The worst thing someone has said to me with this pregnancy was the father, when he flaked out and told me he hoped I died and hoped I had a miscarriage & that he was signing off his rights. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since but just in case I've saved the text messages where he said those things.
I would definitely take him up on signing off his rights, you wont get any monetary support from him, but he also can't come back when he decides to be a father. My friend did this.
I think in Michigan (where I live) even if he signs off he would still be responsible for child support. But he probably doesn't know that. But I haven't even heard from him in 6 weeks. I'm not even sure what to do after the baby is born. Just pretend he doesn't exist or go after him for support so he signs off?
The worst thing someone has said to me with this pregnancy was the father, when he flaked out and told me he hoped I died and hoped I had a miscarriage & that he was signing off his rights. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since but just in case I've saved the text messages where he said those things.
I would definitely take him up on signing off his rights, you wont get any monetary support from him, but he also can't come back when he decides to be a father. My friend did this.
I think in Michigan (where I live) even if he signs off he would still be responsible for child support. But he probably doesn't know that. But I haven't even heard from him in 6 weeks. I'm not even sure what to do after the baby is born. Just pretend he doesn't exist or go after him for support so he signs off?
I know my friend's sister had trouble with this and that's why she was nervous she raised their baby for 2 years alone and then he showed up one day and since he was giving her child support she had no choice to let him back in their lives like nothing had happened. I'm not sure who you would talk to about this maybe a lawyer? I'm not sure it was just a warning to be careful.
BFP 2/11/15 (EDD 10/13/15). MMC 3/30/15 D&C 4/3/15 "We will always love you"
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
My mother had this issue with my father. So when I was born she left him off the birth certificate so it would make it a little more of a pain in the ass in case he ever tried to come back and fight for rights. He never did.
A lot of people have asked me if I was trying. Since we definitely WERE and I can respond that way, it hasn't bothered me, but yeah, that might be a pretty rude question to a lot of people!
The worst thing someone has said to me with this pregnancy was the father, when he flaked out and told me he hoped I died and hoped I had a miscarriage & that he was signing off his rights. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since but just in case I've saved the text messages where he said those things.
I would definitely take him up on signing off his rights, you wont get any monetary support from him, but he also can't come back when he decides to be a father. My friend did this.
I think in Michigan (where I live) even if he signs off he would still be responsible for child support. But he probably doesn't know that. But I haven't even heard from him in 6 weeks. I'm not even sure what to do after the baby is born. Just pretend he doesn't exist or go after him for support so he signs off?
I know my friend's sister had trouble with this and that's why she was nervous she raised their baby for 2 years alone and then he showed up one day and since he was giving her child support she had no choice to let him back in their lives like nothing had happened. I'm not sure who you would talk to about this maybe a lawyer? I'm not sure it was just a warning to be careful.
Get a family lawyer now! Her a case written up on him. And have your guns ready incase he comes back trying to ask for partial or full custody.
The worst thing someone has said to me with this pregnancy was the father, when he flaked out and told me he hoped I died and hoped I had a miscarriage & that he was signing off his rights. Thankfully I haven't heard from him since but just in case I've saved the text messages where he said those things.
Unfortunately in Michigan you can't have him sign off unless you have someone who wants to adopt/take over the rights. Honestly don't put him on the birth certificate unless you want him to pay support/be in the childs life (& yes I do happen to work for Michigan attorneys and have dealt with cases like this)
Today one of my co workers, whom I haven't told, looked at me and said "you look so pregnant today" seriously I'm only 11 weeks and I haven't even told anyone in the company yet.
My favorite so far: "Are you sure?" Nope just like randomly waking up and telling people I THINK I'm pregnant lol.
Had a coworker tell me last week, "Wow! You're really pregnant today." Nope just fat and bloated thanks. And I love how she said really as though one could be a little pregnant, and this is the same person who said it must be twins. Lucky she's normally quite sweet.
We haven't told my awful mil yet (his choice) basically because hubs and I have had all the dumb comments we can handle as is. And I've had two losses so we are waiting as long as possible to tell those we feel won't be 100% supportive, like my brother who told me after my last loss that I needed to "accept the fact God only wants you to have one child". Unfreakingbelievable!
