need advice. Long story. — The Bump

need advice. Long story.

I know this might not be any of my business but as a mom I am concerned.

I have a friend with a little boy who will be 2 in December. I am concerned he is showing sign of ASD but she ignores it. How do I advocate for this child without making mom mad or should I just leave the issue alone. Here is his story:

Since he was born he has been so hard to interact with. He hardly ever interacted after about 6 months. No giggles maybe a smile every now and then. He is completely non verbal. No babbling, no pointing, no grunting, will hardly even cry even when disciplined. He has never waved bye bye, mimicked, and still does not have a functioning pincer grasp. ( cannot feed himself small bits of food he will pick up a handful and shake his hand until he gets only one or two small bits and then will take it to his mouth) He is fixated on objects instead of toys. He loves rocks and will sit for hour in a pile of rocks just running his fingers through them. He will line blocks up but never build. He won't interact with children that try to play instead he walks off away from them never saying a word or showing any emotion. He will lay on the floor stroking the carpet for hours. He will go in the kitchen and open and close drawers for entertainment. Something was finally said and she did get his hearing tested but the doctor performing the test said the test could not be accurate because the child did not interact enough.

The only time mom has acknowledged there might be an issue was the day the hearing doctor said he didn't interact enough and that she might need to try speech therapy first. That day she admitted she thought he had ASD, but her husband was very mad and irritated with her for thinking that. Since then she has decided he is just an independent child and has no need to talk. He gets his sippy cup out of the bag by himself so he has no need to ask for it. I feel like the child needs and advocate but at the same time I know this is not my child and it's ultimately her decision.

Should I try to talk to her more or continue tip toeing around the subject and let her keep brushing it under the rug.

I just know the earlier you can get them help the better this can be treated. Please no negative comments i am coming from a place of love and concern and my heart brakes for that baby and mom and family. All advice is very much appreciated.

Re: need advice. Long story.

  • She might need to hear it from the doctor first. It was hard for me to know my son had speech delays. I wondered what I did wrong and all that. 
    Anyway, my on;y advice is to talk about some early intervention service in your area. For my area, they come to our house and evaluate kids on all sorts of development areas. They tell you where the kid is relative to typically developing kids and give you things to help your kid. My DS has services through them. My coworker did the eval and didn't need services. But she got some great ideas for her little guy. If this is her 1st kid, you can suggest it for some nice tips at helping the little one learn. 
  • MrsFL2015MrsFL2015 member
    edited August 2015
    I am a teacher and I have experience working with parents who have children with special needs.  Often times, a parent of a special needs child will go through stages.  They might have denial, guilt, anger and other emotions.  It sounds like your friend does know her child is different, she admitted it, but isn't ready to deal with it.

    You could try talking to her, but your friendship might end.   If you push her too hard or become too pushy regarding her parenting decisions, then she might get angry and stop speaking to you. However, it might help.  It's really your call.   If you're really THAT concerned and feel his lack of treatment/medical care borders neglect, you can always call Child Protective Services and file a report.   You don't have to disclose your identity, but if it ever did get out that you called, it could end your friendship.

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  • Encourage the speech specialist. 

    So here's the thing - she gets the diagnosis - then what?  The kid is labeled with ABCDEFG - whatever psycho-babble diagnosis.  That means nothing.  At the end of the day, the child still needs the same therapists they'd need with or without the diagnosis.  There really are kids that just wait to talk and interact until they're ready.  SIL's niece waited until she was a little over 4 before she even started to talk.  She's super-intelligent to know now!  That said, there are also those who have challenges and the earlier intervention the better.  She just needs to be encouraged to go ahead and work with the therapists and specialists until they get some answers to what is going on.  The hearing could really be the issue too - they got no definitive result.  Be super supportive, but, yea, not your business!  So the kid prefers rocks to blocks, Carpet to blankies. it's all good!  Not every kid likes to stack blocks.  Remember, it's a bell curve for a reason.  When the time is right, they'll pursue the other diagnosis' but for now, remember that it's the same work and specialists regardless of the diagnosis. 

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  • At this point I think all you can do is share your concerns with your friend but if she chooses to ignore it then you have to drop it. The child is still really young and while he could benefit from EI, doctor's don't typically diagnosis ASD until the child is older. If the child goes to school and still has concerns then the teachers should help address the problem then. Also the child may just be developing differently than a 'typical' child. I have a son who has a speech delay, his brain appeared to develop in a different order than the typical child. He has exceptional fine motor and problem solving skills but it too him forever to wave or play peek a boo. He didn't say a word before he was 2 but now at almost three is almost caught up speech wise and there are no other developmental concerns.

    In regards to calling CPS, a parent is not required to have assessments or put a child through special services. As long as the basic of the child are being met then there is no case. Unless the parent is abusing the child, which from your post it doesn't sound like, do not go this route.
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