I never thought I'd be on this forum but here I am.
DH and I had been talking about having children but it never seemed to
be the right time. DH always wanted to wait till we were more settled
(even though we own our own home and such already) and had more savings.
When we got home from traveling for the holidays in January 2015 we had
the "let's have a baby" talk and decided we'd start "trying." I suppose
at the time I thought "trying" just meant you weren't preventing any
longer. August comes and still no BFP so we have the talk about how
maybe we should be more active in our TTC efforts. I ordered a BBT,
some OPKs and all the other items needed to put in a good solid effort.
My beloved grandpa passed on September 10th and DH and I realized the
longer it takes us to have children the more people in our lives that we
love my very well not be around for it. I was so incredibly, and
unexpectedly, frustrated and sad that we hadn't gotten our BFP and we'd
never be able to share the joy and excitement with my grandpa. After
only 2 months of temping, charting and using OPKs we finally got our BFP
on Oct. 16.
I couldn't even believe my eyes when I tested and
saw a positive. I immediately called DH into the room to confirm I
wasn't just seeing what I wanted to see and there was actually a second
line. The line was pretty faint so DH wasn't 100% sure we should be
excited yet although it was clearly positive. A week or so went by and
the line got progressively darker and finally DH accepted it was real
and was excited with me. We immediately started to plan when/how we're
announce to our families. We'd planned to tell his family over
Thanksgiving when they came to visit. We were going to tell my family at
Christmas. It was the earlier we'd be able to see my family since they
live far away and we wanted to tell them in person. We'd started
planning what the nursery would look like and we'd started discussing
This past Thursday, November 5th, I woke up and
noticed my pregnancy symptoms, few as they were, had vanished. All I was
really experiencing was usually bad cramping. I tried to reassure
myself that cramping during the first trimester is normal. Symptoms
taking a "break" is normal. I told myself that the general lack of
symptoms I'd had so far was normal and plenty of women don't have
morning sickness and such and still go on to have healthy babies. By
around 6pm I'd started spotting. It wasn't much and it was brown so I
was cautiously optimistic. I woke up the next morning and I was
"spotting" bright red blood. And it really seemed like too much to be
called "spotting." I called my doctor and was assured spotting/light
bleeding can be perfectly normal and not to worry. By that afternoon I'd
started cramping and the blood had dark clots in it. "They're still
really small clots" I told myself. "I'm not cramping as bad as period
cramps." I reassured myself. This morning I woke up to severe cramping. I
had to go lay down because even sitting in a chair was just too
painful. I was also bleeding a decidedly period-like amount. I took a
nap and hoped I'd wake up to something encouraging. When I woke up I
noticed the cramps had gone away. I was suddenly somewhat hopeful...
until I went to the bathroom. I passed some globs of tissue, with a lot
of blood. I realized that's probably why I'm not cramping anymore. My
body had already done it's job and didn't need to be cramping now.
call my doctor on Monday and see if there is anything I need to do to
"confirm" the miscarriage. Or if there is any needed follow up care. I feel so lost and confused. And heartbroken, so absolutely and completely heartbroken.
Me: 28 Husband: 31
TTC#1: January 2015- September 2016
Infertility, Recurrent Pregnancy Loss
Rainbow baby born June 6, 2017 ❤️
Baby #2 due June 12, 2018