Getting DH more comfortable

K&Elizabeth

this is way more interesting than my grad school homework....

GhanimaAtreides

Yeah, well Hydrocodone, Diazepam, and anemia will do that.

I'll just take my horrible abusive deserving ass back to TTCAL where I belong. Have fun in your perfect marriages. May they last as long as mine or longer.

CalebsHabibi

Lizzie5831 said:

Yeah, well Hydrocodone, Diazepam, and anemia will do that.

I'll just take my horrible abusive deserving ass back to TTCAL where I belong. Have fun in your perfect marriages. May they last as long as mine or longer.

Maybe you should up the diazepam and stay off the internet.

PrimRoseMama

Lizzie5831 said:

I wasn't recommending she give the guy blue balls, just that a female orgasm is a bit less intense with condoms after you're used to going without. I personally can't enjoy sex with condoms after 11 years of marriage where our primary BC was Paraguard.

I must have seriously misunderstood what you were hoping to communicate. It sounded like you meant that the OP should withhold sex until her husband agrees to TTC. Nothing in your original responses indicates any mention of female sensitivity/orgasm & condoms. That seem to come out of no where?

Lizzie5831 said:

As for the troll accusation, well... I wish that were true because then I probably wouldn't have bothered with being such a huge part of the January 2016 BMB (it's under "Limbo is over", but I was pretty involved before that) before heading over to Miscarriage/Loss group last Monday. But, hey... I bet that makes a bunch of you all freaking thrilled and that such a horrible person like me deserved it. Go ahead and rejoice. Meanwhile, yeah, I'm a real person going through some very real stuff.

Hold up! WTF?! Absolutely no one here said you deserved miscarriage. No one. Holy crap that's a horrible stretch. Please mind yourself! We might be snarky but none of us would wish miscarriage on anyone. Please!

I'm so sorry for your loss, and I understand you are hurting. However, advising that this OP effectively use sex as a weapon against her husband is seriously bad advice. It just is.

Perhaps it would benefit you to seek some professional help & therapy for the huge blow you've suffered? I feel for you. I'm a Loss Mom & have been here, but it does not excuse this.

Please, I feel for you, but you've got to slow your roll here!

PrimRoseMama

WTAF WTAF?!?! She's saying we are HAPPY-- she miscarried?!?!?

My brain.
My brain.

Who the very fucking fuck days this shit? Her advice was shitty. It doesn't mean I have ill will for her.

For shit's sake!

cattlebride

I don't even know what to say. This isn't a normal ttgp post that's for sure.

It's good to see so many regs though.

PrimRoseMama

Lizzie5831 said:

Yeah, well Hydrocodone, Diazepam, and anemia will do that.

I'll just take my horrible abusive deserving ass back to TTCAL where I belong. Have fun in your perfect marriages. May they last as long as mine or longer.

QFP. I'm really sorry. It seems like you are going through an awful time & your judgment is clearly affected. Please please take care of yourself.

ljwisniew

So sorry for your loss @Lizzie5831

didi0308

CalebsHabibi said:

Lizzie5831 said:

Yeah, well Hydrocodone, Diazepam, and anemia will do that.

I'll just take my horrible abusive deserving ass back to TTCAL where I belong. Have fun in your perfect marriages. May they last as long as mine or longer.

Maybe you should up the diazepam and stay off the internet.

this.

MamaBish

I'm truly sorry for your loss @Lizzie5831 we would never, ever wish miscarriage in anyone. Many of us have suffered losses too (my own was at 28 weeks) and we know the pain all too well.

Your post was clearly confusing to all of us and it seems like you meant the opposite if what it looked like, which is unfortunate.
I do want to suggest therapy. It can help immensely (it helps me!) and I think you should give it a try.
If you do decide to not hang out here, I will see you over at ttcal. Be kind to yourself and your DH.

mikaela20

Lizzie5831 said:

Yeah, well Hydrocodone, Diazepam, and anemia will do that.

I'll just take my horrible abusive deserving ass back to TTCAL where I belong. Have fun in your perfect marriages. May they last as long as mine or longer.

This is by far the most disturbing thread i have ever read. Your DH must feel so emasculated and trapped. But pp already covered what is so wrong with this.

My Marriage isnt perfect , but its based on mutual respect for eachother. Something that yours clearly needs more of. The length of a relationship is meaningless if there is no happiness in it. I do hope you take time to re read your post and see why this sounds so disturbing.

