Today I Cried Because...

DrKariC

The preg boards have a thread with the same title that is meant to be kind of funny and heartwarming, but ever since my loss I find myself surprised sometimes at what makes me cry, so to honor the ongoing grieving we're going through, I thought I'd make a place to share the saddest moments of our days, because I need to share them with someone who understands and maybe you do too. One happened a couple days ago when I was getting dressed. A couple weeks before I had been wondering how long I would be able to keep wearing that dress, and whether it would fit for a little while even with a bump, so when I put it on I was just struck with the fact that I would be able to just keep wearing it and that meant my baby was gone and I just sort of collapsed to the floor crying in the middle of zipping it up. Another one happened today in the shower. I'm not totally sure what it was, I was just listening to some music and looking at my body and thinking how I was getting thinner and that was the opposite direction and I ended up sitting on the floor of the shower and sobbing. DH heard me and came in and asked if I was ok and I wasn't hurt or anything so I just said, "yeah I'm just crying" and he asked me if i wanted him to stay and I didn't, I just needed to cry, so I said, "no I'll see you in a minute" and so I cried for a little while and then I got up and finished my shower and went on with my afternoon. It's weird because sometimes I feel like I'm doing ok, and then something like that just happens. Thanks for listening ladies.

ceclarlinetlo

My last cry was over the fact that I know someone who is due to give birth any day now will be the start of a wave of babies (2-3 per month) that keeps going until February, and I have been kicked out that wave twice now (1st EDD was sept 7th, second was Feb 22)

Hipshaker

I cried after my friends gender reveal party. They wanted a boy and when they cut the cake it was blue. I was so happy for her! But I could help but think, I just wanted a living baby. My angel babies due date is coming up too. I am pregnant now again and cry from the stress of thinking everything that could happen. Like I did tonight.

katempar

I think I've cried literally every day since I found out I was miscarrying. It's definitely better to get it out of your system than keep your feelings bottled up, though.

MamaBish

I cried yesterday at my niece's 1st birthday party. All I could think of was how we wouldn't get to do that with our dd. DH had to take me out a back door and go for a walk. The cake smash was too much for me.

DrKariC

A lot of you have mentioned seeing other pregnancies and kids and babies and I definitely feel that. I cried after I went out to dinner with one of my work friends - we had due dates 2 weeks apart and she's still pregnant and was talking about her symptoms. I want to be happy for her but it was really hard to hear.

candicek15

I had a MMC in June. Since then, even though I know my EDD, I've made a point to not track what week I would have been at, and I'd been doing pretty good. Then my friend who was only about a week or two ahead of me posted her 22 week bump on FB and I lost it. She has been a good support but after that I had to unfollow her for now.

Kissarie

On Sunday my church brought the children into the Sunday School lesson we were having on families and our responsibility as mothers and fathers. The children sang a song about families and since I lost my very first baby just about 3 weeks ago, I just cried right there in the middle of everything. All I want is to be able to be a mommy and for my husband be a daddy to a beautiful baby.

BGleckler

I understand how you feel. I tend not to cry, even when I know it would be healthier to just go ahead and sob uncontrollably. I generally bottle things up instead. About two weeks ago, my mother's boyfriend shared a picture of his newborn Niece with me and my husband. It seems like such a small thing, but it meant a lot more to me. The couple that had this adorable perfect child had gotten married just one month before I had, and had announced their pregnancy just weeks before I lost my first. All I could think was that it should have been me sharing baby pictures with my family. I sound like a horrible bitter person for saying it, and I wanted to be so happy for them because I know they must be overjoyed...but I just can't. I didn't react to the photo, I just looked away. My husband knew what was going on, and he started a conversation to get us off of the topic. Sometimes it's just tough to get through the day. I can't do or say anything to anyone here to make it all go away, but I know it helps me to know I'm not alone, so maybe my shared experience can help someone else to feel a little less isolated.

DrKariC

Today I told my supervisor - because I'm going to have to change my schedule again since we'd made changes for my due date in March and when I did he just dropped everything and hugged me and asked me if I needed to go home and if I wanted to be off for a while and I totally cried. It was just nice to have someone pause and acknowledge how big a deal it is.

cyntodd

I had a moment just a few days ago when I was looking for a new car with a third row seat because we were going to have another baby and then I realized we weren't anymore. It hit kind of hard that day. I also had a twenty minute sit on the floor ball my eyeballs out cry when I overheard my coworkers planning a baby shower for the two girls that are pregnant and due around the time I was. Miss my baby everyday and of coarse all the plans we had already made like buying a new car.....; (

