I'm a wreck — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I'm a wreck

I don't know how to heal emotionally. I've been trying to ignore the fact that I had a miscarriage two months ago, trying to talk about it, just crying sometimes - nothing seems to help. I've had my first period after d&c and in two days about to have the next one. I even took a pregnancy test a day ago hoping that I might be pregnant again. I started knitting like crazy trying to take off my mind. My husband says I'm aggressive sometimes. What do I do? I can't talk to anyone about how I really feel because I end up bursting in tears. I was so excited to meet my baby and then at almost 9 weeks the heart stopped beating... How does anyone overcome something like that? It seems like the pain will never go away...

Re: I'm a wreck

  • ALC08ALC08
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    It is a hard thing to endure and anyone who hasn't been through it can not understand. Write about it if you feel like it, take some time for yourself, cry when you need to. If you don't have anyone in your life you can talk to this is a good outlet. I have a few close friends i can talk to but in a way it is easier for me to open up to strangers. I hope you find comfort and support here. If you feel like it find something to do or buy to remember your baby. I found a necklace from etsy i cherish and it's been a comfort. I've heard of others planting flowers or trees. You have to grieve but it will get easier with time.
  • I think it's like handling any death of a loved one. You really want there to be a magic switch that ends the pain but that's just not a thing. I don't think you should feel embarrassed if you burst into tears discussing it with others. I just miscarried a week ago. For the first couple of days, the only person who knew was my partner and my mother and I felt lost. But then I decided to be really open with everyone I know about it and was really surprised to find out that several women I knew had had miscarriages as well--people are just not necessarily vocal about it. 

    I heard a lot of insensitive comments like "everything happens for a reason" and it really set me off but as soon as I found just 1 or 2 friends who had gone through my experience and realized they too had heard those same insensitive things and were also set off by them... it made me feel a lot less alone. 

    Let yourself cry. Write it down too. Part of grieving is letting the pain out and acknowledging it even though it sucks. One of my favorite quotes that helps me get through this:

    “Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nurture you, because it will.”

    Nothing feels okay today... but some day, things will be okay again.
    Me: 34 / OH: 37
    BFP #1: 5/21/15 - Twins / MMC - 7/23/15 / D&C - 7/26/15
    BFP #2: 4/26/16 - Due date: 1/1/17
    DS (Henry!): 1/7/17 <3
  • You can't ignore it. It is a part of your story and always will be. Ignoring it is not healthy for you. Make an appointment for some counseling. Talk to someone, learn ways of coping. I am in the same boat as you. Our baby stopped growing at 8.5 weeks and we are devastated. It's like you have the next 9 months of your life planned and then bam it's different with one doctor appointment. You feel empty and like life is pointless. I totally understand. I think talking about it has helped me. I have several friends thankfully and unfortunately who have miscarried and gone on to have beautiful healthy babies. They are my help. They let me talk about it whenever and however. But I also made an appointment to see a therapist this week. I am very much so looking forward to that as well. Good luck!
  • I'm so sorry for your loss. With my first loss I was a wreck. It took me to a dark place and I was depressed. The only thing that really helped was time and a huge focus on self care.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
  • I'm so very sorry.

    I suggest therapy. I have been going since our loss in March, and it has helped a lot. It feels good to just let it out and get some advice from a professional. My therapist gives us coping methods and lets me know that my feelings are completely normal and I'm not crazy.
     Rainbow baby Savannah born 5.13.16 at 30 weeks    
    Baby Cadence born still 3.24.15 at 28 weeks 

  • I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. I second everyone suggesting a counselor or therapist. I know that everyone hates to hear this but It will get better with time even if you can't possibly imagine how right now. In the meanwhile just let yourself feel your emotions whatever they may be. There is no wrong way to grieve. I don't think we can fully move past our grief emotions if we just shove them down you just have to keep pushing through them. You are stronger than you can imagine and you can get through this. *hug*
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

  • Thank you all for your support! It made me feel a little better!
  • As time goes on you will start to feel a little better. Time has a way of healing the pain. I lost my son about a month ago. I was 22 weeks along :( when it first happened I was a total wreck just like you described. If you feel like crying then do it, if you feel angry let that out too. I am better than I was a month ago but I still am very down. I dont think you will ever be over it completely but you will be able to deal with it better. I hope this helped you. 
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