that people incorrectly time their intercourse. Do people really sleep together that seldom that they completely miss almost an entire week of fertile days? Am I a total weirdo for actually wanting to have regular intercourse, even on days/weeks when I'm probably not fertile? 

So, maybe it's none of my business but I'm curious - why do YOU track your bbt or take regular ovulation tests (or why do you choose not to)?  I will probably be opting not to after this cycle. It just kind of sucks the fun out of what should be a really fun activity, in my opinion. But I'd like to hear the opinions of some other members!

Dirty lurker here, but this bothered me enough to say something.

Hundreds (thousands?) of books, websites, online communities, not to mention an entire field of medicine dedicated to TTC, but OP, who has been at it for one month, has figured it out! Ding ding ding! Just have all the sex!

Thank you, OP. Thank you.

KyCat

I'm going to bring up a point that I don't think anyone else has.
I'm sorry if this is TMI, but are my husband and I the only couple for whom sex doesn't always end in/include him ejaculating inside my vagina?
This is why timing is important for us.
Also, I like temping because then I know for sure when my period is coming/ when to test.

BostonBaby1

*lurking*

1) I am sorry for your loss

2) IMHO, you should try to think about why some couples have sex less frequently than you before posting such a polarizing thread. A few examples: travel for work, other children, opposing schedules. This list goes on.

3) I track my BBT and use OPKs as part of taking control of my fertility. I have never felt as though it diminishes the "fun" DH and I have together. If anything, it makes it MORE fun for him. It's like playing a game of "shoot this one past the goalie."

*edited for oddly placed symbol

R0824H

I'm sorry for your loss.

I tempt to confirm O, to track my LP and know when to expect AF or when to test.

1faceinacrowd

I'm sorry you guys - for some reason, it's not letting me tag PocketFullofShells and ashbear720 to respond (and also sorry for the delay - crazy couple of days have made me mia). I didn't mean to rub anyone the wrong way with this post. I do apologize for that. It absolutely was not my intention. 

I've always thought of sex as an extremely important part of my intimate relationships, and I know that A LOT of men feel the same (women... I know the "stereotype" that women don't like sex, but the few female friends I have enjoy it and value it as much as I do). I know that everyone has a different drive, and I think I just have trouble relating to/understanding how some people could not Love sex. I do understand at an intellectual level that this is the case, but put yourself in my shoes - if you've always had the drive you have, it's hard to imagine anything else. I absolutely am sorry if I offended anyone. I really was curious if there was any other reason that people enjoyed tracking their O, other than to time sex. 

1faceinacrowd

PocketFullofShells said:

OP is still MIA

Sorry about that. I responded above ^^

And again, I'm sorry if I offended you. :-( It's much harder to "tread lightly" via computer keyboard. 

1faceinacrowd

KyCat said:

I'm going to bring up a point that I don't think anyone else has. I'm sorry if this is TMI, but are my husband and I the only couple for whom sex doesn't always end in/include him ejaculating inside my vagina? This is why timing is important for us. Also, I like temping because then I know for sure when my period is coming/ when to test.

That's a good point!!

I think absolutely that's normal. I know since we've started trying that he really only finishes inside of me, but before we started trying, and the few days post-period, we switch it up occasionally (sorry if TMI). 

1faceinacrowd

spunkybrewster said:

We started TTC at the end of September, but other than knowing the first day of my LMP, I didn't track anything (no charting, temping, ovulation tests, etc.). I did have some ovulation symptoms that I noticed, and we did get a BFP on 10/24, but I experienced an early MC on 10/31 at 5 weeks. So, since it's hard to say what my cycle will do post-MC, I'm charting and using O tests, not to time intercourse, but simply so that I know about when ovulation took place if we do conceive this cycle. My thing is, we have intercourse regularly (4-6 times per week) and I figure we'll definitely do it within the right window as long as we keep that up, and this whole temping and charting and taking a daily ovulation test is all exhausting to me. I've also read a lot of articles about why people fail to conceive, and one of the main points I read was that people incorrectly time their intercourse. Do people really sleep together that seldom that they completely miss almost an entire week of fertile days? Am I a total weirdo for actually wanting to have regular intercourse, even on days/weeks when I'm probably not fertile? 

So, maybe it's none of my business but I'm curious - why do YOU track your bbt or take regular ovulation tests (or why do you choose not to)?  I will probably be opting not to after this cycle. It just kind of sucks the fun out of what should be a really fun activity, in my opinion. But I'd like to hear the opinions of some other members!

Dirty lurker here, but this bothered me enough to say something. Hundreds (thousands?) of books, websites, online communities, not to mention an entire field of medicine dedicated to TTC, but OP, who has been at it for one month, has figured it out! Ding ding ding! Just have all the sex! Thank you, OP. Thank you.

Hey, the sarcastic response wasn't necessary. I understand that there's a sh*t ton of information out there about how our cycles work, and at what point during the cycle you can get pregnant, and all of the other information that you can learn through those hundreds or thousands of resources, but you know what? Man kind was reproducing for a LONG time before any of that information was available. So yeah, unless you have some other underlying issue, having "all of the sex" will eventually do the trick.

