Baby party

Frogger5

We're planning on our baby coming any day now (FTM), and we live across the country from both sets of parents. Our plan was for our moms and some immediate family to come out to meet and help with the baby right away (not all at the same time), and then later this summer to take the baby to each of our hometowns for a meet the baby party (I didn't go back for showers or anything; this would be the only baby-related party). My mom is hosting in my hometown. She's rented a pavilion on the beach and will get some simple catering of some kind. The invitations will say something like "come and meet baby Last Name" and have the info.

Here's my problem. My MIL also offered to host a party for us/the baby at her house (different state), and we set the date and everything. I was hoping it would be very similar in style to what my mom is planning. Yesterday she sent out a draft of the invitation, and the baby wasn't even mentioned! It said "invitation to Last Name family gathering," and then it listed his parents' names and all of his siblings' names along with their children in descending birth order. She didn't even put "Baby Last Name" along with DH's and my names, she just put the two of us. So WTF? It's not a baby party after all, it's just a Minnesota summer garage party! She also didn't ask him/us if there were any friends that we wanted invited, which there are (just a few, it is mostly family).

DH says he doesn't care what it's called because the baby will still be there and people will still get to meet him. I feel pretty blindsided. I do want it to be explicitly about meeting my baby! I don't think that is unreasonable, especially since that's what his mom agreed to do. I wouldn't have agreed to go to his hometown with a two month old after just having seen his parents a month prior unless we were doing this.

What say you all? Am I being a brat and AW, or is she being weird? I don't want to push it with DH if it is just me, but he will stand up for us to his mom if I ask him to. Maybe it was all a misunderstanding? Should I just let it go?

VOR

Really?  His family is coming, the baby will be there, everyone will meet the baby.  I really think you're  making this into way more of an issue than it needs to be.  To be "blindsided" by this?? 

These parties will still be basically the same thing.  People will come, they'll ooh and ahh over the baby and then they'll hang out, talk to other people, etc.  NEITHER party will actually be ALL ABOUT your baby.  Really, even your mom's party won't be.

What do you really think is going to be oh-so-different because one invitation mentioned your baby's name where as the other one didn't? 

Now, as far as inviting some friends, I see nothing wrong w/ DH asking her if you all can include a few friends who you'd like to see while you're in town. 

Frogger5

Well, I didn't say it had to be ALL ABOUT my baby, I said, "explicitly," like that people would know that's why the party is happening. And isn't how invitations are worded the difference between you hosting your own shower and a BBQ that just happens to be a month before your baby is born? Seems like wording is powerful and important.

Maybe "blindsided" is a little dramatic, but the sentiment stands. Imagine your friend saying she'll throw you a birthday party, and she ends up inviting people to her house for a cocktail party. You wouldn't feel out of sorts about it?

Obviously I want people to agree with me but if I'm wrong I hope I can admit it!

ETA tag @VOR

wassuphoes

I would ask for your babies name to be added to invite (once baby is born), but other than that I don't see any sort of issue.

Pretty much any family get together after a baby is born or someone gets engaged/married is all about that person. The invites don't need to be explicit for that to happen.

VOR

If you want the baby's name ADDED to the invitation, I understand that.  But I really don't see why it needs to be just your baby who is mentioned.  The end result is going to be the same - people will come, people will meet the baby, people will catch up with one another.

This is going to happen whether the invitation is "explicitly" about the baby or not.

Which, in all honesty, makes me think you want it to be about YOUR child because you want people to bring gifts.  That's probably the one difference that I see coming out of the wording. 

Frogger5

VOR said:

If you want the baby's name ADDED to the invitation, I understand that.  But I really don't see why it needs to be just your baby who is mentioned.  The end result is going to be the same - people will come, people will meet the baby, people will catch up with one another.

This is going to happen whether the invitation is "explicitly" about the baby or not.

Which, in all honesty, makes me think you want it to be about YOUR child because you want people to bring gifts.  That's probably the one difference that I see coming out of the wording. 

It's not about gifts, but it is about celebrating MY baby, I agree. Otherwise, like I said, what distinguishes any party from any other get together? The point of the celebration is him. He's going to be there, and is the guest of honor in my view.

I always thought this board supported sip and sees, as a way to have a celebration of a baby without the expectation of gifts, but now it seems like actually any event that is centered around the baby is just selfish and tacky? What am I missing?

VOR

Frogger5 said:

If you want the baby's name ADDED to the invitation, I understand that.  But I really don't see why it needs to be just your baby who is mentioned.  The end result is going to be the same - people will come, people will meet the baby, people will catch up with one another.

This is going to happen whether the invitation is "explicitly" about the baby or not.

Which, in all honesty, makes me think you want it to be about YOUR child because you want people to bring gifts.  That's probably the one difference that I see coming out of the wording. 

