Preparation recommendations from 2nd, 3rd, 4th...time moms

tripledaggerWed95976

Hi! I'm a FTM. The biggest fear/worry I've been having is regarding the week/weeks when I first bring my LO home. I'm terrified of being unprepared, afraid I won't know what to do. I was wondering if anyone had a book recommendation that goes over those first few weeks in detail. (What to do, how to prepare, items that I need...) Thanks!!

Jenly17

Hi! I don't have any book recommendations, but try not to fret. Those mom instincts kick in real quick. Plus you will be at the hospital for at least 2 days after you LO arrives (more for a CS). In my experience, the nurses were my best resource when I was in the hospital. I asked a million questions, and they check on you and baby a ton; sometimes more than you'd like! You will come home with a bunch of reading materials too- i.e.: breastfeeding resources, things to look out for with baby, how to bathe baby...you'll have an immense amount of papers to take home with you. What specifically is on your mind? And maybe I can tell you what my experience was when I brought LO home.

tripledaggerWed95976

I think mostly it's knowing the timing of things... When to feed baby, when to change diapers, how often is baby supposed to sleep, when can the baby be taken out of the house on walks or whatnot... And of course, how do I make sure I don't accidentally kill the baby! Lol.

Bluejay3030

I felt the same way as you with my first! I had never changed a diaper, held a newborn, or even been around many babies.

I read a book called Baby 411. It breaks everything down into sections and goes into a lot of detail about the first weeks/months and how to care for, clean, feed baby. I read through it and tabbed the sections I thought I might need to reference after the baby was born. I found it to be incredibly useful! As with all of parenting, not EVERYTHING they suggest in the book will suit your style, but it's a great tool.

cgg0707

FYI this forum will become really handy when the babies are born. With my first, it was really great because everyone was going through the same and I could see different perspectives!!

kami09

This may seem really random, but after talking to other moms, we came to the realization that a lot of people go through this-- you will wake up in the dead of night thinking you either left baby in bed with you or just a feeling that you can't find the baby. I had this every night for like 3 months. And it was terrifying, but I thought it was weird that no one mentioned this could happen.

On to the not random things... honestly, those first few weeks were feeding, sleeping, changing...Babies sleep A LOT. You'll know what to do! & try not to Google every little thing, or you'll go crazy.

gemini2005

This isn't really helpful but IMO no matter how much you plan and anticipate you are never really prepared! I had read every book, researched tons of websites, and talked to other moms and I was still shocked when I brought my baby home. The feeding, changing and bathing were easy for me but I mostly felt kind of trapped at first. Maybe it's because I was breastfeeding and I couldn't leave him for long since he was so fussy but that was hard for me. Also, there were times when he wouldn't let me set him down so I wasn't able to do anything around the house (or even feed myself). Eventually I bought a sling and it saved my sanity so I guess that would be my only advice. Also, don't get hung up on a schedule in the early months but definitely think about it especially if you will be working. Overall, I would say to just take lots of pictures and enjoy the early days with a newborn- they are priceless! 

Oh- I would probably recommend reading a few sleep books like "The no-cry sleep solution" or something like that just to better understand how babies sleep and what you can do to help them rest. I had no idea babies could fight naps and cause so much stress in a household.

Jenly17

tripledaggerWed95976 said:

I think mostly it's knowing the timing of things... When to feed baby, when to change diapers, how often is baby supposed to sleep, when can the baby be taken out of the house on walks or whatnot... And of course, how do I make sure I don't accidentally kill the baby! Lol.

For me, I was waking my DD up every 2 hours to nurse. It was difficult because she wouldn't cry...she would sleep for days probably if I let her. But in the beginning, you need to make sure they poop, pee and eat. You'll either have a baby that cries when they need something, or a babe like mine that you'll have to wake up to feed and change diapers. As far as leaving the house, It's truly a personal preference. It's when you feel up to it, and when you feel like your LO is ready.

