- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
November 2015 Moms
oliveoil95
member
Any of you dealt with child support, is it worth the hassle of court? Or should I trust his wor
oliveoil95
member
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm 15 weeks along and I'm just trying to get everything figured out and have even a couple weeks of little stress during my pregnancy.
The baby's dad likes to deny its his because we aren't together. He's demanding a paternity test be done. Which I do understand. But I also think he's just trying to stall and give himself more time. He told me I need to pay for the testing because I want the more expensive one done. I want the "Non invasive prenatal testing," done. I found a cheaper lab to do it for only a 1000. I feel like I have to get it done now because he plans on moving to another state before the birth. He's being so difficult now, how will he be when he's with his friends living another state?!?
He's begging me not to bring him to court and he promises to pay for child support if it's his. I keep telling him we need to talk and work something out for an agreement. I've been trying to work with him if he doesn't want court. For the past 6 weeks every single week I contact him and tell him we should talk this through if he doesn't want court as an option.
We always text for a little about talking then he promises to call me the next day so we can talk. Then the next day comes and I wait and wait and wait for his call to not get one every single week. Then I tell myself everytime he must of been busy so I wait till the next day to text him and tell him we didn't talk. Then he ignores me. Then I try again in another couple days.
He's literally breaking my heart. I've given him so many chances to talk to me. He gets really mad at me when I tell him I've talked to a lawyer. Which I have,just to see what could happen if I did go to court. Every single week he gives me hope that we could work this out and have an agreement. He makes me believe I'll have a couple of weeks of less stress. Then I get blown off. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep everynight.
One time I even had a paternity test lined up for us, and I put a deposit on it. I told the DNA lab that I had to ask the dad if he wanted to do it . So I texted him and told him I need a yes or no answer about getting this test done or I lose my whole deposit. In a matter of 18 hours he couldn't take 10 seconds to text me back yes or no to a paternity test he demanded. I lost my whole $200 deposit. He's never apologized for that.
How am I suppose to trust with him being in another state that he will pay me child support without a court order?
The baby's dad likes to deny its his because we aren't together. He's demanding a paternity test be done. Which I do understand. But I also think he's just trying to stall and give himself more time. He told me I need to pay for the testing because I want the more expensive one done. I want the "Non invasive prenatal testing," done. I found a cheaper lab to do it for only a 1000. I feel like I have to get it done now because he plans on moving to another state before the birth. He's being so difficult now, how will he be when he's with his friends living another state?!?
He's begging me not to bring him to court and he promises to pay for child support if it's his. I keep telling him we need to talk and work something out for an agreement. I've been trying to work with him if he doesn't want court. For the past 6 weeks every single week I contact him and tell him we should talk this through if he doesn't want court as an option.
We always text for a little about talking then he promises to call me the next day so we can talk. Then the next day comes and I wait and wait and wait for his call to not get one every single week. Then I tell myself everytime he must of been busy so I wait till the next day to text him and tell him we didn't talk. Then he ignores me. Then I try again in another couple days.
He's literally breaking my heart. I've given him so many chances to talk to me. He gets really mad at me when I tell him I've talked to a lawyer. Which I have,just to see what could happen if I did go to court. Every single week he gives me hope that we could work this out and have an agreement. He makes me believe I'll have a couple of weeks of less stress. Then I get blown off. I'm sick of crying myself to sleep everynight.
One time I even had a paternity test lined up for us, and I put a deposit on it. I told the DNA lab that I had to ask the dad if he wanted to do it . So I texted him and told him I need a yes or no answer about getting this test done or I lose my whole deposit. In a matter of 18 hours he couldn't take 10 seconds to text me back yes or no to a paternity test he demanded. I lost my whole $200 deposit. He's never apologized for that.
How am I suppose to trust with him being in another state that he will pay me child support without a court order?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Any of you dealt with child support, is it worth the hassle of court? Or should I trust his wor
Since you already have a lawyer talk to them about what their recommendations are for next steps. Go the route of court ordered support. It may be trouble now but less trouble when the baby arrives and you need that money to support your child. You don't want to be playing these games with him at that point. Also discuss with your lawyer the paternity test. Maybe the have alternative suggestions (like waiting until birth) so you don't have to pay such a large cost. Good luck.
He's just stalling because he wants more time to be his age. He already told his mom I'm pregnant and he doesn't want a paternity test so soon because if his mom finds out the baby is his she's going to force him to help. Then his dad will find out I'm pregnant and he won't have a choice anymore on staying or going. He just wants to party and I took that from him. So he ignores me.
I have my 15 week doctors appointment tomorrow morning and if everything's okay with a baby and they find a heartbeat I will contact him at night and tell him I'm bringing him to court. I'm going to suggest to him he doesn't leave before the child support court date and then the custody court case. He's not going to be able to afford to buy so many plane tickets.
But sometimes I wonder if courts even worth it because New York State child support laws are weird. He's considered poverty level I'm sure, he's only 19 and has a regular job. I may only end up getting $25 a month from by the end of this.
That being said, even if you would only be getting 25$ a month right now, you have to be thinking long term. Child support lasts 18years, right? So the amount you'd get would change through the years based on his salary, right? So that number could end up fluctuating a LOT between now and then. You don't want to not ask for child support just because you don't think you'd get much.
I hope I can atleast get it so he pays the medical bills and helps me pay for child care. Or else he's literally getting out of this while I'm suffering.