Knottie71373595

Its been about a week since i foind out i was gonna miscarry and today i seen a picture of a friend at 22 weeks and i couldnt help but feel upset . glad im not alone

valleric

There's a girl at work is 25w and I should be 26w. Another who is 12w. Then another announced today at a meeting that she is 13w. I barely held it together. I let it all out when I got home. My heart is just so broken. Every time I start to feel better I hear someone else is pregnant or something. Now everyday at work I have to see 3 pregnant ladies.

adrimolina

Went for my post op appt after d & c, and walking those hallways of the hospital and sitting in that room with all those pregnant women was very hard...reminds me of only a couple of weeks ago when I saw the u/s images of my baby with no hb at 12w ..

babybluesnapdragon

I thought I was doing fine until this last couple of weeks when I realized I should be holding my baby in less than a month... And I'm so sick of seeing all my pregnant friends post on fb of how miserable their pregnancy is and how they hope it's a girl (or boy) when all I can think is I just wish I still had my baby!! I thought I was ready to ttc but with all my crying the last week or so I'm realizing I'm still hanging on to my last pregnancy.... I definitely don't understand the way of the world and why some of must loose the things we love

mamalucy15

I lost my first baby my little girl at 21w6d about a week and half ago and I've had days where I feel okay I feel hopeful for our future and giving our Luna siblings and then there's moments in those days where I just break down in the car while I'm out on a walk in the shower even at the stores especially when I see other pregnant women or my family who posts on Facebook about there babies I decided Id delete my social media for now. It feels so unfair and I still don't even know exactly what was the cause since the baby and I were both healthy I have an appointment next week with OB I hope to get more answers then. I feel lost and confused half the time I try to be hopeful it's hard though right now hopefully with time it gets a little easier

DrKariC

@mamalucy15 it sounds like you're being smart in staying away from social media for now.

I recently put away the few things I'd bought where I wouldn't see them and be reminded unless I went looking for them and it was surprisingly hard to do. It's hard sometimes to avoid the things that make me feel sad, especially because I want to be dealing with it not just ignoring it. It seems like an impossible balance.

natnleo

I suffered from an ectopic in jan 2015 and now a blighted ovum August 2015. My cousin is in labor and my SIL just had a baby boy. I cried at 530 am just thinking why that couldn't be me and my husband. So sad. I am happy for them it's just hard to see everyone happy and excited while I'm feeling sad and empty

MammaMac15

Hi all... I'm new. I miscarried in April, but couldn't bring myself to post until now. Our Butterfly baby was a miracle after two years of infertility

I cried a few days ago because I took yet another negative pregnant test and wondered if that was all I'd ever get for the rest of my life. I'm crying right now because I'm home alone, it's quiet, I watched a tv show with a pregnant woman, and then made the mistake of reading my journal entry about the miscarriage.

I'm so broken and hurting. Will this ever get easier?

adrimolina

I cried, like I have almost everyday since my mmc and d & c, the moment I wake up and am reminded that I am no longer pregnant and my baby died at 12w and I feel this unbearable emptiness and pain that takes over me...my husband doesn't understand and I feel completely alone and broken...

katempar

@adrimolina I totally understand what you mean. I know my husband and loves and cares about me so much, but he is unaffected by the miscarriage. He doesn't understand that my sadness is twofold: the pain of losing a child once you've started planning your "new" life and then the fear/anxiety of having another unhealthy pregnancy the next time around. He just doesn't know what to do or say to make me feel better, and I don't fault him for that, but it's so hard having to go through this alone.

cyntodd

Today I cried because I am just uterally missing my baby. I want to hold him so badly. I seem to be surrounded by pregnant people, two of them having boys. I want to be happy for them but I just get sad for myself. Also my DD and DS both have birthdays this week and I can't help but think about the birthday that will never come. I guess you can say I am having a pity party today. I am very thankful for my two beautiful children but oh how I am missing the one that isn't here. Hugs to you all.

katempar

Today I cried because...

about a month and a half ago, my husband and I rescued a puppy from our local animal shelter. The next day (literally), we found out that we were pregnant. A pregnancy + an untrained puppy just seemed like too much, so we rehomed her to a very nice family. It broke my heart because she was SUCH a great dog, but I knew the baby (and my sanity) had to come first.

Well, now, I am baby-less and puppy-less. We have talked about getting a dog since we are no longer having a baby, but I don't think it's going to happen since we apparently owe more than $2000 out-of-pocket for my D&C. We do have another dog, who I am very grateful for -- he always knows when I am sad and comforts me -- but I hate that we gave away the puppy for a baby who is sadly no longer in the picture.

Stay strong, ladies.

ceclarlinetlo

Today I cried because this week was the first fertile week in nearly a year where we have not tried to conceive because we are waiting on fertility test results before trying again. And my next cycle will probably be our last chance to really try for several Months. At the end of September my husband will start traveling a lot until March and the probability of him being home during a fertile week seems hopeless.

