Anyone else concerned about the holidays

taylorherrgesell

I dont know about any of you ladies but my families got enough young children to fill a school haha and with the holidays coming up so fast after my due date it's got me concerned about Christmas/New Years party's (and maybe even thanksgiving if the little one decides to come on time) I'm nervous about letting little kids hold my baby I always was first inline to see a little one at a party but I'm nervous still, having a baby smack dab in the middle of sickness season, I'm gonna be a wreck I've tried to put rules in place that I already told my family that no kids under a certain age can hold just look and I'll only be staying for a short period to begin with but they all took it very personally and got angry

Bootsie81

With babies this young, I always ask everyone we'll be around to make sure they have a flu shot.  My son was born at the end of October and he was a preemie so being around a lot of people at the holidays made me nervous too. 

VexyMommy

If you've created rules to make which keep you comfortable and your child safe then I would say let your family get angry. They aren't the ones who will have a newborn sick with the flu or some other present someone brings to the holiday festivities. As a parent you'll have a lot of decisions like this where your family may not understand why you're doing something differently than they did or than they want you to do. If you feel strongly about it, stand strongly for it. And good luck. It's tough to stand up to family.

lopezalonso

Omg. I haven't been able to stop thinking about this either. DH and I are from different countries and where he's from, it's normal to pass the baby around. Where I'm from, it's rude to ask because people have this idea that babies are frail and shouldn't be touched to prevent illness (prob right). Anyway, I had a tough time with DH's fam when DD was born. Luckily though the soonest holiday was Easter and she was 6 weeks by then.

This year our new LO will be 3 weeks at Christmas. We usually do dinner at my in laws on the Eve, Christmas morning at ours, Christmas lunch at his uncle's, and New Year's at his aunt's. I am going to have to put my foot down and say we will go to Christmas Eve but I am not staying until midnight. I am not going to his uncle's but he can take DD if he likes or I'll go for a short time. And we are skipping the new year's party. Last year we discussed alternating with my parents so I think this year will be my parents. At least that is what I will push for.

VexyMommy

@lopezalonso We usually do a crazy amount of traveling with our older children around the holidays so that everyone gets to see the kids. This year we've decided that if people would like to celebrate with us, they can come to us. That much travel with a newborn is a lot. Also, if you're breastfeeding it may be difficult for dad to take the little one to an even by himself.

oliarnmom1517

I was thinking about this earlier but I have just decided I'm not going anywhere for thanksgiving.. If people want to see me or the baby they can ask for pictures because the baby will only be a couple weeks old if they come on my due date and nobody in my family gets flu shots and I'm not messing with that...I already know it will be way too overwhelming for me with a baby who's so young so I'll just do Christmas and go from there..

Edit because I wrote the same sentence twice lol

Pontot31

Baby wearing will save you.
Get a wrap or a carrier and keep them close.

Your baby, your rules. Don't be afraid to say no to holding. And don't feel bad.

You could also use it as an excuse to stay home just your new family of 3.

Germs are a concern but when my daughter was a new baby big crowds made her so over stimulated that she wouldn't eat or sleep for a while afterwards and it was hell. We are avoiding the holidays this year and inviting the grandparents to come to us.

thegingeravenger

Both my family and my boyfriend's family already think I'm a raging bitch because of this. Regardless of if kiddo is here or not, I'm not doing any family thanksgiving dinners. If I'm pregnant and past due, I refuse to go be a uncomfortable circus monkey. If I have a little one, I don't want to risk exposing LO to anything. Christmas we will be avoiding the large family gatherings unless kiddo is old enough to have their shots. Luckily the boyfriend is on board with both of these plans.

knolliepollie

I think our kid is due so close to Thanksgiving that we are not going to do Thanksgiving or Christmas with any extended family. Just our immediate families. My family agrees with me. I think the baby will be too young and we will be way too tired to do a big family get together.

wulfpackgirl

I'm due the week of Thanksgiving so as of right now we're not making plans for that. I'll either be nine months and miserable, at the hospital or at home with a newborn. Not planning on going anywhere as of right now. Christmas will be a different story. We both have small immediate families so maybe that won't be so bad. Last year my SIL got all kinds of mad bc we were thirty minutes later than my husband normally gets there bc we went to see my nieces and nephew. It was my first Christmas with H's family. She's in her early 40's married with no kids. I have a feeling she is not going to like that a baby is going to change their Christmas routine. I'm not going to travel 45 minutes away with kids on Christmas morning. Maybe this year but after that no. They can do Christmas Eve day IMO.

