Mixed feelings..am I normal?

D&M624

Hi ladies!

My husband and I have been married for almost 2 years. I feel like before we got married I really had a baby on the brain and really had the feeling I wanted to get pregnant right away. In March I decided I would stop taking my BC and "regulate" my self. Since March we have been being "safe". Am I normal for not feeling ready? I felt like I was so ready before and now I'm having cold feet about it. I've been a preschool teacher for 8 years so I'm super comfortable with children and babies and love them to pieces. Maybe the fact that I'm nervous about actually being pregnant? Or the feeling that life will be changed forever. Can anyone relate? 

BlueBirdMB

I with you.  I have intense baby fever and am also terrified.  I'm scared of my life changing when I'm so comfortable and happy with how it is now, but I also can't wait to have a baby.  It's weird. 

NLewis1

I think that's very normal. Even being a preschool teacher - it is completely different than having one of your own. It is a life changing event and I would be worried if you weren't nervous about it. We tried for 7 cycles for our first, and even though I was absolutely completely in love with the baby that was growing in my belly, I was still nervous and wishy washy about how I was going to like being a mom.

Now that we are "not trying not preventing" for a second - I'm STILL wishy washy! I worry that I'm going to be too busy and lose my mind, or a constant stream of what-ifs. A week ago I was like "crap, I hope I get my period...." And this week (post AF by the way) I've got the fever BAD again! And this was after a week of my almost 1 year old having strep.

I can tell you this - having a baby completely changes your life, but it's the most worth-while and amazing thing I've ever done. But it's a MAJOR life decision! You are suddenly responsible for this tiny person and that's a huge weight! It's completely normal to have conflicting feelings about that!

You'll be fine. The fact that you are not taking this decision lightly speaks volumes.

D&M624

Thank you so much for your replies. It's such a weird feeling, I've been on BC for so long and so worried about getting pregnant now that I'm married and it's actually "ok" the thought makes me nervous. Soooo glad I'm not alone, thanks for your words. 

Xstatic3333

Another vote for totally normal! I feel similarly. I want to be a mom but am very nervous about both how life will change and being pregnant from a physical standpoint. I think I'm one of those people who will never feel 100% ready, so we've set a date to start trying (January) and are just going to stick to it! I'm getting excited as I get closer.

Are there one or two things you'd like to do before getting PG that will help you feel more ready?

satuttle1014

I think it is a total normal feeling to feel "not ready." Honestly, I don't think you will feel ready until you actually have a child. I'm nervous about being a good parent because well I have never done it. 

If it is something you want then maybe you and your hubby can sit down and talk about maybe a time you want to start trying or set a before baby list of things you  want to do before you have kids.Maybe both of you are nervous and can talk about it just to get your feelings out about everything.

I decided to stop birth control and I was nervous but excited at the same time. I was excited of thought that we will get pregnant but nervous because I have never been pregnant and I have imagined it but I didn't know how when I actually am it would be. 

RunsUponATime

I think it is probably more common than not that people feel like you! It's a huge life change, and even the happiest of life events can cause some anxiety.  I definitely feel some anxiety, but for me it's probably about 4 parts excitement to 1 part anxiety.  

jenfarm3

I feel the same way. DH and I have put a date on TTC for around April of next year. I mentioned last week about how "Omg, it's already August?! This year is flying by!" and DH mentioned something about my baby clock, and how it was making things go fast 'cuz I'm excited. It oddly made me realize how terrified I am that, omg. He's right. April is gonna be here sooner than I realize and all this talk of "babies someday" is going to be "babies now."

I'm still so excited and really looking forward to our next chapter and really hoping that things go smoothly but it's a completely terrifying step. And it should be!!! Having a baby is a BIG DEAL and I feel like a lot of people don't act that way. You are bringing another life into the world and you have full responsibility into raising that life into a great, fully functional in real life human being. It's a huge responsibility and it should be terrifying. ... But it's also the most amazing things that you'll ever experience in your life and just try to remember that. It's OK to be scared, it's totally normal, but it will be amazing.

MrsFL2015

I'm also having huge reservations about having a child.  In fact I posted a very similar question a few days ago and I got a lot of positive responses about how I wasn't alone.   I fear that I don't have the ability to raise a child to become a stable, capable and self-sufficient adult.  I also fear losing myself.   I understand that having a child is a sacrifice and you change as a person, but I don't want to lose certain aspects of myself because I've become a mom.   Yet, I want to have this amazing experience and there are days the thought of motherhood is exciting.  

I know that I'll have to "jump in head first" into having a child.  If DH and I set a date/month/time frame to start TTC, then I'm going to keep pushing it back.   I've considered just stopping my BC and just let things happen naturally.  I've even considering getting off The Bump boards and just focusing on living my life and not on having a baby.   I know that I can't overly plan this (like temping, charting, thinking about babies 24/7, etc) because that will just overwhelm and make me too nervous, and I'lll end up back on BC. 

MrsRo731

Completely normal! I was baby crazy for awhile after I got married and then when DH suggested we start trying a few months prior to when we originally planned, I kinda freaked out. It's such a big decision and is life-changing. However, once I found out I was pregnant with my daughter, things fell into place. I'm not sure anyone is every completely ready for a baby, maybe as ready as they can be. Good luck and if you do feel like it's too much right now, talk to your DH. You both want to be on the same page . 

ArtlessIbex

Totally normal.  Moreover, we have a 4 year old, and I'm still back and forth about whether I love motherhood.  Don't get me wrong.  I love HER, but seriously, my life from before and my life now have absolutely NO resemblance to each other.  And I really liked my life before.  So I guess what I'm saying is ... well... the ambivalence doesn't end when you get pregnant.  Or when you have the baby.  Or when the baby is a toddler.

