Can someone please invent a vomit emoji? It would make texting the husband so much easier.
Also, can summer be over already?! Living on the mouth of hell, aka Arizona, is really difficult when you can't send kids outside to play. I don't really want their skin to melt off.
Ah hormones. We meet again. I cried last night for probably a good hour because I couldn't have Red Robin for dinner. Like Kim Kardashian ugly cried.
Sincerely, Hot, tired, and hungry for something greasy
I'm standing in the corner of my kitchen, silently eating a piece of pizza because my toddler steals anything I might want to eat (not much) and then smears it on her face and drops it on the floor. I have thought about picking up food from the floor, but the floor is the dog's domain and she beats me to it every time. Can you refer to your daughter as a jerk? Because I think 2 year olds are jerks.
Sincerely,
Eating in the corner
DD born 6/14/13
MC Nov 2014
BFP on Mother's Day EDD 1/6/16
Today we went to the farmers market for the first time this season! It was awesome. I made hubby buy me a jar of jalapeño dill pickles... Omg I can not stop eating them! Will these crazy cravings ever end?!
11 weeks
Dear diary, I have been dealing with a mucosy disgusting sinus infection and horrible cough for 4 days with no Advil or decongestants. Only robitussim DM. I am miserable but surviving. My baby better know how much I love it to be this miserable. Being pregnant and sick is the WORST.
Love,
Your sniffly coughing Mommy
Yesterday was my worst day yet. It was so hot in my house that I decided to eat half of an enormous watermelon. 15 mins later, with absolutely zero warning I began to barf all over myself and the floor as I ran from the couch to the bathroom. Did I mention that I was just wearing a t shirt and panties? Yea, so as I was running/projectile barfing, I also had pee running down my legs leaving a trail as I went. Then I laid on the bathroom floor and cried for 20 mins because I didn't want to clean it up. Also, my SO thinks he is an expert on morning sickness. "Have you tried xxxxx? A lot of women find that xxxxx remedy is very helpful." Oh no, I love morning sickness, I haven't tried anything. COME ON.
Dear diary, I had nausea up until 10 weeks. While I still have it, you have decided to make me suddenly throw up too. What gives?! I thought we were becoming friends.
I'm hitting 13 weeks tomorrow and I'm seriously hoping all of this nausea will just vanish. My poor 2 year old. Thank goodness she is super easy going and let's me rest, I mean pass completely out while she plays with every toy she can find but stays right next to me. This afternoon I woke up on the couch, covered with toys. She said she wanted me to play but didn't know which toy. Bless her little heart. I'm afraid she'll start to hate this boy if I can't get it together soon.
I need a nap:(
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12 weeks 5 days Dear diary, Finally starting to feel better and get some energy back. With that said dear baby can I please have the official list of foods you will not let me digest? Every time I think I have it figured out baby adds a new food to the list of things that make me sick. Also dear child, I don't want to compare you to your older sister, but SERIOUSLY she was the easiest pregnancy ever. This lets hide from the doctor so we can't find a heartbeat isn't funny! Next time I expect cooperation.
Love, Heart stopped and hungry but scared to eat mommy
Dear diary, Last post I complained about never being able to poop again. Well with the help of two dulclaxs I thought wouldn't work I was drivingn in the car and pooped in my pants.... Yes I pooped in my damn pants like a 1yr old infant. I am ashamed but at least I pooped.
Dear diary, Last night I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich stuffed with tortilla chips on a hamburger bun at midnight. If I didn't have to wake up to go pee 10 times a night I wouldn't know that I was starving while I was sleeping. Also, I wish I would have known I was going to get pregnant at the age of 37, it would have worked harder to get that last 30 pounds off so I didn't feel like I was starting out in the hole.
I farted, loudly, about 10 times in the past 10 minutes while my husband is sitting next to me trying to watch tv. I'm thinking if this keeps up it might be grounds for divorce. Oops there's another one.
What is going on? Have you placed a bewitching spell on me? One minute I'm loving super mum the next I'm one tantrum away from being sectioned by a mental health team and being whisked off to a mental hospital. The children don't know what to do but generally run away laughing - I think they are wiser than I give them credit for. Also I believe there's a conspiracy theory between my Hubby and them - I won't be shocked if they kidnap me and dump me in some dark woods to fend for myself. That said I might kidnap myself given the farts I'm producing at the moment - there's only so much longer I can blame them on the dog or the 12 month old baby before people suss it out!