Jeesh. I was just curious why people temp/chart/track and am obviously ignorant to the fact that not everyone has a lot of sex when they aren't fertile. This is not a conversation I've had before, as I'm only a month in. So I'm sorry if I offended you by not knowing that some (or a lot?) of people simply don't enjoy sex.

Winnie81_Old

There are many reasons why someone wouldn't love sex. The psychological factor of continuously knowing you "have" to and thus taking the spontaneous fun out of it after months/years of trying can weigh in on your sex drive. Also, many of us have conditions that make it physically painful. Before my last surgery for endometriosis and fibroids, it really hurt to have sex. It felt like he was hitting a wall inside me. It doesn't hurt like that anymore, but it's only a matter of time before it comes back, which adds to stress. We go through phases like anyone else with our sex life and try to make the best of it. Currently, I get bad cramps after I have an orgasm, not very fun. You asked us to put ourselves in your shoes but you're asking our advice...my advice is that everyone is different and there isn't a "norm".

1faceinacrowd

gardeniagirlknits said:

Edit to take out the arrow in my post, I didn't realize that would change how others say my post) technical troubles... Ugh.

@PrimRoseMama I think she mentioned in another post that she was getting married on Wednesday. Pre trout slap made Me laugh super hard

Haha yes, we're getting married Wednesday (which is now TODAY!). That made me giggle too. I know we're still young (25 and 27) and that our drives MIGHT diminish over time, but in my defense I've always had a high drive. We also have two kids, a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old, but we make time because sex is really important to us. I'm understanding now (due to other responses) that we might not be the norm, and that sex isn't a huge priority for everyone (and that's TOTALLY okay!!). I guess I wasn't aware that it was braggy to say that we have sex often.. I made a decision a long time ago that I'd rather get up 10 minutes earlier for a quickie than not have as much intimate time, but again, we both have a high drive, and he would have it 2 times per day if it were up to him, so 4-6 times per week is just enough for us to meet halfway.

Winnie81_Old

Also, this is the infertility board, so most of us do have an underlying issue where just having a lot of sex isn't going to fix or change anything. * it won't let me quote but I'm referencing your previous post.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed

1faceinacrowd said:

I'm sorry you guys - for some reason, it's not letting me tag PocketFullofShells and ashbear720 to respond (and also sorry for the delay - crazy couple of days have made me mia). I didn't mean to rub anyone the wrong way with this post. I do apologize for that. It absolutely was not my intention. 

I've always thought of sex as an extremely important part of my intimate relationships, and I know that A LOT of men feel the same (women... I know the "stereotype" that women don't like sex, but the few female friends I have enjoy it and value it as much as I do). I know that everyone has a different drive, and I think I just have trouble relating to/understanding how some people could not Love sex. I do understand at an intellectual level that this is the case, but put yourself in my shoes - if you've always had the drive you have, it's hard to imagine anything else. I absolutely am sorry if I offended anyone. I really was curious if there was any other reason that people enjoyed tracking their O, other than to time sex. 

I feel like you're missing the point that it's not JUST about enjoying sex.  I enjoy it.  I also work full time, have a toddler and my DH has a stressful and time consuming job.  Sometimes we're tired.  Sometimes we're sick.  Sometimes one of us is travelling. I personally don't like to have sex during AF, so there's a period of time we don't HIO each month just because of that.  You're coming across as presumptuous and sort of judgmental about other people's sex lives.  Even though others have pointed out a number of reasons they don't have sex as often as you do that have nothing to do with enjoyment, you still seem to be making blanket statements about sex drives.

Even when it does boil down to sex drive, I don't understand why you can't wrap your head around the fact that some people have a lower sex drive or don't enjoy sex as much (and there is a difference, some people don't feel the urge as strongly, but still enjoy it when they do it and some people just flat out don't like it).  I love chocolate.  Some people don't.  It's not that hard for me to wrap my head around why because some people love beer and I hate it.  

MamaBish

I do enjoy sex but life gets in the way sometimes. I also enjoy it about once or twice a week normally. Just because this frequency is less than your frequency, does not mean I value it any less. Whether you implied that or not, that's the way it came across.

I do not enjoy ttc because I HAVE to have sex whether I'm in the mood or not. I don't want to ttc, I just want a baby.

chrlyr

This question is weird to me because why wouldn't you want to know what's going on with your cycles if you're TTC? Charting and temping may seem exhausting to you, but I can tell you for sure that I could never have sex 4-6 times per week on a consistent basis. That, to me, is exhausting. And just not realistic for us anymore, to be honest. So, I like to time intercourse to maximize our chances of success. 

1faceinacrowd

WA85 said:

Also, this is the infertility board, so most of us do have an underlying issue where just having a lot of sex isn't going to fix or change anything. * it won't let me quote but I'm referencing your previous post.

I thought I posted this to just the regular TTC board? Did I post it to an Infertility board?

I'm sorry... I'm a newbie so I probably screwed it up. Ugh.

