Don't feel like gave birth

SUNshin322

I posted about this before, but am feeling extra down about it today and maybe just need to vent. I had an unexpected c section with my daughter, and did not realise the pain this would cause me that is far worse than the physical pain. Nearly every day I feel sadness knowing I did not experience the birth I hd hoped for and thought about for so many days, and te fact that I may never experience it. I envy women who had this birth and feel like I am a step down from these women. I feel like I can't even say that I gave birth, like I am inadequate and am so disappointed in myself. I had this image of how things would be in my head and it was the farthest thing from that. When I hear women talk about going birth it breaks my heart more than anything in the world, I wish I could get over the pain because I have a healthy daughter but I don't know that I bet will.

jodi1008

Some women don't have as easy of a time to have a vaginal delivery. After my first born I was sad that I couldn't easily go through the motions of labor, although I had a vaginal birth, I never would dilate or have the baby drop on my own so I had to go through an excruciating induction resulting in an episiotomy.. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. With my next pregnancy I thought I could have the vaginal birth I hear so many talk about.. Wrong! My baby was the perfect size and everything to have the birth I wanted but my body doesn't allow it. This pregnancy my body never dropped the baby down again and to make matters worse is the baby stayed breech the entire time. Basically the dr found out during my section that which ever way the baby settles in there is the way it stays, there's no way to move in there. We tried a version and it was unsuccessful and made me very sick and ended up in the emergency room for a day. I was sad but having me and my baby live is most important. I know it's disappointing when our bodies don't do exactly what we wanted but we did carry this beautiful miracle for 9 months and did everything we can to make them safe.. Just like having our sections so they can enter the world

lola2bee

It may be helpful to talk to a professional about this. It may be that you have a touch of PPD and its manifesting around this topic. Just an idea.

In any case I'm not sure what you think you've missed. You have your own unique story for how your daughter came into the world and that is special. Everyone's path is different and there is no one right way to have your child.

But for the record I personally have never given birth either and don't feel like I'm a step down to anyone. That's really harmful thinking!

MrsWhiteToBe

I don't get why people feel this way. Not only did you give birth, but you did it on hard mode. I don't think it matters what hole your baby came out of, the fact is that you're a mother and that's what's really important!

mars8k

How could you say that?!

You went through the entire pregnancy and you fee less than a mother because of what happened on 1 day?!

Of course you gave birth! I actually think c sections entail a lot more than a natural birth so if anything you went through more to bring your baby to life.

And since she's healthy, you're pbviously taking great care of her, it's not your fault that you had a c section ans there is nothing wrong with having1! I have a friend who choses c sections over natural birth and she has a great bond with her kids and is 1 of the best mothers i know

justkeeptrying

I gave birth vaginally but definitely not naturally as I had hoped. As someone who had a vaginal birth I will tell you that you are no less of a woman or mother for having a c section. I would never look down on another woman because of this, especially when it was out of your control.

My birth did not go as planned. At all. I had every intervention EXCEPT for a c section. I was very upset about my birth afterwards as I had wanted to do it 100% natural. Although I didn't have a c section, I understand what you're going through. But remember YOU carried this LO for 9 long months, YOU were prepared to give birth to this darling, and when push came to shove, YOU did what had to be done to bring this baby safely into the world. THAT to me is a mother. And a darn good one at that! Being a mother is not about how we give birth, it's about how much we love this LO and will do anything for our baby. You did just that!

blitzy23

I had an unexpected c-section as well because the baby was in distress after a long labor. I was very sad that I didn't get to hold my son immediately, but so very happy that the doctor made the call to give me a c-section, because he may not have made it if she hadn't. A mom's job is to do her best to keep herself and baby healthy, and you did that! And it sure is hard to take care of a newborn after having surgery, but you are making that happen as well!

I second the PP about this maybe being linked to post partum depression, so do talk to your doctor and maybe a psychologist about these feelings. Our bodies go through so much during pregnancy, delivery, and post partum, so give yourself a break and do what you need to take care of yourself!

