Ive been on this forum since day 1 and I feel like it's gotten SOOOOO much better than it was in the beginning! To the point where I began to come out of my shell more and post threads and offer up support. I now check in several times a day because I really enjoy everyone's company. We are all at the stage in our pregnancy where emotions are running thin so just hang in there and see the humor in it all.
If most mothers are like women on these boards, I do not look forward to the parenting community. No love.
My guess is this forum is a pretty good microcosm for real life: A small percentage of folks are willing to make this a community for themselves, put in the time and effort to build relationships and get a lot out of it. A vast majority wander mostly in and out and do their own thing, having relatively little impact but overall neutral or net positive impact. And a small percentage feel entitled to wander in, act like entitled jerks, and point the finger at everyone but themselves when people respond accordingly.
To say there is "no love" here indicates you have not spent time reading through threads where a tremendous amount of love has been shown for women going through total f'ing hell, from deaths to abuse to marriage struggles to lost jobs and homes, etc.
To be clear: I am not criticizing you, just responding to your statement, which made me think. I am glad you asked the question about whether this is representative of a larger parent community.
I actually kinda hope "most moms" are like those of us engaged in the community: sane and snarky as appropriate.
In real life, if I joined a pre-existing community, I would not just jump in and start assuming its culture, I would wade in, ask around, and certainly preface my questions and (in this case, posts) saying, "I'm a newbie, feel free to let me know if there's a better place for this") And I still do so when I'm unsure about a question I have as at FTM.
For the record, I once asked if I needed a toothbrush for baby. And I didn't get flamed. If that's not proof that these ladies aren't mean, I don't know what is!
Lastly, if this helps at all, the last two days were probably extreme examples - I would say the snark was heavily concentrated due to just dumb luck of a lot of unusual threads in a single day. So please don't use it as an example of how these boards "normally are"!
@423ang Not only is there a search function for threads that might match exactly what you're looking for and going through, there is also a search discussion right above the box I'm typing in right now. So if you head to the symptoms thread and type in diarrhea you can skip all the other posts.
@kayokosaeki As far as hoping moms are nicer in real life than they are on here....good freaking luck. I've found more genuine support on here about pregnancy than I have with my other busy mom friends. Of course you are going to find a couple of great moms out there that match your style and attitude about motherhood, but in my experience (and other close mom friends) it feels a bit like high school some times. Judgement on topics like breast feeding vs formula, parenting style, how you discipline your children, SAHM vs working moms, and the list goes on and on. All I can say is that a little self confidence goes a long way. If you're offended by women who tell you to consult your doctor vs asking Internet "strangers" medical advice, or direct you to post or seek answers in a specific thread, tell you to read a pregnancy book or do a quick google search, or give you a sassy answer when you either put someone down on here or overly white knight an overly sensitive poster...motherhood may be a challenge for you. A little sense of humor goes a long way when you navigate life and especially motherhood.
So my advice to all you lovely ladies who fear posting, just take a little time to read the threads to get a feel for what seems like a good topic. If your ideas for a new thread have all been covered, there's your answer...just post your opinion in that thread instead of starting a new one. We all welcome new insights and opinions (even if it's an unpopular one). I didn't start posting until second trimester because I wanted to take some time to get a feel for the board and learn what was a contribution vs flame worthy. The boards used to be WAY more intense and "mean" so I hesitated too, but I'm so glad I joined in and found support on here.
My two cents in regards to why we get so "touchy" over repeat threads is: Think about if you had to sit and answer the same question over and over. Wouldn't you (general you, of course, I'm not really speaking to anyone specifically) get tired of having to repeat yourself over and over. Maybe it's just my ADD, but I would quickly lose interest in an activity that I just spent my entire time saying the same thing constantly. It really is a deterrent to developing a good conversation. Yeah, the big threads get a little scattered, and it can be a bit like having a conversation in a crowded room, where you're interrupted by bits of other's conversation, but at least there's dialogue! If I have to start over from scratch 10-15 times a day, forget it, I'm out.