MamaBish

WA85 said:

Also, this is the infertility board, so most of us do have an underlying issue where just having a lot of sex isn't going to fix or change anything. * it won't let me quote but I'm referencing your previous post.

This isn't the infertility board, just FYI

sldp123

1faceinacrowd said:

spunkybrewster said:

We started TTC at the end of September, but other than knowing the first day of my LMP, I didn't track anything (no charting, temping, ovulation tests, etc.). I did have some ovulation symptoms that I noticed, and we did get a BFP on 10/24, but I experienced an early MC on 10/31 at 5 weeks. So, since it's hard to say what my cycle will do post-MC, I'm charting and using O tests, not to time intercourse, but simply so that I know about when ovulation took place if we do conceive this cycle. My thing is, we have intercourse regularly (4-6 times per week) and I figure we'll definitely do it within the right window as long as we keep that up, and this whole temping and charting and taking a daily ovulation test is all exhausting to me. I've also read a lot of articles about why people fail to conceive, and one of the main points I read was that people incorrectly time their intercourse. Do people really sleep together that seldom that they completely miss almost an entire week of fertile days? Am I a total weirdo for actually wanting to have regular intercourse, even on days/weeks when I'm probably not fertile? 

So, maybe it's none of my business but I'm curious - why do YOU track your bbt or take regular ovulation tests (or why do you choose not to)?  I will probably be opting not to after this cycle. It just kind of sucks the fun out of what should be a really fun activity, in my opinion. But I'd like to hear the opinions of some other members!

Dirty lurker here, but this bothered me enough to say something. Hundreds (thousands?) of books, websites, online communities, not to mention an entire field of medicine dedicated to TTC, but OP, who has been at it for one month, has figured it out! Ding ding ding! Just have all the sex! Thank you, OP. Thank you.

Hey, the sarcastic response wasn't necessary. I understand that there's a sh*t ton of information out there about how our cycles work, and at what point during the cycle you can get pregnant, and all of the other information that you can learn through those hundreds or thousands of resources, but you know what? Man kind was reproducing for a LONG time before any of that information was available. So yeah, unless you have some other underlying issue, having "all of the sex" will eventually do the trick.

Jeesh. I was just curious why people temp/chart/track and am obviously ignorant to the fact that not everyone has a lot of sex when they aren't fertile. This is not a conversation I've had before, as I'm only a month in. So I'm sorry if I offended you by not knowing that some (or a lot?) of people simply don't enjoy sex.

I don't think anyone in this thread said they simply don't enjoy sex. I didn't read every single response word for word, and I know some people said that certain medical conditions make sex painful, etc. But I think for the vast majority of us the problem is not that we simply don't enjoy sex. But the FW is, what, four days? Maybe five if you're lucky. I don't think it's really that uncommon, at least it's certainly not in my marriage, to go 4-5 days without having sex. Not because we don't enjoy it, but because of other factors. Like, for me, we both work, have long commutes, have a house to maintain, a 7yo at home that affects the amount and timing of alone time, and we value sleep. 

Edit for a missing word.

Winnie81_Old

Well I am still a newb my apologies! It says the infertility board on my post right now

Edit changed mean to newb

jsassy

1faceinacrowd said:

(tree trimming')

Hey, the sarcastic response wasn't necessary. I understand that there's a sh*t ton of information out there about how our cycles work, and at what point during the cycle you can get pregnant, and all of the other information that you can learn through those hundreds or thousands of resources, but you know what? Man kind was reproducing for a LONG time before any of that information was available. So yeah, unless you have some other underlying issue, having "all of the sex" will eventually do the trick.

Jeesh. I was just curious why people temp/chart/track and am obviously ignorant to the fact that not everyone has a lot of sex when they aren't fertile. This is not a conversation I've had before, as I'm only a month in. So I'm sorry if I offended you by not knowing that some (or a lot?) of people simply don't enjoy sex.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed

WA85 said:

Also, this is the infertility board, so most of us do have an underlying issue where just having a lot of sex isn't going to fix or change anything. * it won't let me quote but I'm referencing your previous post.

This isn't the infertility board.  Some women here have an IF diagnosis but not everyone.  This is just trying to get pregnant.

Winnie81_Old

You're right again my apologies. I'm not sure why mine says infertility at the top of the page right now.

1faceinacrowd

sldp123 said:

1faceinacrowd said:

spunkybrewster said:

We started TTC at the end of September, but other than knowing the first day of my LMP, I didn't track anything (no charting, temping, ovulation tests, etc.). I did have some ovulation symptoms that I noticed, and we did get a BFP on 10/24, but I experienced an early MC on 10/31 at 5 weeks. So, since it's hard to say what my cycle will do post-MC, I'm charting and using O tests, not to time intercourse, but simply so that I know about when ovulation took place if we do conceive this cycle. My thing is, we have intercourse regularly (4-6 times per week) and I figure we'll definitely do it within the right window as long as we keep that up, and this whole temping and charting and taking a daily ovulation test is all exhausting to me. I've also read a lot of articles about why people fail to conceive, and one of the main points I read was that people incorrectly time their intercourse. Do people really sleep together that seldom that they completely miss almost an entire week of fertile days? Am I a total weirdo for actually wanting to have regular intercourse, even on days/weeks when I'm probably not fertile? 

