Dear everyone, Please do not refer to my daughter as big. I can do so, but I will fight you if you do. Yeah, she was big given my size but she's a normal sized baby.
If you tell/ask me one more time "you need to have this baby already", "you haven't hatched yet?", "you're still here?", "what are you doing here?!", I swear on all things holy I will sucker punch you in the throat...
Trust me, if we could afford for me to take anymore than the allotted 6 paid weeks of leave, I'd have taken this week off... I already have to use a week of vacation time at the end of leave because our family didn't plan the family vacation for while I was already going to be out. Leaving me with only 4 days of vacation to use for the year incase LO gets sick or anything happens.
Sincerely,
Already annoyed that this week is taking forever & 3 days away from EDD with no signs of labor.
It's been 38 hours of labor now, it's seriously time to come out. I know I made you a nice home in there, but I promise you will love it on the outside too. Let go of the rope and let's do this! Im going to be pushing soon so let's agree to do this quick!! I can't wait to meet you!!
Dear induction and labor gods, Since I was unable to wait for the kid to choose their own birthday, it would be nice if we could actually make this kid come out on today, the 23rd, vs tomorrow the 24th or (gasp) the 25th. 23 is a cool number. It's prime, containing of 2 individual prime numbers, the numbers are sequential, and adds to 5 which is also prime and first in a sequence of multipliers. It also happens to be the number one of my favorite hockey players wears. So... Let's do this thing and get it done
Dear Mom, Please know I'm thankful you quit smoking and bought a new car last week! I would never ask you to do either of those things - you are 56 years old and I love you as you are.
But the fact you are so determined to be a healthy grandma with a safe car (for "the baby") is so amazing.
It's also great you are driving 3 hours this week to come stay with me when DH is back at work despite your fear of driving long distances that has stopped you from doing this in several years. Pop a couple extra Xanax for the road and we will see you soon!
Dear Roommate, You are my best friend and I love you to death, but for the love of all that is holy please, PLEASE, stop being so lazy. I have a newborn to care for and a DH that works two jobs, the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning up after you and your new boyfriend at 12:30pm every night while juggling my LO because you can't seem to ever do a load of dishes or clean the fucking bathroom we all use. Seriously, if all you did was unload the dishwasher for me every now and again and give the bathroom a quick wipe down every now and then I would be 10× happier. I love you but seriously...I'm tired and all I want is a clean house.
Sincerely, PO'd FTM who doesn't like cleaning up after other able-bodied adults 24/7.
Dear Roommate's New BF, I actually don't feel bad that LO woke you up before your night shift. This is LO's house, you don't even live here and she has thrush and doesn't feel good. Also, if you wake me up one more time because you don't know what an indoor voice is, I will cut you and make a lamp out of your skin. Seriously, go home dude.
Dear Roommate's New BF, I actually don't feel bad that LO woke you up before your night shift. This is LO's house, you don't even live here and she has thrush and doesn't feel good. Also, if you wake me up one more time because you don't know what an indoor voice is, I will cut you and make a lamp out of your skin. Seriously, go home dude.
Dear Roommate's New BF, I actually don't feel bad that LO woke you up before your night shift. This is LO's house, you don't even live here and she has thrush and doesn't feel good. Also, if you wake me up one more time because you don't know what an indoor voice is, I will cut you and make a lamp out of your skin. Seriously, go home dude.
Sincerely, Your GF's Pissy Mama Roomie/BFF
I would freak out!!!
I'm trying so hard to be nice, but he is really wearing my patience thin. LO sleeps better during the day so that's the only time I really get to rest (which is still not much because I cook, clean, do laundry etc) and the dude is always at my house making a shit ton of noise. He's lucky LO isn't extremely noise sensitive because I would go full mama bear if he woke her up.
Dear Boss (male), Please stop telling me that I should have an elective CS to save my lady parts and take the hint when for the third time I give you no information on it that maybe it is wholly inappropriate for you to bring this up. Dear coworkers/friends who I don't see/hear from very often, Please stop asking me if I have any baby news. I will share news when I have news. In the meantime, I don't want my last few days of pregnancy to be a soap opera for you. Love and all that, BR.
Re: Dear blank, please blank
Please do not refer to my daughter as big. I can do so, but I will fight you if you do. Yeah, she was big given my size but she's a normal sized baby.
Thanks,
Protective Mama
Dear Family & Co-Workers~
If you tell/ask me one more time "you need to have this baby already", "you haven't hatched yet?", "you're still here?", "what are you doing here?!", I swear on all things holy I will sucker punch you in the throat...
Trust me, if we could afford for me to take anymore than the allotted 6 paid weeks of leave, I'd have taken this week off... I already have to use a week of vacation time at the end of leave because our family didn't plan the family vacation for while I was already going to be out. Leaving me with only 4 days of vacation to use for the year incase LO gets sick or anything happens.
Sincerely,
Already annoyed that this week is taking forever & 3 days away from EDD with no signs of labor.
It's been 38 hours of labor now, it's seriously time to come out. I know I made you a nice home in there, but I promise you will love it on the outside too. Let go of the rope and let's do this! Im going to be pushing soon so let's agree to do this quick!! I can't wait to meet you!!
Love,
Your semi-patient momma. ❤️
Dear induction and labor gods,
Since I was unable to wait for the kid to choose their own birthday, it would be nice if we could actually make this kid come out on today, the 23rd, vs tomorrow the 24th or (gasp) the 25th. 23 is a cool number. It's prime, containing of 2 individual prime numbers, the numbers are sequential, and adds to 5 which is also prime and first in a sequence of multipliers. It also happens to be the number one of my favorite hockey players wears. So... Let's do this thing and get it done
Thanks,
Mel
You are my best friend and I love you to death, but for the love of all that is holy please, PLEASE, stop being so lazy. I have a newborn to care for and a DH that works two jobs, the last thing I feel like doing is cleaning up after you and your new boyfriend at 12:30pm every night while juggling my LO because you can't seem to ever do a load of dishes or clean the fucking bathroom we all use. Seriously, if all you did was unload the dishwasher for me every now and again and give the bathroom a quick wipe down every now and then I would be 10× happier. I love you but seriously...I'm tired and all I want is a clean house.
Sincerely,
PO'd FTM who doesn't like cleaning up after other able-bodied adults 24/7.
I actually don't feel bad that LO woke you up before your night shift. This is LO's house, you don't even live here and she has thrush and doesn't feel good. Also, if you wake me up one more time because you don't know what an indoor voice is, I will cut you and make a lamp out of your skin. Seriously, go home dude.
Sincerely,
Your GF's Pissy Mama Roomie/BFF
i love you. but sometimes youre an idiot and i want to punch you in the face.
Love, the wife that youre really good at pissing off.
I am so sorry.
Please stop popping black cats. July 4th is next weekend. Duh.
Thanks....
I saved all my preggo hormones for the week after my due date. Don't. Even. Look. At. Me.
-YES. I'm still pregnant.
Please stop telling me that I should have an elective CS to save my lady parts and take the hint when for the third time I give you no information on it that maybe it is wholly inappropriate for you to bring this up.
Dear coworkers/friends who I don't see/hear from very often,
Please stop asking me if I have any baby news. I will share news when I have news. In the meantime, I don't want my last few days of pregnancy to be a soap opera for you.
Love and all that,
BR.