It's sounds so cliché, but parenting is an ongoing learning experience. There's no book that can tell you how it what to do when you're a new mom. You can read every piece of literature and feel super prepared and then your kid is nothing like what you've read! You'll learn a lot just by trial and error. My DD is now 2 and I'm still learning everyday. Try not to worry too much about this stuff now, it'll all come together when your baby is in your arms.

mrstmoose

I'm a FTM as well so I really have no advice but in March/April, I'm going to make a bunch of freezer meals and stock up on toiletries and paper products so we don't run out the first few weeks. I don't like being cooped up in the house but I also don't want to have to make numerous trips to the grocery store. 

lionstigersbears

Agreed with everything already shared! I'd honestly put some energy into preparing to take care of YOU....that isn't as intuitive. A postpartum kit type of thing. Google around there are tons of good ideas and trust me you'll need some TLC and be so glad you got some supplie in advance I swore by tucks pads, earth mama angel baby nipple butter, Epsom salt bath soaks, etc.

MrsPrice519

I'm a STM and I had these exact same fears! Please be assured that baby will lead you. When we got home, I set him down and was like "now what?" Lol. Then he cried and I fed him and changed his diaper (The pampers swaddlers have a line that goes blue when baby peed-so helpful in the beginning!!) and he went back to sleep. He got himself on his own little schedule and I just went with it!

One thing I can personally tell you for certain is if you have a csection, let people help you!!! You will want to do it ALL and if you are like me, not really let anyone help. That is a major surgery and I prolonged my recovery because I was always moving and doing instead of letting my body rest.

Don't stress- as much as it is so hard not to. Baby will help guide you and you will have a ton of support

Jenly17

Yes to what @lionstigersbears said. Also, If my H wasn't home, I'd have my Mom come over (occasionally) in the evening (8pm) to snuggle with LO while I napped for 2 hours before a long night shift of being up with DD. I'm super independent, but I asked for help quite a bit in those first weeks!

Edited to tag

Bltbear82

All great advice - I just followed DS lead and we figured it out, but it does take a little while for you to feel like you've got a groove down and you're confident - just know that it does come, and once you've got it down it will change again, and again! I was determined to be easy going but I found my son put himself on his own schedule and we all did better once we followed his lead and didn't force a schedule that didn't work for us.

I found kellymom to be super helpful for understanding breastfeeding, but definitely use your nurses as resources while still in the hospital.

This bit from kellymom was great https://kellymom.com/hot-topics/newborn-nursing/

BlueJuice

kami09 said:

This may seem really random, but after talking to other moms, we came to the realization that a lot of people go through this-- you will wake up in the dead of night thinking you either left baby in bed with you or just a feeling that you can't find the baby. I had this every night for like 3 months. And it was terrifying, but I thought it was weird that no one mentioned this could happen. 

This is totally true. Also if you happen to manage to leave the house sans baby for an hour, like to run to the grocery store or something, halfway through you will get this panicky 'oh god I had a baby WHERE IS IT did I leave it somewhere' feeling. It is super weird, even though you will probably remember immediately that you left it at home with Dad. Ha.

BlueJuice

For me the weirdest/hardest thing about transitioning into life with a newborn was how simultaneously hard and easy it was. That sounds stupid, but bear with me. Newborns don't have a lot of different needs - they basically eat ever few hours, need diaper changes approximately that frequently, and sleep a great deal. So on the one hand, you (if you are at home with the baby all day every day, which was me) have a lot of free time. On the other hand, this free time all comes in weird little odd-shaped lumps, and nothing is predictable. Finding fifteen reliable minutes to take a shower can be tricky. Finding an hour all together to really concentrate on a project or something similar is all but impossible. And though you will get whole hours (or even several-hour spans) at a time when the baby is sleeping, you never get advanced warning that this is one of those times, so it's impossible to take advantage of it properly. I can't count the number of times I've 'wasted' a three-hour long nap playing around on FB, because I expected the baby to wake up in ten more minutes. Anytime now. I found it very frustrating to not feel very challenged or productive in my days, because although I wasn't finding baby-care difficult, I also wasn't getting much else done with my days.

I eventually got used to this to a degree, and grew more skillful about breaking tasks into bite-sized chunks, and making peace with the fact that whatever I was trying to get done was going to be interrupted a lot. I also found it helpful to find activities that I could do while sitting down on the couch and nursing (or with a just-nursed-to-sleep baby on my lap that I wasn't willing to try to relocate for various reasons), because I ended up spending a lot of time there and it preserved my sanity.

tripledaggerWed95976

Thank you so much ladies! I really enjoyed reading all of the responses, so extremely informative. In such an exciting but extremely terrifying time, it's so amazing so be able to get such amazing advise!!

araecasey

If I could go back and tell myself how to get ready, I would say this:

1. Those freezer meals are great, but like @BlueJuice said, free time comes in sporadic chunks. If said freezer meal takes more than 10 minute's effort to prepare, don't bother. If it can't be eaten with one hand, don't bother. Plan for lots of healthy take out, and whatever you do, NEVER turn down an offer for a free meal from friends and family.

