May 2016 Moms
yogahh
member
Options
Non FTMs.. Advice/suggestions for us first timers?
yogahh
member
I would love to hear what those with two, three, four kids already have to tell us newbies about handling pregnancy, birth, etc.
suggestions, tips, advise, real stories? I think it would be good for us that might have concerns about everything to hear from those that have been through this before!
suggestions, tips, advise, real stories? I think it would be good for us that might have concerns about everything to hear from those that have been through this before!
Re: Non FTMs.. Advice/suggestions for us first timers?
1. Keep a pregnancy journal. You may think it sounds dumb, but I love looking back, especially in first kicks etc. And take pictures of yourself. You may feel like a giant cow (I did!) but there is something cool about looking back at pictures when your baby was literally a part of you.
2. Don't get too caught up in a specific birth plan. Yes, certain experiences would be nice, but the end result is a healthy baby and mama. There are many paths to that, even if you forget your dolphin sounds or focus object.
3. Do as much as you can when you can. You never know if the baby will come early, you are put on bedrest, whatever. So don't put off setting up the nursery or making a registry. Do it when you feel it is right, even if it isn't "by the book" because you just never know.
4. Make sure someone is home with you for at least the first week. MH couldn't take time from work so my little sister lived with us for a week and it made all the difference in the world! You will try to power through and refuse help, but find at least one person you can be totally vulnerable and needy with. It is a mind warp to suddenly have this tiny human so dependant on you when you still feel like you need to be taken care of.
5. Remember to eat after the baby is born. Sounds dumb, but seriously. Eat something!
6. If people start knocking on your door to see the baby, feel free to turn them away...especially if they don't come baring food.
7. Make time with your SO. Pregnancy and early motherhood can be isolating for both you and your SO and the stress of all-nighters and feedings can drive a wedge between you. Even if it is just watching Netflix or playing a video game together when the baby is asleep...do it!
8. If you want to breastfeed, don't let anyone get you down! It is very very hard and you will need support and encouragement. If someone is not supportive, cut them out. You have no time for haters! But don't beat yourself up if it just doesn't work out. That happens and it doesn't make you less of a mom or a woman.
Don't bother with a detailed birth plan. Yes, have an idea of what you'd like your experience to be, but realize you ultimately have no control over what happens. Baby will arrive on their own schedule and in their own way. Go with it.
Breastfeeding for some people is hard. Like, really really hard. And exhausting, and emotional. It's ok if it doesn't work for you. Like labor and delivery, a lot of it is out of your hands. Formula feeding is not the end of the world. Your goal is to have a happy, thriving baby...no matter what.
And if you're the person visiting new parents....bring food and/or offer to clean their house!
If you feel like your emotions are out of control and you might be headed towards PTSD don't be ashamed to tell your doctor.
say
Before I got pregnant with DS I was on this total health binge. I lost a little over 40lbs and was feeling great!! When I found out I was pregnant I was excited but felt that all my hard work losing weight was for nothing. I was so scared to gain the weight back and freaked out every time I gained a pound. About half way through my first pregnancy I realized it didn't matter how much I weighed as long as I had a healthy baby in the end.
Take lots of bump pictures! At the end of my pregnancy I didn't have a lot from the beginning and I wished I did.
People will say that you look great and you don't even look pregnant. Or maybe you're baby is just small, that's why you don't have a bump yet. My coworker said this to me all the time and I was literally only 15-20 weeks pregnant. Ignore them!
I also would warn about not having the perfect birth plan because your baby is going to come how it wants to come. I had in my head that me and DH would get to the hospital, I'd get settled in my room and labor would be a piece of cake. Well DS had his own plan. At 35ish weeks the check to see if the baby is in the birthing position. Something like 90% of the time the baby is in this position and they don't move. Well DS was breech. So for the next 6 weeks we went in every week to insure he was head down. Each week he would be in a different position. Finally the Ob said at 38 weeks if he's breech we are doing a csection or we will try to turn the baby. We went in for our 38 week appointment and he was head down, I was so relieved. The weeks went by slowly and DS didn't come and didn't come. At my last Ob appointment at 41 weeks, the Ob checked to make sure he's still in position, which he was. The next morning at 2 am my water finally broke! I was so happy that finally there was some progress and it was natural. After I eat my breakfast and taking a shower, me and DH got to the hospital. The nurses are asking why we didn't rush to the hospital after my water broke and all I could think was I needed a shower and I was starving LOL.Anyway, the water breaking has to be the grossest thing ever. My broke continued to leak from 2am until birth. Prepare yourself for that because I wasn't LOL. So they get me in the hospital gown and lay me in bed. They start getting IVs going and telling me what will happen. One of the nurses then attempts to hook up the baby to the heart monitor, but she can't find his heart beat. Right then I knew he was breech. The day after my Ob appointment I had the worst stomach pains and I thought I felt him move but kept reassuring myself that it's unlikely because they don't have that much room anymore. So the other nurses tries to find his heart beat and she puts it up higher and there it was, towards my rib cage. The nurse tells me that this means I'll need an emergency csection since my water broke already. The nurse said they'd page the Ob and have him confirm. Literally 25 minutes later I was in the OR having a csection. This experience definitely taught me that I don't and can't have control over everything and that its okay.
