Should a toddler and newborn share a room?

aavery258

We have a very small house. My toddler is going to be 23 months when my daughter is born in November. We are considering they share a room, but my toddler does not sleep well and is awoken easily. I am concerned that my newborn will wake her up in the middle of the night and she will become jealous when we take the baby into our bed and leave her to CIO in her crib every two hours...currently, we sometimes let her come and sleep in our bed with us when she cries in the middle of the night... 

Do any of you have this issue or have you tried this and it worked? Did it fail? Why or why not? Did your toddler grow jealous of the baby because of this?

helsbels222

I don't have any experience with this but have decided not to have my 5 year old share a room with LO. LO will be up every couple of hours so I can't do that to my older child. Besides, I hope to bf so would prefer LO to be near me for a while.

Flashparade

I don't have enough rooms for all the kiddos either so for the first little whe my newborn will be in a bassinet in our room. Not sure what I'm doing after that but it at least gives me a few months to figure it out!

bbiutmcph

Our house is set up odd and has two bedrooms upstairs (one is the master) and two downstairs.  We have both the boys upstairs sharing a room and have since we brought DS2 home.  Honestly it has been great.  It helped establish the nighttime routine early one, and easily transitioned into them both having the same bedtime and nightly routine.  In the beginning my oldest maybe woke up 3 times but was easily put down.  We are currently looking at new houses and even now they are insiting they still want to share a room.  Obviously it won't last forever but I plan to keep them together until they want to be in seperate rooms.  WIth our DD due in a few months, we have her nursery set up in a downstairs room for now and I have an extra twin bed in there for the beginning but I am really hoping we find a different house sooner vs later so we can have all the bedrooms on the same floor.  

rox7777

My 27 month old still doesn't sleep through the night unless he sleeps in our room. Right now we have him in our room most nights because we travel every weekend to see family and have to share a room anyways. We're moving next month to be closer to family and I'm hoping I can transition him back to his own room before November. I think a toddler and a newborn can be very tricky, especially if you are breastfeeding. Maybe a bassinet or mini crib for the first 3-4 months in your room and once s/he is sleeping longer stretches transition to them sharing. My other concern would be nap time. With varying nap schedules you might run into problems with access to the room/toys and whatnot.

VexyMommy

I would be a little worried about a toddler's natural curiosity and their inability to really differentiate fantasy (like their dolls) from reality (how to treat a real baby.) 

Laurakat81

I don't have any experience with this but I have to say it sounds like a terrible idea right off the bat. You already stated that your toddler isn't a great sleeper. I think "sharing" a room is fine but maybe not for nighttime. Keep the newborn in your room for long periods of sleep. We have a 22 month old who is a good sleeper but I still wouldn't put a newborn in the same room...just sounds like a set up for no sleep for anyone! Last thing you need is a sleep deprived, grumpy toddler while caring for a newborn.

mamavbs

I had both of my children in my room for the first 5-6 months. It was easier with breastfeeding, especially in the beginning with the every few hours feeding. When my DD turned 6 months we begrudgingly put her in the room with my DS (2 year age gap exactly) and they both slept like angels. I was surprised, I'd been dreading it as DD didn't quite sleep through. But she started to when they shared a room. We wonder if it's because when either of them woke from a deep sleep they could hear the other breathing and felt comfort that someone was there?! No idea. They have seperate rooms now but beg us for a sleepover every Friday! Very cute.