SUNshin322

Thank you for the kind words, they bring tears to my eyes! Is hard when there is no one in my life who can relate so am grateful for the support

danibonello

I know how you feel to an extent... my pregnancy went perfectly until my blood pressure spiked at 37.5 weeks, so I was induced. Even my induction was going beautifully... until I hit 9.5 cm dilation... where I stayed for 6 hours. The baby wouldn't drop past 0 station and I just wasn't going to be able to safely push her out, even though for the longest 6 hours of my life I wanted to push with every single contraction. When I really dwell on it, I feel a bit sorry for myself... I was SO close to being able to experience childbirth... I do feel slightly robbed. However, I went into my experience prepared for anything, so it helped that I was open to the idea of a c section when it was suggested. I will say that I am bitter because I feel like my section greatly impacted breastfeeding and led to my inability to do so.

I wish it had gone differently, but there are a few silver linings I try to focus on...

- We don't have any of the vaginal side effects
- Sex doesn't hurt for us (at least not me)
- My favorite... I have this cool battle wound, and one day I'll get to show my daughter and say "That's where you came from!"

Brieb33

@SUNshin322 don't be too down, I had a c section with my first baby 18 months ago and had a successful VBAC this time 8 weeks ago. VBAC is definitely an option and you should pursue it with your second. C section wasn't the end of the world, the recovery was hard but you will get through it and you can try to vaginal next time!

Brieb33

Oh yah and btw when I had a c section I didn't have incontinent issues, guess what I now that I've had a c section I have some trickling of urine some times! Yay 30 and bladder problems. Awesome.

LadyBlood

I had everything (except a c-section) that I absolutely did not want. Induction, contant monitoring, iv, epidural (I had insane back labor with pitocin), forceps, he had to go to the warmer and then the NICU for an hour. The first couple of days were rough, I felt awful everytime I saw the bruise on my babies eye from the forceps, but I knew I did what was necessary to get my son out safe (I developed an infection in my uterus at the end of labor). Luckily, prior to going into labor, my group appts were ran by a midwife who went through an activity with us where we chose the most important things to us about our labor and delivery and then she changed things and asked us what would make us ok with those results, that activity really helped me come to terms with my delivery. And after he was born, I talked to that midwife and she helped again by reminding me that things happen during labor and delivery and at least my son and I were healthy and really that's the important part.

Megaphone2752

I did have a natural birth, but I so often find myself thinking motherhood is really about all the days after birth anyway. When I was pregnant the delivery seemed like such a big deal, but there's so much that comes after that.

Hawk&Eye

If it helps any, my mom had me via c section and I think she's the coolest person on the planet...

ltcamacho

Hawk&Eye said:

If it helps any, my mom had me via c section and I think she's the coolest person on the planet...

This! ditto on my mom!!

menta84

I also had a csection when all I wanted was to have a natural birth. I made it 15 hours without an epidural but I only dilated to 3 then I finally got the epidural because of the exhaustion and excruciating pain, and almost 24 hours later I was ready to push. I pushed for a whole hour but my son was too big and even though he was descending through the birth canal, he wasn't doing it fast enough. My water had been broken since the beginning of labor so guess what, I developed an infection with a fever while pushing. I was so close, but you know what, at that point I didn't care about natural or vaginal birth, I just wanted my son to be born safely. I think that's what motherhood is all about, you put your baby's well being first. Who cares about how they came into the world, the important thing is they did so healthy, happy and safely. We as mothers want the best for our babies, and if a csection was necessary, then you were a trooper for enduring all of that for your baby's well being. You should feel proud of yourself! Keep your head up, you are doing a great job

kt1244

Yeah I second the no peeing issues! I can't even go run without peeing a little. So you've got that positive!

I could see why you would feel that way. I would have been sad too, but I also would have been happy to have a healthy baby. That is something to be truly grateful for. Not to mention, some women cannot have a child at all and desperately want to. There is a lot to be grateful for when you think about it. With that being said, I do understand where you're coming from. Just think of all the positives!

kristaelaine86

I've done with both ways twice, and I don't feel any differently about my birthing experience for my two sections versus my last two girls who were born vaginally. I love them all the same and it was a special day and experience every time.
I do agree that maybe this could be a touch of PPD.