People really just plan their own? - Page 3 — The Bump
Baby Showers

People really just plan their own?

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Re: People really just plan their own?

  • Personally, I used to think that people throwing their own showers wasn't a huge deal. It wasn't until I actually had a close friend make a circus out of showers for her first and second daughters, born only a 1.5 years apart. It rubbed off as super gift grabbing to me, especially when we found out she still has things in the bag with tags on them never used a year later. She didn't need that stuff. Just a "pretty princess all the attention and free gifts for me" party. It really turned me off and gave a better understanding as to why it's seen as bad form, even if no one ever says a word and smiles in your face about it. She wouldn't have listened if anyone had told her it was tacky, tacky, tacky.
    DrillSergeantCatYogaSandy
  • I have a girl on my FB page who threw her own shower. She's young and I keep her on for entertainment value lol. Girlfriend was bitching daily about people not buying big things from her registry as well as making it a potluck.
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  • Corts said:

    I have a girl on my FB page who threw her own shower. She's young and I keep her on for entertainment value lol. Girlfriend was bitching daily about people not buying big things from her registry as well as making it a potluck.

    Sounds about right...
    CharminglySouthern
  • I think it's silly that you seem upset that people throw their own showers. I am gonna throw my own if I have one at all. People want me to have one but no one has offered to throw one for me.

    I don't think it goes against "etiquette" to do it yourself, and it's not about being selfish and wanting presents. It's just about doing things yourself, especially if you know no one can do it for you. What would be more against etiquette would be to ask someone to do it for you.

    I think it's perfectly okay to throw your own shower. But that's my opinion.
    tayloca1987
  • I also think a lot of you are being pretty rude to others. Isn't the point of having threads to encourage discussion? Being disrespectful to people who disagree does not promote conversation. It instead promotes a thread of echoes. If you wanted that it would be simpler to title it "I feel this way about this, only people who agree with me should post"
    southerngirlgetsfitCrystalBoltetayloca1987
  • Some people are not fortunate enough to have family or friends that are willing and able to step up and host a shower for them.  I had plenty of people who expressed interest in attending a baby shower for me, but no one would offer to host it and I wasn't going to ask anyone to do it for me.  A good friend of mine asked what my plans were and when I told her that I did not have one planned at all, she graciously offered to do it.  In hindsight though, I really feel as if my family on both sides just expected me to throw my own because I know that neither my mother or my in laws were in a position to throw one for me.


    It may not be proper etiquette for people to throw their own shower, but unless I was willing to step up and pony up the time and expenses to throw a party for them, then I have no room to sit back and pass judgment on others. You should just be thankful and consider yourself blessed to have friends and family who are generous enough and have the means to throw a party in your honor. 
    This! This is the situation I'm in and I don't feel right asking anyone to be put out by planning my shower. My husband and I have already decided well before we got pregnant that we would plan our own co-ed, baby-que party with our friends and family. We want to have a fun celebration with everyone before our little one arrives. I don't think it's tacky or greedy - we want to have an amazing party to thank our generous friends for being a part of our baby's life.
    HarlequinDaisiesCrystalBoltetayloca1987thycapa
  • edited November 2015

    Some people are not fortunate enough to have family or friends that are willing and able to step up and host a shower for them.  I had plenty of people who expressed interest in attending a baby shower for me, but no one would offer to host it and I wasn't going to ask anyone to do it for me.  A good friend of mine asked what my plans were and when I told her that I did not have one planned at all, she graciously offered to do it.  In hindsight though, I really feel as if my family on both sides just expected me to throw my own because I know that neither my mother or my in laws were in a position to throw one for me.


