I agree with the "have a birth plan but dont be upset if it doesnt go to plan".
I would add to that, do look into what happens after a c-section. I didn't have a birth plan, I was a very relaxed "will go with whatever happens and seems best at the time" method - and my MW was very supportive of that. Queue 1.5 weeks overdue, no engagement, dilation or anything, and fetal heart rate decelerations that lead to an emergency c-sect. In all my planning and research and reading I never ever looked into c-sections at all and I ended up in a state of shock when it was decided that was best (which it was, I fully believe that DD would not be here now if not for it).
Basically if you don't want a c-section, don't "plan" on a c-section but do some reading to get your head around it because sometimes it's the best option.
Angel baby June 2013, DD born 22 April 2014, BFP 10 Sept 2015 - Due 22 May 2016
I know pretty much everyone has said it, but don't be upset if labor and delivery don't go like what you had planned. I don't know what I was thinking with DS, but I was determined to go all natural without any kind of prep. No classes, techniques, nothing. I was just going to roll with it. Well, rolling with it didn't include being in active labor for 3 days and not dilating. I also learned that having consistent contractions that last a minute or so each and come every 2 minutes for 3 days straight does not necessarily mean anything is changing down there.
Pitocin is the devil. That is all.
Remember to eat and shower occasionally after you have the baby. If my grandmother didn't bring me food and shove me in the bathroom every couple of days I think I would have died. It sounds silly, but I really didn't think about it. Everything revolved around DS. Food? What's that?
Breastfeeding is hard, and can be a beautiful thing, but it didn't work for DS and me. He had a bad lip tie that wasn't diagnosed until he was 8 months, plus he had a massive appetite from day one. He never did have a good latch, probably due to the lip tie. I exclusively pumped for the first 4 months, but by then my little monster was eating 42 oz per day. I have a mini linebacker. What I'm trying to say is that every baby is different and so is every woman, do what you need to so that you both are happy. It keeps everyone a little saner and the baby will love you just as much, no matter what your decision is.
I think you all have done an amazing job covering so many topics. I just want to add a few things. (Working on baby #4) Trust your own instincts and do your own research. Its ok to question societal norms. (For example, I have found cosleeping, when done safely, is amazing and baby and I got so much more sleep!) Don't give a damn about what other people think about your do's and don'ts of pregnancy, labor, parenting. You and your partner are the best people for the job of raising your child, you are perfectly equipped for the job, and only you know your child best. Just nod your head at all the unsolicited advice, then do your own thing. Also, God purposely gives us 9 months to get ready for baby so don't feel overwhelmed. Just take things one day at a time. It's going to be great, I promise.
Great advice! Thanks everyone! While I don't have kids at home, a piece of advice that my mother shared with me (labor and delivery nurse for many years) was not to spend all your time reading up on being pregnant and labor/delivery, but to spend more time researching how to take care of a newborn. Obviously is important to study up on the former, but she said it was pretty common for many moms to be experts on pregnancy and forgo reading up on newborn care.
Me: 27 DH: 30 Married in 2011 Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014) Baby 2: Due May 2016
Just know that breastfeeding is NOT easy for everyone. If it's something you want to do, keep working at it. The best thing I ever did was join a breastfeeding group right after we got home. I went weekly, and met some great moms with babies the same age. It really helped me work through an issues I had and there were lactation consultants running the group.
Going to the group was also nice so that you could get out of the house in a place you were comfortable breastfeeding in public. I loved that it didn't matter what I looked like (since showers become much less frequent in the early days). And I really felt more confident in my ability to breastfeed the more I went.
We're expecting baby #3, and honestly, I have forgotten the majority of advice that most people gave us when I was expecting our first. Truthfully, I didn't think our lives changed dramatically all at once. We had a great newborn, and being busy people, she went everywhere with us. Grocery shopping was relatively 'easy' with her in a chest carrier. We ate out. We did all the things that we did before, so transitioning to parenthood, although a challenge, wasn't nearly as difficult as I imagined. We were tired, but just know that each phase of your child's life will pass so quickly on to the next.
Lean on your spouse or significant other (and if you're a single mother - surround yourself with friends and family members that will support you). Parenting is SUCH a team effort IMO and it is SO much better when you have people lifting you up and reminding you that you're doing a good job.
