STMs + : Stay Classy Labor stories

Lolo427

We're all getting closer and things are getting to go time- let's have some fun shall we?

So my DH and I were talking and we've come to the determination that most likely I will be fairly inward and reserved while attempting a non-medicated pain management birth. It's usually how I do my pain management. That being said...I do have a tendency in my own personal life to have a mouth like a trucker. I'm curious if anyone has fun stories of things they might have said or done in the moment that looking back require a face palm.

Personally I think I'm going to cuss someone out or be angry at something stupid like the beeping of a monitor.

tmandato123

I feel like I'm going to kill the father during labor. I have a very foul mouth as well, I am thinking of apologizing in advance and then send a sorry for what ever I said gift basket to the nurses at the hospital lol

Elyse1384

So I'm pretty vocal with my thoughts/opinions (as I'm sure everyone here has noticed by now), but when I'm in pain or very sick I don't make a peep.  I don't want to talk to anyone or do anything.  I just want to focus on deep, controlled breathing as a form of pain management and I keep to myself until the pain passes.  My mother and DH were in the delivery room with me.  My mother thought I was going to be....difficult.... to put it mildly, but she kept gushing after about how impressed she was with my non-existent complaining, lack of requests for anything other than instructions and my overall calm demeanor (I don't think I even made a peep when pushing).  Well... when it came time to deliver DS, I could feel the pressure and really needed to push.  This was after being told I had to wait to push for the doctor on call to finish up with another patient.  So DH stands on one side of the bed and a nurse on the other.  The nurse grabs my leg so I can push and tells DH to grab the other.  I shit you not... without looking up he says "once second.  I need to get this text out"  WTAF!!!  He was texting my aunt (a L&D nurse) that it was time for me to start pushing.  I just looked up at him and "whisper yelled" to "get off the GD phone or he wouldn't like where it would end up".  Even the nurse glared at him and said "now sir".  My mother said if looks could kill, my husband would have blown to pieces then and there.

vomitrosa

I was very reserved and calm my entire labor, I did it un-medicated and felt really confident with the whole thing...until the last 30 minutes when she was ready to come and I felt all that pressure and my body started doing everything itself. I lost it, I totally freaked out and all these nurses were rushing in...it was just an overwhelming feeling of "oh crap, its time"...

I started yelling at my now ex husband to call the doctor and tell him I needed a C-section right now. I couldn't do this, I had a nurse lean in with a heavy what sounded Jamaican accent she said "I'm going to tell you the secret of child birth" I was so relieved...this woman was going to help me...tell me the secret....she leans in and says "You've got to get the baby out".....I could have slapped her, I screamed at her, that doesn't fucking help. I started yelling, "OK i'll take the epidural now"....they were laughing because it was obviously way too late for that.

All in all I was pretty embarrassed after she was born LOL 

ahowell88

I am normally a very outspoken person but in labor, I just like silence, from me and everyone else. It's kind of an unspoken rule with DH and my mom (both of whom have been/will be in the delivery room) that no one speaks unless spoken to. Lol I didnt have an epidural my second delivery and a couple times, the nurse came in during really intense contractions and at one point, I asked her if she could just shut up for a minute, because I was trying to dilate. Needless to say, I apologized later but thankfully it wasn't worse! I felt pretty bad but my husband thought it was hilarious.

MargaretC5

I had an epidural when I was in labor with DS, but it stopped working at one point. It was a holiday so there was only one anesthesiologist in the whole hospital and his beeper was not working, it took him over an hour to get there. When he walked in my room fininally he and the nurse were discussing why the beeper was not working while I was still in pain. I remember asking for him to fix it, but my DH told me I yelled at him like something from a horror movie, oops.

BowWowBowie

(Back story: My DH and I watched a LOT of House while I was being induced/in labor)
My epidural didn't take and I had an emergency c-section after my body wouldn't progress, I felt the whole thing. 
I was already pretty out of it from being in labor for so long, apparently when they started cutting I was screaming "YOU'RE NOT HOUSE!" at the top of my lungs and had turned to my DH and screamed, "THEY'RE NOT F***ING HOUSE!" 