    It may not be proper etiquette for people to throw their own shower, but unless I was willing to step up and pony up the time and expenses to throw a party for them, then I have no room to sit back and pass judgment on others. You should just be thankful and consider yourself blessed to have friends and family who are generous enough and have the means to throw a party in your honor. 
    This! This is the situation I'm in and I don't feel right asking anyone to be put out by planning my shower. My husband and I have already decided well before we got pregnant that we would plan our own co-ed, baby-que party with our friends and family. We want to have a fun celebration with everyone before our little one arrives. I don't think it's tacky or greedy - we want to have an amazing party to thank our generous friends for being a part of our baby's life.
    @jlmartinez517
    1. Calling it a Baby-que sounds like you are cooking a baby and it's weird and awkward.

    2. It's also strange to thank your friends in advance for being a part of your baby's life. They really aren't a part of your baby's life yet. Your baby isn't here.

    3. No one is saying don't have a party, but when you make it about your baby/pregnancy, it's perceived as a shower. Showers = gifts. Which is why it's gift grabby and rude to throw it in your own honor.

    4. Nobody here really cares what you do, but chances are if most people here find it rude, some of your guests will too. They won't say it, but they'll think it. I would rather a stranger on the internet tell me it's in poor taste than have my friends and family think I have bad manners.

    Edited:words
    DrillSergeantCatfwtx5815
  • If they think it's rude, they don't have to come. What else would you rather someone throwing their own call it other than a shower?
  • groovylocksgroovylocks member
    edited November 2015
    kmcc14 said:

    entitled speshul sneauflayks


    I read this in a valley girl voice in my head and laughed a lot more than my colon could handle. And farted really loud. So thanks for that.


    I just wanted to pop in to comment that I'm surprised people throw their own birthday parties... I don't celebrate my birthday. Never did really though I realize that places me square in the lap of a weird minority. If I ever organized my birthday, it would be me getting a few drinks with really close friends.


    I'd just feel weird asking for gifts just for aging. Like "we know you're getting a crow's foot or two.. Here's an iTunes gift card."


    I don't care if somebody hosts their own shower but I don't care about that sort of thing much. I just like to party. I'd go if there's food and booze. I didn't know about that etiquette before I myself got pregnant. But it seems that it's not really done and people all know it so with that in mind, it would seem awkward sitting in a room with a dozen people who all feel weird that you set the thing up yourself. It's late but I hope that made kind of some sense.


    Short version. Is it worth the feeling of awkwardness that would permeate the room like a bad fart?
    fabihenecneverblushed
  • @gingercatnj My shower, which is today (yea =D ) was planned much in the same way.  My mom, dad's gf and her two daughters funded majority of/and offered to put on the shower for me. So this summer, we all sat down and talked about the details.  Since then however, I helped out with putting decorations/center pieces together and making the shower favors with my mom.  I also purchased some of the paper products that they are using for it and did a few other things to help out.  DH and I didn't mind putting some of our own $ towards the shower and it was nice to get a few days of putting things together with my mom and the rest of the ladies who are throwing it for me. 

    fabihenecthycapa
  • For my wedding, I didn't have a wedding party but still wanted to celebrate, so did a night of karaoke and next day brunch. I made it known NO GIFTS. If you plan on throwing your own shower, I would suggest something similar so it doesn't look gift grabby. Honestly, your friends and family will buy baby soemthing in any event.

    My mil wants to throw me a baby shower but wants me to plan it. I'm not comfortable even doing that, and will be turning her down. Sorry but I don't want to call caterers and worry about decor. If she wants to throw me a shower she can plan it as well.

