Stop the Bitchiness

JamieDubs

I think we all need to remember why we came to this forum in the first place. Support and information. Clearly we are all hormonal, however- let's try to have each other's backs rather than jumping all over each other.
No matter if you joined the day you became pregnant or today, if you check in every hour or once a week, we are all equal members of the same community and all deserve respect and patience.
Like I'm sure your mother taught you, and you plan to teach your own - if you can't say anything nice, just don't say anything at all.

carlymarie021

Patience is definitely the keyword here. I genuinely believe that the women who post have real concerns and don't mean to be annoying. We are dealing with all kinds of women. Not everyone is the same but I do sense bullying and that to me is annoying. I downloaded this app for understanding of my pregnancy. A lot of women on here don't have support systems and are not married and have bad situations. So If u think the questions they ask are dumb and repetitive then leave it alone. Literally there are pages and pages of things I can comment on negativity. But that doesn't really help the person.

Sbrouwer0706

October 2015 has some of the most respectful regular posters that you could find on a message board. 

A differing opinion does not equal bitchiness. Rarely do I see people being rude, I see people who take offense to anything and everything. 

tate62610

What @Sbrouwer0706 said.

aethams

I personally stopped checking this as much because it seemed like in almost every thread someone had something nasty to say. One of my good college friends added me to a mom group on Facebook and that is much more uplifting and positive so I find myself checking that multiple times a day but only coming here once every few days or so. It's sad that we are going through such a wonderful time in our lives, a lot of us for the first time, and I feel like even if I wanted to ask a question I wouldn't in fear of being attacked. I too joined for information and support but I feel like there is way too much negativity.

przemosbabe

I see what you are trying to say in your message. This group to me I mild. Check out the october 2015 group on babycenter, those women are absolutely cruel and regularly berate people. Teenager girls and all sorts....domestic abuse victims.... I honestly feel like they could drive someone to harm themselves. They literally make hurting people entertainment. Professional internet bullies over there. I LOVE this group in comparison.

JaqiDec04

I love our group. Other than everyone seems to get banned.

carlymarie021

The vaccine post got me real uneasy. The women jumped down her throat and probably made her regret even posting it. It was very much bullying. Like oh let's make her feel stupid. I have insomnia and could go all night but I won't lol

tate62610

@przemosbabe I 100% agree. I remember when baby center was where you'd go if you didn't like the bump. Now? No way. They're horrible and I'm convinced several aren't even pregnant, just there to take out aggression.

baconlady

I agree with the whole if you can't say anything nice don't say it all "deal. Im usually good at following through with that unless someone completely pisses me off . For me some stranger on the internet probably never will. Not everyone feels this way . Some women have very strong opinions and will disagree with you. That's ok as long as it's done in a tactful and respectful way. I feel that's what keeps things interesting. Just don't take things personal. I agree we are all equal members regardless and have every right to question or comment what we'd like and should continue to do so.

gograce

@BrooklynBroussard I am 100% annoyed that if I find the courage to be assertive, I'm a bitch. It's not really that fair. Often, I find that when I think to myself "Wow, what a bitch!" I'm over-reacting.
I usually just sit back and read on here to see how others react when I think someone is being rude or insensitive. Many times, the OP will come back with something teasing and I'm left with "Oh, okay, that was just me being sensitive."

carlymarie021

It's mainly the one liners and cocky answers not the strong opinions that have actual supporting facts. October 2015 moms are for the most part respectful. But lately I have seen women give one liners and make a joke out of what someone is genuinely concerned about. Sensitive ? No just wish that some questions that women post are respected and it's really to help them learn. You don't know what made that person ask that question most of the time. But they asked it. So let's give them guidance not shame.

furelise93

Just because we may disagree with one another, doesn't mean that we're being bitchy. We're human beings. We're going to have our own opinions, and we're going to disagree. That's just part of life. I hate that a lot of times women can't express their opinion or disagree with someone without being told that we're "bitchy" or that it's "just your hormones because you're pregnant".

I lurk more than I post, but I'm finally beginning to post more and come out of my shell a little bit. I can honestly say that the October '15 board is one of the tamest boards on here. I appreciate reading everyone's opinions even if I don't agree with them, and yes, sometimes things can get a little heated, but it's usually over a controversial topic that bumpies are passionate about. This is the internet. People are going to respond however they want to. I like to think that we're all mature adults and can handle differing opinions without telling someone that they're "bitchy".

tracij12

Sbrouwer0706 said:

October 2015 has some of the most respectful regular posters that you could find on a message board. 