But anyway, it might work but I personally would wait until the newborn is sleeping long stretches. It might just be me but I was quite paranoid about having such a new baby in a room alone that young.

kestes946

My short answer is no. Do not have them share a room. Bad idea all around. Have the baby stay in your room for awhile as it will be more convenient to feed ect. Maybe some of the reasons why your toddler doesn't sleep well is that they share a bed with you somewhat regularly. In my opinion, it would be best to stop that as it will be very difficult with baby and toddler in the same room along with your significant other. I would suggest to start sleep training before baby comes so that it's not as difficult with two children instead of one. Again this is just me, We have a 2.5 year old and we switched him to his toddler bed and made his room one big bed, and completely child proof so that if he falls out of bed or falls asleep on the floor that he's safe in his blankets. It's worked really well for us. Hope you're able to figure it out and the transition will go smoothly once baby is here in November.

nano1

We plan to have the baby in our room for several months, and ds in his own room. He will be 24months when baby arrives.

lopezalonso

I agree with PPs. It would be cruel to subject your 2yo to being woken up every few hours by the baby. Also, it's going to make your life harder to keep having to put two babies down every time one wakes up. @VexyMommy brings up an excellent point as well. I would trust a 2yo with a newborn. Anything could happen.

Maybe try keeping the baby in your room for a while or putting the crib in another room near yours (I.e., living room) until you can figure out the logistics.

wedding crazed

We lived in a small condo when #2 was born. #1 was 23 months. Newborn slept in bassinet in our room for the first 4 months ish. Then they shared a room and there were no problems whatsoever at first. My first can sleep through anything so, which is why it didn't matter. When #2 was about a year and we were trying to get him to fall asleep on his own he had a rough time then. But we bought a sound machine and all was good again.

MadBloom

I didn't read the other comments so this might be a repeat but I personally wouldn't put a newborn in with a toddler. For 1, a toddler could climb into the crib to cuddle with their new sibling and that could be dangerous. Secondly, newborns are up way too often and since your toddler is a light sleeper you're setting yourself up for some tough nights.

What I am doing is putting a crib in our room and then will transition baby to their own bedroom around 5-6 months. In your case since there's not an extra room then I would be waiting until baby is down to 1-2 wake ups before transitioning them to share a room with their sibling.

nbpa3027

My kids are 23 months apart and they technically shared a room, but my daughter stayed in our room with us for 6 or 7 months. Our older one was a pretty good sleeper, but if anything at all woke him up after about 4 am he was up for the day.

You also have no idea what kind of baby the new one will be. My daughter was a terrible sleeper. She did not string together more than an hour or so of sleep at a time until she was almost 7 months old. Having them in the same room over night would have been a disaster. Once she was a little older, they shared and did just fine. We just had to be really careful to go and get her right away as soon as she woke up fussing.

Sleep training her was another story, though, because we couldn't exactly let her cry it out with my son in the same room.

We were never really concerned about my son climbing into my daughters crib or messing with her too much because it just wasn't his personality--he pretty much didn't notice/ acknowledge her existence until she was moving around and interacting with him a little more.

questisthebest

My daughter will be 21 months, I definitely am not gonna have them share. I am planning on nursing so will keep the newborn in mmy room in a Cosleeper. I also don't think it's fair for the newborn to keep waking up the toddler/vice-versa, my toddler gets grumpy when tired!

mchmadre

My son is 7 and everyone in my family has told me it's unfair for the older child to share a room especially in the beginning since a newborn wakes up crying all through the night. After listening to them I agree I don't want the baby waking up my other child all hours of the night. Baby will sleep in my room at first then we will put her in her own room.

japostolova

We are moving to a bigger place but regardless of how much extra room we ll have, our toddler will be in the bedroom closest to us and the baby will be in our bedroom in a pack n play or crib at least for the first year. In the beginning I was attached to the baby so much bc of their static sleep schedule, eating every couple of hours, it didn't make sense for the new baby to have his own room. Doing the same this time around then moving him to a new room around 12-18 months

DrMommaDVM

I'm guessing if toddler and newborn sleep in the same room both are going to be unnecessarily awoken frequently. I hear ya though on living space. We will have a family of five in a 2 bedroom. Close quarters makes for close families though, right?

