DH won't budge on boy name

jenmickey79

Next Friday we'll find out whether we'really having a boy or a girl. We've decided on a girl name. We both liked Marie which is my middle name. For a boy name he is adamant on Jerome. I keep telling him how much I hate the sound of the name and have been really trying to like it but I really cant. I asked him if he would be open to talking about other names and he didn't respond to me and just went to bed without speaking to me. I feel awful. But I really wanted us to be able to agree on names. This is my first child. I'm not sure what to do....

herewegrow

I would wait to see what baby is, then worry. You have plenty of time to come up with something that works for you both if baby is a boy.

bbiutmcph

You tell your H

" sorry but you can't always get what you want it's our child not just yours and I don't love Jerome. I tried and I don't. We both have to agree and compromise. So I veto it. Onward with new ones ."

lauren_m

That is completely unreasonable and ridiculous.  I agree that you should wait and see what the sex is before getting too stressed out, but this should be a JOINT decision. You're going to be the mom!  You shouldn't just have to tolerate the name.  It should be something you both love.  Scratch Jerome.  He'll get over it.

kerismatic

That's a pretty immature response on YH's behalf.  It's not okay that he made you feel bad about not liking a name and being honest with him about it.  I agree that it's a joint decision and that you should revisit this again if you find out you're having a boy.  It's right around the corner anyway, so try not to let it stress you out any more until it's something you need to focus your energy into.

MississippiCatfish

I agree to just wait at this point. I also think he is definitely in the wrong, but it might be a moot point soon, and one less thing to fight about in a marriage is great!

When I had the discussion again, if it's a boy, I would work my hardest to get him to put himself in my shoes, probably by choosing a name that I know he hates and tell him to imagine it's the only one I'll consider.

saham07

Maybe he was just so disappointed that he couldn't talk about it. I often see women on here talk about LOVING a name since childhood and then the DH doesn't like it. Is Jerome in honor of someone special to him? You could always say that naming the baby is all about compromise .........and although I don't care for the name Jerome, I will compromise and allow it in the man spot. I have had names vetoed, and I was heartbroken.......I have vetoed names and I am sure that my DH was disappointed . It is all about give and take

Gingermom15

Don't name your baby something you hate. SO was upset with me for a few days when I refused to name our son Kevin after his grandfather, but he wouldn't even compromise on it being his MN. He got over it and loves the name we chose.

MyCousinVinny

bbiutmcph said:

You tell your H " sorry but you can't always get what you want it's our child not just yours and I don't love Jerome. I tried and I don't. We both have to agree and compromise. So I veto it. Onward with new ones ."

All of this.  He doesn't have the option of not budging on a name because it's not 100% his decision.  You BOTH have to agree on a name that you like, it shouldn't be one-sided.  

I've had names that I've loved be vetoed by DH.  Was I sad?  Yes.  But ultimately I wasn't going to force him into using a name that he hated.  

ClaireBear90

There's no need to feel bad about not liking a name. DH has vetoed many of my favorites and I've vetoed quite a few of his. Sometimes we jokingly get "annoyed" when the other vetoes a name we're really into, but at the end of the day neither one of us would be happy if the other really didn't like the name. It's OUR baby, not my baby or his baby and deserves to have a name that we can both agree to.

helleebellee

I really hate when a guy feels like only his opinion matters. My mom, by the time she finally got sick of my dad's fighting over names, finally just told him that she's the one who carried the baby, and birthed the baby, and she's the one naming the baby.  Not saying that's the right way to do it! But that's what she did. My mom is kind of crazy.  I'd wait until you know for sure what baby is, that way you don't fight over something that doesn't matter.  

MssyMmmy

This happened to me too. We both agreed on a girls name and of course our baby is a boy. My hubby isn't budging on the name he likes and thinks he is more entitled because he is male. Thankfully the name my hubby likes has grown on me and I'm starting to love it. It just annoys me because I have had a list since I was 15 because names are important to me and he vetoed all of them. My list was three pages long...

MyCousinVinny

MssyMmmy said:

This happened to me too. We both agreed on a girls name and of course our baby is a boy. My hubby isn't budging on the name he likes and thinks he is more entitled because he is male. Thankfully the name my hubby likes has grown on me and I'm starting to love it. It just annoys me because I have had a list since I was 15 because names are important to me and he vetoed all of them. My list was three pages long...

Um, I have no idea why you're okay with his reasoning.  I'm sorry, he deserves it more because he's a guy?  

Yeah, no, I would have laughed in DH's face if he ever said anything like that to me.  And then shot down his name and told him to keep it movin'.

magsugar13

WTH is wrong with  you women?

Gingermom15

magsugar13 said:

WTH is wrong with  you women?

Do you care to explain what you mean?

neverblushed

Did you ask your H why he feels so strongly about the name Jerome?  If he can tell you why he cares so much about the name, it may make it easier for you to accept it OR (more likely) for you to work together to find a name that you both like.

Names can be hard.  My H and I had trouble finding names we both loved.  I didn't like our DD's name as much as he did, but I didn't hate it enough to veto it.  Once she was born, the name really grew on me.  It was the other way around with our son.  I picked the name, and DH didn't love it but didn't hate it either. 