A differing opinion does not equal bitchiness. Rarely do I see people being rude, I see people who take offense to anything and everything. 

This!!! Plus, I think the whole 'if you don't have something nice to say' lesson is BS. While I do believe there is no need to be intentionally hurtful, real life is not all puppies and rainbows. I hope to teach my DD and LO on the way to speak their minds in a respectful way, and that sometimes you have to put your big girl panties on and get feedback or input from people who may have different viewpoints.

tate62610

In all fairness, the guidelines do say to search the board before asking a question. But, I do agree with responding respectfully to concerns. I've been that poster before. I see several users post links to previous threads on the same subject. I really like that.

carlymarie021

None of what I said was directed toward you it's literally a mistake ... Ppl make them apparently everyone's opinion is annoying

Birdee212

*This is hella long so AIA*
A duplicate thread a week or two after the initial post on the subject is fine in my book. I don't expect those new to the board to scan every page or comb through months of topics in search results. HOWEVER, when we see infrequent users post the exact same thread as one on the first and second pages of this BMB, it demonstrates a lack of thoughtfulness and consideration to those that show up and post here weekly, daily, and hourly. It also is clear that the poster hasn't lurked around because if she did she would have seen that the very question or topic she had in mind was already addressed. Any curt responses to the OP of these threads are born of weariness and frustration by those of us that have participated in this board since the beginning of our pregnancies. They are not meant to be bitchy, but I understand that they may be inferred as such. I'm sorry about that.

As far as the broader complaint of rude comments or rude posters, honey, y'all (a very general y'all) don't know what a truly rude post is if you think *we* are bitches. A couple months ago, we had to deal with a sudden influx of random bumpies who came over from other boards simply to give us the internet equivalent of a drive-by shooting. They were clearly trolls looking to stir shit up amongst our group and offend people. It taught us to respond to each other's differing opinions with grace and tact while also expressing our own. Sure, some of us are less patient and dish out more snark, but I promise you that the overwhelming majority of us have good intentions and do not want to alienate new members. Please understand that if we make a joke or post a funny gif in a thread, that it is simply the kind of rapport we have with each other. We don't intend to make fun of the OP. In fact, we welcome you to join in and make some jokes of your own! It's all in good fun!

We want you to participate in O15 and develop a relationship with us. But getting defensive and calling another bumpie "bitchy, rude, mean, or hormonal" makes you look the same, and is not the way to go about making friends around here (or anywhere for that matter). And as far as the vaccine thread is concerned, everyone posted intelligent, thoughtful, honest answers to her question. No one was jumping down her throat. Even when the OP got defensive, no one was outright rude or mean that I remember. There was an UO Thursday a while back regarding vaccines that got heated because there were actual differing opinions, unlike the one in question, and those that were choosing not to vaccinate are still active and valued members of this board. If you put yourself out there on an Internet forum such as this one, you need to take things with a grain of salt and thicker skin.

I love it here, and hope you will, too.

justyh

People need to realize everyone on this board are from different walks of life, different ages, different beliefs, different opinions..

I get annoyed when I see multiple threads but I just ignore them. There are times I want to say something that may be "bitchy" but don't say it and sometimes I do. That's just me. Others are different and that's ok.

At the end of the day people shouldn't take everything so personal.

MariahOBrien

To piggyback off of some points already made:
I have been perusing some of the different boards, and can see how perhaps some responses could be interpreted as antagonistic. However, just remember that this is the internet, and there is no real, accurate way to perceive or portray tone. Hell, when I was a newbie I made the old mistake of being like 'OMG STOP BEING SO MEAN 2 ME!!!!!!11' but after a little while, I realized that no one had actually wronged me in any way, shape, or form.
Personally, the OCT15' board is one of my favorites. I feel the users here are very educated, thoughtful, and helpful. I hope everyone enjoys their lives and their pregnancies!

alinic916

As far as the general attitude of our board, overall I think it's a great group of women who are very helpful and insightful.  For the most part, I don't think we "jump all over each other."  

For the comments on duplicate posts, I completely understand that everyone has true concerns and yours may be different from mine.  If it is a post asking a question that has been discussed in detail or one that was just recently discussed, I try to let the poster know that because I'd like to give them the benefit of the doubt that maybe they didn't know it was already discussed or just posted about.  

We also have to remember written words do not have emotions or facial expressions and while one person meant to say something completely harmless, it may come off in a completely different tone or vice versa.

