Circumcision (no negative comments**)

hayleyvuola

we just found out we are having a boy! I am absolutely thrilled but the only reason I am not is circumcision. I know it's so incredibly normal for boys to get it done, and my husband is not changing his mind, he wants it done. But my mom had a horrible experience and didn't with my second brother cause of fears. I've researched the procedure but not the pros and cons, so how many of you moms with boys did it? How many didn't and why?

Please no rude or negative comments to my post or anyone else's, this is a judge free zone. I just need some advice. Thanks!

aphilli8

No advice, but I'm right there with you. I don't know if I'm having a boy yet, but honestly I hope not because this is an argument Im not looking forward to with my husband. I'm adamantly against it and he is adamantly for it. My view is its not medically necessary so I don't want to have it done. Period.

Cricket99

Here is a really interesting article I found on why circumcision is so prevalent in North America as opposed to other countries. I'm making my husband read it so we can discuss the pros and cons Congratulations on the boy!

https://madsciencewriter.blogspot.co.uk/2013/05/the-foreskin-why-is-it-such-secret-in.html?m=1

rebbeccaj

I'm a first time mum and if I have a boy we are getting him circumcised.
My partner said there is no question about it!
I agree it's hygienic and it won't cause problems in the future.
My nephew has a few problems so he has to get it done when he is 16 so maybe getting it done when they are young so they don't remember would be better. It will still be sad because it's your baby

kaym6

I have a brother and my mother said she also had a horrible experience when she had him circumcised. I am not certain of the entire story but I do know that he was required to have an additional procedure to correct whatever the problem was. That being said I am having a boy and still plan on having him circumcised. It's just something that's always been done in both my and my husbands family so it's never really been a question of if we will or not. I do understand your concern though because hearing my mother talk about how bad it was for my brother does make me worry! BUT there are plenty of little boys that have it done every single day with no complications

nataliep777

I have 3 brothers and all were circumcised, no issues. Same with my husband. I don't believe my dad or uncles were circumcised as they were born in Europe where it wasn't/isn't common like here in the States. If we have a boy, the hubs and I have agreed we are getting him circumcised.

Lljbean

My DH isn't circumcised and neither is my DS (who is 9 now). Neither has ever had any problems. My DH's mother taught him how to properly clean himself as he grew up and we have done the same with my DS. If we have another boy he won't be circumcised either. I, however, have no preference either way. I've left the choice up to my husband. Before my husband, the few guys I had dated were all circumcised. I have met a lot of friends and mom-friends that are adamant about circumcision and I just dont see anything wrong with either choice. I think to get negative and bash other people for doing either/or is ridiculous. I think, for me, it was an easy choice to let my husband take the lead, especially since I feel like I make the majority of the choices about our LO while I'm pregnant and since I am a stay at home mom. 

Whatever you choose to do, will be the right choice for your LO. Some people will have terrible experiences and some won't. Life will happen no matter what. Good luck with everything! and have a happy 9 months! 

enkb

Ftm so no specific advice, but my husband is from the UK where it is not nearly as common to have it done. He is not, and if our lo is a boy he won't be either. For me, I wouldn't want to do something irreversible without asking the child first, so if it becomes something they want later it could be their choice. Just from the perspective of an American woman being with an uncircumcised man ( something that I know isn't everyones experience) it is a complete non-issue, nocontrary to what the Sex in the City episode I remember from my teen years making it seem to be.

arose3eb

While I totally understand why people wouldn't get it done, just from my own experiences working in an ER, I can't tell you how many times the foreskin just ends up causing problems in older or sicker men. Granted, because of where I work, I tend to see older and sicker men much more than younger and healthier men, so take it with a grain of salt.
I was also raised Jewish, so I honestly just always assumed circumcision was the way to go without thinking about it, but when I got pregnant I really started to question it, worrying that I was mutilating my potential son for aesthetics. But everytime I think about what I've seen these poor men experience, I just know it's the right decision for me and my family (should we have a boy.)