Yours sincerely, One way or another my days are numbered
I think I'm losing it. My mind has run for the hills- I can't remember anything..... Not even what I said two minutes ago. One second I'm happy, next second I'm angry- like really Effin angry. What gives? I haven't had many cry fits in the last 13 weeks... Except yesterday/today (Monday) my sister sent me a video of an Irish pug who cannot run..... It made me bawl. It's not even sad- I have issues. (link) https://www.facebook.com/OnlineKeyStore/videos/901689983225341/
Also diary, Can we work on this I can't sleep bull crap my body has started to pull. I mean I know I gotta pee every 1.25 milliseconds but daggum it I want to sleep.
Boo-thing and I are planning a zoo trip an hour away and I'd REALLY love to see more than the zoo bathroom... Also, id like to make it to the Zoo instead of seeing all the public restrooms on the way. That's not really an exciting trip.
My dreams have gone, I was getting accustomed to my dirty dreams - yes yes I complained about it, but can I have them back. This mind darkness is getting scary.
On a more serious note diary.... I am officially 13 weeks pregnant ( as if 1 hour and 54 minutes ago) and I believe I may be entering some sort of panic mode. Weeks are flying by, before I know it I'll be holding a newborn in my arms that will be mine, not a baby I can hand back and make google eyes at, or laugh when it starts to cry... But a newborn of my own to mold, shape, grow into a I'm not going to say person because my baby is already a person but- ill be in charge of guiding this tiny baby into a happy healthy being. Honestly, diary.... Anyone who is reading this... It's terrifying..... Maybe I am starting my freak out session months early...but sooner rather than later this dream will be a reality.... That's terrifying.
Dear diary, OMG... My 13 month old slept in until 7am today! Yay! ...but when she did wake up I went in her room she was sitting in her crib so cute, smiling, she said, "hi!" and it hit me, what is that smell...? What is matted in baby's hair...? What are all these little pieces of food doing all over her room...? OMG baby puked everywhere!! We went straight to the bathtub, but then I had to deal with her room and the smell made my morning sickness totally come back. Ugh, I had to tie a tshirt around my nose and mouth to get through it. OMG. Worst. Morning. Ever.
Yesterday I found out that I am 12w4d instead of 11w, hey second tri!!
This morning I also found out my spouse is cheating on me...again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. At this moment he does not know that I know. I will be breaking the news during our counseling session this evening. Single mom club here I come.
Today my husband took my to Smokey Bones Restaurant. I couldn't decide if I wanted a Bacon Cheeseburger or a Grilled Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.
It came time to order and I was still teetering between the two when the most disgusting sentence came out of my mouth, "Can build my own burger and do a hamburger AND a piece of grilled chicken with bacon, cheddar, lettuce and buffalo sauce?"
The judgement that came across my waitress' face and the absolute pride that came across my husband's face gave me completely mixed feelings about the decision I had just made.
As the waitress walked away, my husband turned to me with complete admiration and said, "you just put THREE different animals on ONE burger...this baby is making you more like me everyday!"
Today I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed and saw this picture. It immediately made me so sad to realize that one day my baby, whose sex I don't even know yet, will grow up and leave me. I proceeded to cry at Facebook for 10 minutes.
13 w 5 d Dear Diary, since when does grated pepper replace dishwashing liquid? Also when I put a load of clothes on to wash please let me remember to hang them out. The last load was washed 4 times and didn't make it onto the line for a whole week. Given we are not on scheme water and DH has to fetch water in the water truck to fill our tank, I really need to 'save' water where possible. Sincerely yours, Don't-ask-me-to-wash-anything.
Are we serious!?!?! Woke up this morning dreaming about Nikki Minaj....she and I went and hid in this huge metal trashcan so we could watch a video she had recorded of my husband and some random woman having sex. She (Nikki) was madder than me about the situation... WTH. What is even crazier is once I woke up I couldn't tell my husband because I was afraid he would fall back to sleep and dream about Nikki Minaj and/or the random woman.
Omg, I'm laughing so hard the cat is glaring at me for shaking him off my hip.
12w, 6d
Dear diary,
You know what's fun? Starting to sneeze and then realizing if you do, you will vomit as well. So many unfinished sneezes!