    cat fail animated GIF

    BoomBarian
  • after arguing with a couple ladies on the Parent Life Network on FB about shower etiquette, i needed to come here & reas through all thes comments to calm me down. so refreshing. I'm so glad i came to this forum & learned what is right & what is not when it comes to showers.
  • fabihenecfabihenec member
    edited November 2015
    We are all different women, from different backgrounds with different experiences that is apparent. I for one don't wish to attack anyone that has made the decision to throw their own baby shower and I have even less desire to jump to conclusions and speculate on the reasons for their doing so. In all reality who am I to them or in the big scheme of things.
    I will say this, yes I do believe that a shower is a gift that is given to you, however even the most beautiful "gift" isn't necessarily a reflection of the mother/father to be's personality. I think that anyone can come off gift hungry or grabby, regardless of who decides to host the shower and why.
    I for one, like many others I'm sure, do not have a large family. I am an only child who moved away for school and stayed 3k miles away from my small family and few close friends. My mother is ill and has been my entire life so much like birthdays and any other celebrations, a shower for myself is not something I was too concerned with or found necessary. I'm also blessed enough that I am with someone who has a family equally as beautiful as he and who's mother decided that I deserved a shower just as much as anyone else regardless of distance and any other circumstance. For that I am greatfull and to be honest, really excited to have something like what I've seen so many have, what is culturally commonplace for most mothers to be it seems. It'll be great to see everyone near and far in one room, all happy and celebrating the baby. We decided to have a joint shower, more of a celebratory gathering if you will, so that both sides can participate in the fun. I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been difficult for me to just sit back and expect that she'll take care of it all including my guests and dad's. So we have helped out with venue ideas, and anything else we can also offering to pay for whatever we could. Weather or not helping pay will be allowed is yet to be seen but we are not in the expectation to just sit back and watch it all to be taken care of.
    Our shower will be closer to the due date than I'd like due to tipycal weather patterns that time of year and travel options for the distant guests. I suspect that by then we will have nearly everything we need and want, regardless of this I've been urged to have a registry so that people attending who consider it rude or inappropriate not to bring a gift will have some sort of guide on what to bring. I understand the point of view so I agreed. For now we started the registry on BabyList and have kept it private, really using it as a tool for ourselves to compile a complete list of things we believe we need and things we want. It's made it very easy for dad and I to have a visual in one place of it all checking ✔️ things off as we go. I suspect that by the time the shower rolls around they'll be small things left that we feel comfortable watching people bring and I hope that's good enough and that we or I am not labeled tacky or any other negative adjective. Personally I believe that we are the ones who decided to have a baby and it is our responsibility to, "fund the project." I feel it's unfair to expect people to to see our registry filled with necessities that we should have taken into account when deciding to have a child.
    I honestly feel that everyone especially, mothers and mothers to be (fathers too), should feel loved and if they want to experience the joys of a shower they should have that too regardless of the host. I suspect the guests in attendance will know mom/dad well and his or her personality already. If anyone is selfish, grabby, greedy etc. I doubt that will be something newly revealed because of or at the shower. Just because you're not hosting your own celebration does not mean your absolved from who you are as a person and that will be evident no matter what.
    Any how good luck and fast growing to all the little angels!
  • I'm really shocked everyone is so appalled by people throwing their own shower lol..This is what I planned to do from the start. Not because I'm a control freak or just over the top, but because I am married to a man who is the only boy with four sisters. For one of his sisters' baby shower last year, SO much drama was caused. I have never seen such petty drama between grown women. The three other sisters and myself planned to throw the shower. One got her feelings hurt because she wasn't involved enough for her liking, one literally got angry because her theme wasn't used. I even had a 4 page text sent at about 2am from one of them saying how hurt she was that I was involved in the planning of the shower despite not being a "biological sister." It was truly ridiculous. The sister who was pregnant cried over it several times and felt like she'd rather if the shower was just cancelled.

     I have no sisters and no one has expressed a desire to plan the shower. So to avoid the above happening, we always planned to just throw a shower at our house, more like a party, with no stress involved for anyone. I am just not dealing with it. I used to plan weddings for a living so events are fun for me. I don't mind at all. 