daninikicoli

This was one of the hardest decisions I had to make. I don't think there is a wrong or right way, just whatever you feel most comfortable. My husband, too, thought it was a must. I, on the other hand, acknowledge the genital mutulation aspect, the risk to the baby and not being medically necessary. I seriously struggled with this, I cried. After my son was born, I decided to talk to a few peditricians about it. They told me (in my area) most parents still circumcise their sons. I just remember in school, boys who weren't circumcised getting treased. Women have talked about being turned off by uncircumcised men. My husband just stressed to me how insecure it made some of his friends who weren't. All these reasons are vain, I know, but we stress about names because we don't want our kids teased...I would think being teased about your penis would be worse. On the other hand, I do think uncircumcised is more common than when I was growing up.
Anyways, in the end we circumcised our son. It wasn't the best experience for a new mom. I had to watch my son suffer in the NICU, I never wanted to see him hurt again. However, the procedure and the healing process were quick and there were no complications. I'm happy with our decision, but would understand why a mom would choose differently.

indibidule

It's something my husband and I have discussed if we have a boy. There were studies done decades ago that showed it was more hygienic and helped prevent infection that have since been proven to be incorrect. Now there's no medical reason either way, it's more just done because of religious traditions, or because it's always been done. That being said, my husband and I will not be circumcizing any sons we may ever have. We don't think it's necessary and will do what pp said and teach proper cleaning, just like behind the ears or under the fingernails.

kmcc14

DH is adamantly for circumcision.  I don't really have an opinion one way or another, so I defer to the parent with a penis.  The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that there are clear health benefits from circumcision:

According to a systematic and critical review of the scientific literature, the health benefits of circumcision include lower risks of acquiring HIV, genital herpes, human papilloma virus and syphilis. Circumcision also lowers the risk of penile cancer over a lifetime; reduces the risk of cervical cancer in sexual partners, and lowers the risk of urinary tract infections in the first year of life. - See more at: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/New-Benefits-Point-to-Greater-Benefits-of-Infant-Circumcision-But-Final-Say-is-Still-Up-to-parents-Says-AAP.aspx#sthash.DPYjNgFk.dpuf

laxdixdar

My 7 year old (from my first marriage) is not. It was cultural decision with his father. While my son is fine now we did have issues as a toddler where he almost ended up circumsized at a later date, which would of been miserable. There were no hygiene issues his foreskin just never retracted on its own and we were lucky steroid cream and stretching it worked.

That being said he is a healthy happy 7 year old and fine now. If this baby is a boy we will circumsize. My husband now is and I honestly just feel like it's the better decision this time. In hindsight I wish I would of circumsized my first as a baby... the thought absolutely horrified me when they were contemplating it as a toddler.

Emott13

I do not have a son and don't relish the idea of a kiddo so young getting surgery, but I think it's important to let dad take the lead on this one. DH wants to circumcise because he is circumcised and is going to be the lead on teaching any sons about their genitals. He wants any sons to start out "matching dad" so as to avoid any insecurities or tough questions. And although I know it's probably an easy research, neither DH nor I have ever dealt with the day-to-day of being uncircumcised, so it just makes more sense for us to go with what we know. Anyway, those are our reasons for going with it.

MissMheMhe

If we have a boy, he will be circumcised. DH is and as a pp mentioned, since he will handle the male genital talks, he feels it would be best if son matches dad. I also figured I would let him take this decision as he has the most experience with that appendage. 

aphilli8

kmcconnell22 said:

DH is adamantly for circumcision.  I don't really have an opinion one way or another, so I defer to the parent with a penis.  The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that there are clear health benefits from circumcision:

According to a systematic and critical review of the scientific literature, the health benefits of circumcision include lower risks of acquiring HIV, genital herpes, human papilloma virus and syphilis. Circumcision also lowers the risk of penile cancer over a lifetime; reduces the risk of cervical cancer in sexual partners, and lowers the risk of urinary tract infections in the first year of life. - See more at: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/New-Benefits-Point-to-Greater-Benefits-of-Infant-Circumcision-But-Final-Say-is-Still-Up-to-parents-Says-AAP.aspx#sthash.DPYjNgFk.dpuf

Yeah but all of these risks are already at like 1% anyway so lowering a risk that's already super low is kind of pointless.

Edited to add: 1% is for risks like UTI's. As far as sexually transmitted diseases go, I'm not going to blame myself and say damn I wish I circumcised my kid if my grown son has unprotected sex and acquires one.