thefithuntress

Dodged a big bullet with this one- My mom is coming around my due date at the end of Nov for a week and my husband's family (mom, sister, husband, 2 babies) are all coming down and staying in a vacation house for Christmas. I have family 3-4 hours away and I'll probably invite some of them to drop by after that if they'd like. I think setting your rules early is the best way to let it sink in and give your family the liberty to plan around them. I don't think it matters how they react to your feelings. Regarding parenting this is likely the beginning of many things people will disagree with you over.

lopezalonso

VexyMommy said:

@lopezalonso We usually do a crazy amount of traveling with our older children around the holidays so that everyone gets to see the kids. This year we've decided that if people would like to celebrate with us, they can come to us. That much travel with a newborn is a lot. Also, if you're breastfeeding it may be difficult for dad to take the little one to an even by himself.

I would love to have the family come to us instead. My in laws live 2 miles away and DH's uncle lives about 4 miles away so it wouldn't be a lot of travel. It's just inconvenient because it's a lot of time with his fam and they sit and eat for like 5-6hrs (I am not exaggerating). Also, I meant for DH to take DD who will be 20 months then and he would be with his parents. Me and our newborn would be at home with me. Although it is sad to spend Christmas apart so I take that back. All my babies stay with me!

mmk29

I fall in with previous comments. I've already stated no thanksgiving, my husbands parents can come alone the day of if they prefer. We're not traveling for Christmas, although my parents will come the day of. New Years is harder for me though because my brother is getting married. I've decided I'm just going to baby wear to minimize strange people touching, we'll leave early if need be. Several people in my family are nurses though so at least feelings won't be hurt, most understand I'm just trying to do what's best for our LO.

DrMommaDVM

We won't be going to the big family thanksgiving this year. The baby should be like 10 days old, which for me is too young to be around a bunch of people who might be incubating cold/flu viruses. Just a personal preference.

lopezalonso

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

Pontot31

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

Lay the rules down before the baby comes.

You can also request that they wash their hands right before doing it and then after a short time take them back.
I wore my daughter a lot which kept people from touching her. She also wanted to nurse every 20-30 mins so that limited things quite a bit.

Being that it's cold and flu season you can just say you're concerned and would like people to respect those concerns. They have a life time to hold And interact with the baby. Plus they get more fun after a few months.

VexyMommy

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this. So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

You could try something to the effect of, "She's too young to have had any of her shots and the doctor recommends she not be held by too many people until after she's 6 weeks old."  Or substitute the age you feel would be appropriate. 

Pontot31

VexyMommy said:

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

You could try something to the effect of, "She's too young to have had any of her shots and the doctor recommends she not be held by too many people until after she's 6 weeks old."  Or substitute the age you feel would be appropriate. 


Putting the blame on someone else- like a doctor is always good. They can't argue with a newborn's doctor saying it!

KeHill08

I'm a bit nervous about it too! I don't want people to think we will be playing pass the baby around! And I just know my husband's side will get all bent out of shape when I say I don't want him or her being passed around like that or a bunch of people holding him or her... and I can only imagine his mom and grandma taking baby from me and not wanting to give him or her back. I really don't want a sick new born on my hands, especially since my husband will be deployed and won't be there to help me. I'm just going to have to tell them ahead of time so they know that they shouldn't expect that to happen.

lopezalonso

What about people kissing the baby? Anyone have issues with this? My in laws kept doing it when DD was a few days old. Wtf?! You know you have to wash your hands to hold but you think it's ok to put your mouth and saliva on the baby? Am I out of line here?

taylorherrgesell

All of you bring up such good points I love the idea of wearing baby I never actually thought about that but it's a good excuse to keep them close. I'm sure my boyfriends family will be respectful and I'm not too worried since there aren't too many other little ones around but on my side we've got and obnoxious amount my entire extended family gets together there's gonna be other small babies there but mines gonna be the smallest and if anyone tries to snatch them away I'll lose it I swear