If you have a csection, my advice is to get up and walk as soon as possible. The more I laid in bed the more pain I was in. So walk!!
In the hospital, I asked to be on the protected list. I work as a mental health caseworker and knew my consumers were going to attempt to find me. This gave me peace of mind that know one but those I told could talk to me or visit.
Have everything ready at home for when you get home from the hospital. We had everything for the baby but nothing for us. Trust me you will not feel like cooking or doing dishes. Make meals ahead of time!
Ask for help and if people offer to help take it!! After I had DS it was a huge adjustment going from taking care of just myself to now this little baby. When do you find time to shower, cook, clean, do dishes, walk the dogs, pay bills.. The list goes on. Take the help!
Take lots of pictures and enjoy! They don't stay little for long!!!
Lastly, don't freak out over the little things. Your baby may cough, have a fever, get a diaper rash. It'll be okay.
Also, 1. If you have the storage space, make lots of freezer meals.
2. Be kind to your body during pregnancy. If you feel tired sooner than you normally would, don't get frustrated. Your strength is still there, it's that your body is taking energy and nutrients to make a new person!
3. Not only can breastfeeding be hard for some mothers and/or babies, but it can take time to get the hang of. DS had a sleepy latch-- he would latch fine, drink a tiny bit, and fall asleep. I had to do hybrid pumping and breastfeeding the first month until he got better about staying awake for feedings. We tried different positions, timings, stripping him down to eat--all sorts of things. Ultimately, he just needed time and persistence. He has been BF for 17+ months now, after many people told me to just give up during month 1.
4. Think about crib placement if you have options. Try to keep it off of noisy walls (ie: plumbing) and not in front of an air register-- sudden cold or hot will wake baby up.
5. Hormones after birth are no joke-- also when weaning if you try to do it too quickly. Be prepared for some mood swings or dips in mood. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it's common.
6. If you end up with a csection, prepare to feel like you have no ab muscles at first. It gets better though. Also, the first time I ran after surgery, I felt like everything was going to fall out of my body through my vagina. My friends with vaginal births said they felt the same way. I think it's the muscles and organs moving back into place...and being a little more...maleable...for a bit. That will get better too.
Eta: you're going to hear a lot of crying at first-- it's all baby has to communicate-- don't freak out and don't feel like a bad mom. Have patience. You'll get to know which cries mean what, and soon enough baby will start making other sounds to clue you in on what he/she wants and needs before the crying starts.
Last one, I promise: if your water breaks, put on a diaper. I tried a pad at first and it was soaked in a minute. And don't be surprised if it has an odor. I swear mine smelled like cake batter.
I agree with everything PP said, ESPECIALLY the birth plan! I had my birth planned out exactly how I wanted it to be. I didn't want to be induced, I didn't want an epidural, I didn't want to have to lay in a bed my whole labor, I wanted to breastfeed immediately after she was born. That plan was turned upside down!
I was admitted to the high risk unit at 36 weeks due to pre-e and was kept on 24/7 monitoring until I reached 37 weeks. I had 2 monitors on my stomach at all times and a BP cuff that took my BP every 30 minutes...for a week. I wasn't allowed to shower, I could only get up to pee.
My doctor decided to induce at 37 weeks (which contrary to some beliefs is not full-term). The pitocin was the devil and caused me to have over-lapping contractions. One was starting before the last one ended. I went 14 hours dilated to 1 cm when I finally decided to get the epidural. Shortly after I had the epidural I told the nurse I felt like I was going to pass out, so she checked my BP which had dropped to 70/40 and DD's heart rate was <60. So that was terribly scary! The wonderful nurses got everything fixed quickly though.
17 1/2 hours and I finally reached 2 cm. Dr said he would break my water and come back in 2 hours, if I hadn't dilated more I would then be prepped for a CS. 30 minutes go by and I'm in the worst pain of my life. I kept telling the nurse I was feeling pressure but she kept blowing me off. The doctor finally comes back 2 hours later to check my progression and finds that my daughter was almost crowning! Stupid nurse.