So, maybe it's none of my business but I'm curious - why do YOU track your bbt or take regular ovulation tests (or why do you choose not to)?  I will probably be opting not to after this cycle. It just kind of sucks the fun out of what should be a really fun activity, in my opinion. But I'd like to hear the opinions of some other members!

Dirty lurker here, but this bothered me enough to say something. Hundreds (thousands?) of books, websites, online communities, not to mention an entire field of medicine dedicated to TTC, but OP, who has been at it for one month, has figured it out! Ding ding ding! Just have all the sex! Thank you, OP. Thank you.

Hey, the sarcastic response wasn't necessary. I understand that there's a sh*t ton of information out there about how our cycles work, and at what point during the cycle you can get pregnant, and all of the other information that you can learn through those hundreds or thousands of resources, but you know what? Man kind was reproducing for a LONG time before any of that information was available. So yeah, unless you have some other underlying issue, having "all of the sex" will eventually do the trick.

Jeesh. I was just curious why people temp/chart/track and am obviously ignorant to the fact that not everyone has a lot of sex when they aren't fertile. This is not a conversation I've had before, as I'm only a month in. So I'm sorry if I offended you by not knowing that some (or a lot?) of people simply don't enjoy sex.

I don't think anyone in this thread said they simply don't enjoy sex. I didn't read every single response word for word, and I know some people said that certain medical conditions make sex painful, etc. But I think for the vast majority of us the problem is not that we simply don't enjoy sex. But the FW is, what, four days? Maybe five if you're lucky. I don't think it's really that uncommon, at least it's certainly not in my marriage, to go 4-5 days without having sex. Not because we don't enjoy it, but because of other factors. Like, for me, we both work, have long commutes, have a house to maintain, a 7yo at home that affects the amount and timing of alone time, and we value sleep. 

Edit for a missing word.

You're right. Some people have issues that make sex less enjoyable. I 100% understand that. Some people have a naturally lower sex drive (but probably enjoy it when it happens) and I absolutely understand that. 

We have two kids (4 and 5), we both work full time, have long commutes, own a 2800 square foot house and a Giant dog.. We have responsibilities too... Again, I'm not saying that everyone should do it as much as we do, nor am I saying that it's realistic for everyone. EVERYONE has a different situation and I'm not trying to sound judgey! I kind of feel like people are getting defensive. I TRULY did not realize that having sex 4-6 times per week was "braggy" or that out of the ordinary. I've ALWAYS been this way in my relationships, I've always made sex a priority and I don't just go around asking my friends how often they do it. This was the FIRST conversation I've ever had with anyone other than my partners and my bestie (who also has sex this often when she's in a relationship). I'm not judging. I'm not bragging. I'm wasn't anything other than asking a question. Holy smokes.

PrimRoseMama

1faceinacrowd said:

I'm sorry you guys - for some reason, it's not letting me tag PocketFullofShells and ashbear720 to respond (and also sorry for the delay - crazy couple of days have made me mia). I didn't mean to rub anyone the wrong way with this post. I do apologize for that. It absolutely was not my intention. 

I've always thought of sex as an extremely important part of my intimate relationships, and I know that A LOT of men feel the same (women... I know the "stereotype" that women don't like sex, but the few female friends I have enjoy it and value it as much as I do). I know that everyone has a different drive, and I think I just have trouble relating to/understanding how some people could not Love sex. I do understand at an intellectual level that this is the case, but put yourself in my shoes - if you've always had the drive you have, it's hard to imagine anything else. I absolutely am sorry if I offended anyone. I really was curious if there was any other reason that people enjoyed tracking their O, other than to time sex. 

The sex frequency issue has NOTHING to do with whether or not you (general you) enjoy sex with your spouse or even have desires for more sex in your relationship. It also doesn't mean that you don't value sex in your marriage/partnership. I have to say that your presumption that those that don't have the same sex frequency as you somehow are underserving their relationships or partners. That's simply not the case.

I LOVE SEX. I love sex with my husband. Unfortunately his job has him out at coal power plants many months for weeks at a time to collect samples for his job in the lab. My kids don't always get the memo that mom wants to get laid and sometimes they have issues that mean that sex takes a back seat. This is REAL life. You aren't even married yet and you don't have kids yet. Your sex life will change. That's just the way it is when you get married and have kids. Some are lucky in that BF doesn't kill their sex drive or they don't have birth injuries (the area where my perineum tore can still be sensitive with too much sex) that impact their ability to get it on anytime they feel like it.

My main issue is your presumption that there must be something wrong with a couple that doesn't hump like you do. Perspective, dear. Your situation is great for you, but I'm concerned that you won't be able to roll with the punches later and have an unrealistic expectation of how sex in marriage is supposed to work. Get on with yourself and your love of sex multiple times a week. That's awesome for you and I think that its great you get your fill.