My mom pointed at my tummy and said "well look at you!!!". The whole family started laughing and it was really cute the way she said it. I laughed and said "yeah there is a little bump/bloat" and I think she thought that she embarrassed me so she kept saying how cute I looked and it was just pooching out a little. I was still laughing and then I started crying LOL stupid hormones. I didn't know if I was crying bc I was laughing or crying bc I'm emotional! hahaha so now my husband says "well look at you!!!" on a daily basis ">
When we told my parents (after several hours had past): Mom: "did you conceive at our house?" Me: "what?! No! Have you been sitting there the whole time trying to calculate!" Mom: "yes, I just wanted to make sure."
When I told my sister: Sister: "What are you going to do with it at my wedding?" (She's getting married in June) Me: "Uh, bring it?" Sister: "No you're not. It's a kidless wedding." Me: "Too bad, it's coming. It's going to be like 3 months old" Sister: "Get a babysitter."
Or my lovely co-worker the other day: "You're belly sticks out past your boobs! Haha" (Geeee, thanks. Everyone wants to hear how fat they are!)
@bagel37 I actually don't think what your sister said was dumb. I would at least find a sitter for the reception, it is her wedding.
I was kinda thinking along the same lines (but hoping you were joking when you responded), but i'm a firm believer that children do not belong at weddings, regardless of who they are.
When we told my parents, my mom's response was "Oh my god! What are you guys going to do?!" She meant childcare costs because our son is currently at the daycare she works and and she, as well as we, know how expensive it is for two and that we can't swing it. Not necessarily dumb, but I was kinda hoping for a hug or a congrats before the money question.
When we told my inlaws, my mother and sister in law had already poured me a glass of wine and so after we told them my fil says "well, now what are you going to do with the perfectly good glass of wine that was poured for you?"
I didn't want kids in my ceremony. I provided a babysitter at my wedding. If it was my own sister, I would've made an exception for sure. Some people feel really strongly about not leaving their kids with a sitter so young, and I totally respect that.
So far, only my boss and a couple friends know, as well as our immediate families.
Me, shortly after telling my family: I'm excited to take prenatal yoga, and I've already looked into a cloth diapering class, too.
My dad: Cloth diapers are disgusting and unsanitary. You might think you want to do them now, but you won't.
Me: My parenting choices are not up for discussion. Do not try to argue me out of a decision DH and I have made based on our own research and what we feel is best for our child.
I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating that last line a lot with certain family members... which is why I haven't told SIL #1, SIL #2, BIL #1, BIL #2, my aunt, my grandmother-in-law, or my cousin...
I didn't want kids in my ceremony. I provided a babysitter at my wedding. If it was my own sister, I would've made an exception for sure. Some people feel really strongly about not leaving their kids with a sitter so young, and I totally respect that.
So far, only my boss and a couple friends know, as well as our immediate families.
Me, shortly after telling my family: I'm excited to take prenatal yoga, and I've already looked into a cloth diapering class, too.
My dad: Cloth diapers are disgusting and unsanitary. You might think you want to do them now, but you won't.
Me: My parenting choices are not up for discussion. Do not try to argue me out of a decision DH and I have made based on our own research and what we feel is best for our child.
I have a feeling I'm going to be repeating that last line a lot with certain family members... which is why I haven't told SIL #1, SIL #2, BIL #1, BIL #2, my aunt, my grandmother-in-law, or my cousin...
Just remember things do change. I wouldn't be too strong until after you have accomplished some cloth diapering. Ex: my mom had 2 csections and doesn't understand my need er obsession with VBAC. "Why would you WANT to push something out of your v-jay jay?" I am keeping my trap shit until I hopefully succeed. Also a lot of my ideals changed after my son got here.
Also I don't get the whole "no kids" wedding. If my whole family isn't welcome at your party, then no thanks. Especially her new 3 month old niece or nephew??? Sounds like someone is worried a little attentionight be taken away from her.
Oh yeah... I get that my ideals are going to change (I won't be knitting all my babies clothes from scratch and making all organic baby food), but my core values, morals, and ethics will not. There are some things I'll be flexible on and some things I won't budge on. Trying out cloth diapers because of the amount of money they save is something I'm not budging on If I end up using disposables when I'm out or for overnight, that's totally fine. No big deal. But I am committed to my decision to mostly cloth diaper and determined to make it work if it is within my power.
Regardless, I don't think our families should be commenting on our decisions, especially if they're uneducated and wrong. Good for you for pursuing a VBAC! Good luck with that; I really hope it works out for you.
I didn't want kids because I was the pianist for a wedding that had multiple toddlers and babies in the audience. I couldn't hear one of my cues to play a certain song because there was so much fussing and crying. I wish the parents had been polite enough to step out with their kids. To each her own- her wedding, her choice
I might be biased since I had a "kids-free" reception, but I totally get it. Sorry that I would rather the adults enjoy the dance floor rather than it being consumed by the like 30 kids (minimum) in my family. It was an intimate affair at a brewery and late at night - not exactly kid friendly.
