How to introduce 12 y.o. stepson to new baby?

l4rk

Hey,

I'm wondering if anyone has tips or ideas on how to ease my 12 year old stepson's transition into being a big brother.

Some quick as possible back story: my SS lives with us full-time because his mom isn't capable of raising him (mental illness, drug abuse, etc.) So while she is technically in the picture in the sense that she will randomly call the house at all hours of the day (ugh) to talk to him, she's extremely unreliable, very rarely visits in person and isn't allowed to be alone with him, ever. 

My SS also has a half-brother who is 20, but I know he's let my SS down a lot by not really giving him much attention. My SS's older bro doesn't want to play with him, and also has some personality flaws of his own. He was old enough to fully experience and remember the issues that arose from their bio mom's challenges, and he is often melancholy, cynical and withdrawn. He's turned out well all things considered, but my SS doesn't remember life with their mom, so he doesn't understand the hell his older bro went through during developmental ages. 

I only met my SS when he was 9, so I've always been First Name, and not "Mom", but I obviously take on that maternal role by default. I'm the one going to school plays, making dinner, paying for his allowncne--but that doesn't mean things have always been easy for either of us. 

I asked him the other day what he thought of having a younger brother, but he did the math on the age difference right away and wasn't too keen on the idea. He didn't completely freak out, but he also seemed like he would rather it not happen. (We won't tell him I'm pregnant until 14 weeks.) 

So, what is my best bet on getting him on board with a new baby? I'm obviously worried he will feel left out and unloved, especially when I'm exhausted and focused on a newborn. I know my exact situation is fairly unique, but similar situations aren't in this modern age. What have you guys done to help ease stepkids into accepting a new family member?

djf911

My son is 16 and my BF's son is 12 - both will have birthdays before the baby comes in September. My son bounces back and forth from his dad's and is at our house if say at least half the week.
When we told him he was more concerned with the financial burden of us having to raise another child. He knows he will be off to college when we are dealing with the terrible two's - all in all he's ok with it.
My BF's son lives with his mom and is here every other weekend. He has always been the center of attention having been an only child. He has cystic fibrosis too and is very immature for his age - still whines when he doesn't get his way. Him and I have had a few head to head moments as I don't let him get away with things. I'm concerned he will have issues of jealousy when baby comes in September. My BF is blinded and thinks he will be fine. When we told him he looked like he was about to cry and said, "I'm going to be a big brother?" He hasn't brought it up much since and he said he's excited but I try to include him in discussions about baby names and such on occasion. I've already told BF that he will have to make extra effort to do fun stuff with him when he comes to visit after baby comes so he doesn't get resentful with the baby. I also expect that on the weekends he's here I won't get as much help from BF with the baby (which is ok because my sons father did like nothing).

Well I know my situation is different and didn't really offer much solution. I would just make sure to include SS in things so he feels apart of it. I know he didn't seem keen to the idea of a little brother or sister but that was when you were giving him a hypothetical situation- he answered honestly. Now when you tell him and it isn't hypothetical anymore he will have time to warm up to it. Good luck!!