Stepson & plans for new baby....

agillespie15

I have a 10 yr old stepson, who is the only child in DH family. He is used to being spoiled and doted upon. He's a sweet kid, but I can't help almost being "jealous" of him. (Immature and stupid, I know) I want my DH all to myself, and I feel guilty for feeling that way but idk how to fix it. I have a 14 yr old biological son who lives w DH and I and they have a very good relationship, which I'm grateful for. My son is excited about the idea of a new sibling, but my SS is not. We have tried to talk to him about it, and he just shrugs his shoulders like he doesn't like the idea. I think he doesn't like the idea of having to "share" his father and grandmother (DH's mother) with another child, which I think I selfish. Granted, is is just a kid, but I resent the fact that he is spoiled anyway, and now he doesn't want to "share" his father with a child that will belong to me. How do I get past this resentment and jealousy of this 10 yr old little boy?????? -frustrated and ashamed-

aa79606

I have a 4yo stepson, and I can relate to a lot of your feelings, especially the resentment and the GUILT. I don't have an answer for you, unfortunately... But I wanted you to know you're not alone.

EvaD84

My husbands son from exwife who is almost 18 lives with us as he has sole custody and his mum wants no contact with him as has custody of the 2 daughters and has banned hubby from having any contact. When i married my hubby i felt bad for his son and the life he experienced with his biological mum as she was never domesticated or take care of the kids so i made sure to cook well etc as i am naturally domesticated. We had our 1st child together a baby girl 3 weeks ago. I remember around ss age i would usually stay in my room watch tv, be on computer or read books etc and only come out for food etc... But i'm starting to get pissed off when i'm waking up every few hrs to feed baby and change diapers and put her back to bed the whole process can take an hour at times. Then in morning busy bathing baby, feeding her and dealing with her cries and most days i have breakfast at 3pm and my stepson is whole day in his bedroom... I swear baby could cry for 1 hour and he wouldn't bother to come out and check... He constantly looks for food in fridge like its a tv and dumps dirty dishes at the sink and thinks magic washes them.... How hard is it to take the initiative and help out and wash ur own dishes when you know ur half sister has been crying non stop and ur step mum has been busy all day dealing with her? At times he will wash his plate but not bother about his forks/knives etc and that is plain laziness. Last night baby kept crying when i was trying to cook dinner... I wanted to cry myself and let her cry for a few mins whilst i put stuff in the oven and when hubby came home asking what i was doing i just ignored him as i felt like walking off with baby to bedroom and not having any dinner and eventually just said i'm busy prepping dinner and when he asked what i kept quiet... Its not hubbys fault but i am getting frustrated at his kid not pulling his weight around the house and no point telling him off as he'll do things for a day or 2 and stop... So i just give up as can't be bothered arguing... I will get to a point where i will tell hubby al this and that i can't deal with this anymore. I seriously contemplated letting hubby come home to a sink full of his sons dirtg dishes and cups just so he can see the laziness. The time will come when his aunts find out he hasn't once carried his little sister, hubby says he's too afraid but really he's more interested playing computer games Reality is you do need to communicate to your partner about things and how you feel as everyone should be helping out with baby and being excited but sometimes its just better to bite ur own tonge

Bigboobsmcgee

EvaD84 said:

My husbands son from exwife who is almost 18 lives with us as he has sole custody and his mum wants no contact with him as has custody of the 2 daughters and has banned hubby from having any contact. When i married my hubby i felt bad for his son and the life he experienced with his biological mum as she was never domesticated or take care of the kids so i made sure to cook well etc as i am naturally domesticated. We had our 1st child together a baby girl 3 weeks ago. I remember around ss age i would usually stay in my room watch tv, be on computer or read books etc and only come out for food etc... But i'm starting to get pissed off when i'm waking up every few hrs to feed baby and change diapers and put her back to bed the whole process can take an hour at times. Then in morning busy bathing baby, feeding her and dealing with her cries and most days i have breakfast at 3pm and my stepson is whole day in his bedroom... I swear baby could cry for 1 hour and he wouldn't bother to come out and check... He constantly looks for food in fridge like its a tv and dumps dirty dishes at the sink and thinks magic washes them.... How hard is it to take the initiative and help out and wash ur own dishes when you know ur half sister has been crying non stop and ur step mum has been busy all day dealing with her? At times he will wash his plate but not bother about his forks/knives etc and that is plain laziness. Last night baby kept crying when i was trying to cook dinner... I wanted to cry myself and let her cry for a few mins whilst i put stuff in the oven and when hubby came home asking what i was doing i just ignored him as i felt like walking off with baby to bedroom and not having any dinner and eventually just said i'm busy prepping dinner and when he asked what i kept quiet... Its not hubbys fault but i am getting frustrated at his kid not pulling his weight around the house and no point telling him off as he'll do things for a day or 2 and stop... So i just give up as can't be bothered arguing... I will get to a point where i will tell hubby al this and that i can't deal with this anymore. I seriously contemplated letting hubby come home to a sink full of his sons dirtg dishes and cups just so he can see the laziness. The time will come when his aunts find out he hasn't once carried his little sister, hubby says he's too afraid but really he's more interested playing computer games Reality is you do need to communicate to your partner about things and how you feel as everyone should be helping out with baby and being excited but sometimes its just better to bite ur own tonge

Wait a second, you are pissed off at your stepson because HE isn't helping with YOUR baby?

In my opinion you have very unrealistic expectations for your stepson, especially because you just get angry at him instead of actually communicating what is bothering you. Did it occur to you that this poor kid probably never had a good role model to show him how to be a responsible adult. I mean, shit, his mom doesn't even want anything to do with him so I can only imagine how that has screwed him up emotionally. Is he in therapy?

And I'm sorry but regardless of whether or not this new baby is his half sister or not, it's YOUR baby to take care of. I have a 19 year old stepson and I would never in a million years expect him to get up in the night and help me with my baby that is crying. He's not even comfortable holding the baby! Don't you realize how crazy this all sounds??

He's living in your home so yes, he should be helping out, doing chores, not leaving dishes lying around, etc. but it sounds like no one is enforcing these things but instead you are assuming this immature teenager thinks like an adult and should just magically know what you expect of him. That's not fair.

You and your husband and SS need to all sit down together and come up with a game plan if you want anything to change.

Bigboobsmcgee

agillespie15 said:

I have a 10 yr old stepson, who is the only child in DH family. He is used to being spoiled and doted upon. He's a sweet kid, but I can't help almost being "jealous" of him. (Immature and stupid, I know) I want my DH all to myself, and I feel guilty for feeling that way but idk how to fix it. I have a 14 yr old biological son who lives w DH and I and they have a very good relationship, which I'm grateful for. My son is excited about the idea of a new sibling, but my SS is not. We have tried to talk to him about it, and he just shrugs his shoulders like he doesn't like the idea. I think he doesn't like the idea of having to "share" his father and grandmother (DH's mother) with another child, which I think I selfish. Granted, is is just a kid, but I resent the fact that he is spoiled anyway, and now he doesn't want to "share" his father with a child that will belong to me. How do I get past this resentment and jealousy of this 10 yr old little boy?????? -frustrated and ashamed-

I realize this is old BUT you admit to wanting your H all to yourself but yet you are mad at your SS for being selfish.

I'm sorry but you need to be the adult here and get over that. You shouldn't have married your H if you couldn't accept a stepchild. He's 10, give the kid a break. You have a son already so you should understand.