I also completely got if people didn't want to/couldn't get a sitter, but we did offer one and it didn't seem to be an issue (to my face anyway. I know people can skirt revealing their feelings to the bride).
IMO though the kid-free thing is more for kids that are mobile. Not like babies are going to be running around the place.
Also feel like I should add that I love kids and spending time with them (not that that needs to be said), but I think there are some places/events that call for an age-appropriate crowd.
I might be biased since I had a "kids-free" reception, but I totally get it. Sorry that I would rather the adults enjoy the dance floor rather than it being consumed by the like 30 kids (minimum) in my family. It was an intimate affair at a brewery and late at night - not exactly kid friendly.
I also completely got if people didn't want to/couldn't get a sitter, but we did offer one and it didn't seem to be an issue (to my face anyway. I know people can skirt revealing their feelings to the bride).
IMO though the kid-free thing is more for kids that are mobile. Not like babies are going to be running around the place.
Also feel like I should add that I love kids and spending time with them (not that that needs to be said), but I think there are some places/events that call for an age-appropriate crowd.
We had kid free but it's because the venue had a head count limit and we know way too many people.
DS1 - 9/21/11
DS2 - 7/4/14
DS3 - 2/21/16 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
I might be biased since I had a "kids-free" reception, but I totally get it. Sorry that I would rather the adults enjoy the dance floor rather than it being consumed by the like 30 kids (minimum) in my family. It was an intimate affair at a brewery and late at night - not exactly kid friendly.
I also completely got if people didn't want to/couldn't get a sitter, but we did offer one and it didn't seem to be an issue (to my face anyway. I know people can skirt revealing their feelings to the bride).
IMO though the kid-free thing is more for kids that are mobile. Not like babies are going to be running around the place.
Also feel like I should add that I love kids and spending time with them (not that that needs to be said), but I think there are some places/events that call for an age-appropriate crowd.
I had kids at my wedding (only like four of them) but I would totally respect someone having a kid free wedding. My SIL did that and unfortunately it was not really respected by her cousin and caused a lot of tension in the family!
I had 25 kids at my wedding ranging from 3 months to 12 years old. My family is huge I'm one of five kids and all our friends and family had small children. We did a teddy bear toss with the garter and bouquet toss. The kids made our wedding better I didn't want half of my family to feel like they were being rejected because they are children but I also had a dry wedding since I didn't want to pay for alcohol and my husband doesn't drink at all and I'm not a huge drinker. To each there own but I couldn't imagine leaving my 3 month old with a babysitter. I would probably not attend if my sister said her niece or nephew couldn't be there.
@ecwk are you my SIL?! I had an adult reception and my cousin thought she was above it, brought her daughter anyway. The kid was 12 so it wasn't a huge disturbance or but deal, but I was miffed that she just disregarded the invitation, like it was her event or something. I mean, it looked to others with kids like I specifically invited one kid and no one else's. Our reasoning was we had a smaller venue for the reception and didn't want to take up table space with a bunch of sub 5 year olds. Not to mention, it was our wedding not romper room.
@netsirk04 haha no, though the stories are similar!! My SILs cousin RSVPd that she and her three kids would be there and when it was delicately pointed out that it was an adult only event she decided not to come as she couldn't leave her children (the youngest of whom was like 7 or 8 so it's not like she was leaving little newborns at home!) Your wedding is your wedding the way I see it, you should do it the way you want.
I love kids at weddings- just a personal opinion but I love a big rowdy celebration. That being said, if I were to be invited to an adults-only reception I would get a sitter and plan on fully enjoying myself.
(Some exceptions for nursing infants, and 3 months is quite young, but I would respect the bride and grooms wishes and figure something out, even if it means not staying as long or having a sitter nearby)
now that I am not on my phone the stupid things I have heard so far:
one of my acquaintances/ kind friend who I really am not close with even though she pretends we are super close to my actual close friends (who was supposed to be due about a month before me, but had a blighted ovum): Wow I thought for sure that (4 .5 year old) was going to be your only since I figured you would have had a second and third by now (as she laughed) but I am not sure I want to be pregnant at the same time as you as I think you may suck my fun out of my first pregnancy.... yeah I very nicely did the actually some of us have histories of miscarriages that we don't care to share with the general population.