kmmelhorn

So this sounds like it isn't the popular opinion, but here is my experience. I felt tge exact same way as you did during my first pregnancy. I was really hesitant about what to do for the holidays...but everything pretty much changed the second he was born. My son was born the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 5 years ago and we came home Thanksgiving morning. We stopped at the house to see the dog and drop off our stuff and then went to our normal thanksgiving festivities, lunch at my in laws and dinner at my parents. Both of our families are pretty respectful so I wasn't concerned with hand washing and getting enough alone time with the baby. They all washed their hands and I snuck off into a bedroom to nurse and just relax with my son when I needed to escape for a few minutes. Don't get me wrong, it was a looong day but I wouldn't imagine being anywhere else on the holidays than with our families. I would have been devastated to not see everyone and share our baby with the ones we love most. That being said, our families are pretty cool for the most part. For Christmas and New Year we did our normal family events, but we did leave earlier than usual. Personally I just wanted to be with my family on the holidays and even though I am concerned about cold/flu season and pretty much limited our visits to family, I am also realistic that I can't shield him from every germ the first few months. This baby is due Nov 21 - apparently my husband and I really like to get pregnant in late February - so we are in the exact same boat timing wise (assuming I carry full term God willing). My advice is to be proactive with hand washing, but go with the flow a little bit too. Once the baby is here I have a feeling you will be more comfortable with sharing him/her than you anticipate.

sdw84

I was stressing about this also. I just had a conversation with my MIL. It turns out that she has to work thanksgiving. We decided instead of doing a huge family thanksgiving with all her family we are just doing a small one with MIL and two SIL.

I hope you figure something out to make you more comfortable.

wallserve

@vexymommy this is perfect!! I'm totally taking advantage of having a newborn this year and NOT traveling all over hell's half acre, twice! Both of our families have strong traditions about the holidays and we always feel the obligation to meet everyone's expectations. Not this year!! If they want to see us, they can come to us! This is not saying that if it's a good day and things are going well we won't venture out...I get cabin fever pretty quickly, but the health of my sons are number 1 priority!!

wallserve

This is a good thing too...it's nice to see the other side. I was really sore after coming home with our new baby and slept a lot that day...so props to you!! (P.S. I have a great husband and my mom was awesome.)

wallserve

To kind of piggy back off this topic....what about decorating for the holidays? We LOVE Christmas and all of the decorations that go with it. We also have a 4 (will be only a month from 5 at Christmas) year old. What are your thoughts on decorating? We usually decorate after Thanksgiving for Christmas and keep it up until after the New Year (I try to take everything "Christmas" down before returning to school). Just wondering on your thoughts....

VexyMommy

wallserve said:

To kind of piggy back off this topic....what about decorating for the holidays? We LOVE Christmas and all of the decorations that go with it. We also have a 4 (will be only a month from 5 at Christmas) year old. What are your thoughts on decorating? We usually decorate after Thanksgiving for Christmas and keep it up until after the New Year (I try to take everything "Christmas" down before returning to school). Just wondering on your thoughts....

It shouldn't be a problem this year.  Next year if little one is mobile you may want to change your decorating patterns, but the baby will be so little this year they will be unaware of it.

mattymom

kmmelhorn said:

So this sounds like it isn't the popular opinion, but here is my experience. I felt tge exact same way as you did during my first pregnancy. I was really hesitant about what to do for the holidays...but everything pretty much changed the second he was born. My son was born the Tuesday before Thanksgiving 5 years ago and we came home Thanksgiving morning. We stopped at the house to see the dog and drop off our stuff and then went to our normal thanksgiving festivities, lunch at my in laws and dinner at my parents. Both of our families are pretty respectful so I wasn't concerned with hand washing and getting enough alone time with the baby. They all washed their hands and I snuck off into a bedroom to nurse and just relax with my son when I needed to escape for a few minutes. Don't get me wrong, it was a looong day but I wouldn't imagine being anywhere else on the holidays than with our families. I would have been devastated to not see everyone and share our baby with the ones we love most. That being said, our families are pretty cool for the most part. For Christmas and New Year we did our normal family events, but we did leave earlier than usual. Personally I just wanted to be with my family on the holidays and even though I am concerned about cold/flu season and pretty much limited our visits to family, I am also realistic that I can't shield him from every germ the first few months. This baby is due Nov 21 - apparently my husband and I really like to get pregnant in late February - so we are in the exact same boat timing wise (assuming I carry full term God willing). My advice is to be proactive with hand washing, but go with the flow a little bit too. Once the baby is here I have a feeling you will be more comfortable with sharing him/her than you anticipate.