I, for one, am of the strongly held belief that you do not have to be "completely fulfilled" by parenthood.  It's totally okay.

Btw, in spite of everything I just wrote, we're still trying for another, and I really really want it.  That feeling doesn't affect the other feeling though.    

JenandJosh1310

I feel the same way! Most of the time im excited but sometimes when im frustrated about something or just picking up to head to the gym for awhile i think "do i want to add a baby this mix? Should i leave well enough alone?" I thinks its normal, keast i hope it is, i think its just such a big unknown journey so it plays around with your emotions.

mkc3888

I feel the same way.  Before I was nervous about it and wasn't ready.  Now I don't feel 100% ready but much more so than before.  I want to have a baby before 30.  Now I want to have a baby but am so scared that I won't be a good mother or just be isolated.  It's just a huge change.  Things won't be the same but it doesn't mean I can't do things I enjoy now.  

I look to one of my close friends when I think I can't do xyz once I have a baby.  She has brought her LO to all the fun stuff we do together, tailgating, live music in the park, and just hanging out.  It didn't change too much because we don't go out and party or do many things that you can't bring a baby with you.  I think I will always be nervous about it but that's ok.  I was nervous to graduate and nervous to start my first full time job and this is another HUGE change, so it would be crazy to not be nervous...right?

little_bren

I'm super anxious about number two even though we want three total!

ZoeyRaeJames

It's VERY normal! I was flip flop on the situation, as well. My SO and I would talk about it, then I would be against it, then for it.. .then against it again! A of the sudden, without us even trying or thinking about it, I became pregnan and got a positive on a test...on April 1st out of all things. I thought the tests were pulling an April Fools on Me! ) But they weren't!

Either way it goes for you and your SO, just remember - It's perfectly normal for you to feel nervous, and feel as if you're NOT ready! But when it happens, all these amazing, and confusing emotions hit you. But you will be so happy to be a new mommy, that those roller coaster emotions won't seem as BAD!

HookEmNelson

I completely agree with everyone. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge decision. You have every right to be nervous. It is fantastic when having the opportunity to make this decision. You will be prepared, and everything that you aren't prepared for you just learn to roll with it and make it work.
I'm nervous to bring baby #2 in our little team, but I know we aren't complete yet. We have a lot of love to give.

lovearoo

So does anyone ever find their children annoying? Lol often I find other's children kinda annoying... What if I find my own annoying too and have little patience then regret it?? That's probably my biggest worry.
I also feel just like @BlueBirdMB, both terribly baby crazy and also scared to death of changing our lives in such a way. I'm so messed up

HookEmNelson

@lovearoo 3 year olds are annoying. I'm in the midst. Thankfully he is super cute and we see glances of amazing behavior. High five to consistency!

lovearoo

HookEmNelson said:

@lovearoo 3 year olds are annoying. I'm in the midst. Thankfully he is super cute and we see glances of amazing behavior. High five to consistency!

So the cuteness and love you do get outweighs the annoyance and frustration right??

HookEmNelson

The power struggle is real, but so worth it. The hugs and random dance parties with him make it so worth it, too.

Edit: it's late, y'all.

lovearoo

HookEmNelson said:

The power struggle is real, but so worth it. The hugs and random dance parties with him make it so worth it, too.

Edit: it's late, y'all.

Good to hear!

penelope4612

I 100% want a baby, but I also agree that it makes me nervous.  Once you have a kid, you can't really take it back if you don't like being a parent.  And kids can want/need you at any time, day or night, for 18+ years.  That's a big job.  I worry that I'll lose my patience, and I worry that I won't be able to be good at my job and a good mom, or that my child won't be healthy, or any number of other things.  My DH and I have had a pretty enjoyable, stress free year last year, and we've traveled quite a bit, and I wouldn't mind 10 more years of that before we have kids, but we are in our early 30s and really don't want to wait much longer logistically, both because of potential fertility issues with age (and because neither of us has either tried for pregnancy before, so who knows if we're fertile or not) and because we'd rather raise kids in our 30s-40s than in our 40s-50s if we can.  

So, I think it's totally normal that you're having mixed feelings, and I think that processing those feelings before jumping right in is a good thing.

hgsurvivor

I feel the same way. We are also in our early 30s and we have an amazing relationship and friendship and there's a part of me (and him too) that wishes we could keep things like this for the next 10-15 years. But we also think about friends of ours that are in their early 50s and they chose not to have kids and even though they're happy, we have said many times we just don't want to find ourselves in our 50s with no kids, and no sense of wholesome family beyond the two of us. 

We've been married for 2 years but we've been together for a total of 11 years, so we finally feel like our relationship is in a really good place, and there is fear in both of us that a baby will change that. And at the same time there is fear of putting it off too long and then realizing it's too late. As you said, we don't want to raise kids in our 40-50s, but rather in 30-40s. 

Given all that, we made the "big leap" to stop taking BC and go from there. I think just THAT decision took a while to get to, so I'm proud of us. 

I do also look back and remember how nervous we were to get married. Both of us worried it would change us individually too much, and that fear of losing yourself to the marriage. and looking back, we haven't lost our individuality, we've become stronger as a partnership. I now can't imagine NOT being married to him. And it was the same when we decided to move-in together. It was a HUGE decision at the time, and we both thought it would be a big mistake, and it was really hard at first, but two years later it felt absolutely natural. So I think it may be a similar life decision. One that before it happens feel monumental and scary and like it might be a huge mistake, but once you do it and look back, you realize everything is better because of that decision.