It's not about gifts, but it is about celebrating MY baby, I agree. Otherwise, like I said, what distinguishes any party from any other get together? The point of the celebration is him. He's going to be there, and is the guest of honor in my view.

I always thought this board supported sip and sees, as a way to have a celebration of a baby without the expectation of gifts, but now it seems like actually any event that is centered around the baby is just selfish and tacky? What am I missing?

Clearly this isn't how your MIL sees it, though.  As she's the one hosting this, some of this is up to her.  She seems to be viewing this as more of a family reunion than a "come see baby A!!!!!".  I don't know what to tell you. 

What exactly are you expecting to be different about the party if it's announced as FOR your baby?  I'm asking genuinely.  What do you think will be different?   What do you want to be different?

Frogger5

VOR said:

Frogger5 said:

VOR said:

If you want the baby's name ADDED to the invitation, I understand that.  But I really don't see why it needs to be just your baby who is mentioned.  The end result is going to be the same - people will come, people will meet the baby, people will catch up with one another.

This is going to happen whether the invitation is "explicitly" about the baby or not.

Which, in all honesty, makes me think you want it to be about YOUR child because you want people to bring gifts.  That's probably the one difference that I see coming out of the wording. 

It's not about gifts, but it is about celebrating MY baby, I agree. Otherwise, like I said, what distinguishes any party from any other get together? The point of the celebration is him. He's going to be there, and is the guest of honor in my view.



I always thought this board supported sip and sees, as a way to have a celebration of a baby without the expectation of gifts, but now it seems like actually any event that is centered around the baby is just selfish and tacky? What am I missing?

Clearly this isn't how your MIL sees it, though.  As she's the one hosting this, some of this is up to her.  She seems to be viewing this as more of a family reunion than a "come see baby A!!!!!".  I don't know what to tell you. 

What exactly are you expecting to be different about the party if it's announced as FOR your baby?  I'm asking genuinely.  What do you think will be different?   What do you want to be different?



Well, there might be a big cake, for one! I don't know, I guess the more I think about it it doesn't really matter. I guess I feel slighted or something, or like she doesn't think it's a big deal. It's our first kid and there hasn't been much fuss about it from DH's side. We didn't have a shower, sex reveal, whatever else people come up with these days. We aren't having a christening, or a bris, or a naming ceremony. This would be the only event that has anything to do with the baby for this group of people. So I don't understand why she's now turning it into just a random family get together with my BIL, SIL, and their kids listed on the invitations and not my f-ing baby!!

I guess I really just wanted to vent. I'll have DH bring up that we thought it was going to be a baby party, and if MIL has some excuse, I'll let it drop. I'll be quietly stewing the whole day, probably, or maybe I'll be so exhausted by then that I won't GAF anymore.

Edit attempt: Quote fail but I can't fix it

VOR

Ah, I see.  I can understand why you're frustrated. 

If this is a precursor of things to come, I will just say that the sooner you accept that this is how your ILs are and the less you expect from them, the happier you will be. 

Frogger5

Thanks, @VOR, you've been my therapist this morning!



Damn. I don't GIF for a month and I forget how.

Frogger5

Oh well, I have to get some work done now!

Disneygeek77

It could also be a misunderstanding too as lots of people will never know that there is such a thing as a " Meet the Baby " party.  It could be that your MIL heard " How about a party and people can see the baby if they want to."  So I would give her the benefit of a doubt as it could be that it never occured to her for your baby to be the guest of honor.  She might have always envisioned a family reunion type of party where people can see the baby if they choose.  

Frogger5

Disneygeek77 said:

It could also be a misunderstanding too as lots of people will never know that there is such a thing as a " Meet the Baby " party.  It could be that your MIL heard " How about a party and people can see the baby if they want to."  So I would give her the benefit of a doubt as it could be that it never occured to her for your baby to be the guest of honor.  She might have always envisioned a family reunion type of party where people can see the baby if they choose.  

No! They must see my baby! No choice!

You're probably right. I'm dying with anticipation of what DH will say that she said. I almost certainly made a big deal about nothing - can I blame my hormones and anxiety about the impending birth?

neverblushed

Your MIL is not hosting a "sip'n'see" for you.  She's hosting a family gathering at which you will be able to show off your baby.  When she mentioned that she wanted to do a little family get together so that people could meet the baby, the two of you just had a minor miscommunication about how it would play out.

I don't think your MIL is being weird.  I also don't think you're being weird to have assumed she meant that she was throwing a baby-oriented party and then being surprised to find out it's not that.  

BUT... don't make an issue of it.  Either way, the purpose of celebrating the new member of the family will be achieved.

CaboBride2015

I totally get where you're coming from. If it was originally discussed as a party in honor of the baby and now it's not, I'd be thrown off too. If she had said, "oh we're having a family get together on x date, will you come?" Would you have said yes?