PauPau77

Today I cried because when I put the dog out I realized the morning are starting to smell like fall. I was supposed to start my 2nd trimester on 9/19, and was looking forward to seeing my belly start to grow and starting to wear looser clothing when the weather smelled like this. 

DrKariC

Today I cried because I told my Mom about everything and she was really kind without giving me any unsolicited advice or anything. We never told any of our family about the pregnancy so I was telling her about the pregnancy and the loss all at once and she's been just taking care of me today as I took the cytotec and I'm just really grateful for her.

adrimolina

From the moment I woke up I felt like crying. I had to go to a baby shower yesterday, it was really hard. They gave me 3 balloons a blue one and 2 silver ones, I gave the blue one to my LO when I got home. On the other 2 I wrote messages for my 2 angel babies and DH and I went out to the balcony and let them go into the sky. I miss them so much...

liepertsm

I'm glad I stumbled across this post. Today is a hard day.

I'm a teacher and we start school tomorrow. Today we had our beginning of the year church service and "Welcome Back" breakfast, and it was so hard. I miscarried two months ago and finally thought I was doing better. I thought I had prepared myself for going back to school and getting back into a routine, but today I felt my heart breaking all over again. I won't be announcing my pregnancy to my faculty and school families. I won't be making sub plans for the spring when the baby would have been due. This year was supposed to be so different, and now it isn't. 

Someone made a comment to me today about my husband and I having kids. Being the "young newlywed teacher", I get those a lot. I know they are said in love and I can't blame anyone because they don't know about the baby but today it hurt so badly. I cried all the way home and then some. 

msuzannah

Today I cried (read uncontrollably sobbed) because my sister in law posted that in less than a week her baby girl would be here and we were only 3 weeks apart. I feel so guilty for being so upset but I can't help but think about how I should be getting ready for my baby to come home. I'm just trying to be supportive and loving to her because I really am happy for her! Just sad for me at the same time.

DrKariC

Yesterday it was the grocery store. I walked past the ginger beer I liked when I was pregnant and then realized there was no reason to buy ginger beer when I could just buy regular beer. I don't even like beer that much - I mean I'd drink the ginger beer just because it tastes good but now it reminds me of being pregnant and it doesn't sound good at all.

adrimolina

I went to my son's school and another mom who I'm friends with told me that she is pregnant and due in February as well, they had told her it's a baby girl and she was so happy, I tried really hard to be nice but I was dying inside.
I'm going to have to see her everyday... Ugh

DrKariC

I talked to my friend who's just 1 week ahead of where I should have been and she's about to have her 12 week us and start telling more people about the pregnancy. I just can't help but feel like it should have been me too. I should have an us. I should be looking forward to sharing the news. And then I cried. Not in front of her fortunately - I really want to be supportive.

Newlywed_Amanda

I cried last night, after my D&C.

cyntodd

Today I cried because it is exactly two months to the day that I found out my baby passed. I also had to work with my very pregnant coworkers.....one of which was wearing the maternity clothes I gave her because I wouldn't be needing it any more. So if it has been two months then I would have been just over 5 months pregnant....

mommy2jg

I cried today because I felt strong enough to come back to the website after 3 month's first thing I see you are 22 weeks now and the size of baby I got sad thinking how big it would have been by now. Already trying to conceive and waiting to see if I am pregnant or not makes it worse.

valleric

Just trying to keep it together. I was due November 18, one of my coworkers is due November 23. Saw of fb that she put the stroller together today. That should be me! What a suck fest.

mjjc7709

@valleric My heart goes out to you. I've stayed off FB because way too many women are announcing their pregnancies and births. And I kept seeing pictures of baby showers and statuses about "can't wait for this baby to come, I'm about to pop" ... One of my husband's best friends had a baby recently. When he shared the news to me, I couldn't help but offer a fake smile and change the subject. I can't stand it...this still hurts so much.

adrimolina

Today I cried because I read this article:

https://m.essentialbaby.com.au/wellbeing/mind-and-body/the-unspoken-rules-of-losing-a-baby-20150908-gjhdiy.html?&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=social&eid=socialn:fac-14omn0583-optim-nnn:paid-25/06/2014-social_traffic-all-postprom-nnn-ebaby-o&campaign_code=nocode&promote_channel=social_facebook

mjjc7709

Today I cried because I received an invitation for a girlfriend's baby shower. I ripped the envelope open, saw the invitation and it felt like a dagger piercing my heart. I cried because it still hurts.

britmendz

I cried today because i finally deleted my baby registry.

Adventure84

Today I cried multiple times because today, Sept 9th, was my daughters due date.  She became an Angel baby on May 2, 2015 at 21 weeks 5 days.  Then we found out we were expecting again, only to go to the doctor yesterday and learn out second pregnancy has also ended in a loss at 8 weeks 4 day.  I took the apps off my phone and had to update my status on here, totally heartbroken.