TacoSarah

Never really thought about this to be honest. Houses in central London are expensive and small, it's considered a luxury and you're doing very well if your kids can have their own room. Especially if you have 3, the eldest usually gets the tiny box room and the younger 2 have to share.

elbou

My girls have shared a room since DD2 was about 3 months old. DD1 was 22.5 months old when DD2 was born. We kept the baby in our room for the first 3 or 4 months and moved her to the crib in DD1's room when she out-grew the cradle. Both of them have always been really good sleepers, so we had no problems with them waking each other up. DD1 could sleep through anything, but DD2 was a much lighter sleeper. So we just put our oldest to bed first, and then put the baby to bed later when we were ready to go to sleep too.

For the middle of the night, wake-ups, we had a recliner in their room, so I just nursed her there and tucked her back in. I didn't need to bring her to my room at all after we moved her. I don't remember DD1 ever waking up for that, but if she had, I probably would have let her come and snuggle while I nursed her sister, and/or tucked her back in with a kiss and a snuggle when I was done feeding the baby.

Naps weren't a problem either. DD2 napped best in her room with everything dark and quiet, so I let her sleep in their room, and DD1 got to nap either on the couch or our bed.

I didn't have to worry about her climbing into the crib until she was older...like 3-4, and by then DD2 was big enough that it wasn't that worrisome. DD1 figured out that babies needed to be treated very carefully pretty quickly, and she was rather rough and tumble at that age. I think it's something you have to teach them, but it's not something that's completely beyond their abilities to learn.

Kitta+1

I moved to a bigger place where everyone would have their own room, and now my stepdaughter wants to stay with her mother.  I know she's apprehensive about the baby because she's been treated poorly before.  When my fiancee married his second wife, she treated Heather great up until she had kids of her own, then it was all downhill from there and I feel she was rather cruel.  I'm a little angry that she's holding ex#2's evils against me after I've gone through such great lengths to make her feel reassured that I love her just as much as "my baby" and that she will not be used as a live in babysitter and housekeeper like the previous evil stepmother but I also understand that as humans we generally make our assumptions off previous experiences and hers were horrible.  I'm hoping we can stall her until the baby comes and I can have a chance to prove my intentions, but it's not looking so good.  

VexyMommy

Kitta+1 said:

I moved to a bigger place where everyone would have their own room, and now my stepdaughter wants to stay with her mother.  I know she's apprehensive about the baby because she's been treated poorly before.  When my fiancee married his second wife, she treated Heather great up until she had kids of her own, then it was all downhill from there and I feel she was rather cruel.  I'm a little angry that she's holding ex#2's evils against me after I've gone through such great lengths to make her feel reassured that I love her just as much as "my baby" and that she will not be used as a live in babysitter and housekeeper like the previous evil stepmother but I also understand that as humans we generally make our assumptions off previous experiences and hers were horrible.  I'm hoping we can stall her until the baby comes and I can have a chance to prove my intentions, but it's not looking so good.  

Blended families are tough.  My step daughter lives with her mother.  We're really hoping she stays with us as soon as she's old enough to choose.  For now the sleeping arrangements are going to be step daughter will be in the nursery (She's with us every weekend and most holidays, but stays at her mother's through the week.) and the baby won't be in there for at least the first few months.  My 9yr old (who stays with us full time) will have her own room.  I wish we could do everyone in their own room, but it's just not in the budget right now.

JumpingJellyBeans06

When my daughter was born, she was in our room till she was around 3 months. Then we put her with our son who was 3 at the time. It worked out great. Our apartment is extremely small so there really wasn't any other way around it. We never had any issues with it. I think it helped that my daughter started sleeping more at night around the age we put them in the same room.

They are 5 and 8 now. We just bought a house and will be moving into it in a few days. They will be having their own room for the first time and they are both excited and scared at the same time. Its sweet. My husband and I are placing bets who will sneak into the other's room first. LOL. 

aavery258

Thanks everyone for the feedback. Mostly everyone said everything I was already thinking, but got a couple good ideas from this. To answer everyone's quesiton, yes. I plan to have the baby in my room for the first two months. Looks like separate rooms it is. I toddler bed trained my 2yo the other day and it is going very well. It just makes me so nervous to have my newborn downstairs so far away while I am upstairs.