We stockpiled diapers and wipes, and for us, it was a great decision. I've posted this tip on another thread, but I'll do it again here. If you choose to stockpile on anything, don't open stuff if you can help it (until you're actually using it), and always tape your receipts to the packages. That way, retailers won't give you trouble if you need to switch something out. Only wash and prepare one size of baby clothing at a time. Don't take the tags off your 6-9 month outfits - just wait, in case you need to exchange them for another size.
You really don't need a lot of 'stuff' to care for a baby - especially right away. I found that we didn't really use the majority of our baby gear until our littles were about 6-7 months old. Don't be afraid to buy second hand stuff. If it can be cleaned well, it works just as good. We wasted a lot of money buying brand new (because it was our first) only to discover tremendous savings at consignment sales, area mom FB pages, and friends who are getting rid of baby stuff.
We also did a big freezer cooking day before our 1st's arrival - that was SO helpful.
Finally, don't try to do it all. I wanted so badly to prove myself as a mother and be supermom, but it catches up, quickly. Let someone else fold your laundry or cook you a meal if they offer. If someone asks if they can help, say YES YES YES - and show them where the cleaning supplies are located. Just because you accept help, it does not mean you are inadequate or incapable. Your loved ones are there for a reason. Let them help you.
Try to enjoy pregnancy. I was so nervous first time around, I hardly enjoyed it. I'm determined not to let my anxiety get the best of me this time.
Learn to be flexible. It's good to have an idea of how you want to handle any given situation - from pregnancy, to labor, to feeding, to sleep habits. There is a good chance that a lot of it won't go according to plan. And with infants, something that worked two weeks ago might not work today. So be ready to be flexible and make adjustments as you go.
Learn to say no. If you are anything like me, you hate to let people down and try to show up for everything, all the time. Life gets busy with a newborn and to be honest, I didn't want to spend my time doing much else than hanging with DS, especially during maternity leave. So don't feel guilty if you decline drinks with friends in favor of staying home with your new family (and on the flip side, don't feel bad if you need to go out for a few drinks with friends, either).
Your marriage/relationship is going to change. It is just a natural shift. Sometimes it takes a while to find a new balance. Try not to put each other on the backburner. Get ready for a whole new adventure with this person. Support each other. Ask for support.
This advice is awesome- but I have a question! What are some things you bought previously that you found were a waste of money- or is there anything that you wish you had bought prior to baby's arrival? Hubby and I are starting to look at reviews and get an idea of what we'll want to include on our registry.
This advice is awesome- but I have a question! What are some things you bought previously that you found were a waste of money- or is there anything that you wish you had bought prior to baby's arrival? Hubby and I are starting to look at reviews and get an idea of what we'll want to include on our registry.
This is a hard question as it is different for everyone. I loved a changing table but others think it is pointless. I think a wipe warmer is ridiculous but have friends who swear by them. I had a swing and a bouncey seat and used both every day.
I didn't get a bassinet but we had a Pack 'n Play that had the bassinet attachment. That worked better for me as then we didn't have extra stuff to deal with. I ended up with an emergency c-section so not having to bend all the way into the crib those first few weeks was necessary.
That big whale baby tub that like everyone gets at their baby shower? Huge and obnoxious, especially in a small house/apartment. I returned it almost as soon as I received it and purchased a $3 white plastic dish pan instead. Yup, a dish pan. Sink baths are where it's at.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012 TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
2. Even though it can feel like it, you aren't the first person to have a baby. People are happy for you, but they aren't going to be as excited as you are. That's ok.
3. You are no longer in control. The baby is. Learn to surrender now. Babies have their own plan regarding pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, sleep, etc.
2. Even though it can feel like it, you aren't the first person to have a baby. People are happy for you, but they aren't going to be as excited as you are. That's ok.
3. You are no longer in control. The baby is. Learn to surrender now. Babies have their own plan regarding pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding, sleep, etc.
Calm your tits! Lol
I can't calm my tits. They are sore and large and in charge!
1 - Birth plan, smirth plan. That baby is going to do what it darn well wants. My first was a week late and the second a week early, both came 1-2 days before they were supposed to be induced due to GD & size. Once you are in labor, everything is up in the air, just go with it.
2 - That said, if you get stuck with a nurse who isn't listening to you or doing things her own way, ask for another. My nurse with my 2nd baby was rude, pushy, and incompetent and I really wished I had asked for a new nurse then. I certainly will with this one if I happen to get Nurse Ratchet again.
