@mvargas12 I don't think you're a bad mother at all. Motherhood is not all sunshine and roses and its normal to not like aspects of it sometimes. I've said here before that if someone cares enough to worry about being a bad mother then they're probably a good mother. You clearly love your daughter, that's obvious from your posts here.
By the way , it sound like your husband is acting like a total assclown. But he's the one who will lose out in the long run.
@mvargas12 please try not to feel guilt over these feelings. It's all normal, especially with the circumstances you've been dealt. I had similar feelings with my first, questioning if I was cut out for this new role as a SAHM, feeling irritated that I lost my freedom to come and go as I please, stay out as long as I want, going on dates with my DH, traveling with ease...oh the list could go on and on. Point being, it's natural to mourn your previous life before LO came along AND it only gets better. Kids are so much fun and freaking hilarious. The love grows and priorities shift. A lot is sacrificed when kids come along, but it's worth it. Give it some time to settle in...and give yourself grace. Let the feelings flow through your and know that you will find your way through this. Hugs!!
@mvargas12 just so you know, I have a great husband who helps out a ton, and there are times I STILL feel resentful because it sure feels like my life has changed a whole heck of a lot more than his. I BF exclusively and although I pump, I still am way more tied to the baby. I also feel guilt when I feel resentful, but we've all been slapped in the face with a huge life change, you more than most! My parents divorced when I was 14 months old but never lived together when I was a baby. My mom was my best friend. She passed away 4 years ago, but I wish I could tell her how much I appreciate her now. I have no idea how some of you ladies are doing this alone! Hang in there. You will be the parent your daughter loves and respects. Hang in there!
I'm someone who moves at a million a second. My mind and my emotions work this way too. I've been pretty upset about my separation from my husband. A few days ago I found out that my husband is not only smoking a lot of weed, he's also selling it. That helped me be a little less upset. Today I found out my husband downloaded tinder (a dating app) and I was FURIOUS for like 30 minutes. I had a panic attack and couldn't breath. Then I realized I wasn't upset over HIM, I was upset about something else and felt immediate guilt and couldn't stop crying. I felt like my freedom had been taken away because now I have a daughter and even though he can shake his whole family off and be a single man, I have this person to take care of. He can turn around and go out while I can't do that. He can start dating and no one even has to know he's married or has a daughter. I, however, can't hide that. And not that I want to but for a second I felt like it was so unfair that he left me with this huge responsibility. With the rest of her life people asking me about her father or for the next few months people telling me how much she looks like him. You all can shake the feeling of feeling guilty over bumping your kid on the head or letting her cry because for a little while, I totally resented her for not being able to live my life free as a bird. Bad mom award definitely goes to me. All I want to do is cry for feeling that way.
starting to question if we are the same people. all of that sounds like my situation.
eta: and honestly it just sounds like your hisband is going to miss out, he is giving up his child and wife, he would rather smoke/sell pot and do whatever. thats his loss. i totally understand the resentment over not being able to just drop everything and start anew. and if things dont work out, its just motivation to raise them that much better, teach your daughter not to take shit from anyone and teach her to be treated right.
earlier i noticed a booger in LOs nose. we dont have anything for boogers yet, so i grabbed tweezers since it was pretty close to the opening. i felt like a surgeon or something extracting it.
@JessHeppell I can't get those booger things to work so when I need to I've been taking a tissue and kind of rolling the corner to make a small point to stick in there, works so well!
@JessHeppell I can't get those booger things to work so when I need to I've been taking a tissue and kind of rolling the corner to make a small point to stick in there, works so well!
it was a hard crusty one so the tweezers were magical
On the booger front - a friend of mine a while back was telling me about how he had been teaching his kid (who he always referred to as his 'progeny', cracked me up) how to blow his nose. That blew my mind. It still blows my mind. We are going to have teach our kids how to blow their noses. I don't remember being taught to blow my nose... I guess I assumed it was something I just knew, like breathing.
On the booger front - a friend of mine a while back was telling me about how he had been teaching his kid (who he always referred to as his 'progeny', cracked me up) how to blow his nose. That blew my mind. It still blows my mind. We are going to have teach our kids how to blow their noses. I don't remember being taught to blow my nose... I guess I assumed it was something I just knew, like breathing.
