@oceanchild Thank you so much for posting that article. I think the term "Breastsleeping" is awkward, but once I read the article it made much more sense why they chose it. A few excerpts from the article that I think are important to point out:
"Bedsharing in conjunction with breastfeeding has many documented benefits both to infants and mothers alike, which explains why after a decade of intense efforts to eradicate it, the number of families bedsharing has not declined but has at least doubled across almost all sub-groups. “Safe to Sleep” campaigns are proving to be anything but altogether “safe,” insofar as part of its program is to deny new parents leaving hospitals access to safe bedsharing guidelines, should they choose to bedshare.
...
McKenna and Gettler point out that over many years, behavioral and physiological studies document how breastsleeping mothers exhibit impressive behavioral sensitivities to their infants’ presence and behavior even while in deeper stages of sleep. Further justification for exempting breastfeeding mothers from the “no bedsharing” mantra is provided by a new, comprehensive British study of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome) and SUID (sudden unexpected infant death). Unlike other epidemiological studies, this one includes critical, often missing data on breastfeeding, and drug and alcohol use in the context of bedsharing. It shows that in the absence of these and other hazardous factors, bed-sharing is not a significant risk factor for SIDS, and after three months of age, bedsharing may well be protective.
Of course, breastfeeding alone is known to be protective of SIDS, but when combined with bedsharing, a more natural and safer sleep pattern in infants is facilitated that is characterized by lighter sleep with more arousals and more breastfeeds per night. All of this augments the protective effects of breastfeeding as protection is dose-specific — that is, the more the breastmilk, the better. Breastsleeping also potentially adds protection by helping infants to avoid the often dangerous, deeper sleep associated with formula feeding and solitary infant sleep.
The problem has been that the AAP has always considered bedsharing to carry one, singular, immodifiable, uniform high risk, regardless of feeding method and the overall circumstances by which it is practiced — an assumption scientifically unsupportable."
I am often surprised by the negative, even hostile attitudes that some people have towards bed sharing, and I think this sort of research will help clear up any misconceptions that people might have about safe cosleeping habits. To me, breastfeeding and bedspring just go hand in hand and I can't imagine having to do frequent night time feedings with my baby in another room. I'd never sleep! Especially during the cluster feeding stages!!
I also think that intentionally bed sharing (coupled with breastfeeding) is MUCH safer and preferable to the bedspring that occurs as a desperate reaction to sleep deprivation. As the article points out, this can lead to extremely unsafe practices like falling asleep in an armchair or sofa with baby in arms, situations where suffocation and smothering are much more likely to occur.
Maybe it's just me but I feel like this whole article is sort of shaming women that don't do the whole "co-sleeping" "breastsleeping" methods. I personally think that our (my husband and I) bed is our personal space. Just the same as each of my children's beds are their personal space. Also, while I love the ability to breastfeed, I don't want a child attached to my nipple all night. I know newborns go through some very erratic feeding cycles during the beginning but I personally prefer to get them into more of a schedule as they get a little older. I think waking periodically at night and not getting as much sleep as you'd like comes with being a parent so I'll happily get out of my bed, get my baby out of his/her bed, change and feed them and put them back in their space while I go back to mine. I'll add that if one of my children has a bad dream or is sick my husband or I will absolutely console and lay with them if they want or need it but like I said, everyone needs their own space. Not to be rude but I've always wondered how the families that do co-sleep keep any kind of intimacy with their spouse. I'm not comfortable at all with having children in my bed while my husband and I are trying to have sex or do anything intimate. Yes, I know there are other places in a home to do those things but then why have a bed for you and your spouse?
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
I'm sorry that you took the article as shaming towards women who don't breastfeed and co-sleep, but I actually think it's quite the opposite.
The whole "Safe to Sleep" movement has caused a lot of people to unnecessarily vilify cosleeping/bed-sharing and those who safely practice it. I think that research covering the particulars of safe bed-sharing is essential for those who choose to do so, and making that information readily available is far more productive than simply telling everyone to place baby in a separate sleeping surface.
Clearly, bedspring is still going to happen, and as the research shows, it can be done safely. If you choose to breastfeed and get up multiple times a night to do so--and are happy with that arrangement, then good on you! If you choose to put your baby on a schedule and only nurse at specific times, and that's working for you Go for it! But for those of us who nurse on demand, bed haring is a lifesaver (and a sleep-saver!)
If any subgroup might feel shamed by this research, I think it would be the people who choose to bedshare without breastfeeding. But if you choose not to bedshare, then this information really isn't even relevant to your situation. Nothing shameful about that.
(As for the intimacy part, DH and I obviously have no problem with intimacy, as we're on baby number 3. We also have a guest bed, and a couch, and many other places for intimacy. Our children aren't always in the bed, just when we're all sleeping.)
I do not plan to cosleep, simply because my bed has always been my sanctuary. We don't even plan on having a bassinet or anything in the bedroom, but thankfully baby's room is right next door. I'd rather function on a little less sleep than give up the only space in the home that I feel like is mine (and DH's, too I guess lol).
My overall opinion is just to do whatever works for you (as long as it's safe) !!
