Parents want us to move back home... — The Bump
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Parents want us to move back home...

I'm a bit troubled on how to handle this situation, so hopefully someone can help me out a bit.

My husband and I moved out of our home state about 3 years ago. Now that we are expecting, both of our parents want us to move back home before our little one comes. Although we would love to move home, my husband and I are looking at the costs associated with moving back (travel expenses, deposits for housing/ultilities, finding a house to rent, transferring medical insurance etc) along with saving for our little one and when our lease is up here I will be 8 months pregnant. My hubby feels like that will be too much stress for us and too much for me to ride almost 8 hours and being 8 months pregnant, then have only a month to set up our nursery. We are both leaning to staying put until our lease would be up the following year, but a bit unsure of how to break this to our parents. It is both of their first grandchild, so of course they want to be there for everything, and I really hate to take that away from them. I guess we are torn at the moment, almost as if we know what's best, but we are scared to hurt them. Anyone have any experience in this department?

Re: Parents want us to move back home...

  • I'm a bit troubled on how to handle this situation, so hopefully someone can help me out a bit.

    My husband and I moved out of our home state about 3 years ago. Now that we are expecting, both of our parents want us to move back home before our little one comes. Although we would love to move home, my husband and I are looking at the costs associated with moving back (travel expenses, deposits for housing/ultilities, finding a house to rent, transferring medical insurance etc) along with saving for our little one and when our lease is up here I will be 8 months pregnant. My hubby feels like that will be too much stress for us and too much for me to ride almost 8 hours and being 8 months pregnant, then have only a month to set up our nursery. We are both leaning to staying put until our lease would be up the following year, but a bit unsure of how to break this to our parents. It is both of their first grandchild, so of course they want to be there for everything, and I really hate to take that away from them. I guess we are torn at the moment, almost as if we know what's best, but we are scared to hurt them. Anyone have any experience in this department?


    The big part I see missing here is what about jobs? That would be the biggest concern before considering a huge move.


    That being said you are both adults. You need to do what is best for you and your new family not worry about hurting parents feelings. Yes it's convenient to be near family when you have kids. Especially if you are close they can be a great help to you and it's nice for the kids to be close to their grandparents. That being said again you need to be where you can earn a good living and what works for you not move because your family wants you to and you don't want to hurt their feelings. If you both want to move explore jobs in your home area and go from there. Moving at 8 months isn't ideal but it's not the end of the world and baby's really don't need a ton at first so a Pinterest perfect nursery isn't a must have especially if the end result of being near family is more important.


  • If you want to be near your parents and can find nice jobs, then it would be a great move.
    The nursery can be set with the essentials in less than a week , you can keep improvising later( online shoppings ) . I am a FTM to a 2 mo and both our set of parents live close by. This is a huge blessing since both my husband and me are doing residency and will be really busy once my maternity leave ends, but I'll be assured that LO is with grandparents and is cared for and adored the time I'm not with her.
    Good luck with your pregnancy.
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  • It'd be great to have help from family. I wouldn't worry about the drive, etc. could you fly instead? Could you move in with your parents a month early to find a dr & settle in better?

    It sounds stressful with the timing. Wish you the best.
  • If you can afford it financially, traveling and having the baby's room ready are not reasons to decide not to move. Flying up there early is a great idea. And most likely the baby will be in a bassinet for the first month or so. If the room is not completely done it won't be a big deal.
    It sounds like you don't want to tell your family you may not move up there. But if you know that's what's best for your family, they should be understanding of that. If they aren't, then it might be better that there's a distance between you. Since this is your first baby, you and your husband will probably want to figure things out and do things your way. I know from experience having family push their ideas and opinions on me just caused more stress. That's not what you're going to need with a newborn.
  • I was in the exact same position. I live 7 1/2 hours away from home, and moved about 3 years ago shortly after our wedding for his work.
    It's hard to live that far away from
    Your parents, but you have to do what is best financially for you and your baby. My DS is 8 months old now, and it's hard living away from my parents, especially since this is there first grandchild also. You will find a way to handle the distance. We fly to see each other often, and FaceTime every day.
    As for the other stuff, a nursery can be set up in a week or two, and I handled a seven hour drive at eight months for my shower. It wasn't comfortable, but you can't fly that late into your pregnancy, and as long as you stop often to pee and stretch you will be OK.
    In the end you have to do what you need to do, without feeling pressured!
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