LiveNLove44

When I read the title of this post, I was hoping that it wouldn't be going in the direction it did. I find this post more offensive than 96% of the posts I've seen on O15. The tact and thoughtfulness with which many of the regular posters respond to threads, repeat or otherwise, is unparalleled in other online forums. Honestly, there's more thought that goes into these responses than I see at in-person adult gatherings. I believe the thought behind what you've said is authentic, but the fact that you are "calling out" a group of people for being "bitchy" is unfounded and inappropriate. I respect you as a person and poster, but I would also appreciate that same respect, especially for those of us who take time and put thought into responses to members old and new. If you have an issue with the way a person or couple people have responded to a post, it would be more beneficial to articulate your position within that specific thread, and it is far less effective to make a blanket statement about the whole group. Please be mindful that if you just mean a couple posters, it's really more helpful to be a strong voice and advocate for the tone you believe is right rather than reprimanding others. 

Regarding the "clearly we are all hormonal" portion: please don't imply that all responses that come with passion or differing opinions that are not written the way you'd write them are due to hormones. That's incredibly belittling to women in general. 

JamieDubs

Sbrouwer0706 said:

October 2015 has some of the most respectful regular posters that you could find on a message board. 

A differing opinion does not equal bitchiness. Rarely do I see people being rude, I see people who take offense to anything and everything. 

I agree. I started this thread because I have seen a few lately who stand out from the crowd. I don't want October to end up like some of the others! In general I think we have a great group of women

Krysta6

This post really pissed me off! I read the vaccine thread and didn't feel like anyone jumped down anyones throat. Yes things got a little heated but that was because people were mistaking tone. Did you actually read the whole thing? Wasn't that the one were all these sweet apologies occurred too? We can have a differing opinion, even lash out and then all make up. How is that not like real life? Don't try to censor people with how they should respond, if someone is truly truly out of line I believe there are enough of us regulars here that we will ban together and take on that one poster. 

And if one more person on this board tells someone that their opinions are because their hormonal I'm going to freaking lose it! This is the problem with society!! We are even turning on our own sex and belittling them! Men no longer even need to keep us small, we do it to ourselves! 

>:/

millereliz13

I personally think this board is really nice. I am a member of a few online communities that are for hobbies and other interests that I have. I feel like 99% of us are really awesome. I just ignore people who are rude. I also really think before I post as well. I hate to say it, but maybe due to having been on the Internet for a long time, I find this group to be nice.

MirandaC1984

Um... O15 is has some of the most respectful, educated and funny members I have encountered on similar forums. People come here for advice, it isn't always rainbows and butterflies. You know what? Neither is life. I plan to be a part of this BMB long after my LO arrives simply because I really do enjoy the ladies who post here regularly. I wish people would stop getting butt hurt every time someone posts something opposite their opinion especially when they post something they know will be a hot topic.

christina4436

I get the if 'you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all' and agree, but I also don't think if you have a different opinion/disagree with OP, or tell people not to worry about the size of their bump at 20 weeks that that is the not opposite of nice or 'Bitchy'. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and if you post asking for it then expect responses.

What I do HATE is when people say 'answers are all going to be different' or 'ask a doctor', obviously we are all smart enough to know that and that is just wasting my time by reading your non-help comment. Or when people consistently post to use the search bar. Yes it's annoying when ppl post same thing ten times but even more annoying when I have to read that ten times. I work full time and only have time to go on here in the AM and PM and love reading all the info. But don't have time for comments or posts that don't help anything!!

MamaOwl15

przemosbabe said:

I see what you are trying to say in your message. This group to me I mild. Check out the october 2015 group on babycenter, those women are absolutely cruel and regularly berate people. Teenager girls and all sorts....domestic abuse victims.... I honestly feel like they could drive someone to harm themselves. They literally make hurting people entertainment. Professional internet bullies over there. I LOVE this group in comparison.

^ This! I was on BBC when pregnant with my son. TB is way, way nicer.

tate62610

I feel like all of this was completely unnecessary.

amberrmariee20

I'm missing the post where people were being bullied and "bitchy". We've had a lot of heated discussions, a lot of us learned from those. But where are the bullying posts at ?!

naka92

amberrmariee20 said:

I'm missing the post where people were being bullied and "bitchy". We've had a lot of heated discussions, a lot of us learned from those. But where are the bullying posts at ?!