It is much easier to accept a name once the child is born.  So, if either of you winds up compromising and accepting a name that you don't love, it's almost a guarantee that it will grow on you.

magsugar13

oops

magsugar13

sarahgn said:

WTH is wrong with  you women?

Do you care to explain what you mean?

I was being snarky to the  women who let their H'd dictate to them!

Gingermom15

magsugar13 said:

sarahgn said:

magsugar13 said:

WTH is wrong with  you women?

Do you care to explain what you mean?

I was being snarky to the  women who let their H'd dictate to them!


I totally didn't get that. I was genuinely confused. Lol

sarahufl

He went to bed without speaking to you? That was rude. Takes 2 to make a baby, should take 2 to name it.

H keeps vetoing the name Luke, which I LOVE. But I honor his vetos and he honors mine. I like Old Testament names, he thinks many of them are too Jewish (we are Catholic) and prefers stuff from the New Testament. We will sit down and go through lists of names online and veto or accept them as options. Accepted ones go on a list- we will figure out the name later, but agreed we should keep a list of the ones we both like.

CaboBride2015

Check the youneek name thread and tell him if he doesn't compromise you'll go behind his back and name your son something off that list. There's no way he doesn't start rethinking...

kayway85

At least it's not "dude...?"

Seriously though, that's not the way relationships work. Tell him when he carries the baby and gives birth to it, he can name it whatever he wants. Until then, it's a joint decision. You're the patient in the hospital. You will be given the forms to complete your child's birth certificate, not him.

Can you compromise on a similar sounding name? Have you suggested other J names you can live with? Is there a reason he is so attached to this one name? Maybe there is something else going on and he's just not being forthcoming with you. But he can't just say "That's my opinion, tough shit." You deserve to be part of the conversation about your child's name.

VesperLove

No no no and more no.

If your DH is going to be this way about choosing a name, how is he going to be with other parenting decisions? You're a team. One or the other of you don't get to make decisions and just assume or expect your partner to be okay with them.

I'd wait for now -- no reason to start fights/get into disagreements if you end up having a girl ... but, if it is a boy, stand your ground. Your husband doesn't just get to have what he wants so matter what is reasoning is. I'm be standing up to my DH from day one so he recognizes that he doesn't get to dictate any of this. You're opinion matters just as much.

daystardreams

I'm going to agree with the ladies here...for the most part except that I don't agree on hoping for a girl because it won't be an issue if it's a girl. This is most certainly is an issue and needs to be dealt with immediately. He needs to understand compromise especially in regards to raising a child. This is a talk you definitely need to have.

My DH told me when we started trying that he loved the names Alexander and Annabelle and had always dreamed his children would be named this. I tried very, very hard to like these names but after a lot of consideration and compromise and talking I eventually veto'd both names. We now have a boy and girl name that we both LOVE.

On the other side, I've loved the name Ayla since I was a pre-teen. He pretty immediately veto'd it with no thought or consideration. My feelings were hurt...but I started looking at other names. Two years of TTC later, he mentioned Ayla was a pretty name when he saw it on TV...I told him he hated that name and he told me he didn't hate it at all.

We considered putting it back on our list, he left it up to me but after not thinking about it for so long, I've fallen in love with other names more. If you or your partner doesn't love a name always keep looking, there are so, so many names out there!

MssyMmmy

MyCousinVinny said:

MssyMmmy said:

This happened to me too. We both agreed on a girls name and of course our baby is a boy. My hubby isn't budging on the name he likes and thinks he is more entitled because he is male. Thankfully the name my hubby likes has grown on me and I'm starting to love it. It just annoys me because I have had a list since I was 15 because names are important to me and he vetoed all of them. My list was three pages long...

Um, I have no idea why you're okay with his reasoning.  I'm sorry, he deserves it more because he's a guy?  

Yeah, no, I would have laughed in DH's face if he ever said anything like that to me.  And then shot down his name and told him to keep it movin'.

For the record he has never said that he is more entitled or put his foot down on the name. It just seems like he has a stronger opinion about boys names than he did girls. Or maybe we just agreed faster.
The name is not a solid for sure and he is still open to my suggestions. Our tastes are very different. We both know that unless we both love a name it's not the final choice. I do agree with you 100%

NHKx2

In this post, DH surely stands for Douche-Hose because that is what he's being. I can't add much more than what the PPs have said, but the name of your child is a joint decision and he is being extremely childish and unreasonable. I'd also worry how this childish behavioral trait of his will manifest itself down the road with other "joint" parenting decisions. 

jenmickey79

Thank you for all of your thoughts everyone! He has agreed to look at other names which is a big step. We'll be pulling out a baby name book if it's a boy :-) he felt strongly about that name because he felt it was a great name and original. Sure it's original but I told him over and over again that I hate the way it sounds and I've tried really hard for a long time to like it

Jess0813

If this was my husband and he was acting like a two year old over it then i would treat him like one. I would say im not naming my child something i hate so either you help me explore other names or i will name him whatever i want, your choice.