This will more then likely be us. Mainly because I have 3 other children and it's hard to keep them away from holiday parties just because I just had a baby. They are old enough to know what they are missing and honestly, I will need the break in scenery with the 3 of them running around me and having a newborn. I have 7 siblings but they are all extremely respectful of not asking to hold a newborn unless offered to and my dad is a doctor, so hand washing and keeping sick people away is a way of life. As for my in laws, that's a different story, which I don't even want to think about right now. Luckily all our holidays this year will be with my parents.

wedding crazed

My C-section is scheduled the week before Thanksgiving so we definitely won't be doing anything then. We will have four kids 5.5 and under. I won't be signed off medically until Dec. 28th (6 weeks). Our plan so far is that anyone who wants to see us or meet the new baby can come to us. Our closest family is 1.5 hours away. My daughters B-day is Dec. 31st and we may do a small cake party for just the immediate family for that where everyone can meet the new baby.

dogsombrero

I am having twins and I have a 1 yr old. Traveling is out for a while and our families get it. We let DS get passed around at a wedding reception when he was 1 month old. He didn't get sick but I was a mess because I was pumping and exhausted and we drove over an hour each way. We were also dealing with reflux where vomit would shoot solely from his nose and 2 hours in he was a crying mess because his meds weren't correct yet. If it's not convenient and you don't want to do it then say no.

DrMommaDVM

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

I think just saying something like "she's been a little grumpy today and seems to want to stick with mommy" is totally fine.
Oh, they will be offended, but oh well. In my opinion they are the rude ones for asking to hold the baby in the first place. I have never in my life requested that from someone. If a mother of a newborn feels like handing the baby off.... She will ask you.

VexyMommy

DrMommaDVM said:

How would you ladies say no to someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this. So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

I think just saying something like "she's been a little grumpy today and seems to want to stick with mommy" is totally fine. Oh, they will be offended, but oh well. In my opinion they are the rude ones for asking to hold the baby in the first place. I have never in my life requested that from someone. If a mother of a newborn feels like handing the baby off.... She will ask you.

Curious - was this rude? 
I offered to hold my bf's ex's 1 month old.  It was awkward, but I was trying to be helpful.  I was bringing the ex backstage to see her daughter after a dance competition and she wanted to take pictures.  (We had gotten the 10yr old ready, brought her to the competition 2hrs ahead of time and stayed backstage with her for a while.  Her mom barely made it in time for her dance so she didn't know how to find her daughter afterward.)  I said I could hold the baby or I could take the pictures since she didn't have a carrier or car seat to keep the little one in.  She looked shocked and then said I could hold the little one. 

taylorherrgesell

VexyMommy said:

DrMommaDVM said:

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

I think just saying something like "she's been a little grumpy today and seems to want to stick with mommy" is totally fine.
Oh, they will be offended, but oh well. In my opinion they are the rude ones for asking to hold the baby in the first place. I have never in my life requested that from someone. If a mother of a newborn feels like handing the baby off.... She will ask you.

Curious - was this rude? 
I offered to hold my bf's ex's 1 month old.  It was awkward, but I was trying to be helpful.  I was bringing the ex backstage to see her daughter after a dance competition and she wanted to take pictures.  (We had gotten the 10yr old ready, brought her to the competition 2hrs ahead of time and stayed backstage with her for a while.  Her mom barely made it in time for her dance so she didn't know how to find her daughter afterward.)  I said I could hold the baby or I could take the pictures since she didn't have a carrier or car seat to keep the little one in.  She looked shocked and then said I could hold the little one. 


Absolutely not if she knows you and you were trying to help plus you said you'd take pictures for her before hand she obviously took it the wrong way

VexyMommy

taylorherrgesell said:. 

Absolutely not if she knows you and you were trying to help plus you said you'd take pictures for her before hand she obviously took it the wrong way

We don't typically get along.  We're polite, but nothing more and she's stated that she thinks I'm trying to take over her role as mother in her daughter's life.  She's requested I not contact her in regards to anything.  (I was sending out group texts to her, her husband and my boyfriend in regards to fundraising ideas for a camp we are sending her daughter to this summer.)  However, she's been much less paranoid since giving birth which is nice.  The shock may have been just from me offering to do something like that for her so she could have something nice with her daughter. 

dogsombrero

VexyMommy said:

Curious - was this rude? 
I offered to hold my bf's ex's 1 month old.  It was awkward, but I was trying to be helpful.  I was bringing the ex backstage to see her daughter after a dance competition and she wanted to take pictures.  (We had gotten the 10yr old ready, brought her to the competition 2hrs ahead of time and stayed backstage with her for a while.  Her mom barely made it in time for her dance so she didn't know how to find her daughter afterward.)  I said I could hold the baby or I could take the pictures since she didn't have a carrier or car seat to keep the little one in.  She looked shocked and then said I could hold the little one. 