DD then flat-out refused to BF. The LC thought it was because she was "late pre-term" and advised me to not give her formula no matter what. After 36 hours of her not eating I gave in and fed her a bottle. I then pumped for 2 months after she was born but couldn't keep up and had to stop. She never once latched on.
Even though not a single thing from my birth planned happened, the end result was a happy, healthy baby and a happy, healthy mom. That's all that matters now! Although I still get upset sometimes that I was never able to BF.
One thing I wished someone had warned me about was after the birth. It could've been because I had so many fluids pumped into me, but the first time I stood up after I had DD it looked like a frickin' murder scene. Blood everywhere. I thought I was dying and freaked out.
And one more thing. As a mother you're going to cry. A lot. You'll cry because your happy, sad, frustrated, tired. Just accept it and own it. Motherhood makes you cry.
Be open to sleeping arrangements. I know the big thing is SIDS and yea it's real but especially the first 2 weeks I put baby wherever she would sleep. On me, on the sofa, in the swing, in the car seat, swaddled, on their belly, in a positioner, in a bouncy seat. Bassinet NEVER worked for us. But then after 1 month I put her in her crib. And bc of reflux and stomach issues it was best for us to have her sleep on her stomach. I would recommend it and I'll do it with my next kid.
If baby is constipated juice is perfectly ok no mater what age. My ped and GI recommended it instead of medicating
2. Don't stress about breastfeeding. First, Stress can effect your milk flow. Second, know you are not a failure if you aren't able to breastfeed as long or at all. My milk dried up at 4 months. I felt like I failed my daughter and I'd never be able to bond with her as well. That was all lies I was telling myself. Make sure to do your research though.
3. You're body will never be the same. BUT it's the best reason in the world it won't be. You will obtain that understanding once LO is here.
4. Keep hand me downs. I was very lucky and got tons of hand me downs. After my shower I went through everything I got and if I had multiples of things I already had from my hand me down pile I would take it back to the store. Long story short, I ended up with $400 to Target and $300 to Walmart which came in handy once LO gets here.
5. Make freezer meals. OMG they saved my behind (and DHs) for the first 2 months. It really is extremely worth it.
6. If you can, do maternity pics. They are so fun. I put some on the wall in my hallway and anytime DD goes down the hallway we have to name everyone in the photos including her in mommys belly which to me is so special.
7. With DD I was told to get a bassinet, swing, and bouncer. The reason was bc you don't know until LO gets here what they will actually want to sleep in. DD loved the swing, hated the bouncer, and would scream if we changed her in anything but the bassinet. Also, I still have all three just in case for this one now too.
8. Skin to skin contact was incredible with DD. DH made fun of me when I told him I'd plan to do it but ended up participating in it as well. We didn't have DD in clothes (unless we went out which wasn't to often for the first few months) until I went back to work. It gives you a bond with LO that is just amazing (I use amazing and incredible bc I can't think of actual words to describe how fulfilling it was to do these things).
9. Pack in play is what DD ended up sleeping in in our room around 4 months or so. I'm not putting the crib back together for this one bc I'm just using the pack n play for this one to sleep in. Portable and easy.
10. If you get a c section A. it's not as bad as what you read. B. get up and walk asap. I got up and walked 6-8 hours after my c section. Apparently, at night in the hospital was the time to be out and about. The other mommys would make their rounds nightly about 3am or so. I bounced back quickly at about 3 weeks or so post c section.
11. Take advantage of naps before and after (if you're able). Yes, you're going to be exhausted BUT until you've been there it's hard to explain how much you'll love it at the same time.
12. Go get massages, pedicures, and manicures as much as you can during your pregnancy.
13. Get DH his own daddy books. They relate more to the weird way their brains work. DH was a MASTER swaddler when DD got here. He had to teach me!
14. In the 3rd trimester: Headache? Drink water. Cramping? Drink water. Tired? Drink water. Any ailment? Drink water. Just do it. It really works wonders.
15. Read to your belly. DH read the Auburn vs Alabama rivalry history book to DD (we're Auburn fans). I sang to DD while she was in my belly. To this day I can put her to sleep by singing and DH can put her to sleep by reading to her.
16. White noise machines are amazing for colic or sleeplessness. Colic Calm. If I ever meet the creator of this stuff I will kiss them on the mouth! It's all natural and trumps gas drops, gripe water, etc. Also cures hiccups, acid reflux, and upset tummy. We use the toddler kind for DD now and it's still amazing.
My advice worked for me (refer to #1). This is YOUR baby. You'll figure out your own way together and that's perfectly fine.
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
DS: 9/18/12 - 40w5d // DD: 05/17/16 - 40w
And I didn't but supposedly it's normal to poo on the table. Anyone actually do this?
