Running Away?!

mghershkowitz · July 2015

Im a mother of 2, a 4.5 year old who is autistic and a 6 week old. My 4 year old is non-verbal so it is really hard for me to understand what he needs/wants. When he wants something he points to what he needs. My husband is very impatient with both kids. I usually have to ask him a couple times to help me with one of them. When he does "help", he's upset because he has to do something.
For example if the baby cries, I have to stop what I'm doing and attend to the baby (I don't mind). Today I was in the restroom, he starts to cuss me out because I'm taking a long time. She was crying and he couldn't calm her down and it was all my fault. At night he won't even get up to help me with her. (He says he has to sleep because he works in the morning. I'm on disability now, so he says I have to get up because I don't do anything and stay home all day). I also work and I'm back to work on Monday. I know he will not help me. All he does is play games on his phone. I just feel like running away. Help me please. Thank you.

KaLikeAWind · July 2015

I'll be honest and say I don't know what to tell you. I wish I did. Earlier today (5 hours ago) I sat in the shower and cried for an hour, wishing when I had gone to the store about 2 hours prior that I had just kept driving. I have my 6 week PP appt on Monday and plan to discuss it with my Dr. Is there someone in health care you can talk to? Maybe they can refer some counseling?

ETA and by counseling I mean couples counseling. Not counseling just for you

janat1717 · July 2015

That's hard. I second counseling as well. Hang in there and try to find some other outlets for help during the day. I'm at wits end by Friday just caring for one all week. Keep posting here!

aj1327 · July 2015

janit368 said:
That's hard. I second counseling as well. Hang in there and try to find some other outlets for help during the day. I'm at wits end by Friday just caring for one all week. Keep posting here!

I second this. Find people to talk with. Do you have family or friends nearby that you could lean on? I know if you're like me it's tough to ask for help sometimes, but it's amazing how people will help when you ask. So sorry you're dealing with this! Like PP said, I'm exhausted by Friday and I only have one.

virginiaunicorn11 · July 2015

I'm so sorry you're having these troubles. That is a lot for one person to handle. My understanding is there are also support groups for families dealing with autism, but I don't know much about it. Perhaps you can look into that via Facebook groups or through your doctor, etc. Maybe speaking with others in a similar situation will help you better. And I also agree with all the other statements so far.

Hang in there, lady! You've certainly got a load, so finding ways to have other help you carry it is important.

btm013 · July 2015

You came to the right place for support. We are all here for you.

I agree it's best to find a counselor you can speak to and lean on support groups and close family/friends. The cussing you out bc baby is crying worries me. It's a baby, does he not know that's what they do? If my husband ever spoke to me like that I would probably want to up and leave him too. I would not stand for it. No one should be spoken to in such a way.

We accept the love we think we deserve. Always trust you deserve the best!! You are doing everything you can for your children and that makes you a wonderful mom!

LolaMarley23 · July 2015

My best friend had issues with her BF not helping her with her first DD. I stepped in and helped her out when she needed it. Late night phone calls, babysitting so she can get some time away, picking things up for her, etc. Like others have said, you will be amazed at who is willing to step up and help you out when you need it!

Hang in there! SO sorry you have to deal with this!

KarasTwin · July 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through that,it sounds like a tough situation. I agree with others about counseling and reaching out to others (if you have anyone) for support. Prayers for you and sending hugs your way!

mghershkowitz · August 2015

Thank you mommys for answering. I do have help, my parents and sisters help me out a lot with both kids. They actually help me out alot more than dh. They know how impatient/angry he is, so they try to get to the kids before he does. My son would rather be with my dad than dh. I know that upsets dh, but it's his own fault for being so mean to us all. I've thought about counseling before, told husband about it and he thought I was joking, he said we didn't need no counseling.

janat1717 · August 2015

I have to say with the support you have and with him being mean to everyone, I'd consider ditching his butt if HE doesn't agree to counseling

AlyLynn07 · August 2015

Agree with PPs.. He needs to step up and be the father and husband your family needs! Sounds like something has to change and maybe he does need some sort of an ultimatum to at least get him to counseling.

henrytviii · August 2015

Are there programs in your state where your son can receive some services outside the home? I have a friend with an autistic son who left her husband for similar reasons. The child goes to a preschool/ therapy program for autistic children funded by the state. It has helped him tremendously and gives her some extra help and breathing room.

You have a huge load, your frustration is understandable. Hang in there, come here for support if you need it. This is a great group of mothers.

carajeanp37 · August 2015

My mom teaches autistic kids and sees these problems a lot. As PP said, it is often a strain on a marriage (though it sounds like your DH has little patience in general, not just with your 4 year old). My mom is often recommending therapy to couples, she knows therapists that specialize in these specific situations, so I would recommend asking your pediatrician or someone else who knows your kids to recommend a counselor to get you guys the most effective help. So glad to hear you have great support in your mom and sister, you are a hero for taking such good care of your 3 kids the way that you do! You deserve better, I would hope that counseling would make your husband realize that!

HayesRN13 · August 2015

Even if you don't have it yet.. Seek some help for PP depression , as your situation makes you so high risk.. And don't feel guilty at all, I believe every mom has it to some extent.. You are dealing with so much I couldn't imagine ... Stay strong, rely on family , the way your H is acting is unimaginable given your situation.. I'm sorry and come here for support !!

KaLikeAWind · August 2015

Just checking in on OP. How you doin, gal?

marinamarina · August 2015

Ditch the loser.

Running Away?!

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