3 - Epidural! Or not! I loved my epidurals, giving birth was super easy for me, considering one was 9 lbs and the other 9 lbs 11 oz. My doctor actually had to hold the first one in and tell me to stop laughing because they weren't ready for him to come out. But, if you don't want it, that's cool too. You're the only one having this baby so you do you!
4 - Recovery - Everyone talks about giving birth but I really never heard anything about the recovery and now I understand why. It sucks! If you have a vaginal birth, you probably will not use the toilet normally for weeks. You will think if you push in the slightest you will split open. Take all of the pads, ice packs, suppositories, squeeze bottles, etc you can from the hospital. You'll need them.
5 - Don't get too much stuff, or too many small clothes. I might just be partial on this one because I have big babies and neither of them really every wore Newborn or 3 Month sizes. I highly recomment the Rock N Play though, that was my best friend for the first few months with both.
6 - Take care of yourself as well as the baby. You are no good to that little bundle of joy if you are not sleeping and eating. And don't get frustrated if you have a problem with bonding, breastfeeding, or anything else in those first few weeks. It is a big adjustment for both of you and it may take some time, but you'll eventually get it right.
1. Pre-plan who you want to visit at the hospital before delivery. This time it will be just my in-laws, my parents, and our siblings. We had 23 visitors the first day when we had our son and it was just nightmare. I think the main reason I could not breastfeed was because of all the people coming and going those first couple of days. I would recommend having a meet the baby a week later once you are settled in.
2. Don't get dead set on your birth plan because baby is the only one in control. I had a birth plan and wanted to follow it, but my son came so quick and was out within an hour and a half. Their just was no time for anything.
3. Only buy onesies with zippers....buttons at 2 am are a pain and never match up :-)
4. Pre-make freezer meals at about 30 weeks. We lived off of our pre-made meals for about a month and it was so helpful when we were exhausted.
5. Make sure to take the post pregnancy supplies from the hospital....they will become your best friend.
6. As much as doctors and nurses push for you to breastfeed, if it doesn't work for you, it's ok and don't stress over it. You have to do what is best for you.
One more thing - using a pacifier is a personal choice and the hospital I delivered at is known for being very hands on and providing breastfeeding support, which includes not providing pacifiers at all. I didn't realize that and even though we made it work, it would have been nice to have the option. So if you think there's a possibility you might desperately need one after trying to breastfeed on and off every two hours, bring one just in case.
This advice is awesome- but I have a question! What are some things you bought previously that you found were a waste of money- or is there anything that you wish you had bought prior to baby's arrival? Hubby and I are starting to look at reviews and get an idea of what we'll want to include on our registry.
Pocket Nanny (what a freakin waste and so stupid to buy), scented diaper toss bags (just get plastic grocery bags), nursing covers (just use a baby blanket), swaddles (for us we liked swaddling in blankets and blankets are much cheaper), changing table (never ever used it. we used the floor, couch, bassinet, bed...), hand mits (we used socks)
What I wished I had was a better humidifier and a good baby carrier like Baby Bjorn (which I intend to get this go round).
I'll throw in what we found awesome to have: glider (found a brand new one with tags AND the matching ottoman for $50!), cloth diapers (as burp cloths), sound machine, swing, good thermometer, hats (she even wore them in the warm spring time), baby gowns (sooo awesome for sleeping and just hanging out), hypoallergenic lotion, AQUAPHOR (cures everything and we still use it daily today), Bumbo (awesome for feeding just don't put it up on a surface and walk away), Wubanub
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
YES to recovery!! No one ever talks about it so I didn't know what to expect...but you will want to stock up on dermoplast & pads, get a spray bottle...and take it easy!!!! I was shocked by how uncomfortable it was for about a week after birth. But those things definitely helped!!!
As for the birth plan, I do agree with PPs, in retrospect. I was that person who had the detailed birth plan, adamant about doing it drug free...well after an induction, a trip home, and a total of 30+ hrs of drug free labor...it FLEW out the window. ALL of it! 2 hrs after epidural, he was born...& looking back, I wouldn't change one bit.
Re: Non FTMs.. Advice/suggestions for us first timers?
11.2011 - DS1
02.2013 - loss at 6 wks
06.2014 - DS2
10.2015 - loss at 12 wks
03.2017 - DD
Trust your own instincts and do your own research. Its ok to question societal norms. (For example, I have found cosleeping, when done safely, is amazing and baby and I got so much more sleep!)