If he moves away before all the court appearances are done with, that's his problem to figure out, not yours. He can fly in, send his own lawyer, possibly send his parents, or just be AWOL and forfeit any opportunity to argue his side. If he's a big enough grown-up to get a girl pregnant, he's a big enough grown-up to figure out his own legal problems.
(sorry if I sound harsh, my Hubs has done some family/custody cases and I have NO sympathy for dudes who pull this crap.)
Thankfully in our situation the biological father stopped all communication with us, 2 years ago. My husband is in the process of adopting DD1. We're much happier because we don't stress over his actions or how they will affect DD1
You've given him the opportunity to sort this out amicably between just the two of you and he clearly isn't interested.
As the other ladies have said, you need to let the court sort this out for you. Even if it's only $25 a month, that still adds up to $4,800 if he pay support up to the child is 16.
I never wanted to do this to him. I thought he was my friend. He's been ordering me around the whole time since I told him I'm pregnant and I'm sick of it. He's told me I put this predicament on my life because I chose to keep the baby. I just can't give my baby up because he doesn't want it. He shouldn't of gotten me pregnant then. He doesn't understand that abortion Isnt up to him. If he doesn't want to be a dad then he shouldn't have sex at all. When a guy has sex with anyone that's there way of saying they're ready to be a dad.
I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I'm really scared to go. I heard the heartbeat 2 weeks ago at 13 weeks 4 days. But I'm afraid she's going to check for a heartbeat and there won't be one to find because I had a missed miscarriage or something from all the stress. I've ended up in the hospital before became of stress. I hope this doesn't effect my baby's life too.
If the baby's okay I'm going to try to talk him one more time and im going to tell him about court. If he doesn't talk he's going to find out everything as it happens. I've done all I can do.
When he told you "what have I done to make you think I'm untrustworthy" ummm... Sounds like a lot of things to me. Laying down and making a baby but flaking out when shit gets real is pretty untrustworthy. You're going to have to go through the courts with him. Stop worrying about what he says and if he will be mad at you etc. All you need to worry about is you and your baby. He doesn't care about you, so don't care about what he wants either and just do what you have to do for your baby.
BFP #5: 3/25/2015: EDD: 12/8/2015.
Just from what I knew my mom went through with my dad, she trusted his word and he delivered for a little while but do you really want to assume he will always keep his word? Even when the guy has a new girl and has more kids? No. Go to court and get all the terms put in legal writing and if he ever decides to not own up and take off it isn't on you anymore. Don't risk it. He may surprise you and follow the terms to a tee but don't bank on it for the kid's whole life.
The whole paternity test thing makes me so mad. My due date is November 29th. So the day of conception was March 8. I had sex with him and he finished inside of me on March 8th. He's the only person to ever do that to me. The first day of ovulation for me to was March 8th. That's too many coincidences and he won't accept it.
There are quite a few red flags about his ability to be trustworthy. Especially the drugs and the statement about "if his mom finds out it is his she will make him help out". So, clearly he doesn't want to be forced to help out, and probably won't if he isn't.
Even if it is only $25 now, it can be changed in the future. You said he has a "regular job" but, do you know for a fact that it is less than or equal to poverty wages? Maybe I skipped over that part.
Whether he wants to be involved in the child's life, or not, isn't the point. If you want help financially, go through the court. Otherwise be ready and okay with him disappearing.
On another note, try to keep calm about your appointment tomorrow. When I miscarried a few months ago, I asked if stress could have induced it, and the doctor said no. The baby can sense it, and it can affect them to an extent, but like that doctor said, it doesn't cause miscarriage.
Get it. It's worth it.
Check into your state for child support laws. Many have online calculators that if you input yours and his info you'll get a better estimate.
I just texted him and he could tell I was upset with him so he responded. His excuse for never responding to me is that he's "constantly busy" and I always text him when's he "driving." So apparently he just can't find the time to respond. All he wants to work out with me is a paternity test he says. Then if he knows the baby's his for sure he will help out. That part I do believe somewhat. But I don't feel it's right for me to have to pay for a paternity test he's demanding
We have a blended family. My son's sperm donor (my husband is his dad) is literally, no joke, $15,000 behind in CS & IA will do nothing. My son is 6. I can screenshot it for the non believers. He has 4 kids by 4 women so I can't imagine what the other balances are. He hasn't spent more than 1 night in jail over this. He took me back through child support recovery to get his CS lowered around Christmas time last year & they dropped it to the state minimum ($30 per month). State minimum just got raised, it was $10. Yes, $10. He works part time at Pizza Hut now (before it was under the table for YEARS & watching his girlfriend's kid so she could work all while collecting state benefits) & they can't even garnish the full $30 per month because he doesn't work enough. No joke, I promise. I get $7 every 2 weeks. What does this $14 buy my son you ask? Not a damn thing. $14 doesn't even cover a fraction of his extra curricular (no, not actual expenses.. doesn't even cover a fraction of extra stuff he wants to do).. So yea, Iowa is a joke.. I finally gave up calling CS office because it's pointless. They just take his license he doesn't have anyways.. My daughter's father is another cup of wonderful I don't have the patience to discuss..
No worries, my son doesn't go without. & eventually I learned to make better choices in men..
Rant over......
Even if you get $25 a month which is NOTHING in the grand scheme of things, he needs to be held responsible for something. It's about the principle, if nothing else..