Also, I came so close to telling a complete stranger to go f*ck themselves the other day. I am normally pretty level headed when it comes to idiots on the internet (or in general) but the hormones have made that straw on the camels back that much more brittle.
Love, Needs to Stay Out Of the Comments Section
P.S. The cat has now moved to a pillow next to me. I have been dismissed.
Re: Dear Diary...
Dear diary,
Can someone please invent a vomit emoji? It would make texting the husband so much easier.
Also, can summer be over already?! Living on the mouth of hell, aka Arizona, is really difficult when you can't send kids outside to play. I don't really want their skin to melt off.
Ah hormones. We meet again. I cried last night for probably a good hour because I couldn't have Red Robin for dinner. Like Kim Kardashian ugly cried.
Sincerely,
Hot, tired, and hungry for something greasy
12 w 2d
Dear Diary,
I'm standing in the corner of my kitchen, silently eating a piece of pizza because my toddler steals anything I might want to eat (not much) and then smears it on her face and drops it on the floor. I have thought about picking up food from the floor, but the floor is the dog's domain and she beats me to it every time. Can you refer to your daughter as a jerk? Because I think 2 year olds are jerks.
Sincerely,
Eating in the corner
Dear diary,
Today we went to the farmers market for the first time this season! It was awesome. I made hubby buy me a jar of jalapeño dill pickles... Omg I can not stop eating them! Will these crazy cravings ever end?!
Dear Diary,
Yesterday was my worst day yet. It was so hot in my house that I decided to eat half of an enormous watermelon. 15 mins later, with absolutely zero warning I began to barf all over myself and the floor as I ran from the couch to the bathroom. Did I mention that I was just wearing a t shirt and panties? Yea, so as I was running/projectile barfing, I also had pee running down my legs leaving a trail as I went. Then I laid on the bathroom floor and cried for 20 mins because I didn't want to clean it up.
Also, my SO thinks he is an expert on morning sickness. "Have you tried xxxxx? A lot of women find that xxxxx remedy is very helpful." Oh no, I love morning sickness, I haven't tried anything. COME ON.
Signed,
My throat burns when I vomit.
I had nausea up until 10 weeks. While I still have it, you have decided to make me suddenly throw up too. What gives?! I thought we were becoming friends.
Love,
Confused mama
I'm hitting 13 weeks tomorrow and I'm seriously hoping all of this nausea will just vanish. My poor 2 year old. Thank goodness she is super easy going and let's me rest, I mean pass completely out while she plays with every toy she can find but stays right next to me. This afternoon I woke up on the couch, covered with toys. She said she wanted me to play but didn't know which toy. Bless her little heart. I'm afraid she'll start to hate this boy if I can't get it together soon.
I need a nap:(
Dear diary,
Finally starting to feel better and get some energy back. With that said dear baby can I please have the official list of foods you will not let me digest? Every time I think I have it figured out baby adds a new food to the list of things that make me sick.
Also dear child, I don't want to compare you to your older sister, but SERIOUSLY she was the easiest pregnancy ever. This lets hide from the doctor so we can't find a heartbeat isn't funny! Next time I expect cooperation.
Love,
Heart stopped and hungry but scared to eat mommy
Dear diary,
Last post I complained about never being able to poop again. Well with the help of two dulclaxs I thought wouldn't work I was drivingn in the car and pooped in my pants.... Yes I pooped in my damn pants like a 1yr old infant. I am ashamed but at least I pooped.
Sincerely
Not constipated anymore
Last night I ate a peanut butter and jelly sandwich stuffed with tortilla chips on a hamburger bun at midnight. If I didn't have to wake up to go pee 10 times a night I wouldn't know that I was starving while I was sleeping. Also, I wish I would have known I was going to get pregnant at the age of 37, it would have worked harder to get that last 30 pounds off so I didn't feel like I was starting out in the hole.
Love,
hungry chubby mama
What is going on? Have you placed a bewitching spell on me? One minute I'm loving super mum the next I'm one tantrum away from being sectioned by a mental health team and being whisked off to a mental hospital. The children don't know what to do but generally run away laughing - I think they are wiser than I give them credit for. Also I believe there's a conspiracy theory between my Hubby and them - I won't be shocked if they kidnap me and dump me in some dark woods to fend for myself. That said I might kidnap myself given the farts I'm producing at the moment - there's only so much longer I can blame them on the dog or the 12 month old baby before people suss it out!