I do not plan to cosleep, simply because my bed has always been my sanctuary. We don't even plan on having a bassinet or anything in the bedroom, but thankfully baby's room is right next door. I'd rather function on a little less sleep than give up the only space in the home that I feel like is mine (and DH's, too I guess lol).
My overall opinion is just to do whatever works for you (as long as it's safe) !!
This is exactly how I feel about it. We were never allowed in my parent's room growing up, so cosleeping sounds like an alien concept to me
Absolutely no co-sleeping here. I never caved with my first and I am not about to start it this time around. There have been so many stories lately about co-sleeping related deaths that I am not even willing to take that risk, even if that means losing a few hours of sleep every night. With my son, we kept a bassinet in our room for the first month and then moved him into the nursery. I plan on doing the same with this little one.
I do not plan to cosleep, simply because my bed has always been my sanctuary. We don't even plan on having a bassinet or anything in the bedroom, but thankfully baby's room is right next door. I'd rather function on a little less sleep than give up the only space in the home that I feel like is mine (and DH's, too I guess lol).
My overall opinion is just to do whatever works for you (as long as it's safe) !!
This is exactly how I feel about it. We were never allowed in my parent's room growing up, so cosleeping sounds like an alien concept to me
This too lol. My mom's room was always "her" space. My husband grew up like this too and will still knock on his parent's bedroom door.
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
I prefer babies (and kids) to sleep in their own room. I say "prefer" because DD (17 months) has been sleeping in our bed for the last two months. We just got too tired and gave up that fight. She started out in a playpen by our bed the first 2 months and we transitioned her to her crib in her own room. Vacation and illness, along with exhaustion from parenthood and pregnancy, got us where we are now.
I think of cosleeping and bed sharing as two different things. I never planned on bed sharing with my first born, but at around 9 months that was the way I could get sleep as I'm not comfortable with CIO. Up until that point she was sleeping in a RNP in our room. She is now 3 and still sleeps with us. It was not my plan, but it works. We are hoping to transfer her to her own bed before this baby arrives.
For this next child, I plan to cosleep (not bed share) again in the beginning. I would like to try a flat surface like a pack and play or cosleeper to make the transition to the crib easier. Never say never, this one may end up in our bed too, but it likely won't be until they're older as sleeping with a really little baby would make me nervous.
Like many other things I think each family should do what is right for them.
kynbar5 said:
I do not plan to cosleep, simply because my bed has always been my sanctuary. We don't even plan on having a bassinet or anything in the bedroom, but thankfully baby's room is right next door. I'd rather function on a little less sleep than give up the only space in the home that I feel like is mine (and DH's, too I guess lol). My overall opinion is just to do whatever works for you (as long as it's safe) !!
This is exactly how I feel about it. We were never allowed in my parent's room growing up, so cosleeping sounds like an alien concept to me
This too lol. My mom's room was always "her" space. My husband grew up like this too and will still knock on his parent's bedroom door. **************************************************************************************
I would (and do) too! I think it's right to have a private space (for everyone, even the youngest members of the family) and for everyone to respect that as their space. We were only allowed to get in with my Mom and Dad if we had a really bad dream or were feeling ill (so in very rare circumstances). However, my parents actually encouraged us to go to one another if we were scared or wanted company. My brother had a trundle bed and since I was scared of the dark he'd invite me into his room, roll the trundle bed out, and sing me to sleep. Clearly my Mom knew I was going in there all the time because the bed was always made. It actually really strengthened our bond as siblings, while still providing a private adult place for my parents. I should note that he was my younger brother and I'm still totally scared of the dark.
@kynbar with all my love, I have to respectfully disagree with you. But still, I understand that the article made you feel the way you did, and I'm sorry that it does take a tone of superiority about it. Not meaning to invalidate your feelings. But I don't think the intention of the authors was to shame either. (At least I hope not!) I have absolutely been shamed for bedsharing with my babies, told that they'd "never be able to sleep on their own" and I was "going to cause psychological damage," and that I was choosing to do something "so risky" and I'd "feel so guilty when something happens to them." I'm so happy when I see articles promoting safe bedsharing, so that people know that it can be an option (instead of ending up passing out in a recliner/glider in a less than safe situation). I know it's not the ideal solution for every family, but it works beautifully for us. I have suffered from sleep problems my entire life, and whereas some people are able to go feed their babies and return to bed without issue, even in my most sleep-deprived state of exhaustion, I'll lie in bed awake once I have to get up (which is why peeing all night long during pregnancy is extra for me). And husband and I are totally boring - we don't DTD anywhere but our bed (and usually it's at night, not crazy times of day), but never ever with a baby in the bed - neither of us would be comfortable with that - and we have no problem finding time for intimacy. Whether the baby is asleep in the swing or bassinet while we slip away, or still up playing in the next room … we just come back and get the baby after I actually had strong (and embarrassingly judge-y) feelings against cosleeping before I had babies, and probably said (or at least thought) one of the things that have been said to me to a sweet friend – "ew, you'll never get them out of your bed! That space is for you and your husband! I'll never do that!" I have since apologized to her (we had a giant laugh about it all). Never say never indeed!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
@cmerribury lol I'm still scared of the dark and I'm so not afraid to admit it. I used to climb into the bottom bunk of my big brother's bed when I was scared. My mom only knew because she'd hear me running down the hallway. In my defense I was only running because the hall was always so dang dark!
