Stillborn @36 weeks

nikkic1

My son was stillborn at 36 weeks 08/06/15. We have no idea cause of death, we are currently waiting for autopsy results. Its been tough but I am so thankful for friends and family support. My two year old son has been a life saver! We have good and bad days, but each day seems to get better. Levi was cremated and is now home with us again. My husband is not comfortable having a service so we are planning a memorial. I was wondering what other families have done regarding services for their stillborns and how long autopsy results usually take. I would love to hear from other moms who have gone through this, as reading posts have really made me feel not alone in this matter. 

kistra

I am so sorry you are here. You are not alone. We did a memorial with just family and lots of flowers becaue they make me feel better. I'm glad each day is getting better for you. I couldn't handle doing the memorial right away so we just did my son's last weekend and my son passed away in April.

jonahsma

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Please know that you are not alone and that the women here on this forum are here to support you through this. BIG ((HUGS))

ETA. corrected..

stefuge

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Levi. No one wants to join this club, and I am so sorry you find yourself here. As a memorial for our son, we invited friends and family to run a 5k with us ( something we had done while I was pregnant), and then later that day had a small service with our immediate families. Honestly, both events were so healing and so important to us. We had many friends who wanted to be there and physically show support, but it was great having just family at our little service. It was very intimate and special. We did both about 2 1/2 months after our son was still born.

Honestly, whatever you decide to do will be prefect and so touching. Know that we are here whoever you need us. ((Hugs)).

msunshine123

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Thinking of you and your family and sending Big Hugs your way. My son was also stillborn at 39 weeks. We choose a memorial that was done over 10 weeks later with immediate family only - that's when I was ready and what felt right. Whatever you decide and when- it has to be right for you and your family. There are no right or wrong ways to go through this process - just take it one moment and then one day at a time. Know we are all here for you. ((Hugs))

shalyncross

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 36 weeks as well. We too didn't want a service, so we ended up having our close relatives over for a memorial. I had my dad say a few words and read a poem (I couldn't do it) and then me, my husband and two sons did a butterfly release. It was really neat and an awesome memory.

mrsdhouse89

I'm sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter 7/28 at 30 weeks and it took a week to get the autopsy results back. We are Catholic so we had her blessed and buried in the serenity section (a section for babies and children who passed) of the cemetery and had a graveside service. We just order her grave marker yesterday, my husband was not comfortable with cremation.

I think you could do anything you want with the baby's memorial. My friend had suggested we release balloons, but I think we will do that on her first birthday instead so we can celebrate her then too.

It is really up to you two on what you would like to do.

nikkic1

I love the idea of the butterfly release. We are going to do balloons and lantern release. 

dadalou

I'm sorry for your loss. Our son was stillborn at 39 1/2 weeks. We did not have an autopsy done. We buried him and had a service. We invited everyone we knew so that they could all get to "meet" him. Over 100 people were there. One thing that we did was DH and I wrote letters to our son. We had someone else read them at the service. We gave everyone else in the family the opportunity to write something to be read or say something.

mandyren15

I'm so sorry for your loss of levi. I too lost my son, logan at 39 weeks. We didn't do an autopsy on him but we tested the placenta and the cord. Those tests were beck in a week. We had Logan's service on his due date ( a week after he was born still.) We invited everyone to the church then they all drove over to the burial site in a funeral line. This was the hardest most devistating moment, but my husband needed our son at peace, and he wanted to be able to vist him instead of him being in the morgue. I was a mess and would never had had the strength to arrange everything on my own. We also wrote letters to our son which we read to him privately before the service and aloud during the service. My father in law had the pastor read his letter. I am still amazed how many people showed up to support our family or sent flowers or something. He would have been two months old today. It's been a rough day.

msunshine123

@mandywren15 - I am so sorry it's a rough day. Thinking of you and sending hugs your way.

nikkic1

Does anyone know how long autopsy results take, we are going on week 4 now with no news. 

MamaBish

nikkic1 said:

Does anyone know how long autopsy results take, we are going on week 4 now with no news. 

I think we had ours within 3 weeks, but she was only 28 weeks so maybe the older they are (re: bigger), the longer it takes to analyze?

coolmom87

My daughter was a 37 week still birth. There was not cause of death. She was completely fine. Nothing wrong with her at all. Her heart just stopped. We did all the testing and everything came back crystal clean. We had a memorial service through the church I grew up in and a blessing of the ashes through my husbands church. The memorial we basically had the standard still birth memorial. Except we made our own slide show of our baby girls life. From first ultrasounds to baby bump pictures, holiday bump photos. Her birth pictures and the pro pictures that were taking in the hospital of her. It was beautiful. The slide show was accompanied by two songs. Somewhere over the rainbow with the Hawaiian guy singing it and tears in heaven. It was beautiful

LilLambie

In Australia, I was told it would take 6-8 weeks to get autopsy results back. I got them back at my follow up appointment which was 7 weeks after the birth.