    As a few people have said, I don't see a problem with it if no one else steps up. So if you have no on in your life with the means or desire to throw you a baby shower, should you just not have one? Don't think so. I think it's up to you!
    fabihenecHarlequinDaisiesjlmartinez517CrystalBolte
  • I also would like to add that I don't think a shower is for receiving gifts. Why can't you just get together with people you love to celebrate the birth of your child?
    fabihenec
  • I'm really shocked everyone is so appalled by people throwing their own shower lol..This is what I planned to do from the start. Not because I'm a control freak or just over the top, but because I am married to a man who is the only boy with four sisters. For one of his sisters' baby shower last year, SO much drama was caused. I have never seen such petty drama between grown women. The three other sisters and myself planned to throw the shower. One got her feelings hurt because she wasn't involved enough for her liking, one literally got angry because her theme wasn't used. I even had a 4 page text sent at about 2am from one of them saying how hurt she was that I was involved in the planning of the shower despite not being a "biological sister." It was truly ridiculous. The sister who was pregnant cried over it several times and felt like she'd rather if the shower was just cancelled.


     I have no sisters and no one has expressed a desire to plan the shower. So to avoid the above happening, we always planned to just throw a shower at our house, more like a party, with no stress involved for anyone. I am just not dealing with it. I used to plan weddings for a living so events are fun for me. I don't mind at all. 

    As a few people have said, I don't see a problem with it if no one else steps up. So if you have no on in your life with the means or desire to throw you a baby shower, should you just not have one? Don't think so. I think it's up to you!
    If you read the rest of this thread or any other on here, a shower is a gift. If no one offers one, then you just don't get one. You are not a speshul snowflyke and entitled to a shower just because you're pregnant. If you want to have a party, then have a party but the definition of a shower is to shower the mtb with gifts and it is always rude and tacky to throw your own gift giving event. Also, if you really don't have anyone in your life that wants to throw you a shower, who exactly are you inviting to buy your gifts?

    Obviously, you're gonna do whatever you want. Just know that, while no one will say it to your face, and most people will still come because they feel obligated, a lot of your quests will think the party and you are tacky.
    If my family was batshit crazy like that, I'd just skip the damn shower. Because drama will still happen.
    fwtx5815neverblushed
  • I also would like to add that I don't think a shower is for receiving gifts. Why can't you just get together with people you love to celebrate the birth of your child?

    Honest question - then where do you think the event "shower" got its name? I will be interested to hear the answer.

    To the second part of your comment, you absolutely can! Throw a lunch, brunch, tea, party, etc. after the baby is born. People will still likely bring a gift but won't feel obligated like they would if it were a shower. That is the polite way to do it.
    Sassenach1743fwtx5815delujm0MissWaldorf
  • I agree, I don't think that everyone throws parties to receive gifts. For me, it's not so much about the gifts, but about inviting family over to celebrate the new baby. I think expecting someone else to throw you a shower is pretty greedy. I have plenty of family who will "help" me with my shower, but no one who will take over and do the whole shower, and I don't expect it! I just want everyone who is important to me to come and celebrate my new baby being brought into the world. Everyone feels different about the subject and has different experiences and circumstances.
    HarlequinDaisiesfabihenec
  • I also would like to add that I don't think a shower is for receiving gifts. Why can't you just get together with people you love to celebrate the birth of your child?

    Seriously?? Of course a shower is for receiving gifts, that's why it's called a shower. That why there is a registry and an implied expectation that if you attend, you bring a gift.
    You can totally get together and celebrate, you just can't call it a shower.

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    onefootinthebayou[Deleted User]fwtx5815
  • Some people are not fortunate enough to have family or friends that are willing and able to step up and host a shower for them.  I had plenty of people who expressed interest in attending a baby shower for me, but no one would offer to host it and I wasn't going to ask anyone to do it for me.  A good friend of mine asked what my plans were and when I told her that I did not have one planned at all, she graciously offered to do it.  In hindsight though, I really feel as if my family on both sides just expected me to throw my own because I know that neither my mother or my
    This! This is the situation I'm in and I don't feel right asking anyone to be put out by planning my shower. My husband and I have already decided well before we got pregnant that we would plan our own co-ed, baby-que party with our friends and family. We want to have a fun celebration with everyone before our little one arrives. I don't think it's tacky or greedy - we want to have an amazing party to thank our generous friends for being a part of our baby's life.

