Running Away?! — The Bump
June 2015 Moms

Running Away?!

Im a mother of 2, a 4.5 year old who is autistic and a 6 week old. My 4 year old is non-verbal so it is really hard for me to understand what he needs/wants. When he wants something he points to what he needs. My husband is very impatient with both kids. I usually have to ask him a couple times to help me with one of them. When he does "help", he's upset because he has to do something.
For example if the baby cries, I have to stop what I'm doing and attend to the baby (I don't mind). Today I was in the restroom, he starts to cuss me out because I'm taking a long time. She was crying and he couldn't calm her down and it was all my fault. At night he won't even get up to help me with her. (He says he has to sleep because he works in the morning. I'm on disability now, so he says I have to get up because I don't do anything and stay home all day). I also work and I'm back to work on Monday. I know he will not help me. All he does is play games on his phone. I just feel like running away. Help me please. Thank you.

Re: Running Away?!

  • My best friend had issues with her BF not helping her with her first DD. I stepped in and helped her out when she needed it. Late night phone calls, babysitting so she can get some time away, picking things up for her, etc. Like others have said, you will be amazed at who is willing to step up and help you out when you need it! 

    Hang in there! SO sorry you have to deal with this! :(
  • I'm so sorry you're going through that,it sounds like a tough situation.  I agree with others about counseling and reaching out to others (if you have anyone) for support.  Prayers for you and sending hugs your way!
  • Thank you mommys for answering. I do have help, my parents and sisters help me out a lot with both kids. They actually help me out alot more than dh. They know how impatient/angry he is, so they try to get to the kids before he does. My son would rather be with my dad than dh. I know that upsets dh, but it's his own fault for being so mean to us all. I've thought about counseling before, told husband about it and he thought I was joking, he said we didn't need no counseling.
  • Agree with PPs.. He needs to step up and be the father and husband your family needs! Sounds like something has to change and maybe he does need some sort of an ultimatum to at least get him to counseling.
  • Are there programs in your state where your son can receive some services outside the home? I have a friend with an autistic son who left her husband for similar reasons. The child goes to a preschool/ therapy program for autistic children funded by the state. It has helped him tremendously and gives her some extra help and breathing room.

    You have a huge load, your frustration is understandable. Hang in there, come here for support if you need it. This is a great group of mothers.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • My mom teaches autistic kids and sees these problems a lot. As PP said, it is often a strain on a marriage (though it sounds like your DH has little patience in general, not just with your 4 year old). My mom is often recommending therapy to couples, she knows therapists that specialize in these specific situations, so I would recommend asking your pediatrician or someone else who knows your kids to recommend a counselor to get you guys the most effective help. So glad to hear you have great support in your mom and sister, you are a hero for taking such good care of your 3 kids the way that you do! You deserve better, I would hope that counseling would make your husband realize that!
  • Even if you don't have it yet.. Seek some help for PP depression , as your situation makes you so high risk.. And don't feel guilty at all, I believe every mom has it to some extent.. You are dealing with so much I couldn't imagine ... Stay strong, rely on family , the way your H is acting is unimaginable given your situation.. I'm sorry and come here for support !!
  • Just checking in on OP. How you doin, gal?
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Ditch the loser.
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