Don't give a damn about what other people think about your do's and don'ts of pregnancy, labor, parenting. You and your partner are the best people for the job of raising your child, you are perfectly equipped for the job, and only you know your child best. Just nod your head at all the unsolicited advice, then do your own thing.
Also, God purposely gives us 9 months to get ready for baby so don't feel overwhelmed. Just take things one day at a time. It's going to be great, I promise.
Married in 2011
Baby 1: Stillborn at 27 weeks (April 2014)
Baby 2: Due May 2016
Side note - @mcvgal were you in July 14? Sorry if you mentioned that somewhere else, but I recognize your picture!
DD born 7.27.2014
BFP 09.2015 - m/c 10.21.2015
Try to enjoy pregnancy. I was so nervous first time around, I hardly enjoyed it. I'm determined not to let my anxiety get the best of me this time.
Learn to be flexible. It's good to have an idea of how you want to handle any given situation - from pregnancy, to labor, to feeding, to sleep habits. There is a good chance that a lot of it won't go according to plan. And with infants, something that worked two weeks ago might not work today. So be ready to be flexible and make adjustments as you go.
Learn to say no. If you are anything like me, you hate to let people down and try to show up for everything, all the time. Life gets busy with a newborn and to be honest, I didn't want to spend my time doing much else than hanging with DS, especially during maternity leave. So don't feel guilty if you decline drinks with friends in favor of staying home with your new family (and on the flip side, don't feel bad if you need to go out for a few drinks with friends, either).
Your marriage/relationship is going to change. It is just a natural shift. Sometimes it takes a while to find a new balance. Try not to put each other on the backburner. Get ready for a whole new adventure with this person. Support each other. Ask for support.
I didn't get a bassinet but we had a Pack 'n Play that had the bassinet attachment. That worked better for me as then we didn't have extra stuff to deal with. I ended up with an emergency c-section so not having to bend all the way into the crib those first few weeks was necessary.
That big whale baby tub that like everyone gets at their baby shower? Huge and obnoxious, especially in a small house/apartment. I returned it almost as soon as I received it and purchased a $3 white plastic dish pan instead. Yup, a dish pan. Sink baths are where it's at.
Married: 1/2008 ~ DD#1: 3/2012
TTC #2: Started 4/2014 BFP 7/30/15 MC 8/3/15 BFP 9/4/2015 EDD 5/16/2016
2 - That said, if you get stuck with a nurse who isn't listening to you or doing things her own way, ask for another. My nurse with my 2nd baby was rude, pushy, and incompetent and I really wished I had asked for a new nurse then. I certainly will with this one if I happen to get Nurse Ratchet again.
3 - Epidural! Or not! I loved my epidurals, giving birth was super easy for me, considering one was 9 lbs and the other 9 lbs 11 oz. My doctor actually had to hold the first one in and tell me to stop laughing because they weren't ready for him to come out. But, if you don't want it, that's cool too. You're the only one having this baby so you do you!
4 - Recovery - Everyone talks about giving birth but I really never heard anything about the recovery and now I understand why. It sucks! If you have a vaginal birth, you probably will not use the toilet normally for weeks. You will think if you push in the slightest you will split open. Take all of the pads, ice packs, suppositories, squeeze bottles, etc you can from the hospital. You'll need them.
5 - Don't get too much stuff, or too many small clothes. I might just be partial on this one because I have big babies and neither of them really every wore Newborn or 3 Month sizes. I highly recomment the Rock N Play though, that was my best friend for the first few months with both.
6 - Take care of yourself as well as the baby. You are no good to that little bundle of joy if you are not sleeping and eating. And don't get frustrated if you have a problem with bonding, breastfeeding, or anything else in those first few weeks. It is a big adjustment for both of you and it may take some time, but you'll eventually get it right.
[IMG]http://i59.tinypic.com/346q8v4.jpg[/IMG]
~Melissa~
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
As for the birth plan, I do agree with PPs, in retrospect. I was that person who had the detailed birth plan, adamant about doing it drug free...well after an induction, a trip home, and a total of 30+ hrs of drug free labor...it FLEW out the window. ALL of it! 2 hrs after epidural, he was born...& looking back, I wouldn't change one bit.