We can't watch House anymore without him getting this goofy grin on his face, and I can't blame him, I'm sure it was pretty comical. 

Falchas

Like a lot of pp's, I am pretty quiet when it comes to dealing with pain and concentration, but I got a tad more vocal when the pushing began.  I had an older nurse with me for the short time I labored in the hospital and she was rather proper, at one point she asked me if I needed assistance "trying to tee tee".  When the time came to push, I was rather surprised, being a FTM, at the sensation it caused and yelled at my darling husband: "Why is the baby coming out of my ass?!".  Needless to say "tee tee" nurse was not pleased by my inquiry and I got quite the look. 

strimble26

Well my story is more about being vocal elsewhere in your body.  I got an epidural with both of my prior pregnancies.  My last daughter, I went into labor unexpectedly at 37 weeks.  The day before, I made 15 bean soup.  That's right, not one bean, not two beans, BUT 15 FREAKING BEANS.  Let me tell you what you do not want coursing through your body when you are in active labor when your bodily functions are already in disarray.  Anyways, we get there and I get my epidural.  For those that haven't had one, it literally numbs you from the waist down.  I had zero feeling in my nether regions and therefore zero control of my sphincter muscles to try to hold back anything brewing in my gut.  So the doc comes in to turn me to my side a bit and it happens.  The loudest fart ever known to man.  My husband, being the incredibly mature person he is, laughed hysterically for about 10 minutes straight.  He could not contain himself, much like myself apparently.  So yeah, after that I was no longer concerned about being vocal if needed because I had already pretty much ruined my rep within the first 30 minutes of labor.  

Moral of this story is: Beware of 15 bean soup after 37 weeks.  YWIA.

vomitrosa

strimble26  I am literally crying I am laughing so hard, I am so sorry...I would be horrified!

strimble26

vomitrosa said:

strimble26  I am literally crying I am laughing so hard, I am so sorry...I would be horrified!

I hope my cautionary tale helps you all avoid this incredibly awkward situation.  H and I still laugh about it till this day.  It truly was impressive.  

flas

I'm not too too vocal, at least I wasn't the last 2 times. I did a lot of under my breath cursing. Like just whispering "shit shit shit shit" over and over again when the contractions got really bad. It'll be interesting to see what I do this time around.

Gapeach83

My epidural quit with DD1. I keep saying oh my god! oh shit!. What I mean by saying is actually telling. DD2 epidural work perfect and didn't say anything and was calm.

Gapeach83

strimble26 said:

vomitrosa said:

strimble26  I am literally crying I am laughing so hard, I am so sorry...I would be horrified!

I hope my cautionary tale helps you all avoid this incredibly awkward situation.  H and I still laugh about it till this day.  It truly was impressive.  

You win! I definitely cracked up.

Lolo427

Yes!!! These are all phenomenal guys!



Edit: gif fail

Jennsoule

I had taken a pain relief shot during labor. Before I had been very focused on the flowery wallpaper, so when I would close my eyes I could see the outline of the flowers in my head. This cause me to start giggling uncontrollably since I was higher than a kite. At that point I could understand why people do drugs and I told the nurse that.

apritch88

I found out that when I am in that much pain I literally cannot talk. My hubby was being so sweet asking what he could do to help, whether what he was doing was helping, etc. and I literally couldn't get any words out.  Apparently I am a moaner and a crier. Who knew?! 

Eventually I got the epidural and I kept saying "ouch" while I was crowning. My midwife was like "yup, that's what we want to hear- ouch- that's how we know the epidural is working, because trust me, if it wasn't, it would be a whole lot different than "ouch""-   I thought that was a pretty good point... haha. 