@oceanchild I understand what you're saying, I really do. I've known/know people that co-sleep or bedshare (and I'd never make a rude remark about it) and I don't blame them one bit but like we've all pretty much said is "to each their own".
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
@cmerribury -also afraid of the dark @kynbar5 a story just came thru my feed of the family of 7 that all cosleep (kids aged 1-11) with the parents and their incredible family bedroom set-up; I don't think we will go to that extreme haha! Love you ladies.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama
to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
*no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
but i still feel bigger on the inside Autism mama!
@cmerribury -also afraid of the dark @kynbar5 a story just came thru my feed of the family of 7 that all cosleep (kids aged 1-11) with the parents and their incredible family bedroom set-up; I don't think we will go to that extreme haha! Love you ladies.
I sent that to my mom for a reaction and she said they live like animals... It kind of reminded me of the part in Where the Wild Things Are when they all talk about sleeping in a pile...
@cmerribury -also afraid of the dark @kynbar5 a story just came thru my feed of the family of 7 that all cosleep (kids aged 1-11) with the parents and their incredible family bedroom set-up; I don't think we will go to that extreme haha! Love you ladies.
My only response for this was "whoa" and that still doesn't have to be classified as mean because it's all in how you read it lol. I could be shocked, in awe, stunned, horrified, etc.
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
I was planning on having a bassinet in my room. But then a thought crept in to my head. My husband do to his work uses our bed only like 4 nights a month. I don't like sleeping alone. I would prefer Co sleeping with baby on the nights that husband is not home. But then again opinions might change. Husband might have an influence in certain direction. Baby might have a certain preference. So time will tell.
I will be co-sleeping with this baby like we did with the other 4. It's really a personal choice but totally understand where dangers come in to play. I have co-sleeping down and can't sleep well without the baby. Then again my husband says everything about the way I sleep changes when I have the baby, he jokes that I sleep stiff as a board with my arms protecting the baby from anything. I would not do it if I didn't feel confident, but I won't let my husband fall asleep with the baby or anyone else. There's has been the occasional bottle in the baby's ear when they are over 6 months, lol. Oopsy.
Re: Will you co sleep with your newborn?
I do not plan to cosleep, simply because my bed has always been my sanctuary. We don't even plan on having a bassinet or anything in the bedroom, but thankfully baby's room is right next door. I'd rather function on a little less sleep than give up the only space in the home that I feel like is mine (and DH's, too I guess lol).
My overall opinion is just to do whatever works for you (as long as it's safe) !!
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
I would (and do) too! I think it's right to have a private space (for everyone, even the youngest members of the family) and for everyone to respect that as their space. We were only allowed to get in with my Mom and Dad if we had a really bad dream or were feeling ill (so in very rare circumstances). However, my parents actually encouraged us to go to one another if we were scared or wanted company. My brother had a trundle bed and since I was scared of the dark he'd invite me into his room, roll the trundle bed out, and sing me to sleep. Clearly my Mom knew I was going in there all the time because the bed was always made. It actually really strengthened our bond as siblings, while still providing a private adult place for my parents. I should note that he was my younger brother and I'm still totally scared of the dark.
I have absolutely been shamed for bedsharing with my babies, told that they'd "never be able to sleep on their own" and I was "going to cause psychological damage," and that I was choosing to do something "so risky" and I'd "feel so guilty when something happens to them." I'm so happy when I see articles promoting safe bedsharing, so that people know that it can be an option (instead of ending up passing out in a recliner/glider in a less than safe situation).
I know it's not the ideal solution for every family, but it works beautifully for us. I have suffered from sleep problems my entire life, and whereas some people are able to go feed their babies and return to bed without issue, even in my most sleep-deprived state of exhaustion, I'll lie in bed awake once I have to get up (which is why peeing all night long during pregnancy is extra for me).
And husband and I are totally boring - we don't DTD anywhere but our bed (and usually it's at night, not crazy times of day), but never ever with a baby in the bed - neither of us would be comfortable with that - and we have no problem finding time for intimacy. Whether the baby is asleep in the swing or bassinet while we slip away, or still up playing in the next room … we just come back and get the baby after
I actually had strong (and embarrassingly judge-y) feelings against cosleeping before I had babies, and probably said (or at least thought) one of the things that have been said to me to a sweet friend – "ew, you'll never get them out of your bed! That space is for you and your husband! I'll never do that!" I have since apologized to her (we had a giant laugh about it all). Never say never indeed!
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!
@oceanchild I understand what you're saying, I really do. I've known/know people that co-sleep or bedshare (and I'd never make a rude remark about it) and I don't blame them one bit but like we've all pretty much said is "to each their own".
@kynbar5 a story just came thru my feed of the family of 7 that all cosleep (kids aged 1-11) with the parents and their incredible family bedroom set-up; I don't think we will go to that extreme haha!
Love you ladies.
March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality
Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09)
Autism mama!