Dear blank, please blank

afieds

I don't know if you guys have heard of these, but I think they're hilarious. Basically, you you write a little letter to whoever or whatever group of people you want to stop doing something or want to do something. I'll start....

Dear coworkers,
Please stop texting me and writing things on my Facebook wall asking if the baby has come yet. I am well aware I am 4 days past my due date and oddly enough, I want to meet my baby also.
K thanks.

klkonwi

It's like my internal thoughts thread

KaLikeAWind

Dear everybody I used to know,

I have not dropped off of the face of the planet. And I am, indeed, alive.

Say hi once in awhile. Preferably talk about something not related to baby. >-

klkonwi

Hahaha! ^^^^^^ yes.
Same here.
No one invites us anywhere. Used to have a pretty great social life!
A holes!!!!

mjschenk

Dear the bump app
Thanks for informing me I am 40 +6
Obviously I am getting close
Thanks

rpazzaam

Dear strangers,
Please stop asking me if it's twins (it's not, I'm sure) also stop.trying to guess the gender of my baby, no one knows, not you or anyone else. Also previously pregnant women who have developed amnesia because you forgotten what it's felt like to be called names like waddles, prego, or other rude pregnancy related names, I am a person, I will be a person after I have this baby and prefer to be called by my name & nothing else.

Regards- mother to be.

afieds

mjschenk said:

Dear the bump app
Thanks for informing me I am 40 +6
Obviously I am getting close
Thanks

Right?? It just keeps saying 'baby is getting bigger' uh, duh. Thanks captain obvious.

afieds

rpazzaam said:

Dear strangers,
Please stop asking me if it's twins (it's not, I'm sure) also stop.trying to guess the gender of my baby, no one knows, not you or anyone else. Also previously pregnant women who have developed amnesia because you forgotten what it's felt like to be called names like waddles, prego, or other rude pregnancy related names, I am a person, I will be a person after I have this baby and prefer to be called by my name & nothing else.

Regards- mother to be.

People at work literally have stopped calling me Alli and have started calling me 'mama' I feel your pain.

Zeuskay01

Dear "friends" on Facebook,
Stop writing on my page and tell me to go have sex!! I don't even speak to you on a friendly bases for you to strike up that type of conversation.
Thanks you dearly!
P.S .....She will come when she wants to! Stop asking that also!

Serenamarr

Dear lady at the nail salon,

Very sneaky of you to come over and touch my belly while my nails were drying so I couldn't even stop you. You probably should refrain from putting your hands on random strangers for future reference. Also my name is not Big Belly.

hswan26

Dear coworkers on Facebook,

Please do not make sexual comments on pictures that are related to the product line I'm trying to sell. You're perviness(new word) is not going to help me sell products.

Seriously.

Westypet

Dear Everyone,
Don't text me tomorrow. I'm really busy and stressed out and don't have time or energy to catch up. I'll love you another day.
Thanks and hisses,
Bellatrix Lestrange

kbbtah

Dear LO,

Your eviction notice is coming. It's non negotiable.

Love,
Your (impatient) momma

itsshayday

Dear immediate supervisor:
Please stop asking how I plan to cider the schedule while I'm away on my abbreviated maternity leave. You were literally the third person I told that I was pregnant, I did not sneak this up on you, and you've had plenty of time to hire someone that I could train to do my job while I'm away. That being said, feel free to call the temp agency or coffee do it yourself. Kthxbye.

Dear this week,
Can we just not? I'm so tired. I don't want to wake up and pee and waddle and she and work and contract and waddle and pee and ache and waddle and answer stupid questions. I'd rather just skip to Saturday, if you don't mind.

virginiaunicorn11

Dear DH,

You're being wonderful and I know you're tired, too... But when you ask if I need anything and you sigh or look annoyed when I respond, it really makes an impact on my hormones. Can I be the total wench and ask for your service to come with a smile? Or at least a poker face?

Thanks,
Your adoring wife

Ashfinski

Dear L&D-

Please stop postponing my inductions. Twice this week is enough already. I know women in active labor take priority but my emotions can only take so much. Seriously, I've cried more this past weekend than i have with both of my pregnancies. My dr wouldn't have scheduled me if she didn't think i was ready. You're a bunch of assholes and I'm tired of hearing your excuses. Get your shit together before this mommy has a mental breakdown.

Sincerely,
Ready to Bust Mommy

Westypet

Dear Home Inspector,

Please give our home a good progress report this AM so that we can move forward with selling our house.

Signed,
Stressed Out Pregnant Lady

Mandisclark

Dear Facebook Friends~

Please stop posting things on my wall like: "When are you going to have this baby?" & "Are you having this kid or not?! It's rude to keep us waiting". I know these are supposed to be funny, but I want her out as much as the rest of you.

 

Also, the next person to ask me if I'm trying to scare people by being out and about when I'm due next week will get stabbed.

 

Thanks.

Mandi McStabbypants

Sammy K

Dear DH,

Suck it up. DS is 2, Thor is 1.5, and you are 34. Guess who I expect to be the adult? Get your sh!t together and act like one.

Your Lovely Wife

PS If you complain to me about being tired one more time, I might stab you with a butter knife. Kisses!

ETA aurocorrect does not like it when I try to swear.

lovethatcolosun

^^^^^omg this exactly!!!

Dear Hubby,

If you choose to tell me that I'm not making you a priority right now again, you may want to run for cover. Just because I pointed out that you are doing this to me and you feel like crap about it, doesn't mean that I'm doing it to you. You may want to take a moment to reflect on your behavior and attitude before you are a permanent resident in the guest room.