    I am putting on my invitations that no presents are needed. If they think poorly of me then they clearly don't know me well enough. I have never asked for a thing. And the people that I invite to things know that I don't invite them to bring me a gift. Your attitude is rather unpleasant.
  • Wow, its so crazy how people get so upset about this. I feel that some are splitting hairs ..."the exact definition of a shower is ..." Its kind of laughable. Also the suggestion of having a party after the baby is born, isn't that when you're most exhausted? I wonder how many of those who say " not everyone gets a shower" actually went witthout one. I feel a shower might make a mommy feel good, when she's not feeling her best. We don't live in a black and white world, so why should we follow some kind of strict guidelines? I feel like if you want to celebrate you're upcoming baby and plan it yourself, what's the big deal? I had a suprise at home shower for my sister for her third baby cause in her third trimester she was a little down in the dumps. Thought it would cheer her up. Nobody had to buy her anything. We just ate, played stupid games, and had fun. I was actually thinking of fun things I could do for my baby shower lol. I want it at my house cause I thought it would be more personal and I could cater through chic a fila (they have those baby chicken burgers lol...) ...geez how tacky of me :P
    fabiheneclissvarna


  • Wow, its so crazy how people get so upset about this. I feel that some are splitting hairs ..."the exact definition of a shower is ..." Its kind of laughable. Also the suggestion of having a party after the baby is born, isn't that when you're most exhausted? I wonder how many of those who say " not everyone gets a shower" actually went witthout one. I feel a shower might make a mommy feel good, when she's not feeling her best. We don't live in a black and white world, so why should we follow some kind of strict guidelines? I feel like if you want to celebrate you're upcoming baby and plan it yourself, what's the big deal? I had a suprise at home shower for my sister for her third baby cause in her third trimester she was a little down in the dumps. Thought it would cheer her up. Nobody had to buy her anything. We just ate, played stupid games, and had fun. I was actually thinking of fun things I could do for my baby shower lol. I want it at my house cause I thought it would be more personal and I could cater through chic a fila (they have those baby chicken burgers lol...) ...geez how tacky of me :P

    It's not crazy at all to want to follow the rules of etiquette.  They were created so people in society could behave with good manners.  I think it's crazy when people DON'T want to adhere to the rules of polite behavior but what's even more frustrating is when they refuse to admit that they are doing so and offer myriad excuses as to why their situation is different, they deserve something more than what polite behavior allows for, etc.  The facts around showers are: 1.) They are gift-giving events.  It is an event to "Shower the MTB with gifts.  That is why it's considered rude to host your own, b/c you are literally saying, "please bring me gifts".  (It doesn't matter if you say, "but I don't believe a shower is about gifts!" b/c that is wrong. Frankly, people who say this know that they will receive gifts, they are just trying to persuade others that they are not greedy.  Maybe they really aren't greedy, maybe they just don't know any better, no one knows.  That's what etiquette boards are for - so we can all learn how to conduct ourselves in a way that doesn't offend others and makes one's guests comfortable at hosted events.)  2.)  Showers are meant to welcome a new MTB to motherhood.  Period.  That is why showers for multiples are considered a bit rude/tacky/showing that you don't know any better.  Getting rid of your things from the last kid is not an excuse, nor is having a kid of a different sex.  You are not becoming a mother for the first time.  3.)  Showers are a gift, not an entitlement.  If someone offers to throw you one, great!  If not, you're left with many other options if you really want to "celebrate the baby".  Throw a party.  Don't call it a shower.  

    I realize you think that by saying we're "splitting hairs" or being rigid somehow degrades our position.  It doesn't.  The reason the rules of etiquette are inflexible and not subject to opinion is to ensure that they can be universally applied across a number of regions, circumstances, even cultures, to promote universal good behavior by all.  

