Please tell me I'm not the only one who is SCARED

saladflambe

Things are about to get super emotional and very transparent, and I will take any flaming that comes with this, but I just have to get this out.... 

I'm really happy... really, I am. My husband and I are pregnant intentionally. We're over the moon and excited...

But, I'm also terrified. I'm so incredibly anxious. 

I'm afraid I won't be able to do this. I'm afraid I won't be a good mom. I'm afraid I won't be able to handle the lack of sleep. I'm afraid I'll regret this.

I'm so in love with this little two-celled, few-week old person inside of me, I promise, I'm already talking to him/her... I'm already in love... but I am also just so so so afraid that I've made a mistake... that I didn't think this through enough... that we're not ready... that I'll never ever sleep again...

Am I the only one going through this? Just sitting here sobbing like "what did I do?!" and I feel so ridiculous.

lalala2004

I'm definitely nervous, but I wouldn't say I'm scared exactly. Mostly because I know I have 9 months to figure a lot of stuff out. I'm also reassured by the fact that people have kids all the time, some less prepared than we may be, and so often it works out just fine.

If you love your baby and want to do what's best for them, everything will be just fine

kmalls

Oh god I felt the exact same way my first pregnancy. Up until a few weeks before my due date, when everyone else on my BMB would make a comment about being so excited to meet their little one, I was all "nope, I'll be perfectly content if I'm pregnant for the rest of my life."

I had the same worries you did. I was convinced I would suck as a mom. I was scared I'd lose my mind with exhaustion. I thought my relationship with my husband would be broken. I worried we'd jumped into parenthood too soon in our marriage.

But you know what? It was all completely unfounded. By 38 or 39 weeks I was DYING for that baby to come out, and once he did all my worries totally evaporated. I'm not saying things weren't hard (they're so, SO hard in the beginning) but I never had to be committed to an insane asylum (victory), motherhood came so much more naturally than I ever envisioned, my husband and I love each other now more than ever and our marriage is totally solid.

You got this. Things are so incredibly scary right now but that's why pregnancy is 40 weeks -- you have so much time to come to terms with all the craziness so when the time comes, you'll be nothing but happy

Bluejay3030

You're not!! I remember thinking/feeling every single one of these thoughts when I found out I was pregnant with my first child. She's almost 2 and sometimes I STILL wonder these same things lol.

Point being, I think most new moms feel this way. Your little nugget is lucky enough to have a loving mama, so don't worry about having it all together. I'm not convinced that's possible :P Motherhood is a tough job, and this probably won't be the last time you second guess yourself, but I'm sure you'll be just fine! And it's sooo worth it.

tigerfish227

I'm terrified too but about different things like another loss. I've suffered 2 already both in the first trimester. I have 2 SKs and I've been babysitting since I was a kid (I know it's not totally the same) so I'm very comfortable around babies/kids. Maybe that fear will surface later, maybe not. Right now I just want so much to make it to that point.

I think it's safe to say that we all have fears about some aspect of motherhood so don't be too hard on yourself. It's not like there's an instruction manual that tells you exactly what to do. You take things as they come.

NebF

I think that your reaction is normal. I thought I had such a good idea of what having a child would be like with my first and it was such a shell shock. Still good, just not what I expected at all. I was never nervous with my son.

With this baby I feel like my emotions are all over the place. I am definitely scared. I know we will be okay, though. I tell myself that a hundred times a day. One of my friends said something great to me. She said, "This baby could be a source of strength, rather than stress." It really struck me and since then I've been trying to keep a strong and optimistic state of mind.

cortney626

I'm definitely nervous and this is my 2nd. My DD is almost 8 and I keep thinking "What did we get ourselves into starting all over?" Life is so easy right now. It's going to be a huge adjustment. But I do know it's all worth it.
It's definitely a normal feeling. It will all work itself out!

concreteayngel

Had those exact thoughts right before I got my BFP. It was taking awhile for us to get pregnant, and so I was slowly preparing myself for the possibility that a baby wasn't in the cards for us. I tried thinking about all the positives about not having kids, and almost talked myself out of wanting them! Then I got pregnant, and since there is no going back, now I'm trying to concentrate on the positives of having a kid! You're overthinking it because you're smart. You'd have to be an idiot to not think long and hard about what a huge life change having a child will be, and the sacrifices you will have to make. It's difficult and overwhelming to think about all at once. Don't worry (but you will anyway),you're gonna be great! 