Edited- quote box issues

MagicMikki

The other option:

Lizzie5831 said:

Wow, ok... I must still be pretty anemic because some of you are REALLY twisting what I said around.

1.) Getting pregnant knowing full well your SO isn't completely on board is low. So I wasn't saying her SO is low/scum for not being ready.

2.) I wasn't recommending she give the guy blue balls, just that a female orgasm is a bit less intense with condoms after you're used to going without. I personally can't enjoy sex with condoms after 11 years of marriage where our primary BC was Paraguard.

As for the troll accusation, well... I wish that were true because then I probably wouldn't have bothered with being such a huge part of the January 2016 BMB (it's under "Limbo is over", but I was pretty involved before that) before heading over to Miscarriage/Loss group last Monday. But, hey... I bet that makes a bunch of you all freaking thrilled and that such a horrible person like me deserved it. Go ahead and rejoice. Meanwhile, yeah, I'm a real person going through some very real stuff.

I really wish the best to the OP, I highly recommend the book "I Want A Baby, He Doesn't: How Both Partners Can Make the Right Decision at the Right Time" by Donna Wade https://www.amazon.com/Want-Baby-He-Doesnt/dp/1593372876 It helped my husband realize that his reasons for wanting to delay a third was selfish on his part and was rooted in his insecurities about providing. Now we're TTCAL for #4.

No, no, no. No one here is thrilled for anyone to go through a loss, and no one said you deserve it. Your mind is so very much not in the right place right now if you accuse the fine ladies of this board for being thrilled that you had a miscarriage. However, I find it very hard to be empathetic towards you right now, considering your previous posts. This, to me, sounds like you realized you dug yourself into a deep hole and you are now trying to use your situation (which you've made clear you are very capable of) to get out of it.

Dude, you said some nasty shit, here. How did you expect this to end for you?? Attempting to make us feel sorry for you is so not the way out.

Perhaps this is my UO, but considering your horrible posts earlier in this thread, I'm not sure you're even telling the truth now. But that's not for me to judge, so I'll stay out of that.

As for perfect marriages- no one here has a perfect marriage and no one here claimed to have a perfect marriage. I have absolutely no clue which post gave you that idea that because literally everyone here disagrees with your behavior towards your husband means we believe we have perfect marriages. It's strange that you say such crazy shit about your crazy behavior, then turn around and accuse us of twisting your words. Honey, no one has to twist your words! Your words (actions, behaviors, etc.) are soooo twisted to begin with!

Perhaps you are better off on another board... Withholding sex as punishment to your husband, giving "advice" to other women that they should no longer cum for their husband, telling your husband that if he gets a vasectomy that you will find home disgusting... That shit doesn't fly around here!

MagicMikki

Lizzie5831 said:

I agree, going on and off of hormones is a recipe for reproductive disaster.

Hmmm. If it were me, and I can be pretty vindictive at times, and I only withhold in very RARE extreme cases (like years apart, never for longer than a month or two, and only over *very* serious matters) If you get a BFN (which is kinda heartbreaking in itself, pulling you out of the mood) maybe pull sex off the table for awhile. Tell him the fact he isn't ready is a total turn off to you. Make sure to acknowledge any time you see another man behaving like a good father that it's a turn on for you. Make him feel emasculated for being too chickenshit to be a real man and father kids. Men will do anything to get their dicks wet again. Yeah, it's playing dirty, but they come to realize pretty quickly their reasons for delaying in the first place were pretty selfish. Happy wife, happy life. (If you're feeling merciful, make him wear a condom and then refuse to cum. Tell him you just can't.)

I've been able to prevent my husband from getting a vasectomy for YEARS (in the military, it seems all his peers were doing it) by telling him that if he did it, I would be too disgusted by his completely worthless balls to ever have sex with his less-than-a-man ass ever again.

Also, QFP on this shit (so it's on page 2) because I can see it now-- "But! But! But! I didn't say that!!!"

Carazona5

...

KristieA

kosmo86

I am going to ignore all of that ugliness above because I love and respect my husband.

@Wolleys10 - My husband wasn't sure at first either. I am a talker and can't keep something to my self for more than 10 minutes. I just keep discussing it and we decided to start 6 months earlier than we originally said. I asked him what his major fears were and I talked it out with him. His was primary financial so I worked out a budget and found documentation on what we can expect to spend and then he was on board.