I LOVE SEX. Let me say it again. My sex frequency problems are completely independent of my love of sex and connection with my partner. I just can't get it on 4-6 times a week-- whether its simply exhaustion, pain (I have other pain issues) or my partner's work schedule. Please don't make the assumption that those that don't have sex 4-6 times a week are somehow lacking in their romantic, intimate partnerships. That's rude and uncalled for.  

PrimRoseMama

1faceinacrowd said:

spunkybrewster said:

We started TTC at the end of September, but other than knowing the first day of my LMP, I didn't track anything (no charting, temping, ovulation tests, etc.). I did have some ovulation symptoms that I noticed, and we did get a BFP on 10/24, but I experienced an early MC on 10/31 at 5 weeks. So, since it's hard to say what my cycle will do post-MC, I'm charting and using O tests, not to time intercourse, but simply so that I know about when ovulation took place if we do conceive this cycle. My thing is, we have intercourse regularly (4-6 times per week) and I figure we'll definitely do it within the right window as long as we keep that up, and this whole temping and charting and taking a daily ovulation test is all exhausting to me. I've also read a lot of articles about why people fail to conceive, and one of the main points I read was that people incorrectly time their intercourse. Do people really sleep together that seldom that they completely miss almost an entire week of fertile days? Am I a total weirdo for actually wanting to have regular intercourse, even on days/weeks when I'm probably not fertile? 

So, maybe it's none of my business but I'm curious - why do YOU track your bbt or take regular ovulation tests (or why do you choose not to)?  I will probably be opting not to after this cycle. It just kind of sucks the fun out of what should be a really fun activity, in my opinion. But I'd like to hear the opinions of some other members!

Dirty lurker here, but this bothered me enough to say something. Hundreds (thousands?) of books, websites, online communities, not to mention an entire field of medicine dedicated to TTC, but OP, who has been at it for one month, has figured it out! Ding ding ding! Just have all the sex! Thank you, OP. Thank you.

Hey, the sarcastic response wasn't necessary. I understand that there's a sh*t ton of information out there about how our cycles work, and at what point during the cycle you can get pregnant, and all of the other information that you can learn through those hundreds or thousands of resources, but you know what? Man kind was reproducing for a LONG time before any of that information was available. So yeah, unless you have some other underlying issue, having "all of the sex" will eventually do the trick.

Jeesh. I was just curious why people temp/chart/track and am obviously ignorant to the fact that not everyone has a lot of sex when they aren't fertile. This is not a conversation I've had before, as I'm only a month in. So I'm sorry if I offended you by not knowing that some (or a lot?) of people simply don't enjoy sex.

This is NOT why people are offended. People are offended because you are presuming and assuming that somehow their relationships are deficient because they don't HIO like you. You are literally one month into TTC. Please talk to me about sex as you describe for 12 months or longer. You will burn out and your partner might burn out. Sex frequency is awesome, but its not the only way you can connect and appreciate your partner. There are other ways to be intimate and appreciate your partner that don't involve physical intimacy at all. I'm not sure you are really living in reality here.

I LOVE SEX. Most folks enjoy sex prior to TTC, but when you've been HIO for months on end with no +HPT to "show for it". The idea of more sex can be daunting. Some have husbands that suffer with performance anxiety since TTC came into the picture. Some of us are breast feeding and that KILLS sex drive for some. It also creates issues with the quality of vaginal tissue and lubrication. That can make sex painful and unpleasant.

Simply stated, you don't know what you don't know and it shows.

PrimRoseMama

1faceinacrowd said:

gardeniagirlknits said:

Edit to take out the arrow in my post, I didn't realize that would change how others say my post) technical troubles... Ugh.

@PrimRoseMama I think she mentioned in another post that she was getting married on Wednesday. Pre trout slap made Me laugh super hard

Haha yes, we're getting married Wednesday (which is now TODAY!). That made me giggle too. I know we're still young (25 and 27) and that our drives MIGHT diminish over time, but in my defense I've always had a high drive. We also have two kids, a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old, but we make time because sex is really important to us. I'm understanding now (due to other responses) that we might not be the norm, and that sex isn't a huge priority for everyone (and that's TOTALLY okay!!). I guess I wasn't aware that it was braggy to say that we have sex often.. I made a decision a long time ago that I'd rather get up 10 minutes earlier for a quickie than not have as much intimate time, but again, we both have a high drive, and he would have it 2 times per day if it were up to him, so 4-6 times per week is just enough for us to meet halfway.

So you are TFAS#3 or are those your husband's kids by another woman? I'm confused.

sldp123

Your original question was, "Do people really sleep together so infrequently that they completely miss the fertile window?" or something to that effect. That's why people are getting defensive. Missing four days of sex isn't sleeping together SO infrequently, and it certainly doesn't mean that you don't enjoy sex.

1faceinacrowd

PrimRoseMama said:

1faceinacrowd said:

I'm sorry you guys - for some reason, it's not letting me tag PocketFullofShells and ashbear720 to respond (and also sorry for the delay - crazy couple of days have made me mia). I didn't mean to rub anyone the wrong way with this post. I do apologize for that. It absolutely was not my intention. 