MaMinette13

My DH is not, and we will not be if we have a boy. Now there seems to be no medical reason to, as long as you teach them how to clean it properly. DH also mentioned diaper rash tends to be worse, but it was, at least for him, very easily treated.

Possibly TMI, but DH also swears after much research that being uncircumcised makes sexual experiences better.

ainverso

My DS was circumcised as a brand new baby. It was not bad and it healed very well and quickly. The worst was he was drowsy after the surgery for a little bit but he still nursed well and was happy. It was an easy decision for me and my DH as he is circumcised, my mom is a nurse and has seen the effects of not being circumcised on some people (young and old) and the added work of teaching our son to clean well (I know it is not hard, just more ).

If this is a boy, circumcision again is the choice

kfreeman2008

We were going to do it no matter what. Our son was in the NICU so we had it down at 2 weeks old in his doctor office. She used this little ring that fell off after it healed. If you Google bill gate circumcisions, you'll find info on his charity developing them to help fight disease in areas with very little medical help.

Our doctor would do it with or without meds to nimb but our son had minimal meds and didn't even cry...he cried worse for his shots after that.

I had a boss who didn't believe in it and so neither son had it done. You always hear about bacteria and teaching them to properly clean it. Apparently one son didn't and she avoided getting a surgery to fix a physical issue and he ended up with having a circumcision at 10. VERY rare but teaching them how to properly clean is super important and would have stopped him having it done at 10. Didn't know that and don't have to deal with it myself.

I'd ask a pediatrician what they say. Mine literally did not have a personal opinion. It's about half and half with who does it and who doesn't. She said having it done isn't necessary like it is in some other countries bc we have better hygiene practices. She'd never tell someone yes or no. That made me feel a lot better. It didn't change my mind, but it made me realize that it isn't necessary here.

Emott13

MMLmeow said:

I also figured I would let him take this decision as he has the most experience with that appendage. 

The "most experience with that appendage." Cracking me up.

jezygal

I would never have my son circumsized because of the procedure it self is obviously very painful and usually do not get any pain relief for the procedure. Baby boys do die from being circumsized usually it's from blood loss I believe, I think about 120 die on average a year. As long as you keep clean like bathing everyday or just cleaning off down there, there really is no issues with being uncircumcised. Your going to have to teach about the genital area eventually anyway, it just may be a little different for boys who are circumsized vs boys who aren't. Teaching you son to keep clean when he is older and teaching him what can happen if he doesn't keep clean ect... I just looked up the procedure and was going to watch videos on how it is done, but the videos where to painful for my weak stomach, so after reading and talking to friends who have multiple boys, my husband and I have decided we would not get a boy circumsized. My husband is circumsized and he's still a little mad at his parents for having it done, we said if our son decided he wanted to be circumsized when he's older then he can, but I really don't see a guy doing that on his own free will. These are just our reasons for not getting it done, you just have to research everything on it, even your hospital and how they preform the surgery.

kmcc14

aphilli8 said:

DH is adamantly for circumcision.  I don't really have an opinion one way or another, so I defer to the parent with a penis.  The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that there are clear health benefits from circumcision:

According to a systematic and critical review of the scientific literature, the health benefits of circumcision include lower risks of acquiring HIV, genital herpes, human papilloma virus and syphilis. Circumcision also lowers the risk of penile cancer over a lifetime; reduces the risk of cervical cancer in sexual partners, and lowers the risk of urinary tract infections in the first year of life. - See more at: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/New-Benefits-Point-to-Greater-Benefits-of-Infant-Circumcision-But-Final-Say-is-Still-Up-to-parents-Says-AAP.aspx#sthash.DPYjNgFk.dpuf

Yeah but all of these risks are already at like 1% anyway so lowering a risk that's already super low is kind of pointless.