I'd like to know this. Sure we dont always agree on things here.. but that doesnt mean we're bitchy! I seem to remember quite a heated discussion myself and @amberrmariee20 got into on different sides. That doesnt at all mean that I dont respect or like her, quite the contrary, I enjoy her posts and insights! We all come to these boards with different stories and different lives. We can all learn a bit from eachother even if we dont always agree. 

Is there sometimes a post that is actually influenced by hormones? I'm sure there is. But its not the norm at all. Have I sometimes felt a bit attacked? Sure! But then I take a step back and re-read things later and realise I was just being sensitive and frustrated with my lack of ability to word myself in a non-native language. I dont think anyone on here is out to bully another bumpie. 

MirandaC1984

So you say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  but you title your post "Stop the bitchiness" .... That should totally work.

bbiutmcph

carlymarie021 said:

The vaccine post got me real uneasy. The women jumped down her throat and probably made her regret even posting it. It was very much bullying. Like oh let's make her feel stupid. I have insomnia and could go all night but I won't lol

How did the vaccine post get you uneasy? It was the TAMEST vaccine post I have ever seen and not one person was a "bully."  DOn't throw that word around.  

amberrmariee20

MelMel92 said:

amberrmariee20 said:

I'm missing the post where people were being bullied and "bitchy". We've had a lot of heated discussions, a lot of us learned from those. But where are the bullying posts at ?!

I'd like to know this. Sure we dont always agree on things here.. but that doesnt mean we're bitchy! I seem to remember quite a heated discussion myself and @amberrmariee20 got into on different sides. That doesnt at all mean that I dont respect or like her, quite the contrary, I enjoy her posts and insights! We all come to these boards with different stories and different lives. We can all learn a bit from eachother even if we dont always agree. 

Is there sometimes a post that is actually influenced by hormones? I'm sure there is. But its not the norm at all. Have I sometimes felt a bit attacked? Sure! But then I take a step back and re-read things later and realise I was just being sensitive and frustrated with my lack of ability to word myself in a non-native language. I dont think anyone on here is out to bully another bumpie. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Block fail LOL


Oh yes yes ! We have definately disagreed on things, and agreed on others. But now we both know each other's points of views (: !

amberrmariee20

bbiutmcph said:

carlymarie021 said:

The vaccine post got me real uneasy. The women jumped down her throat and probably made her regret even posting it. It was very much bullying. Like oh let's make her feel stupid. I have insomnia and could go all night but I won't lol

How did the vaccine post get you uneasy? It was the TAMEST vaccine post I have ever seen and not one person was a "bully."  DOn't throw that word around.  

The last few vaccine posts got really heated ! That one was quite calm !

MirandaC1984

CassidyWalles said:

So you say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  but your title your post "Stop the bitchiness" .... That should totally work.

I understand you guys are just sticking up for this group, and I'm glad Cuz I love October 2015 but come on...just let this thread die. Because what you just said to the OP, was rude. So instead of fighting whether some ppl are bitchy or not (come on, we can all be a little bitchy at times) just agree to disagree and let this thread die.

It was no more rude than calling the board bitchy. Seriously. 

bbiutmcph

CassidyWalles said:

So you say "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."  but your title your post "Stop the bitchiness" .... That should totally work.

I understand you guys are just sticking up for this group, and I'm glad Cuz I love October 2015 but come on...just let this thread die. Because what you just said to the OP, was rude. So instead of fighting whether some ppl are bitchy or not (come on, we can all be a little bitchy at times) just agree to disagree and let this thread die.

I'm honestly not seeing how @MirandaC1984 is rude?    She is pointing out the irony in the OP.  It's not rude.

tate62610

Everyone just needs to go look at my profile picture, squeal over her bunny cuteness and let this thread die.....or start posting bunny pics.

MirandaC1984

tate62610

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

naka92

bbiutmcph

FFS.  THis is a community.  People post here regularly.  No one is forcing anyone to stay on said community.  There are a million communities online, each have a different vibe and feel.  Some people fit in on BabyCenter, BabyGaga, TheBump or somewhere else.  THe beauty is if you don't like you, you don't have to stay on any particular one.  The site is not google and it's not a question and answer site.  Sure people help each other out and answer questions but they also make friends, make jokes, and have great debates.  Every once in a while things get heated and things might go to far but some snark, joking around and even argument isn't bullying or jumping down people's throughts. It's not insulting to disagree with somesome or rude.  I think it's ridiculous to say it's rude by doing so.  And with that to add to the animals....