I've always thought of sex as an extremely important part of my intimate relationships, and I know that A LOT of men feel the same (women... I know the "stereotype" that women don't like sex, but the few female friends I have enjoy it and value it as much as I do). I know that everyone has a different drive, and I think I just have trouble relating to/understanding how some people could not Love sex. I do understand at an intellectual level that this is the case, but put yourself in my shoes - if you've always had the drive you have, it's hard to imagine anything else. I absolutely am sorry if I offended anyone. I really was curious if there was any other reason that people enjoyed tracking their O, other than to time sex. 

The sex frequency issue has NOTHING to do with whether or not you (general you) enjoy sex with your spouse or even have desires for more sex in your relationship. It also doesn't mean that you don't value sex in your marriage/partnership. I have to say that your presumption that those that don't have the same sex frequency as you somehow are underserving their relationships or partners. That's simply not the case.

I LOVE SEX. I love sex with my husband. Unfortunately his job has him out at coal power plants many months for weeks at a time to collect samples for his job in the lab. My kids don't always get the memo that mom wants to get laid and sometimes they have issues that mean that sex takes a back seat. This is REAL life. You aren't even married yet and you don't have kids yet. Your sex life will change. That's just the way it is when you get married and have kids. Some are lucky in that BF doesn't kill their sex drive or they don't have birth injuries (the area where my perineum tore can still be sensitive with too much sex) that impact their ability to get it on anytime they feel like it.

My main issue is your presumption that there must be something wrong with a couple that doesn't hump like you do. Perspective, dear. Your situation is great for you, but I'm concerned that you won't be able to roll with the punches later and have an unrealistic expectation of how sex in marriage is supposed to work. Get on with yourself and your love of sex multiple times a week. That's awesome for you and I think that its great you get your fill.

I LOVE SEX. Let me say it again. My sex frequency problems are completely independent of my love of sex and connection with my partner. I just can't get it on 4-6 times a week-- whether its simply exhaustion, pain (I have other pain issues) or my partner's work schedule. Please don't make the assumption that those that don't have sex 4-6 times a week are somehow lacking in their romantic, intimate partnerships. That's rude and uncalled for.  

First off, I'm not presuming anything, except that my sex frequency is normal (apparently, based on some responses, it is not). Second, you're making a lot of assumptions too. My fiance and I each have a child - a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old. We own a house that we take care of, we have a big messy pain-in-the-butt dog. We both work full time, often overtime, and he also helps his grandparents run their rental business on the side. We aren't married yet, but we live together and care for our home and our family together. 

To me, it's important to wake up 10 minutes early for a quickie on days when we both know we won't be able to later. To me, it's okay to be a little sleepy in the morning because we stayed up until both kids were definitely asleep. But I think some responders are assuming that because something is important TO ME that I'm implying that it should be/would be/has to be to them. 

People have to remember that this conversation is not one that you (general you) have with friends and family members. I have NO IDEA what is "normal" when it comes to sex frequency. I've read that 3 times per week is the suggested minimum amount when TTC, so 4-6 doesn't sound that far off. So I'm sorry for making it sound like I was accusing people of not doing what I do...or something. I thought I was just normal/average/typical and was TRULY curious as to why people tracked their cycles, because I didn't know it was uncommon to have sex less than 3 times per week (though obviously I get it if your spouse travels for work). 

1faceinacrowd

PrimRoseMama said:

1faceinacrowd said:

gardeniagirlknits said:

Edit to take out the arrow in my post, I didn't realize that would change how others say my post) technical troubles... Ugh.

@PrimRoseMama I think she mentioned in another post that she was getting married on Wednesday. Pre trout slap made Me laugh super hard

Haha yes, we're getting married Wednesday (which is now TODAY!). That made me giggle too. I know we're still young (25 and 27) and that our drives MIGHT diminish over time, but in my defense I've always had a high drive. We also have two kids, a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old, but we make time because sex is really important to us. I'm understanding now (due to other responses) that we might not be the norm, and that sex isn't a huge priority for everyone (and that's TOTALLY okay!!). I guess I wasn't aware that it was braggy to say that we have sex often.. I made a decision a long time ago that I'd rather get up 10 minutes earlier for a quickie than not have as much intimate time, but again, we both have a high drive, and he would have it 2 times per day if it were up to him, so 4-6 times per week is just enough for us to meet halfway.

So you are TFAS#3 or are those your husband's kids by another woman? I'm confused.

Should've been more clear. He has a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship. I have a 4-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. I never know whether to say we're trying for number 3, because it'll be our combined third...or #2 because it'll be MY second baby, or #1 because together...it's our first, and it is my first time trying to conceive, as my little girl was a precious surprise. 

PrimRoseMama

1faceinacrowd said:

PrimRoseMama said:

1faceinacrowd said:

I'm sorry you guys - for some reason, it's not letting me tag PocketFullofShells and ashbear720 to respond (and also sorry for the delay - crazy couple of days have made me mia). I didn't mean to rub anyone the wrong way with this post. I do apologize for that. It absolutely was not my intention. 