Ha! I taught DS1 how to blow his nose a month ago when he had a cold. He hated it when we used the nose Frieda and bulb snot sucker. He does it pretty good except he doesn't like blowing his nose into a tissue. So when he blows his nose, he ends up spraying me with boogers and has snot dripping down his face. Not ideal but I guess it's a start.
Also, @mvargas12 I've also felt tied down to my baby, and sad and angry that I can't go do whatever, or enjoy my time to myself to read the day away. I'm a person who *really* enjoys her solitude, and now I'm NEVER alone, yet alone all the time (I borrowed that from song lyrics cause its so perfect). Its one of the reasons I started taking meds and going to counseling for ppd. Maybe some ladies out there don't feel this way, but I'm guessing most do. But I'm trying to have faith in what @lovethatcolosun said - its going to be a grand adventure. And I love grand adventures.
Also I too struggle with the loss of my individual identity and ability to just like, get into a car and go somewhere. It sounds silly, but really is jarring.
@mellymar love that glycerine reference =D> so happy you're doing what's best for mama and going to counseling etc. A mom has to be healthy to care for LO!
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
@mvargas12 I think those feelings are pretty normal regardless of your situation. Probably all parents experience a feeling of lost freedom and its only normal to mourn that to one degree or another. I know i've had moments where i've thought to myself how much i'd like to be able to just run to cvs or starbucks without the whole production. Try to give yourself a break. It sounds like your ex is a pretty inconsiderate jerk, to put it mildly, and in your shoes I would probably be jealous of him and a resentful that I was left to raise baby on my own. Someday, he will be the one full of regret. It won't be you. Plus, I believe it is you who has pretty purple hair. : )
So for those that can't get the booger sucker to work. We have to clog the other nostril with our finger then suck the opposite ..... Winning at parenting right here...... Lol
@mvargas12 when people ask me how "it's going" (meaning parenting), I say, "Well... I am past the point of the first two weeks, when I constantly thought to myself, 'What have I done. We had a good life.'"
People sometimes give me a nasty or bizarre look or laugh nervously when I say this. Other parents laugh, because it's an honest answer. Kudos to the people who never felt that way. But I'm married for four years, mostly happily, and I still felt what you describe.
@hoodoll82@dancegurl1118 yes! Glycerine by Bush. My fav station is the grunge station on xm and that song played while I was on my way home from target to buy diapers. DH was home with LO and I was not purposefully thinking about it, but at the same time getting real glum about heading home because once I got there 'it would all start again'. That song came on and I was singing along (this was my later teen era, after all) and suddenly burst out sobbing on the highway.
Side note - didn't I hear that him and gwen are breaking up? That's too bad
@mellymar yeah another marriage bites the dust. Them marrying was such a HUGE deal to us 90s girls!
Re target: have you tried their up and up diaper brand? I've heard they are the best generic out there. And I need to buy some "cheaper" diapers for daycare soon and am considering them.
@mellymar yeah another marriage bites the dust. Them marrying was such a HUGE deal to us 90s girls!
Re target: have you tried their up and up diaper brand? I've heard they are the best generic out there. And I need to buy some "cheaper" diapers for daycare soon and am considering them.
@hoodoll82 I haven't tried up and up. I do have two small packages of luvs waiting in the wings to audition, tho. After I try those up and up is going to be my next trial
Ha ha! DH says our daughter must have inspired Billy Idol:
In the midnight hour, she cried more, more, more With a rebel yell, she cried more, more, more In the midnight hour, babe, more, more, more With a rebel yell, more, more, more, more, more, more
Oh, hey, nurses: We want to get a new allergist for my son (peanuts ) but the only pediatric allergist in the state doesn't seem to have his own office, he's just attached to several hospitals. Does a doctor like that just take off-the-street patients or do you have to be a hospital patient?
Oh, hey, nurses: We want to get a new allergist for my son (peanuts ) but the only pediatric allergist in the state doesn't seem to have his own office, he's just attached to several hospitals. Does a doctor like that just take off-the-street patients or do you have to be a hospital patient?
It depends on your insurance ... If you need a referral etc.
Bush is def in my top five!!! 90's grunt junkie here. DS will be brought up on good music.