NovemberSno

Best thread ever! Lol. I got an epidural with both my kids. Let me tell you best invention in mankind ever! I was dilated 8cm with my 1st and I felt like the nurses we're kind of pressuring me to get it but I kept refusing. Then once I was at 8 the nurse told me if you say no again it'll be too late and the pain is only going to get alot worst from here. I caved! Anyway, idk if it was my relief from the pain or my endorphins took over or what but in about 2 minutes I felt more than happy. I know the epidural doesn't effect your brain but something happened to mine. Lol. I kept asking people if they wanted to dance (cant move my lower half of my body) After the baby came out and they took for freaking ever to do my sutures and all that I asked my then husband to close my legs. He looked confused. I told him it can't be that hard just close them and put them straight. He moved them around a bit. I got angrier, I said just freaking close them. Then I looked down and both my legs were straight as a board feet touching one another. The weirdest feeling ever. Even staring at them I couldn't believe they were closed. Lol.

nano1

I was pretty quiet until around 9cm. I asked about getting fetenol Several times and my midwife said "you can have it whenever you want" I screamed at her "than why won't you give it to me!!?!!!l" (I was later told she knew it wouldn't help me at that point so they gave me a really small amount to try to visually trick me or something) My husband tried to remind me to breath and I grabbed a wet towel and tried to swat him with it. After that there was no talking, just puking and screaming. I am so grateful to have made it through a successful vaginal delivery, praying for another!

kbonel

This is my new favorite thread! 15 bean soup is hilarious.

NovemberSno

kbonel said:

This is my new favorite thread! 15 bean soup is hilarious.

Haha I really laughed out loud at my OB appt when I read that one.

lulamagoo

No pain medication plus pitocin= me staring at wall. That scared my husband more than when I started pushing and yelling "fuck". To be fair, it is a part of my everyday vocabulary but generally I try to keep it a little classier when in mixed company. I also apologized to my dr every time I said it. He finally told me to stop apologizing because it was working and getting me progress.

Pontot31

I couldn't talk during contractions with my daughter.

But my funny moment is I was sitting in a rocking chair in early labor and went to put my leg up on the bed and pop! My water broke and started flooding out everywhere. Just then a guy from the kitchen came in with my food and then a doctor with an entire team of interns. I'm soaked and there's a huge puddle on the floor.
I take one look at the food next to me and instantly start throwing up to everyone's horror! That cleared the room real fast.

I spent pretty much the rest of the day in the bath tub throwing up every few contractions. I remember my doula had all these battery operated candles in the room and the lights off to keep it peaceful. And here I am naked in the bathtub puking in a bucket. It got to the point where my husband and doula would leave the room because I was making them heave! I remember laughing to myself once a contraction would end because it had to look ridiculous.

When I went to get out of the tub finally I ripped my own IV out by mistake and bled everywhere in the bathroom and all the way to the bed. I was a mess!

Lolo427

Pontot31 said:

I couldn't talk during contractions with my daughter.

But my funny moment is I was sitting in a rocking chair in early labor and went to put my leg up on the bed and pop! My water broke and started flooding out everywhere. Just then a guy from the kitchen came in with my food and then a doctor with an entire team of interns. I'm soaked and there's a huge puddle on the floor.
I take one look at the food next to me and instantly start throwing up to everyone's horror! That cleared the room real fast.

I spent pretty much the rest of the day in the bath tub throwing up every few contractions. I remember my doula had all these battery operated candles in the room and the lights off to keep it peaceful. And here I am naked in the bathtub puking in a bucket. It got to the point where my husband and doula would leave the room because I was making them heave! I remember laughing to myself once a contraction would end because it had to look ridiculous.

When I went to get out of the tub finally I ripped my own IV out by mistake and bled everywhere in the bathroom and all the way to the bed. I was a mess!

Holy Shit, what a horror show.

I love it!

I hope this time is much smoother for you though, and frankly the bar has been set so maybe this time you can keep under it. Are you going to ward off the cafeteria workers?

mamavbs

I drunk dialled my best friend when I got on the gas and air. We had a half an hour chat about how the doctors didn't look like Grey's anatomy. My friend (who's had 3 kids so was totally taking advantage of it being my turn) was telling me to demand Derek shepherd or to cross my legs. I kept saying to my midwife "is he here yet? Where's Derek?"

Apparently I was also asking my husband in a "hushed whisper" (aka bloody loud) to put a canister of the gas, in our hospital bag for some weekend fun.

Abonsut

Ftm with nothing to share, but you ladies made my NST far more entertaining than usual.