Not rude. She may not like you but it seems like you don't let that color your behavior with her. She sounds like a strange bird, I get that having another person in your child's life is tough but clearly you want the best for her child including a cordial relationship with her. My dad had a great GF when I was younger and I loved it because I had a good but different relationship with her like a cool aunt maybe? Hopefully time will ease some of her weirdness.

blams05

I keep hand sanitizer ready and request people to wash hands if possible

dramaphile

Thanksgiving is a wash for us since I'm due a week before and have no idea if there will be a baby yet and our nearest family is 3 hours away (mine is in the opposite coast!).

Christmas, we'll go stay a couple of nights with my in-laws as usual I guess. Our apartment is too small to host any gatherings and I am not going to be up for hosting. Plus, everyone else lives close to them and hours from us.

I guess I'm in the minority in that I'm not too worried about germs, although I'll definitely ask any family member who is not feeling well to stay away. That said, we also don't have any little ones besides my nephew who will be 14 months at Christmas.

lopezalonso

@vexymommy Sounds like she already has some issues with you (for whatever reason) and may therefore the be sensitive to comments that would otherwise wouldn't bother her. I do remember that after I had DD I was sensitive to comments of people wanting to hold her or help me because I thought they thought I couldn't handle it but I'm talking about the first two weeks --- I was SOO hormonal.

Pontot31

VexyMommy said:

DrMommaDVM said:

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

I think just saying something like "she's been a little grumpy today and seems to want to stick with mommy" is totally fine.
Oh, they will be offended, but oh well. In my opinion they are the rude ones for asking to hold the baby in the first place. I have never in my life requested that from someone. If a mother of a newborn feels like handing the baby off.... She will ask you.

Curious - was this rude? 
I offered to hold my bf's ex's 1 month old.  It was awkward, but I was trying to be helpful.  I was bringing the ex backstage to see her daughter after a dance competition and she wanted to take pictures.  (We had gotten the 10yr old ready, brought her to the competition 2hrs ahead of time and stayed backstage with her for a while.  Her mom barely made it in time for her dance so she didn't know how to find her daughter afterward.)  I said I could hold the baby or I could take the pictures since she didn't have a carrier or car seat to keep the little one in.  She looked shocked and then said I could hold the little one. 


Not at all.
I always offer. Not ask can I. More like a - if you need a free hand I'm willing to help.

magnolia0212

This will be my second November baby. I did go to Thanksgiving at my parents' house an hour away. We even spent the night. DD was about 3 weeks old. I made everyone douse with hand sanitizer and told the little ones no kissing or getting in her face. Maybe it's a geographical thing, but I would think it rude if my family members didn't ask to hold her. Southern people love the some babies! I was a little worried, but just watched her closely.

I'm due at the end of Novemember this time, so we won't go. We will go for Christmas though.

kmkrushi

Pontot31 said:

VexyMommy said:

DrMommaDVM said:

lopezalonso said:

How would you ladies say no to
someone asking you to hold your newborn? I always feel so mean but resent them even asking since I wouldn't ask. I guess better that they ask then just try to take the baby. My BIL who has a developmental disability would do this.

So yeah, how would you turn down a request to hold your newborn?

I think just saying something like "she's been a little grumpy today and seems to want to stick with mommy" is totally fine.
Oh, they will be offended, but oh well. In my opinion they are the rude ones for asking to hold the baby in the first place. I have never in my life requested that from someone. If a mother of a newborn feels like handing the baby off.... She will ask you.

Curious - was this rude? 
I offered to hold my bf's ex's 1 month old.  It was awkward, but I was trying to be helpful.  I was bringing the ex backstage to see her daughter after a dance competition and she wanted to take pictures.  (We had gotten the 10yr old ready, brought her to the competition 2hrs ahead of time and stayed backstage with her for a while.  Her mom barely made it in time for her dance so she didn't know how to find her daughter afterward.)  I said I could hold the baby or I could take the pictures since she didn't have a carrier or car seat to keep the little one in.  She looked shocked and then said I could hold the little one. 

Not at all.
I always offer. Not ask can I. More like a - if you need a free hand I'm willing to help.

This. So different from demanding to hold the baby! Even if it's asking politely and not just offering to help it's still way different from snatching or getting offended if you don't get to hold the baby!

At family gatherings I'll often ask to hold a new baby. But I always make it clear that if they aren't comfortable with that it's okay. I think that's the biggest thing.