Anyone have any reviews on the nose frieda? I'm desperate. He has been so sick but the bulb won't get the snot that's deep down. Poor guy can't breathe and coughs a lot because of it. We're going to the Dr but I was wondering if it was worth the money.
I don't even look at the "fit mama check-in" thread anymore. I worked out through both pregnancies hoping to help keep LOs healthy and make labor "easier." Now, if I have a few minutes between caring for baby and our 2 yo, I prioritize eating, cleaning, making dinner, and sleeping first. At least we walk sometimes..
@devyns2nd I don't have one, but I know I have seen other ladies here show nothing but love for the Nose Frieda. I've actually considered buying one just cause everyone seems to love it, buy I haven't had a need for a nose sucker yet so I've just been waiting
How do you all make tummy time enjoyable for your LO's? Mine absolutely hates it and screams the whole time. It absolutely breaks my heart so we don't do it as often as we should. She doesn't care for the designs and animals on the play mat.
So my LO will be 10 weeks tomorrow, I had a c section, my sex drive just isn't coming back anyone have any advice? I've done it once since she was born, I just can't get in the mood
@mvargas12 our LO only tolerates tummy time for like 2 seconds lol also I'm sorry for all your going through. My hubby and I have gotten into so many fights because he's still living life like he did before and I feel like I'm the one whose had to change everything. But the whole tinder thing would have pissed me off and the weed thing. sending positive thoughts your way. I've felt resentful before too.
Ugh so LO has been napping all dang day since 6 am. She's eaten twice but I had to force her to wake up for one. I hope this doesn't mean a horrible night for us now
Has anyone run into wipes that irritate their LO? Is it just a redness and sort of a rough skin feeling? LO has some general redness but they aren't diaper rash spots and it doesn't just go away with cream. The only thing I can think of is that all of our generic sensitive wipes someone bought us ran out this week and we started using Pampers Sensitive wipes. Wonder if those are causing the dryness and sensitivity?
I find it humorous that an off brand may work better for her. If this is it (I'm going to try switching back immediately and see if it improves) I'll consider this a win!
@devyns2nd I don't have very good luck with the bulb or the nose Frieda. The bulb from the hospital actually works slightly better if I have to rank the two options. Are you using saline spray to moisten first? I had the drops, but then bought the mist. LO hated the drops and would scream his head off.
How do you all make tummy time enjoyable for your LO's? Mine absolutely hates it and screams the whole time. It absolutely breaks my heart so we don't do it as often as we should. She doesn't care for the designs and animals on the play mat.
Re: Randoms!
By the way , it sound like your husband is acting like a total assclown. But he's the one who will lose out in the long run.
eta: and honestly it just sounds like your hisband is going to miss out, he is giving up his child and wife, he would rather smoke/sell pot and do whatever. thats his loss.
i totally understand the resentment over not being able to just drop everything and start anew. and if things dont work out, its just motivation to raise them that much better, teach your daughter not to take shit from anyone and teach her to be treated right.
Also I too struggle with the loss of my individual identity and ability to just like, get into a car and go somewhere. It sounds silly, but really is jarring.
People sometimes give me a nasty or bizarre look or laugh nervously when I say this. Other parents laugh, because it's an honest answer. Kudos to the people who never felt that way. But I'm married for four years, mostly happily, and I still felt what you describe.
Side note - didn't I hear that him and gwen are breaking up? That's too bad
Re target: have you tried their up and up diaper brand? I've heard they are the best generic out there. And I need to buy some "cheaper" diapers for daycare soon and am considering them.
In the midnight hour, she cried more, more, more
With a rebel yell, she cried more, more, more
In the midnight hour, babe, more, more, more
With a rebel yell, more, more, more, more, more, more
Anyone have any reviews on the nose frieda? I'm desperate. He has been so sick but the bulb won't get the snot that's deep down. Poor guy can't breathe and coughs a lot because of it. We're going to the Dr but I was wondering if it was worth the money.
DD will tolerate it for a couple minutes, but not long!!! I feel your pain.
Ugh so LO has been napping all dang day since 6 am. She's eaten twice but I had to force her to wake up for one. I hope this doesn't mean a horrible night for us now
I find it humorous that an off brand may work better for her. If this is it (I'm going to try switching back immediately and see if it improves) I'll consider this a win!