LovingLife!

The fact that you are so worried tells me that you care, A LOT. That means that your baby is so lucky to have you  

Plus, newborns sleep a ton. You're going to be great!! 

LovingLife!

NebF said:

"This baby could be a source of strength, rather than stress." 

Love this!!!

LoverOfCities

I think those feelings are probably natural. Even for moms that aren't first timers- that just brings a different set of nerves to the table.
I'll be a first timer and I'm nervous!  Not terrified or anything, I know it will work out.  But maybe anxious regarding the changes about to happen in our lives. Sleep, schedules, knowing what to do (and not to do?) and hoping we do it all right. Parenthood is scary crap.

JessicaB0627

I was so frightened of all of those things while pg with DD. I think one of the most amazing things of motherhood is how you just kind of know what to do. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly hard and you will be very tired, but once you see how much you love your LO none of that matters.

Now I'm nervous about having #2! I'm worried about how DD will react and if she'll love her sibling or be jealous. I'm worried about losing time with DD. I'm worried about how the heck I'm going to manage a 3 yo and a newborn in a store. I'm just kind of freaking out @-)

saladflambe

Thank you for all of the responses. I think part of my panic yesterday was just due to lack of sleep (struggling with extremely severe insomnia - talking zero sleep for days). My doctor gave me something to finally get me to sleep last night, and I woke up feeling much MUCH better this morning.

No sleep makes everything a million times worse. I don't need a ton, but I can't do literally zero for days for very long.

austintoastie

You definitely aren't the only one!  I am very intentionally pregnant and thrilled about it but I woke up at 1am last night and laid there for two hours in a bit of a panic.  I thought am i too old?  We have no family nearby at all - how are we going to do this with no help?  Did we do the right thing?  What if I hate being a mom?  How are we going to afford a decent childcare person?  And stupid things, like what if I can't find time to work out anymore?  How are we going to afford x, y and z?  What if H and I never have time to spend together?  

I'm telling you - I overthink every single thing in my life and this is clearly no exception.  But then I think about some of the things I've seen recently - other parents with their sweet little kids, and I think about family holidays, and all of my other friends posting pictures of the first day of school recently, and I get all excited again.  

It's a rollercoaster.  I think thinking about all of these things is natural and good - at least we're not just bumbling along assuming everything will be peachy.    

SpringBaby2016

I'm not nervous about being a mom. More terrified of this whole pregnancy. I am so scared of symptoms. I'm already hating the cramping and little nauseous I'm getting. I have never had PMS symptoms.

gracefulruby33

I received my 3rd BFP last night. My first ended up being my beautiful almost 4 year old. My second ended in miscarriage on Memorial Day. To say I'm scared would be a huge understatement. I got so attached to my second baby and miscarriage wasn't really even on the radar. This time, I'm being cautiously optimistic until my appointment on 9/24, which seriously seems like an eternity from now.

It's absolutely normal to be nervous about the small picture (symptoms, sleep, etc) and the big picture (being a good mom), but the key is to enjoy ALL of it. The bad symptoms will go away and your natural instincts to be a mom will take over, I promise.

pbrown7781

When I had my first, I felt the same way....then I held that little munchkin and it all came to me.  

YOU can do this!!!  You will be a great Mommy!!

mslovesbo

JessicaB0627 said:

I was so frightened of all of those things while pg with DD. I think one of the most amazing things of motherhood is how you just kind of know what to do. Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly hard and you will be very tired, but once you see how much you love your LO none of that matters. Now I'm nervous about having #2! I'm worried about how DD will react and if she'll love her sibling or be jealous. I'm worried about losing time with DD. I'm worried about how the heck I'm going to manage a 3 yo and a newborn in a store. I'm just kind of freaking out @-)