2. Accept all offers to help around the house. Even the ones that seem insincere. Even if you're embarrassed to have people do your dishes, or mow your yard, or fold your laundry. If someone offers, you say yes.

3. Buy the following ahead of time: nipple cream if you plan to nurse, ice pads (or make DIY padsicles), preparation h, colace, Epsom salt, low-alcohol witch hazel, lavender oil, newborn and size 1 diapers if you plan to use disposable. Also a good idea to stock up on ibu proven if you're running low. And a long phone charger.

4. Attend a la Leche league meeting or two or three before you deliver. Make friends with other gals who breastfeed, watch how they feed their babies. Mammals learn to breastfeed by watching others breastfeed. And then if you need support immediately postpartum, you have lots of pros to call on for immediate and free help. Have kellymom.com on hand as a reference and guide too.

5. Read The No Cry Sleep Solution. Read up on the Wonder Weeks. Read up on the 5 S's.

And my advice for anyone unfamiliar with baby care: check to see if your hospital offers a newborn care class. The ones in my area will teach you about newborn habits, schedules, diapering, bathing, etc.

araecasey

Ah, forgot an important one. Arrange to borrow a few different baby carriers in the beginning. What works wonders for one mom and baby may be a total disaster for another. I hated the Moby wrap, but loved a ring sling. My best friend is the opposite. Borrow from friends or from your local Babywearing International chapter, and then pick your favorite from those to buy.

kami09

araecasey said:

Ah, forgot an important one. Arrange to borrow a few different baby carriers in the beginning. What works wonders for one mom and baby may be a total disaster for another. I hated the Moby wrap, but loved a ring sling. My best friend is the opposite. Borrow from friends or from your local Babywearing International chapter, and then pick your favorite from those to buy.

Yes! Borrow! I unfortunately have FIVE different wraps at my house and he never actually liked being worn. Would've been nice to save the money.

13Mommy16

kami09 said:

This may seem really random, but after talking to other moms, we came to the realization that a lot of people go through this-- you will wake up in the dead of night thinking you either left baby in bed with you or just a feeling that you can't find the baby. I had this every night for like 3 months. And it was terrifying, but I thought it was weird that no one mentioned this could happen.

On to the not random things... honestly, those first few weeks were feeding, sleeping, changing...Babies sleep A LOT. You'll know what to do! & try not to Google every little thing, or you'll go crazy.

I wome up frantic with my son all the time but i think that was linked to his heart stopping during delivery he's 100% now thank God. But from my experience i brest fed so i was up every 2 hours and try to sleep when LO sleeps. You will be a ok i promise that no book is going to tell you how fast your motherly instinct kicks in.

Scottwswife

Best advice I had was "ask for help". I had my mom stay with us on day 2 home when hubby had to go to work (long story, but sum up baby was early and he had to finish stuff before paternity leave started a few days later ). Also, go to the breastfeeding support group. Even if your boobs don't work. And find the Babywearing international chapter in your area. Try all the carriers in their library.

yogahh

I started a similar post a while back. Thought I would link it here so you can read through if there is different advise given between the 2 threads.

https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12627504/non-ftms-advice-suggestions-for-us-first-timers

doozer1345

The first time we bought every book you could think of. Once we brought DD home (as in the first day) the books advice went out the window in the first 5 min. We quickly decided to do it our way and do what worked for us. I am big in skin to skin contact so unless we were going somewhere, DD wore a diaper and a blanket while either laying on DH's chest or mine. We didn't co sleep but weren't against it either. However, DD slept in our room for the first 7-8 months. First in her swing and then in her pack n play. My opinion or advice is to loosely plan the basics to start out and then adjust after LO comes. Plan for things like placing diapers (wipes etc) like by your bedside or in your common area like your living room, extra sleepers (clothes) for easy access, 2 places for LO to sleep (your room, nursery, etc), a couple of different things LO can hang out in like a bassinet, bouncer, pack n play, and different places to put those things. I know it's all very very overwhelming but believe it or not it will become easier once you figure out what works for you and your family.