Im most definitely a "lurker" here, I've only posted a handful of times because it was something I really related to, but otherwise I read other people's comments... And I must say even the repetive thread thing kills me. All of us are experiencing many of the same symptoms, no need for 5 different threads on the same topic.
Also, I see who posts most frequently and quite honestly I don't really see sass coming from them. Saying "check the symptoms board" is not a sass response, seeing as the OP will find a million answers to her question there. Internet language can be misread, but I've witnessed an outpour of support from those who post a lot.
"Mommas wizz" which is funny because I think we can all relate to the new momma need to wiz...
Is it weird that this made my day?? I always giggle about colostrum/colosun so if my Momma-swizz name provides anyone an extra chuckle, especially about wiz (fantastic word), then i feel like i'm doing my part to make someone smile hahahah
Re: So much sass from the threads!!!
My guess is this forum is a pretty good microcosm for real life: A small percentage of folks are willing to make this a community for themselves, put in the time and effort to build relationships and get a lot out of it. A vast majority wander mostly in and out and do their own thing, having relatively little impact but overall neutral or net positive impact. And a small percentage feel entitled to wander in, act like entitled jerks, and point the finger at everyone but themselves when people respond accordingly.
To say there is "no love" here indicates you have not spent time reading through threads where a tremendous amount of love has been shown for women going through total f'ing hell, from deaths to abuse to marriage struggles to lost jobs and homes, etc.
To be clear: I am not criticizing you, just responding to your statement, which made me think. I am glad you asked the question about whether this is representative of a larger parent community.
In real life, if I joined a pre-existing community, I would not just jump in and start assuming its culture, I would wade in, ask around, and certainly preface my questions and (in this case, posts) saying, "I'm a newbie, feel free to let me know if there's a better place for this") And I still do so when I'm unsure about a question I have as at FTM.
For the record, I once asked if I needed a toothbrush for baby. And I didn't get flamed. If that's not proof that these ladies aren't mean, I don't know what is!
Lastly, if this helps at all, the last two days were probably extreme examples - I would say the snark was heavily concentrated due to just dumb luck of a lot of unusual threads in a single day. So please don't use it as an example of how these boards "normally are"!
@kayokosaeki As far as hoping moms are nicer in real life than they are on here....good freaking luck. I've found more genuine support on here about pregnancy than I have with my other busy mom friends. Of course you are going to find a couple of great moms out there that match your style and attitude about motherhood, but in my experience (and other close mom friends) it feels a bit like high school some times. Judgement on topics like breast feeding vs formula, parenting style, how you discipline your children, SAHM vs working moms, and the list goes on and on. All I can say is that a little self confidence goes a long way. If you're offended by women who tell you to consult your doctor vs asking Internet "strangers" medical advice, or direct you to post or seek answers in a specific thread, tell you to read a pregnancy book or do a quick google search, or give you a sassy answer when you either put someone down on here or overly white knight an overly sensitive poster...motherhood may be a challenge for you. A little sense of humor goes a long way when you navigate life and especially motherhood.
So my advice to all you lovely ladies who fear posting, just take a little time to read the threads to get a feel for what seems like a good topic. If your ideas for a new thread have all been covered, there's your answer...just post your opinion in that thread instead of starting a new one. We all welcome new insights and opinions (even if it's an unpopular one). I didn't start posting until second trimester because I wanted to take some time to get a feel for the board and learn what was a contribution vs flame worthy. The boards used to be WAY more intense and "mean" so I hesitated too, but I'm so glad I joined in and found support on here.
Also, I see who posts most frequently and quite honestly I don't really see sass coming from them. Saying "check the symptoms board" is not a sass response, seeing as the OP will find a million answers to her question there. Internet language can be misread, but I've witnessed an outpour of support from those who post a lot.
LONG LIVE THE WIZZZ!