Signed,
Your pissed and hormonal wife

klkonwi

Dear cramping,

Please don't just be needing to poop.
I want you to be labor.

Love,
I want my baby

staceyfern

Dear OB
Please call in my prescription when you say you are going to. These muscle spasms hurt and waiting on line for 20 minutes at the pharmacy to find out you never called it in is no fun, especially with a painful Virginia and a crying LO.
Thank you
Cranky moma in the pharmacy

Mandisclark

klkonwi said:

Dear cramping, Please don't just be needing to poop. I want you to be labor. Love, I want my baby

^^ Yes! I hate it when that happens! It get's me all excited and then all it is, is poop...

Westypet

Mandisclark said:

klkonwi said:

Dear cramping,

Please don't just be needing to poop.
I want you to be labor.

Love,
I want my baby

^^ Yes! I hate it when that happens! It get's me all excited and then all it is, is poop...


I want to poop!! Maybe it'll mean labor!!

Westypet

Dear Vibrators,

Please stop scaring the home inspector.

Signed,
The Pregnant Pure Romance Consultant

afieds

Dear baby,
I know you're past your due date and I've been begging you to come out for days, but can you just wait until it is officially not the 16th? I don't wanna hear about you sharing my step mom's bday for the rest of our lives.

a_bushey

OMG!  These are hysterical and having me laughing this morning.  Thank you!!!

Dear family and friends 600+ miles away,

Please stop comparing my pregnancy to another family member due next week.  It's getting old listening to you all say, "poor her and her baby is sooo huge".  Also, please stop asking what my plans to care for our 14 m/o DD and soon-to-be DS are when he arrives.  If you are not offering physical help or giving sound advice, we don't want to hear it.

Love, 

One tired and achy Mama

I don't normally rant, but that felt good, lol!  Thanks again!!

kcave21

Dear baby Hunter please please please come out today preferably when it is not a down pour

rrcameron21

Dear mom,

I'm sorry this pregnancy has been so long and hard for you. What can I do to help?

Sincerely,
Are you f*cking kidding me?

Sammy K

Dear hospital,
Please call with an opening for an induction tomorrow. Otherwise you might have a pregnant creeper hanging out in your waiting room until this baby comes.

Thanks,
Fast Labor Mama

KarasTwin

Dear Everyone (especially coworkers),

Please stop asking me if baby has flipped or telling me he might flip. At this stage of pregnancy the chance of that happening are about 12%. I also have been told if he's as big as they think he has no room. I know size estimates can be off, but I have a very long torso and I feel this baby EVERYWHERE! I don't have any false hope that he'll turn and I don't need you obsessing about it. The c section is scheduled for next Monday. I have accepted that and I don't need to make you feel comfortable with my decision.

Thanks,
Miserable, uncomfortable pregnant lady who has better things to do than make others feel better

Amandatosh

Dear extended family member,

Please stop insisting that I am "about to have this baby any minute". You've been saying that for three weeks now. Just because I am doing laundry does not mean that labor is imminent, it only means that I need clean underwear. I'm glad that you got a boost of energy and cleaned your entire house right before you went into labor 27 years ago. But I've heard this story 15 times now and I don't really care. 

Sincerely,

Me

valeriemarie24

Dear mom,

Please stop asking me to post/send updated photos. I'm swollen and my face is fat and I don't feel like taking pictures to satisfy your need to post on social media. Wait til the hospital and take pictures when the baby is here.

Sincerely,
Unphotogenic

Mandisclark

^^^

So with you @valeriemarie24. Done with preggo pics. Last time I posted one all I got was "OMG ARE YOU HAVING TWINS?!" ummm, no... I'm 5 feet tall and LO has no where else to go but out.

AbbigailS

Dear Mother-in-law,
Please stop passive aggressive non-sense asking what you thought the standard amount of time to take the baby out is. It's my child and I can leave the house with her whenever I please.

K thanks

valeriemarie24

Mandisclark said:

^^^

So with you @valeriemarie24. Done with preggo pics. Last time I posted one all I got was "OMG ARE YOU HAVING TWINS?!" ummm, no... I'm 5 feet tall and LO has no where else to go but out.

I've gotten the exact same thing about twins. I'm 4'11 so not a very tall person and I popped right out around 7 months. A random lady on the bus told me my belly was still too high up to be 2 weeks away, when the rest of the world has told me I've dropped. Thanks bus stranger

Poppy1099

Dear Suspiciously Scratchy throat,

No! Ain't nobody got time for that!

Sincerely,
Tired and Uncomfortable enough!

laurendutch

Dear Sister,

Please tell me again how stressful it was to talk to CS to get your flight rescheduled!

Sincerely,

Your sister who is going to give birth within the next 12 hours while her husband is out of the country on a business trip!

amabarne

Dear DH,

No I don't want to go back to work and leave LO at daycare but I reeeally don't want your mother to come stay with us for the rest of the summer either!!

I love you (even if I don't always like you),
Your Wife

afieds

Dear sister,
Please stop saying I need to have the baby before Sunday so other sister will still be out of town and you can be the 'first auntie to hold baby'. That's super bitchy and I have no control over the actions of my cervix and uterus as you should know since you have 4 damn kids.

Sincerely,
Fed up with everyone's shit

Zeuskay01

Dear random lady at the store,
Unless you're my doctor, don't tell me what my belly looks like. If I tell you I'm past 40 weeks, that should be your cue to stop talking, don't say "oh that's not possible, you're still so high!". So I do not apologize at all for getting an attitude and rolling my eyes at you.
Sincerely,
Don't talk to me...I don't care.