Is this rude?

babycamara1106

My husband was super disappointed we were having a girl because he already has a girl from a previous relationship and was so set on having a boy. My husbands favorite thing is cars specifically volkswagons. To cheer him up I bought a few volkswagon onesies one said dad's favorite bug with an old beetle on it. Well his family is mad saying it's rude to his daughter to say that. Like seriously?!? I have always treated his daughter as if she was my own and I'm really mad that his cousin said that. Am I wrong?

nianicho777

Its just a onesie, they shouldn't take it so literally. I think it's fine.

CCasey2015

You definitely were not wrong. It was just a cute little gift. The family is definitely looking too deep into it. Good luck!

Sbrouwer0706

I wouldn't be concerned with his family's reaction but I would limit using "favorite" or "#1" on clothing or any other way for the daughter's sake. I'm not saying at all that you did anything wrong. I just know that kids are a lot more perceptive than we sometimes give them credit for and, especially depending on her age, it might be a difficult transition for her. I only say this because I work with a lot of kids who have a difficult time transitioning to siblings and sometimes the parents don't realize it. 

Sballerina

I don't believe your intention was to be rude, but it may not be the wisest thing. How would you feel if you were in yoir husband's shoes and had a child from a previous relationship? You would love both children. I'd be concerned for the daughter, and I think it makes sense your husband's family is hurt by it. They have had time to bond with her and they naturally do not want her to be overshadowed by the baby to the point he favors the baby over the other. The "favorites" thing makes sense when there is only one girl, boy, granddaughter or grandson, because of course they are the favorite; there's only one. In that instance it is cute. When there is more than one daughter, grandaughter, etc. in the family it does a disservice to at least the kids.

babycamara1106

If I showed his daughters mom the outfit she would have said it was so cute. Its not like that. His daughter has seen it and loved it as well.

LiveNLove44

I think it would be different if it said, "Dad's favorite daughter" as opposed to what it does say. It seems just cute rather than rude or offensive, but I can certainly see where some people might be more sensitive to the other daughter. I wouldn't worry too much about it in the grand scheme of things!

ErinLily44

You're definitely not wrong but maybe you should try and be more carefully even though its fine. Some people just over react and are really protective!

Sballerina

@babycamara1106, I didn't know the daughter had seen it and liked it! That really changes things. If the older daughter likes it, then everyone needs to calm down! Lol. Like you said you did it to cheer DH up.

dchiapella

Given that the daughter is fine with it, they should not be upset. But they might just be overprotective which you can't blame them too harshly for because that's just what happens in these situations. Don't feel bad about it because there's really nothing to feel bad about. But maybe pick up a "big sister" outfit for SO's daughter just to reinforce that you weren't being snarky and that you love her. Pregnancy is an emotional time for everyone involved, not just the pregnant lady  

babycamara1106

Yes his daughter thought it was very cute and she is very excited for the baby. She already has big sister shirts and the baby has little sister shirts. His family is just like this and his first daughter will always be their golden child. If someone bought her the exact same shirt no one would bat an eye about it but because its my baby its a big deal!

karlimeliss

It seems like the use of "bug" is a play on words or place holder for baby. Seeing that his other daughter is no longer a baby I don't see the issue. If it said daddy's favorite little girl or daughter I could see how that could be hurtful. Every new baby gets to be the favorite when they are the baby though!

MamaOwl15

1. Honestly I feel like the family is overreacting a little. It's a onesie, just one onesie. It's not like you're going around saying the new baby is the favorite and move aside older daughter.

2. I'm wondering if part of your husband's disappointment in having abother girl is that he was hoping he'd have a boy to share his love of cars with? Girls can love cars, too! On that note, the word "favorite" aside, I like the idea of car-themed onesies for your baby girl.

amberrmariee20

This made me giggle a little, for the simple reason that it's a onesie and not like it says favorite daughter, favorite kid or whatever. My boyfriends parents have a grandson already so this will be their second grandson, well third because they consider my son from a previous relationship their grandson. If I pick up something like nana and papas favorite sailor or something they wouldn't get offended, and if they did well I don't know what to tell them, it's an outfit ! Haha

emeraudecephiro

Eh, not rude. It is a shirt.

Wigglesx2

karlimeliss said:

It seems like the use of "bug" is a play on words or place holder for baby. Seeing that his other daughter is no longer a baby I don't see the issue. If it said daddy's favorite little girl or daughter I could see how that could be hurtful. Every new baby gets to be the favorite when they are the baby though!

I agree. I took "bug" as a cute way to say "new baby"

babycamara1106

I could see if it said daddy's favorite girl or something. I'm glad everyone agrees it's not a ba thing it's a cute outfit that has my husbands favorite car on it :-)

alifre2115

I am in the exact same situation as you with a husband who already has a daughter from a previous relationship, and wanted a boy. He was even calling our little one Sam before we knew the sex. He even remodeled a couple of VW bugs in his earlier years. I think what you bought him was absolutely cute and totally fine. I mean you know his daughter probably wore stuff like that too. Personally, I have always felt that some of my husband's family hasn't been very accepting of me. I remember when his Mom found out I was pregnant. Her expression made me feel wonderful. She looked like someone had hit her in the gut. So needless to say they haven't been overjoyed or even that excited! This all use to bother me, but I have come to the conclusion that I really don't care because I am not going to let their negativity ruin my experience of becoming a mother.. So going off of that and relating it to your situation I think they are the ones being rude and overly sensitive, not you. I think it becomes exhausting after awhile having to make sure you aren't offending anyone. I would say ignore them and enjoy become a Mother and buy any one-zies you want.

babycamara1106

Thank you very much!!!

FirstTimeMamaAricka

i am sort of in a similar situation. My boyfriend has a son from a previous marriage and we are having a boy and i am pretty sure he wanted a girl (though he is ecstatic about our son) I try to be as careful as I can with stuff like this because even though (due to a B*@ch of an ex wife) he doesn't see his son I don't want to make him feel like he has to favor this baby or that i want him to. Its hard in these situations as you never know how people will act. I say with his daughter seeing it and liking it it shouldn't be an issue, i think its cute. But families are strange. My boyfriends nephew has a 3 year old daughter that everyone absolutely adores yet they don't talk about our baby much and pretend he isn't coming. They like to play favorites and its sad but its something we will have to address when the time comes. I wouldn't worry too much as long as your hubby and his daughter like it no one else matters.