Anyone first in freinds group to be pregnant?

elizabethmarie11

Just wondering if anyone else is experiencing this. I have a group of close girl friends 2 of which I have known since I was about 5 years old and one of them was my maid of honor for my wedding. I'm the first one in the group of 6 to be married buy a house and now to be pregnant. I've been married for 5 years now and have felt like sort of an outsider but it really hasn't changed our relationships that much. Now that I'm pregnant all but 1 of them haven't really had anything to do with me. The girl that was my best friend and maid of honor hasn't even texted me once to see how I was doing and the only time she did text me personally was to ask how to make something. The one friend that has really been supportive of me has offered to throw me a shower and we have gotten even closer. Now I'm not the type of person that post a shit ton of stuff on social media about being prego or even talk about it in front of them. So its not like I'm that friend that they are sick of hearing about being pregnant.

I just think there are groups of friends that can grow up together but not necessarily they grow and mature at the same time. I guess I'm just really upset that my so called best friend has really turned her back on me and said rude comments to me about my future child like I can't wait for your kid to get older so I can tell them all the embarrassing stories about you and also when she saw me for the first time with a bump she said omg its so weird and creepy you're pregnant. Is anyone else in the same boat?

a2015

Im sorry to hear your going through this. I went through this with my first child. Going on my third now I've made lots of new friends along the way who have children. Out of my high school friends I only have one left. Unfortunately as a mommy priorities change and your friends won't understand until they have their own children. Who knows it may be jealousy!! Don't worry about them too much focus on you and your little bundle there are lots of mommies you'll make friends with , I'm sure

bbiutmcph

Unfortunately over time friendships do change.  Sometimes as you grow as a person, others lives just aren't at the same place and you become more distant. Sometimes those friendships rekindle later on and sometimes they don't.  With my first we were the first ones in our friend circle to have kids.  Even now as we are on our third only one other "couple" friend has had kids.  We have since rekindled some old friendships with people we lost touch with in the past and made brand new friends as we meet people due to having kids.  I think friendships change as we grow and although it's sad, it's ok because everyones lives are different and they grow and change at different paces.  We also grow ourselves and I know that I am not the same person I was 5 years ago, so naturally I don't have the same priorities I did back then, but my friends who aren't married and still focusing on careers and having fun are still there.  I also think you are probably letting your hurt feelings of losing the closeness of your friends effect your take on the comments.  I wouldn't consider saying she wants to tell your kids stories from your past rude.  My husbands best friend loves to tell our oldest stories and I can only imagine how those stories will be worse as he gets older.  I also think her comment that it's weird to see you are pregnant is just because she literally cannot relate to you at all right now.  All my friends thought it was weird to see me pregnant with my first and honestly I find it crazy to see people pregnant for the first time too.  I would focus on your new closer relationship with your other friend and try not to take it to heart.  It's very common for friendships to change as life does. 

McRad

I am on the opposite end of this than you. I am the last of my friends to have kids-- theirs ranging from nine to four. I can say things do change, not necesserally for the worst, but relationships sometimes aren't what they were before. You have a new baby to care for, essentially a new life you are going to have to navigate all while theirs is relatively the same.
While I'm not saying I was a friend that turned my back by any means, I just knew mom and dad needed time and some space to figure life out with a new baby and I respected that.
As for the comments, I can see how they'd be hurtful and a let down now, but maybe it's her way of making light of this big change in your relationship...? A way of coming to terms...? I don't know. I'm only thinking out loud here. You have changed in her eyes-- I remember when my very best friend was pregnant and it was a bit of a shock to me, not that I voiced it nor can I remember making any comments like the one yours made, I just remember thinking "Oh my goodness, she's a mom. She's got a kid!" It was a process to wrap my head around. She went from the partner in crime to a mom in an instant and it was something I couldn't relate to as I hadn't had a child. It's was completely foreign to me and just took time to adjust the lense I saw her through (high school tool around buddy to a mom).
I don't know if that made any sense whatsoever but maybe give it some time and they will come around. If not, sometimes friends part ways and aren't as close as before and that's okay. It happens and we learn to adjust. I know I now have a grater respect for my friends that did have kids while they were young and we can change our relationship once again because I'm now a part of this mom club they have been in while I've just watched from the outside.
The beautiful thing about life and relationships is that they are always evolving and changing.

Keep your head up, mama. It'll all be okay.

elizabethmarie11

Thanks so much for the kind words everyone. I'm just going to focus on my new found friendships with other moms to be and others that are still strong. Honestly this really comes down to a maturity level. Her and I are only 3 days a part but light years apart in real life. She is 29 going on possibly 18 this year. Her parents still pay for basically everything and has never really had to work hard for anything before.  I think I'm just upset for how rude an immature she has been and upset that she just can't grow up a little. I'll always be her friend we just won't be as close as we were before. Things have always revolved around her (she's very selfish) and now I'm going to focus my energy on me and my new bundle of joy.

elmann1

Yep, DH and I are the first to get married and have babies in our group. We actually dont talk to them much anymore. We kind of grew apart. Although one got married about two months ago and has been wanting to hang out more. the ONE friend I know who is pregnanct (via facebook) just announced her baby girls name............ and its the same name I chose. Figures. 

danixbanani24

I'm kind of in the middle here.  I have a group of college girlfriends that I'm really close to and I'm one of the last (out of 5) to have a kid.  I love asking them for mommy advice and what worked for them/what didn't, etc.  They are honest and supportive and tell me not every child or experience is the same!