FilbertTree

mamavbs said:

I drunk dialled my best friend when I got on the gas and air. We had a half an hour chat about how the doctors didn't look like Grey's anatomy. My friend (who's had 3 kids so was totally taking advantage of it being my turn) was telling me to demand Derek shepherd or to cross my legs. I kept saying to my midwife "is he here yet? Where's Derek?"

Apparently I was also asking my husband in a "hushed whisper" (aka bloody loud) to put a canister of the gas, in our hospital bag for some weekend fun.

Man, gas and air is brilliant. I'm so mad that the hospital here doesn't use it...

crazymomof5

Just have to say......I love this post!!!!!
My first 2 delivery's were induced, I took nubain and do not remember much of the labor part....but my third I went on my own. With him, when I was checked in, the buttons on the bed rail to adjust the bed were not working and no one could tell me why....I will though! Once the contractions were really bad, I started chanting "I don't want to do this any fucking more!", repeatedly through every contraction, while either punching the bed or punching the bed rail, as gently as I could muster mind u! That, my fellow ladies in waiting is why the buttons didn't work! Also, my hubby was trying to comfort me by rubbing my hand during a contraction, and i t was very distracting to me, so I told him " Don't fucking touch me or I will cut your balls off....I did apologize after the contraction was over but told him it was too much and broke my concentration, so to please keep his hands to himself!

rainybabe82

Lurking from Jan 2016. But during my delivery with dd i was crying from the pain and felt like i was chocking on phlegm i very nicely asked one of the aides just standing in my room for something to spit into a basin or some tissues she just gave me a dirty look and stood there so when the next contraction hit and i choked i hawked a lougie and spit it on her. I have no excuse other that in the moment i felt she deserved it in a normal circumstance i believe spitting on someone is one of the most degrading things you can do to anyone however I'm still not sorry.  

RaisingJulian

I was having back labor and when the woman came in to give me my epidural I asked her if she could wait til my contraction passed. No she told me to "suck it up" and did it anyway. So I did what any rational person would do and reached behind to smack her. I missed of course because my fiancé knew what I was about to do & grabbed my arm. Now I feel like I was such a baby about it lol

mmmynyx

@RaisingJulian I would've done the same thing wtf..."bitch I am in labor don't tell me to SUCK IT UP!" *smack!* lol

bellie1223

Not a second time mom, but just gave birth on Tuesday and after a while of non-productive pushing smelled poo wafting up towards me. I told the nurses and doctor that that pooping on the table was definitely one of my worst nightmares and that I was so embarrassed. They laughed at me (in good nature) and assured me that pooping is the last thing I should be worried about, they said they see so much gross stuff, this doesn't even register. By this time I was so loopy from all the adrenaline (no pain meds) I made some joke to my husband about how much of a lady I was--which everyone thought was hilarious. 

Apparently I was queen of bad jokes that night, as soon as they laid my daughter on me I looked at my husband and said "she looks just like Dobby!" Both of the nurses just laughed and looked at me like I was crazy! 

mom4liak

With my first my labor stalled after 14 hours. I couldn't have an epidural because of a latex allergy (this was nearly 16 years ago and the hospitals were not completely latex free like they are now). The dr ordered pitocin to be started and I continued to labor hard and unmediated for 20 more hours. I was pretty much silent other than crying. I ended up needing an emergency c section and that's where and when things got ugly from me.
I was put completely under and when I woke in the recovery room I started screaming that they needed to hurry and get him out. I also was obsessively pressing my pain medication pump button and cussing about how "this f-ing morphine sucks".
Unfortunately this was all documented on video. The worse part is that my son was in the room being loved on by my family and in the 20 minutes of my documented time as a foul mouthed crazy woman, I never once asked about my son.

rachswi

I pulled a @VexedMommy in the delivery room! They were massaging my uterus trying to get the placenta out. Midwife at one point told me to gently push as she massaged. I did and nothing happened. I went back to focusing on my little man on my chest but must have kept pushing and when the midwife hit a certain spot, I shot blood crime-scene style across everyone south of the border!

My reaction? I laughed (partially because I remembered VexedMommy's story). Then apologized. Midwife asked if I had pushed and all I could say was "I have no idea!" They all thought it was funny enough to not be too upset about being sprayed. And now I'll never be forgotten!