I was just sharing the AAP's stance, since we're discussing the topic and some might find that interesting.  I wasn't aware that the risk for those diseases was around 1%.  I'd be curious to read your source if you would share it.

hayleyvuola

Thanks everyone. This really helped me understand my husbands side more than anything. Yes, he will be the one to have the sex talk and I'd rather him be and look like daddy then question why he is different. I don't want my son to be teased (although most schools don't make you undress completely anymore for physical eduction) or feel we made him look different in any way. All I've read was the procedure and it scares me to death. Hoping for a smooth and fast recovery. As I'm only 15 weeks I have a lot more time to think and research!

aphilli8

kmcconnell22 said:

aphilli8 said:

kmcconnell22 said:

DH is adamantly for circumcision.  I don't really have an opinion one way or another, so I defer to the parent with a penis.  The American Academy of Pediatrics maintains that there are clear health benefits from circumcision:

According to a systematic and critical review of the scientific literature, the health benefits of circumcision include lower risks of acquiring HIV, genital herpes, human papilloma virus and syphilis. Circumcision also lowers the risk of penile cancer over a lifetime; reduces the risk of cervical cancer in sexual partners, and lowers the risk of urinary tract infections in the first year of life. - See more at: https://www.aap.org/en-us/about-the-aap/aap-press-room/Pages/New-Benefits-Point-to-Greater-Benefits-of-Infant-Circumcision-But-Final-Say-is-Still-Up-to-parents-Says-AAP.aspx#sthash.DPYjNgFk.dpuf

Yeah but all of these risks are already at like 1% anyway so lowering a risk that's already super low is kind of pointless.

I was just sharing the AAP's stance, since we're discussing the topic and some might find that interesting.  I wasn't aware that the risk for those diseases was around 1%.  I'd be curious to read your source if you would share it.

The AAP

abbi1995

If me and SO have a boy he will definitely be circumcised. I see it as part of the American culture. I'm not sure how growing up in teenage years circumsized versus affects the child I don't know if either or get made fun of. But the sheer fact Is we want our baby to be circumsized (for many reasons) it's not like we are going to cut off him hand lol. Me and SO are both women so I'm not in most of talks situations. No husband to compare experiences and such. I had four brothers all circumsized no complications. So all will should be well if not I will cross the bridge if it comes to us.

thereisalight

We did it and will do it again if we have a boy. I heavily researched it, but still had many reasons why we opted to do it, including a close friend who voluntarily had it done as an adult... And very painfully so. I got a lot of flack from my husbands sister for it, and it really pissed me off. Do your research, ask your doctor, and make your decision... And don't take anyone's shit for it (either way)

aphilli8

Serious question (not trying to be snarky) what makes people think it's more painful for an adult than a baby?

l4rk

I will circumsize if we have a boy, for all of the reasons above. But also because I have beautiful, smart, highly successful friends who have passed on perfectly good men because they just couldn't get past their uncircumcised penis. It grossed them out. Shallow? Yes. Immature? Yes. But still very true and I don't want my son to be rejected because of something as silly as foreskin, when it isn't necessary and there are even better reasons not to have one.

Hygiene is a big one for me too; just because you teach someone how to do something, doesn't mean they are going to. I sure as heck am not going to be checking on my teenage son's penis to ensure he kept up a good cleaning routine...

willashbaby

@aphilli8 it has a lot to do with the fact that adult men have involuntary erections which I would imagine is horrifically painful after having surgery on the area especially the head of the penis. They also usually walk around and have to do things that would agitate it. Babies have the luxury of lying around, lol. 

Blueyedsky

aphilli8 said:

Serious question (not trying to be snarky) what makes people think it's more painful for an adult than a baby?

Adults have gone through puberty, which means erections, sexually sensitive tissue, and other fun stuff.

steph_pegasus

I personally am against circumcision. I think DH might rather have it done, but we haven't discussed it yet - cross that bridge when we come to it.
I just don't see any justifiable reason for it to be done, although I respect others' choices regarding their own kids.

EC2016

My DH is so if we have a boy he will be. My brother was not circumcised at birth and later had an issue and had to have it done at 3 years old. My mom said she wished she had done it when he was an infant. As an infant it's an outpatient quick procedure. When they get older and more developed it is a more serious surgery.

katiedid0907

I wanted it done for DS but my husband didn't . Circumcision rates are about 95% in our area so I just didn't want DS to feel weird that he wasn't. But we went with DH and didn't circumcise. I still worry a little bit because I'm a mom and I always think the worst, but circumcision really is not a necessary procedure and I don't understand why we do it "just because"

laurenmichaels

My son (who is 13 months) was circumcised and the process was a lot easier than I thought it would be.