I was SUPER SUPER hard-to-hold-it-in excited this past two weeks...BUT this week was a game changer. This is our second very-planned pregnancy (DD will ALMOST be 2 when baby arrives). We planned to try to get the babies close in age and get through the infant stage all at once. We planned this. But this week I have felt like maybe we should have waited longer, maybe a bigger gap would be better, maybe I wont be able to handle it all...maybe life will be too hard for two years...maybe I was wrong. I have also been interpreting nurses/dr congratulations and looks as "really? this soon?". I am glad I am not alone on 2nd baby stress. I want the excitement back. Tell me its coming...

concreteayngel

You got this! It's coming! And when they get older and are in the same schools together and can look out for each other, it will be so worth it.

allurah2014

It will be a roller coaster of emotion for sure. But once the baby arrives and you adjust, something will click and you'll say to yourself "I got this".

queen_frostine

Oh, thanks for saying this, because I feel the same way. I wanted this more than anything, but sometimes I'm so terrified thinking of all the stuff I have to do and how RESPONSIBLE I'll be that it brings on the nausea itself. I don't know anyone with kids (or have many friends) so I don't know how to do ANY of this stuff. *shudder* 

KKMalinowski

I am scared with timing!!! Found out Wednesday and will have to tell my parents this weekend (not drinking will be a tip off).

My LMP was 7/15-ish (not regular by any means!!!) and I think we conceived around middle of august, two weeks ago had a negative test.

My BIGGEST fear is that we started building a house 7/31 that should take 8 months to build... so we will be moving in while I am enormous if there aren't any hiccups in the building process... Or if baby comes early!

We just moved away from friends and family in May so this will be an adventure for sure. 

Kurrant

I don't have any immediate family to talk to about my pregnancy and my distant family members all live on the other side of the planet. I haven't had enough time to make new local friends besides DH. I spend a lot of time feeling scared and alone since I found out.

Strangely though most of my worries are about the actual pregnancy. Whenever I think about third trimester I feel VERY claustrophobic. Everyone is so excited about feeling movement but I'm more aprehensive than excited. I'm also worried about a MC. I'm 35 and my GP has already made comments about my age and the risks involved. I keep having terrible dreams about strange MCs.

doozer1345

This is my second but I went through the same thing mentally with my first. It IS scary, it will be different, you won't get sleep, and no matter how much you prepare you'll NEVER be ready. BUT with all that once LO is in your arms you'll love every minute of it. I went through IF for 6 years before my DD and felt horrified once I got pg and all the negative thoughts and worries took over. It's normal. The fact you're worried about it is a sign you're a great mommy in the making. Try to enjoy every minute of this. From the time LO is born, life goes by in a flash!

lest12

It's so normal to be scared.  There are a lot of big changes happening and there is truly no way to prepare for them.  You will figure it out though.  Some stuff will come naturally.  Other stuff, you will struggle through but will find a way through.  It's a crazy journey.

My first BMB helped me SO much though.  I love those women.  I was able to ask dozens of STMs things like "What do I do with the baby when I want to take a shower" and get great logistical advice... but as a group we supported each other, laughed together, cried together.  It was great.  The support system we created truly helped me get through so much of pregnancy.  I had DH and my family, too.  So whether it is this BMB, or a support system at home, or both, make sure you have some people to lean on! 

My own fears are different this time around but they had me up crying last night.  I'm scared to have 2 kids.  I'm scared of how a little baby is going to change the threesome we have now.  I'm scared I won't be able to juggle 2 bedtimes, 2 feedings.  I'm scared I won't be able to give the new baby the attention I gave DS, and I'm scared DS won't get enough attention anymore.  I'm already scared to go back to work after maternity leave, lol. 

You're not alone! 

saladflambe

Lord, I already want to leave my job... it's impossible to concentrate on it right now.

lest12

saladflambe said:

Lord, I already want to leave my job... it's impossible to concentrate on it right now.

I know.  I have a really busy week ahead here and all I can think about is my doctor's appointment tomorrow afternoon.  I feel like I've already mentally checked out! 

countrygrl5533

I don't remember being scared with my DD. I worked infant/toddler care for years so I was confident. This one? Terrified. Life changes when you add a 2nd kid and I'm not sure I want it to. I like how life is going right now. I like my freedom with having a kid out of diapers, old enough to play by herself, etc. I am finally getting past the shock and fear to be a little bit excited. But the day I got my BFP? Complete panic.

I think no matter what number kid it is, it is natural to be a bit scared.