first period after canceled fresh transfer.. maybe I'm not cut out for this

mommyluvvv

I've never been healthy, pcos, ic, hashis. I'm always tired and nauseous and weak. If I can't get through ivf how the hell can I get through a pregnancy at almost 40? I'm pretty depressed and scared.

I finally felt "myself" after 10 days after my retrieval and so I worked out in the yard and atferwards I could feel every ovary and uterus part of me.. it burned through my sides to my back and then the next day I started my period.  Day 25 I think. I was on progesterone suppositories three times a day and estrace (for nothing since no transfer, egg was bad). And man.. wearing huge pads I am destroying my underwear. I just stood in the shower for an hour last night watching huge clumps of lining fall out. pieces 4 inches long and so thick. How in the world can that much lining be in a 2 inch uterus that is mainly encompassed in a giant fibroid?? Finally went to bed with pinching and pain and fear and crying and waiting to throw up... and finally fell asleep around 6 am but of course dh kept waking me up when he got up. now I have this horrible tight pinching on my left side above my belly button. What the heck is THERE to pinch. I'm hunched over walking. I'm scared of all these pains. I don't want twisted ovaries  

I'm suppose to start bcp but they make me drop dead sick and I have to work this weekend since taking sooo much time off as it already is as I've basically been in bed this whole time since start ivf.

I just wish I was normal. I wish someone would reassure me it was ok. I wish I just got up and 24 hours went back to work like every one else says they do. I'm tired of being sick and I'm scared I'll ruin my FET and that everything is just wrong. Every thing about me is too wrong to carry a child and I can't afford a surrogate (I would do that if I could). Just getting very depressed.. granted I am assuredly pmsing times 100 with all this progesterone dumping out of me and hormones and whatever is going on. I've never had abnormal periods and all this forced early periods is probably screwing with my body also which worries me that I'm just screwing up my FET shot with all this bcp fake short cycles.

jnissa

Ok, firstly, chin up You are normal in that *many* women out there not only suffer those symptoms but also feel the same frustration and desperation that you do. 

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Please don't beat yourself up like it's something wrong with you. It's just nature and nature isn't always our friend. Everybody here is cheering for you. 

MKLEWIS2010

I agree with pp. infertility is not an easy road and all of the hormones and meds will not be forgiving to everyone. Everyone is different and their bodies deal with things differently. Good luck to you I hope you feel better. Have you talked to you RE about all of these symptoms what did they say?