I've always thought of sex as an extremely important part of my intimate relationships, and I know that A LOT of men feel the same (women... I know the "stereotype" that women don't like sex, but the few female friends I have enjoy it and value it as much as I do). I know that everyone has a different drive, and I think I just have trouble relating to/understanding how some people could not Love sex. I do understand at an intellectual level that this is the case, but put yourself in my shoes - if you've always had the drive you have, it's hard to imagine anything else. I absolutely am sorry if I offended anyone. I really was curious if there was any other reason that people enjoyed tracking their O, other than to time sex. 

The sex frequency issue has NOTHING to do with whether or not you (general you) enjoy sex with your spouse or even have desires for more sex in your relationship. It also doesn't mean that you don't value sex in your marriage/partnership. I have to say that your presumption that those that don't have the same sex frequency as you somehow are underserving their relationships or partners. That's simply not the case.

I LOVE SEX. I love sex with my husband. Unfortunately his job has him out at coal power plants many months for weeks at a time to collect samples for his job in the lab. My kids don't always get the memo that mom wants to get laid and sometimes they have issues that mean that sex takes a back seat. This is REAL life. You aren't even married yet and you don't have kids yet. Your sex life will change. That's just the way it is when you get married and have kids. Some are lucky in that BF doesn't kill their sex drive or they don't have birth injuries (the area where my perineum tore can still be sensitive with too much sex) that impact their ability to get it on anytime they feel like it.

My main issue is your presumption that there must be something wrong with a couple that doesn't hump like you do. Perspective, dear. Your situation is great for you, but I'm concerned that you won't be able to roll with the punches later and have an unrealistic expectation of how sex in marriage is supposed to work. Get on with yourself and your love of sex multiple times a week. That's awesome for you and I think that its great you get your fill.

I LOVE SEX. Let me say it again. My sex frequency problems are completely independent of my love of sex and connection with my partner. I just can't get it on 4-6 times a week-- whether its simply exhaustion, pain (I have other pain issues) or my partner's work schedule. Please don't make the assumption that those that don't have sex 4-6 times a week are somehow lacking in their romantic, intimate partnerships. That's rude and uncalled for.  

First off, I'm not presuming anything, except that my sex frequency is normal (apparently, based on some responses, it is not). Second, you're making a lot of assumptions too. My fiance and I each have a child - a 4-year-old and a 5-year-old. We own a house that we take care of, we have a big messy pain-in-the-butt dog. We both work full time, often overtime, and he also helps his grandparents run their rental business on the side. We aren't married yet, but we live together and care for our home and our family together. 

To me, it's important to wake up 10 minutes early for a quickie on days when we both know we won't be able to later. To me, it's okay to be a little sleepy in the morning because we stayed up until both kids were definitely asleep. But I think some responders are assuming that because something is important TO ME that I'm implying that it should be/would be/has to be to them. 

People have to remember that this conversation is not one that you (general you) have with friends and family members. I have NO IDEA what is "normal" when it comes to sex frequency. I've read that 3 times per week is the suggested minimum amount when TTC, so 4-6 doesn't sound that far off. So I'm sorry for making it sound like I was accusing people of not doing what I do...or something. I thought I was just normal/average/typical and was TRULY curious as to why people tracked their cycles, because I didn't know it was uncommon to have sex less than 3 times per week (though obviously I get it if your spouse travels for work). 

You DID presume that somehow its impossible in your mind that folks could NOT hump it out as frequently as you. You're wide-eyed exclamation that you don't understand how it is possible is presumption. You have different priorities about quickies etc. some value sleep more than sex in that instance. I know I do. However, you don't see me telling you that you don't take care of yourself because you sacrifice sleep for sex? How could someone possibly sacrifice sleep for sex? Don't they realize that sleep is an important part of taking care of themselves? See?

You could have asked the question simply by saying that you are curious why some choose to BBT temp and/or use OPK. There was absolutely no reason to mention how often you get it on. The same is true about your house etc. No one cares, for real. There is the general feeling that we are all adult with adulty things that we do. For some of us that means that we don't have the energy for sex at the end of the day or in the morning before work, whatever. That doesn't mean that we don't value or relationship or enjoy sex. You said these things like somehow you are better than those that favor sleep or a shower over sex. That's how you communicated, and its obvious that its not just me that read your OP that way and all the responses that follow. You keep saying you aren't judging but you ARE simply by your sentence structure and word choice. The way you are communicating is what is upsetting people.

Me personally, I am not mad or offended. I'm just over here SMH because its obvious you are not versed in looking outside of yourself. That's ok-- are you under 25? Because younger folks have a harder time looking outside of their needs and wants to perceive others' struggles. Its a brain development thing. If you are older than 25 then maybe you are just catching up on social skills or something. That's ok. Its a learning situation for you and its really unnecessary to get all huffy about it.

You said something offended people. Own it and recognize it. Maybe take some time to look at the way you communicate to prevent future social flubs like this. That's just my two cents.

