Marital problems since baby arrived

aamari15

Husband and I have been married for 6 years and just had our first baby in March. The first two years of marriage were very difficult due to our families living so close and always wanting us to visit. If we went to to my parents house his family would get butt hurt and then hubby and I would get into arguments because of our families making either one of us guilty for not visiting them the entire day.we moved out of town and that helped a little but was still hard when we would visit the arguments would start, i Know secretly our mothers ( who by the way are the main ones making us feel guilty) would prefer if I stay with my parents and he stay with his parents when we visit but hubby and I don't want that. Now with baby on the way it's a battle all of the time because we keep getting pulled in different directions with both families wanting us to stay with them and once again hubby and I have gotten into arguments . Don't know what to do , it feels like every time we visit family we get into arguments as long as we are on our own things are good . Just wish we could move far away that they would visit one family at a time

noodlienoodles

Make them come to you!

Bluebell0315

One word: Hotel.

mamaskittles09

I think it's normal for your relationship to be strained with a new baby. I know mine sure is.... I also agree with PP. if they want to see baby so badly, they can come to you! And lay down the law with them! They have NO business guilting you, especially if it's causing problems in your marriage. Tell them if they want to be in your life, they won't disrespect you that way.

Lcasto

It sounds like you guys need a break from all family! If they want to come visit you and they behave, then that might be fine.. But you guys need to be there for and take care of each other first. Especially now with baby. The three of you are what matters most and the issues with your other family members will need to be worked out in the future.. Everything is weirder postpartum, so just stick together right now. It will get easier. Good luck, hun.

lauraj555

Sorry you're having to deal with this during an already stressful and new chapter of life. What if you trade off? One weekend when you're visiting you all stay with your family then the next time you visit you stay with his family.

kjpew

@aamari15 it can be so hard to please both sides of the family. It's a blessing to have so many people who love your LO, but hard to please everyone. We eventually just had to do our best to split time and tell everyone that was how it was going to be and not back down. My mother in law was not super happy with me when we told her that Christmas Eve would be with their side and Christmas Day would be with mine, but we just didn't back down, did not let her convince us to come over both days, and everything worked out in the end. After a few times of saying no, everyone is okay with our choices to split our time evenly. Also, it's okay to just take time for your little family and say no to BOTH sides

rread113

We have family problems, more my MIL. It's awful but to avoid any situations we just drop him off for a few hours to each set of grandparents once a week. They are happy they get to see him, I don't have to listen to negative comments, and I get a few hours to catch up on sleep or housework. Win win win.

adelems

Honestly I would just be like "grow up everyone." And say no to everyone haha. Maybe I'm insensitive but sounds like both sides are being immature . Surely they've GOT to know that the other set of grandparents is JUST as excited and just as eager to see their grand baby as them. Or to see you guys or whatever. It's not all about them.

For us what has worked is we sat down and wrote down a game plan for each holiday with both families. We asked each family what they wanted (they of course both wanted Christmas Day) and then we tried our best to make everyone happy but in the end basically told them this is how it's going to be.

Example - year 1 we spend Christmas Eve with my family and Christmas with his family. Year 2 those days switch. And every other year we switch who's house we have thanksgiving at. Easter is always at my family's because his family comes too. We don't celebrate Halloween and them New Years and 4th of July we just have our own little family and any other smaller holidays.

ngolimento

Ditto the hotel. It may even unite you to be the bad guys all around. It also sets firm boundaries with your families. If they whine, they don't get their way at all. It's good to set boundaries now.

aamari15

Thank you ladies for your advice , hubby and I have talked to our families and let them know how it's going to be for our next visit so far all family is unferstanding