I have another group of home-grown friends (again around 5 women) and I am the first to have kids.  One of them is really know-it-all-y and keeps trying to tell me what it's like to be pregnant or what's gonna happen to me like with all the "just wait" comments.  I'm gonna have to shut her down one of these days.  Also, we had dinner all together one night and a few of them were all "PLEASE DON'T BE THE PARENT THAT GIVES THEIR KID AN IPAD".  I'm just like look, I have NO IDEA what it will be like to be a parent (FTM) or what works and what doesn't.  Do I want my kid attached to an ipad?  No, not really but I cannot with any ounce of certainty say I won't EVER give them one.  I mean really people make me laugh.  How can you say what you will and won't do until you're actually in that situation?

Anyway, I could continue to rant and rave.  I guess what I'm saying is every friendship can be different and pregnancy can really affect how some people react.  Hmph.  lol

swickham7

I'm in the same boat. First to get married, buy a house and have a baby all in a year! I have a friend who told me when I announced I was pregnant tell me it wasn't a good time for her for me to have a child because she had to pay back student loans! I have never asked her to buy anything nor would I expect her too. Anyways that was the last I had heard from her, I've texted multiple times about hanging out and she either says she's busy or I just don't get a response. Some other friends have distanced themselves but to me I just see it as we are getting older and we all have different things going on in our loves, I see them at picnics every now and then. In this time I have gotten alot closer to my sisters and other family members and I think I am realizing that it is nice to have friends, but as we get older we don't see them as much and have different priorities, so a text or phone call every now and then is enough. I'm not letting anyone ruin this experience for me and if someone isn't supportive then I don't feel like they deserve to know my daughter.

kindlycrystal

My circle of friends is pretty small, but I was the first of my girlfriends to marry and now have a child. Honestly, it still feels a little weird for me to be pregnant. For the most part they've been supportive, sending me pictures of geeky onesies and such, but when we get together it's like they don't know how to act about the pregnancy. Awkward, really, even though I don't talk about it much.

My best girlfriend is getting married almost a month before my due date. We've not talked as much as we used to, life just happens like that some times, but we message each other often on Facebook. She was the first person (other than DH) to know about my pregnancy and she still wants me to be her matron of honor. I find I interact more with my friends on Facebook than in person, but that's mainly due to living about 2 1/2 hours away. Like PP have said, sometimes friendships change. You may grow apart and then grow closer again as you go through life. Or make new friends. I'm glad your one friend has been so supportive.  

cmjn94

I'm the first of my friend group. But besides having less in common with them, we are still close friends. All three of us are married and one of them is trying. I hope the other two get pregnant soon!

mommy_wife_nurse

Ugh. I feel for you! It's not fun when really good friends become distant for any reason! I'm also the first in my close group of friends. I feel like they just don't know how to approach me because they don't understand exactly. They can't relate to what we're going through. I showed my best friend our very first u/s back in February and she said, "I don't see it." I think pregnancy is an unknown area until you discover it yourself.

On the other hand, the friends that have become distant because they themselves have had a baby in the last 2 years have become closer. I've reached out to them and know I can go to them for "mommy advice" without it being weird. Motherhood is a bond made from the beginning.

It's tough right now with our hormones and trying to stay friends with ones who don't know what we're experiencing, but I really feel we'll one day have a chance to reconnect again. It'll get better, hang in there!!

ErinLily44

I know exactly how you feel. It wasn't the same situation for me as when I found out I was pregnant I was 16. Because of the stigma around young mums and stuff, my friends wouldn't talk to me at all. I was completely isolated. This meant that I stayed in a bad relationship with my boyfriend because I felt like I had no one. In the end he ended up leaving me and I was left with nothing. I recently saw my old best friend who I've known since I was 7 in the café. She came up to me and was like "Hey, is this your baby then." She acted like nothing had ever changed and then wanted to meet up with me. 

It really sucks when people are so rude, especially in your situation as there was no reason to do that. I'm so sorry that your going through a hard time and I hoep it gets better

ktlany

I'm sorry your friends aren't more supportive! I'm the first of my friend group to have a baby and everyone is so supportive and maybe even more close than we were before. I have 7 really close girlfriends that all consider this baby to be their niece and she will be the only baby in the group for a while probably. Even though we're all between 25-38, no one is really planning on having kids soon (mine is a happy little accident tbh). I don't live near much family (most of them live across the country) so having this support has made my pregnancy so much more enjoyable. Good luck and I hope your friends come around!

FirstTimeMamaAricka

Im sorry to know that your friends aren't more supportive or interested in being close with you the way they used to be. Honestly i can't really say i know how you feel as i am the las of my friends to get pregnant (due to inability not lack of interest) most of my friends were teen moms and now have multiple children. I do know that i am gaining more friends now that i am pregnant but some days i feel that these "friends" mostly have baby fever and are just drawn to a new baby. It sounds like your one friend has come closer to you now though and thats something you can't replace. Hopefully things get better for you. I don't really have friends because I'm very non-exciting as a person even when I'm not pregnant. I don't drink or party and that what most people my age want to do.

anorthro

I have two distinct circles of friends and in one, I am the first to have a baby. In the other, I'm the last. I often feel a part of two different worlds. Now that I'm pregnant I feel a little alienated from both worlds. I don't really want to spend the last few months of not having kids around kids all the time (my friends kids love me so spending time with their moms means spending a lot of time playing with kids). And it's physically hard to play with kids right now. On the other hand, I'm pregnant and I do enjoy talking about having kids and my friends without kids sort of ignore the fact that I'm pregnant, which is nice but also a little awkward. When I talk about being pregnant I feel like I'm just annoying them. It's not that my friends are alienating me - it's more my own doing.

Anyway, I'm sorry, OP, that you feel like your friends aren't there for you. It's really hard. When my best friend got pregnant she kind of stopped talking to me and it was confusing and hurtful. We are very close again, but it's hard to adjust to such big shifts in lifestyle.