Yours sincerely,
One way or another my days are numbered
13 weeks
Entry number 6
I think I'm losing it. My mind has run for the hills- I can't remember anything..... Not even what I said two minutes ago. One second I'm happy, next second I'm angry- like really Effin angry. What gives?
I haven't had many cry fits in the last 13 weeks... Except yesterday/today (Monday) my sister sent me a video of an Irish pug who cannot run..... It made me bawl. It's not even sad- I have issues.
(link) https://www.facebook.com/OnlineKeyStore/videos/901689983225341/
Also diary,
Can we work on this I can't sleep bull crap my body has started to pull. I mean I know I gotta pee every 1.25 milliseconds but daggum it I want to sleep.
Boo-thing and I are planning a zoo trip an hour away and I'd REALLY love to see more than the zoo bathroom... Also, id like to make it to the Zoo instead of seeing all the public restrooms on the way. That's not really an exciting trip.
My dreams have gone, I was getting accustomed to my dirty dreams - yes yes I complained about it, but can I have them back. This mind darkness is getting scary.
On a more serious note diary....
I am officially 13 weeks pregnant ( as if 1 hour and 54 minutes ago) and I believe I may be entering some sort of panic mode. Weeks are flying by, before I know it I'll be holding a newborn in my arms that will be mine, not a baby I can hand back and make google eyes at, or laugh when it starts to cry... But a newborn of my own to mold, shape, grow into a I'm not going to say person because my baby is already a person but- ill be in charge of guiding this tiny baby into a happy healthy being. Honestly, diary.... Anyone who is reading this... It's terrifying..... Maybe I am starting my freak out session months early...but sooner rather than later this dream will be a reality.... That's terrifying.
Until next time diary.
13 weeks and counting.
Dear diary,
OMG...
My 13 month old slept in until 7am today! Yay! ...but when she did wake up I went in her room she was sitting in her crib so cute, smiling, she said, "hi!" and it hit me, what is that smell...? What is matted in baby's hair...? What are all these little pieces of food doing all over her room...? OMG baby puked everywhere!!
We went straight to the bathtub, but then I had to deal with her room and the smell made my morning sickness totally come back. Ugh, I had to tie a tshirt around my nose and mouth to get through it. OMG. Worst. Morning. Ever.
Sincerely,
Gross gaggy mommy
Yesterday I found out that I am 12w4d instead of 11w, hey second tri!!
This morning I also found out my spouse is cheating on me...again. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. At this moment he does not know that I know. I will be breaking the news during our counseling session this evening. Single mom club here I come.
Dear diary,
Today my husband took my to Smokey Bones Restaurant. I couldn't decide if I wanted a Bacon Cheeseburger or a Grilled Buffalo Chicken Sandwich.
It came time to order and I was still teetering between the two when the most disgusting sentence came out of my mouth, "Can build my own burger and do a hamburger AND a piece of grilled chicken with bacon, cheddar, lettuce and buffalo sauce?"
The judgement that came across my waitress' face and the absolute pride that came across my husband's face gave me completely mixed feelings about the decision I had just made.
As the waitress walked away, my husband turned to me with complete admiration and said, "you just put THREE different animals on ONE burger...this baby is making you more like me everyday!"
I guess he approves.
Sincerely,
Yep, I've got heartburn
Dear diary:
Today I was scrolling through my Facebook news feed and saw this picture. It immediately made me so sad to realize that one day my baby, whose sex I don't even know yet, will grow up and leave me. I proceeded to cry at Facebook for 10 minutes.
28 more weeks without wine.
Are we serious!?!?! Woke up this morning dreaming about Nikki Minaj....she and I went and hid in this huge metal trashcan so we could watch a video she had recorded of my husband and some random woman having sex.
She (Nikki) was madder than me about the situation... WTH.
What is even crazier is once I woke up I couldn't tell my husband because I was afraid he would fall back to sleep and dream about Nikki Minaj and/or the random woman.
12w, 6d
Dear diary,
You know what's fun? Starting to sneeze and then realizing if you do, you will vomit as well. So many unfinished sneezes!
Also, I came so close to telling a complete stranger to go f*ck themselves the other day. I am normally pretty level headed when it comes to idiots on the internet (or in general) but the hormones have made that straw on the camels back that much more brittle.
Love,
Needs to Stay Out Of the Comments Section
P.S. The cat has now moved to a pillow next to me. I have been dismissed.