I would NOT go back on the pill, I am 2 months off and having a hell of a time regulating my cycle. Insist on condoms for now. Let him know it is ok that he is not ready but you want your body to go back to normal so that it will be ready when he is. Truthfully, give him 1 or 2 times with condoms and I bet he will be ready lol

PrimRoseMama

Did page three disappear?!

GhanimaAtreides

You seem disappointed.

PrimRoseMama

Lizzie5831 said:

You seem disappointed.

Dissapointed is not quite the right word. Thankfully I use notepad & open things in different windows to reply.

@Lizzie5831 : exactly what do you hope to gain? I'm serious & concerned for your well-being. Stable people do not say the kind of things you've been saying.

Love4littlethings24

**ticker warning**

Lurking because I used this board years ago when I was actually ttc and I wish my BMB was more interesting as this. Serious crazy cakes, are you for real?

GhanimaAtreides

Sorry I'm not reacting to a loss the way you have deemed acceptable. I beg your forgiveness. I apologize for the bad advice; I was projecting from one of the lower points in my marriage from 6 years ago and did a piss poor job explaining my reasoning.

I'm hoping to regain normalcy and to return a very unintentional hijack back to the OP. Isn't that what everybody should want?

Or should we copy & paste our way from notepads and different windows to try to rekindle the lovely kick-her-while-she's-down thing you got going here? You're certainly free to, but I think it would be a disservice to the OP. Maybe you can open up a whole new thread to continue this in to your heart's content.

wolleys10

@PrimRoseMama Yeah it's completely gone...

PrimRoseMama

Lizzie5831 said:

Sorry I'm not reacting to a loss the way you have deemed acceptable. I beg your forgiveness. I apologize for the bad advice; I was projecting from one of the lower points in my marriage from 6 years ago and did a piss poor job explaining my reasoning.

I'm hoping to regain normalcy and to return a very unintentional hijack back to the OP. Isn't that what everybody should want?

Or should we copy & paste our way from notepads and different windows to try to rekindle the lovely kick-her-while-she's-down thing you got going here? You're certainly free to, but I think it would be a disservice to the OP. Maybe you can open up a whole new thread to continue this in to your heart's content.

I'm really not interested in this dance you want to do. Some things you've said have nothing to do with grieving a loss. Some things you have said I wouldn't say about my worst enemy let alone the person I promised to love & cherish.

Maybe we just do respect a different way. I put my posts in notepad because it allows me to think & reply. It's not to kick anyone but to reply before anything is deleted or in this case disappears without warning.

Please explain how you are the victim here? I'd like you to expand on that.

PrimRoseMama

@Lizzie5831 : can you please explain how you hope to contribute to the community with this behavior? You seem all over the place. I know what it's like to hurt, but rather than take whatever you are going through out on internet strangers maybe you should get yourself some real professional help?

gravcass

Just read the entire thread


OP... As others have mentioned I would have a heart to heart with your SO. I just had a cousin who had a baby and her husband was TERRIFIED. Guys are more fragile than we make them out to be:) I would give him all the support you can and let him know how much of an amazing father you know he would be.

@Lizzie5831
As previous posters have mentioned you really should look at your relationship and what you want out of it. No matter how you spin your message and re word your original post the main point is to withhold sex to get what you want which is NEVER a good idea. I'm sorry you feel the need to do this with your husband but the way you are going about getting what you want is not healthy to you, your husband and more importantly the children that come out of it.

PugsandKisses

Wow.... just wow. I have nothing else to say.

Wow

kosmo86

@Wolleys10 - it would seem your question and my answer disappeared last night. 

So to answer your question...again. For sites on cost I have 2 that I look at 

this has good overall costs

https://www.thebump.com/a/advice-for-saving-up-for-a-baby

and this one is my favorite because you get to play around with the costs 

https://www.babycenter.com/baby-cost-calculator

didi0308

I think it's time to close this post @BumpAdmin

It's very clear that there are issues here that none of us should attempt to figure out or help. I hope everyone gets the help they need.

dixie7701

I can't believe I missed this yesterday.......

BumpAdmin

Hi there,
Due to the recent discussion in this thread, we will be closing it from all further comments.
Please be advised that continuing to create threads related to this will be grounds for warning and/or removal from The Bump forums.
We thank you for your understanding.