my MIL after her rude comments about another grandchild she will neeeevvveerrr get to see or have special time with made a comment to my FIL when FIL was on the phone with DH & I (and she didn't know) that SIL needs to get pregnant again so people won't ask why she doesn't get special time with this grandchild either (because in her eyes you can only have a good grandparent relationship if you get alone time at least once a week and see the child two or more times a week as well as get to be involved in all dr appointments and decisions)
my brother: it better not be a boy because I have to have the first male grandchild for our side of the family & I think you should name the child (a name I wouldn't ever consider) or (a second name I would never consider) because it would go along with (nickname he has for my child that no one but him likes or appreciates)
and for the record- my SIL announced her engagement the same day we announced we were pregnant with our daughter. Our daughter was seven months when SIL got married (unfortunately both DH and I were in the wedding party) so MIL wanted and tried to force us to let her carry LO down the aisle with her--- LO didn't come to the wedding much to MIL and SIL's dislike because I preferred not having a child under a year old at the wedding (we had three other weddings that summer and fall and didn't take her to any of them either).
I figured it was better then eight years after the wedding not being able to watch a video without getting pissed because DH's cousin's kid talked through the entire video and you can hardly hear the vows
"You only feel sick in the evenings? It's a girl."
No. You cannot tell sex based on symptoms! I told her that and she said "Trust me, I know, I have 5 kids."
Okay... maybe you had a theory that wound up being right a few times for your own kids (50/50 chance, so you could've gotten lucky), but if it was incontrovertible fact, I would know the sex by now because analyzing symptoms would be part of medical knowledge. It's just guessing games at this point unless you get a genetic test!
Just wanted to share that we went to NYC for a wedding when our child was turning 2 months. We were there for 3 nights and left him with a babysitter for the first time. The babysitter was a very trusted person who was watching 2 of my hubby's cousin's kids at the same time. I was nursing at the time and really appreciated not having to take him with to a very formal wedding. This was a two day thing, so we did this twice. I have a horrid pumping story from this wedding, but that's for another day
I'm definitely in the "your wedding, your rules" party. We also had an adults only wedding, so I may be partial. Most weddings we go to are very large and very formal though, so a child would really not fit in and be extremely bored.
The major dumb thing I've been tired of hearing since pregnancy number 4 (and I'm sure I'll be ready to scream by the time I'm through with this one (#6) is "so when are you getting fixed?!" 1st of all, am I a dog?! 2nd, having children is up to me and my husband. If I'm not asking you to raise or help with them then I could care less about your opinion on how many children we have. No, they haven't all exactly been planned, however, I believe children are gifts from God so I'll cherish them all. There are some women that can't and want to so bad so I consider myself very blessed!
March '16 December Siggy Challenge - Favorite Christmas Movies/Quotes
From my boss (old guy, no filter, more amazed it comes out rather than offended):
1. Well there goes your figure. (I wear scrubs, you can't see my figure!)
2. Does this mean you're no longer a vegetarian? (no, I've just added more beans to my dinners)
3. Can't you book your baby appointments on the week ends? (no)
4. Is it you'r husband's? I thought you guys couldn't have kids? (Well it happened, I love my husband!)
5. Aren't you kinda old for having a baby? (I'm 29! I'll be 30 in two weeks!)
6. Are you sure you should keep working out? (Yes, the doctor said I should)
And this was just said yesterday.
7. You still haven't had that baby?! You've been pregnant for months now! (this guy has no sense of time. He thinks something that happened in 2010 just happened, and a guy we had in the office last week was sooooo long ago)
Everyone else has been sweet and helpful. Even my MIL.
My sister who is a superstitious engineer (oxymoron?): you sold some baby clothes?! That's why you're pregnant now.
Yep, sis, I'm totally convinced it didn't have anything to do with me and DH having sex.
Let me preface this with explaining my brother is 21 and extremely immature with a twisted sense of humor.
We were watching the Dark Knight movie and he kept making director like commentary. We've both watched the movie plenty of times and I got annoyed and jokingly told him to cut it out that if I wanted to hear comments I'd watch the version with them. He got annoyed and responded with "I hope you're barren." I'd had a miscarriage in May and my brother knew I wanted to be pregnant. I got up and walked away visibly upset. DH saw me upset and confronted my brother about how inappropriate the comment was. Brother came to apologize a minute later and tried making a light of the situation by saying I would have laughed at that a few years ago. No, I didn't want to be pregnant a few years ago and was annoyed with my family asking when I would "try." That never meant I ever would have found it funny to be called barren.