LoveIsOwlYouNeed

@jsassy, can you break out the gif again?

OP, your question was also why temp if you're having sex enough to cover the fertile window, which people also explained--to know when to expect AF and/or test; to know what's going on with their own body. For some it has nothing to do with sex frequency anyway.

And also, what Prim just said.

PrimRoseMama

Also more to the question: since I have long cycles (breast feeding) temping helps me figure out when to expect AF. The timing of sex and increased frequency in the appropriate time is just a perk. Also, FYI, even if you hump it out three times a day every single day of the month you aren't guaranteed a BFP.

juliehollz13

1) People track ovulation to know when to expect their period. If I know when and IF I ovulate I can spare myself a ton of $$$ on pregnancy tests and just buy one or two than 10. 2) The quantity of time that you have sex while TTC does not equal quality. For example, due to conflicting work schedules, DH and I usually "get it on" on the weekends. So great, we can have sex 4-5 times Friday- Sun but If I ovulate on a Wednesday I'm not as likely to conceive due to a) timing and b) potentially reduced sperm count due to having sex TOO often - yes, that CAN be an issue. And also, life gets in the way, if you know your ovulation you can avoid scheduling business trips out of town during fertile week and other things that are not TTC friendly. Last but not least, trying to get pregnant gets a little less fun after a year of BFN's, stress and disappointment creep in and mess with sex drives, or you just feel like you need some space after knowing you HAVE to have sex whether you feel like it or not or you have wasted this cycle. I know you're not trying to be offensive, and I'm sorry for your loss.

FloridaStanley

OP said: "To me, it's important to wake up 10 minutes early for a quickie on days when we both know we won't be able to later. "

I have a relationship with my husband outside of sex, thank you very much. If I'm not going to see him all day I'm not waking up 10 minutes early for a quickie. I might wake up 10 minutes early and have coffee with him and talk. Our relationship isn't based on sex.

kmcc14

PocketFullofShells said:

Then perhaps you should take a moment before you post and consider your audience. You're admitting that that you have a very small worldly scope, so stop and think "am I really asking this the best way possible?".

To be completely honest, I think if you had lurked around this board more, you would have been able to learn about most people's sex lives (and therefore the frequency with which they have sex in the FW) and why they find charting/temping important. I mean, there are daily WTO and TWW threads where people post their charts, and discuss anything going in their life, sometimes even including their sex life.

Also, I'm not sure why the sq footage of your house has anything to do with this conversation? 

Maybe there is a correlation between house square footage and number of months to get KU?  Someone should start a poll.  Then we can see if the months increase or decrease relative to the square footage and everyone can plan their house hunting accordingly.

lalalorelai

kmcc14 said:

PocketFullofShells said:

Also, I'm not sure why the sq footage of your house has anything to do with this conversation? 

Maybe there is a correlation between house square footage and number of months to get KU?  Someone should start a poll.  Then we can see if the months increase or decrease relative to the square footage and everyone can plan their house hunting accordingly.

Sounds like I just figured out my dissertation topic!

izza2

FloridaStanley said:

OP said: "To me, it's important to wake up 10 minutes early for a quickie on days when we both know we won't be able to later. " I have a relationship with my husband outside of sex, thank you very much. If I'm not going to see him all day I'm not waking up 10 minutes early for a quickie. I might wake up 10 minutes early and have coffee with him and talk. Our relationship isn't based on sex.

This. All of this. I just went through this entire thread and read every response to make sure I didn't miss anything, and all I have to say is that, as much as my sex drive is high, I would gladly give up a 10 minute quickie for 10 minutes of intellectual conversation and spending time with my husband outside of sex. Sex is important for some people, sure. I view sex as a very good way to connect with my husband on an extremely intimate level. However, sex is not the most important part of a relationship, and that's what you're coming off as saying, OP. Maybe it's not what you mean to say, but that's what it's coming off as, and interpretation is important on the interweb.

As well, I would highly suggest that, if you're going to try and show that you're "understanding" what everyone else is mentioning -- maybe you shouldn't make it a point to tell us how "busy" your life is (or how big your house is; because that totally changes how busy your life is?), and then tell us how frequently you have sex... again... in just about every response. Just say you understand and end it at that. Otherwise, it's not really understanding. It's just continuing to argue about how frequently you should have sex and how important it is. Which defeats the whole "understanding" aspect.

Just my .02.

ETA: I just have to add; I recently went from a single-wide trailer to a 4 bedroom farmhouse. I am no busier in the 4 bedroom farmhouse that's probably around 3k sq ft than I was in the 1k sq ft trailer. I have a bigger kitchen, and more room for the kid and dog to run... but I'm not busier because of the size of my house. (I'm probably less busy, to be honest, because I have more space to put things and don't need to organize them as often) I absolutely do not see why that was included in your busy schedule description. I still have sex the exact same amount as I did in the trailer. It's just more comfortable now because we got a new bed...
Don't quote me on the exact square foot of my house. I don't base how busy I am on how big or small my house is, so I haven't felt the need to see how big it actually is. I just know it fits my life plans, and that's all that matters.