Our doctors office would not let us watch which I was fine with. He was obviously fussy after it was done but it healed very quickly. I would say it was completely healed in a week.

MeghaJake

Our son is not circumcised because, in our research, we didn't see any health benefit in doing it. My husband wishes he was in tact. I would hope my son never dates a woman who is disgusted by his natural body! Maybe being uncircumcised is a good way to keep those type of people away!

yfvku

I am having a boy (just learned 2 weeks ago), did some research on this topic too. Since it is not as common in other part of the world as here in US, also because I generally prefer things to be natural the way they are born. I tend to think maybe people grow all the body parts for a reason. (we used to think tonsil or appendix are useless parts, doctors will cut them out without hesitation, considering the less chance to get infected down the road in life... Turned out to be they all have something to do with the magical immune system...) I try to stay on the conservative side to leave it alone and given my baby will grow up in one of the most diverse culture city, I won't worry about him getting teased for being different either. Here is also a link for moms who conceded how to teach an intact boy clean himself, it seems easier and more natural than it sounds like.
https://www.parenting-with-love.com/how-do-i-keep-my-uncircumcised-child-clean/
Best luck with either decision!

DaphneMoon1

@aphilli8 What PP said about puberty/erections etc, and an infants nerve development is not complete.

I also want to add, I've worked in several hospitals and never seen "no pain medication given". That was true in the past, but now it's always used. Ask you OB/Pediatrician who will performing it what they use: Emla vs lidocaine, Tylenol, sugar water etc. I've preformed about 50 circs myself. Lots of babies sleep through the procedure. They cry harder at being strapped down. The procedure itself takes minutes and has a very low complication rate.

As with any medical intervention there are risk. You should educate yourself and make the best decision for your family.

The scariest risk is if the baby has an unknown clotting disorder and continues to bleed after the procedure. This is extremely rare. I read a study on nih.gov where 500,000 circs were observed with zero complications from bleeding disorders occurred. Again, extremely, extremely rare.

When you read about complication rates from circs, it depends on how they define complications. A vast majority of the 'complications' are dealt with very easily. Too little skin removed, adhesions, reaction to medical tape, etc.

My DS was circumcised and if this LO is a boy, he will also be circumcised.

jennaymg13

My son is circumcised and if we have another boy, he will be too. The only problem we had is the doctor never really told us how to Care for it. I guess you're supposed to regularly pull the skin down/apart when cleaning, we didn't and now he has a small adhesion.

And I wasn't there for the snip in the hospital. I sent my mom to do it. She says she will always have a special bond with him!

mollyj931

Our son is circumcised and if this one is a boy he will be also.
Circumcision rates are still very high where I live and it was a decision my husband felt strongly about, both from a medical and personal standpoint.
After my son was circumcised he came back about 20 minutes later and caring for after was just fine.

mollyj931

DaphneMoon1 said:

@aphilli8 What PP said about puberty/erections etc, and an infants nerve development is not complete.

I also want to add, I've worked in several hospitals and never seen "no pain medication given". That was true in the past, but now it's always used. Ask you OB/Pediatrician who will performing it what they use: Emla vs lidocaine, Tylenol, sugar water etc. I've preformed about 50 circs myself. Lots of babies sleep through the procedure. They cry harder at being strapped down. The procedure itself takes minutes and has a very low complication rate.

As with any medical intervention there are risk. You should educate yourself and make the best decision for your family.

The scariest risk is if the baby has an unknown clotting disorder and continues to bleed after the procedure. This is extremely rare. I read a study on nih.gov where 500,000 circs were observed with zero complications from bleeding disorders occurred. Again, extremely, extremely rare.

When you read about complication rates from circs, it depends on how they define complications. A vast majority of the 'complications' are dealt with very easily. Too little skin removed, adhesions, reaction to medical tape, etc.

My DS was circumcised and if this LO is a boy, he will also be circumcised.

This is all great info. Thank you

JuliaK2084

If we have a boy he will be circumcised, I have decided it without asking husband bc I know he would agree. We wouldn't be doing it for religious reasons as much as for the cleansiness of it. Also my husband is circumcised and I don't want the boy to feel different from his dad or peers. My husband had it done at 12 and it was much more painful. I think getting it done at the hospital first few days is the best.