Anyway, now that I am again expecting I happily told my brother and my sister. My sister was overjoyed and understanding. His response was, "how long are you planning on keeping this one before you decide to reject it like the last one?"
Answers
I think in Michigan (where I live) even if he signs off he would still be responsible for child support. But he probably doesn't know that. But I haven't even heard from him in 6 weeks. I'm not even sure what to do after the baby is born. Just pretend he doesn't exist or go after him for support so he signs off?
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
Get a family lawyer now! Her a case written up on him. And have your guns ready incase he comes back trying to ask for partial or full custody.
Had a coworker tell me last week, "Wow! You're really pregnant today." Nope just fat and bloated thanks. And I love how she said really as though one could be a little pregnant, and this is the same person who said it must be twins. Lucky she's normally quite sweet.
We haven't told my awful mil yet (his choice) basically because hubs and I have had all the dumb comments we can handle as is. And I've had two losses so we are waiting as long as possible to tell those we feel won't be 100% supportive, like my brother who told me after my last loss that I needed to "accept the fact God only wants you to have one child". Unfreakingbelievable!
When we told my parents (after several hours had past):
Mom: "did you conceive at our house?"
Me: "what?! No! Have you been sitting there the whole time trying to calculate!"
Mom: "yes, I just wanted to make sure."
When I told my sister:
Sister: "What are you going to do with it at my wedding?" (She's getting married in June)
Me: "Uh, bring it?"
Sister: "No you're not. It's a kidless wedding."
Me: "Too bad, it's coming. It's going to be like 3 months old"
Sister: "Get a babysitter."
Or my lovely co-worker the other day:
"You're belly sticks out past your boobs! Haha"
(Geeee, thanks. Everyone wants to hear how fat they are!)
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
So far, only my boss and a couple friends know, as well as our immediate families.
Also I don't get the whole "no kids" wedding. If my whole family isn't welcome at your party, then no thanks. Especially her new 3 month old niece or nephew??? Sounds like someone is worried a little attentionight be taken away from her.
I might be biased since I had a "kids-free" reception, but I totally get it. Sorry that I would rather the adults enjoy the dance floor rather than it being consumed by the like 30 kids (minimum) in my family. It was an intimate affair at a brewery and late at night - not exactly kid friendly.
I also completely got if people didn't want to/couldn't get a sitter, but we did offer one and it didn't seem to be an issue (to my face anyway. I know people can skirt revealing their feelings to the bride).
IMO though the kid-free thing is more for kids that are mobile. Not like babies are going to be running around the place.
Also feel like I should add that I love kids and spending time with them (not that that needs to be said), but I think there are some places/events that call for an age-appropriate crowd.
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Our family of 5 is complete!! Love our boys!
Me: 29 DH: 31
Married 10/13/12
TTC Since 8/2016
(Some exceptions for nursing infants, and 3 months is quite young, but I would respect the bride and grooms wishes and figure something out, even if it means not staying as long or having a sitter nearby)
DD1 - BFP 7/23/15 (EDD 3/31/16). "We believe in you rainbow" DOB 4/2/16
DD2 - BFP 2/9/18 (EDD 10/19/18). "Grow baby grow!" DOB 10/24/18
BFP 11/16/20 (EDD 7/31/21). "Round 3 FIGHT!"
No. You cannot tell sex based on symptoms! I told her that and she said "Trust me, I know, I have 5 kids."
Okay... maybe you had a theory that wound up being right a few times for your own kids (50/50 chance, so you could've gotten lucky), but if it was incontrovertible fact, I would know the sex by now because analyzing symptoms would be part of medical knowledge. It's just guessing games at this point unless you get a genetic test!
We were watching the Dark Knight movie and he kept making director like commentary. We've both watched the movie plenty of times and I got annoyed and jokingly told him to cut it out that if I wanted to hear comments I'd watch the version with them. He got annoyed and responded with "I hope you're barren." I'd had a miscarriage in May and my brother knew I wanted to be pregnant. I got up and walked away visibly upset. DH saw me upset and confronted my brother about how inappropriate the comment was. Brother came to apologize a minute later and tried making a light of the situation by saying I would have laughed at that a few years ago. No, I didn't want to be pregnant a few years ago and was annoyed with my family asking when I would "try." That never meant I ever would have found it funny to be called barren.
Anyway, now that I am again expecting I happily told my brother and my sister. My sister was overjoyed and understanding. His response was, "how long are you planning on keeping this one before you decide to reject it like the last one?"