DS: 9/18/12 - 40w5d // DD: 05/17/16 - 40w
Haha. I remember at one point the nurses covered me with a towel or blanket and I threw it across the room and yelled "nows no time for dignity!"
They ordered it when I was at a 5. I was a freaking 9 before they administered it because I progressed so quickly (like 45 mins). Transition was my own personal hell. Thank god the epi kicked in before pushing. I didn't feel a thing (as far as pain) and had a about 30 minutes to finally relax and catch my breathe before pushing.
I'd also add to try to enjoy something about your pregnancy. Some people have magical unicorn pregnancies and some people hate their lives for nine months. If you're in a queasy/pukey/pain-filled stage right now, keep pushing through. If it doesn't end at the end of the first trimester like the books say it will, maybe it'll end partway through your second. And maybe it won't. Rest assured that sometime in or around May it WILL end because you're going to have a beautiful baby boy or girl and morning sickness and cramps and pains and all of that will be a thing of the past.
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
2. Even though it can feel like it, you aren't the first person to have a baby. People are happy for you, but they aren't going to be as excited as you are. That's ok.
3. You are no longer in control. The baby is. Learn to surrender now. Babies have their own plan regarding pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, sleep, etc.
It's OK if you don't feel attached/bonded to your baby immediately after birth. If you do, awesome! If not, give it time. It will happen.
Edited for clarity.
Trust your instincts for labor, for the few few weeks, and for the rest of your mommy days. It is your best weapon, and most of the time it is right. Don't doubt yourself, which is so easy to do as a new mom. Just stick to your guns, and don't let others make you feel like your opinion is wrong or unacceptable.
Breastfeeding sucks. It hurts. And it's amazing all at the same time. There's a balance between giving something an actual try, and driving yourself batty over something that is just not working. Please know that how you feed your baby doesn't really matter in the end. Do what you can do. A healthy, happy child is all that matters in the end.
Don't get sucked into Mommy Wars. Moms need other mom's support, not judgement.
Also, your birth plan might go out the window but just remember the end goal is to get your baby out safely.
Trust your instincts and listen to your body. I was so worried I wouldn't know when I was in labor (hilarious in hindsight, because you definitely know). I also thought I wouldn't know what to do during active labor but your body just figures it out. I found the idea of labor far more terrifying than what actually happened, so if you're like-minded don't watch any labor videos!
And last - when it's 3am and you're exhausted don't hold a grudge. It's important to be on the same team as your spouse because parenthood can be exhausting and scary, but raising a child together can bring you even closer than you ever imagined.
Remember my name, I will advocate for anyone who experienced this. I was put off for 7 months before I finally got to see a doctor and was put on Zoloft. Within a few weeks I actually began to feel normal again and only needed to be on it a couple of months to re find my emotional equalibrium.
Don't be afraid to ask for help.
I agree - flexibility is key. It's good - and recommended - to 'study up' but in the end sometimes things work out differently than how you thought they might!
LOL when I was getting my epidural they had me lean up against DH. I wasn't too worried about what was going on back there until DH yelled "WHOA!!!" He was completely caught off-guard by the size of the needle and totally freaked me out!
Yea I knew I didn't want dh to do that. I just wanted some stone faced pro to hold me steady. So I quickly said "o I think the nurse has to hold me cuz it's sterile or something"
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
-I didn't really have a birth plan and that was fine for me. I just rolled with the punches. I also truly hated my childbirth classes. Their method of "relaxing" just made me annoyed or giggle-y. I don't fit any of the molds for child birth or parenting and that is totally okay.
-Don't feel like you have to love every moment of your pregnancy or of parenting. Some of the worse advice that gets given all the time is to "enjoy it now, they grow up so fast." Yes, enjoy your baby/child but it's okay to be super annoyed at a bad day or need a break. You do not have to enjoy it all. It's okay to really dislike certain stages.
-Life does not have to revolve around your baby. In fact, it shouldn't. Yes, those first few weeks will have to as everyone adjusts. But there will be life after your child. Don't lose your sense of self. Don't feel like you can't go on trips, do the things you enjoy, etc. just because you have a baby/child. Babies are fairly portable. For us, having a baby didn't slow us down hardly at all. We do lumberjack competitions and the summer our DD was a baby, we did 19 competitions instead of the normal 12-16, 6 of which I helped run/organize. Now at 3, my daughter knows no different and loves going to competitions. She is super well behaved and knows what's safe/what isn't because she has grown up that way.
-Don't forget to focus on your marriage/relationship. Yes, baby is going to need a lot of focus for awhile, but your marriage should be first and foremost. Take time to connect a little every day, even if it is just a 10 minute snuggle on the couch or some texting throughout the day.
Again, most everything I just said comes down to.....do what works for you.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016