    You might be wondering why I'm so hung up on this shower thing (and I'm wondering why I'm going to all this trouble again on such an old thread as well) but the point that many of us are trying to make is that it's not just shower etiquette that's important.  Yes, this is the shower board so that is the subject matter.  However, when we see so many of these callous attitudes of "but I WANT a shower!" and "I don't care what all you stuck up people think, I'm planning my own!" and "My friends and family are laid back and they don't care if I do things that are rude!" and so on...it makes me wonder about how these people act out in the world.  Do they really care so little for etiquette that they make other rude mistakes that could really negatively impact other aspects of their lives?  Are they this rude in the work place?  Do they charge onto elevators before other's get off b/c of their "special circumstances"?  Do they not give up their seat on the subway to an elderly person?  Are these the type of people who invite 100 people to a bridal shower but 50 to the wedding?  Point is, it's better to practice proper etiquette in all aspects of life - it will make the people around you happier to be in your presence and that in turn, will make you happier.  It really pays off in the end.  

    Finally, if you (general you) are going to insist on bending the rules of etiquette to suit you or your own selfish wishes, for the love of God, admit it, own it, and stop trying to dress up rude behavior in the cloak of "but I think it should be this way b/c me, me, me!"  It's a thin cloak, and we can all see through it.  So can your friends & family.   


    It's so funny, because you say how you wonder how we are in the real world, I imagine most of us are pretty realistic and considerate. Being part of many wedding and baby showers, I have seen how many bridezillas or momzillas can be. My own bridesmaids were at times at odds with each other. I recognize my friends have lives, and a major event in my life doesn't mean that there lives have to revolve around me. When were these rules of etiquette created? I'm almost positive before most women went to college and were working. Life is busy and challenging. My friends and family are most likely want to throw me a shower, but what's the big deal if I help. For whoever said "not every little snowflake deserves a shower" well you sound very bitter. Being a first time mother is scary and deserves all the support she can get.
  • Wow, its so crazy how people get so upset about this. I feel that some are splitting hairs ..."the exact definition of a shower is ..." Its kind of laughable. Also the suggestion of having a party after the baby is born, isn't that when you're most exhausted? I wonder how many of those who say " not everyone gets a shower" actually went witthout one. I feel a shower might make a mommy feel good, when she's not feeling her best. We don't live in a black and white world, so why should we follow some kind of strict guidelines? I feel like if you want to celebrate you're upcoming baby and plan it yourself, what's the big deal? I had a suprise at home shower for my sister for her third baby cause in her third trimester she was a little down in the dumps. Thought it would cheer her up. Nobody had to buy her anything. We just ate, played stupid games, and had fun. I was actually thinking of fun things I could do for my baby shower lol. I want it at my house cause I thought it would be more personal and I could cater through chic a fila (they have those baby chicken burgers lol...) ...geez how tacky of me :P
    It's not crazy at all to want to follow the rules of etiquette.  They were created so people in society could behave with good manners.  I think it's crazy when people DON'T want to adhere to the rules of polite behavior but what's even more frustrating is when they refuse to admit that they are doing so and offer myriad excuses as to why their situation is different, they deserve something more than what polite behavior allows for, etc.  The facts around showers are: 1.) They are gift-giving events.  It is an event to "Shower the MTB with gifts.  That is why it's considered rude to host your own, b/c you are literally saying, "please bring me gifts".  (It doesn't matter if you say, "but I don't believe a shower is about gifts!" b/c that is wrong. Frankly, people who say this know that they will receive gifts, they are just trying to persuade others that they are not greedy.  Maybe they really aren't greedy, maybe they just don't know any better, no one knows.  That's what etiquette boards are for - so we can all learn how to conduct ourselves in a way that doesn't offend others and makes one's guests comfortable at hosted events.)  2.)  Showers are meant to welcome a new MTB to motherhood.  Period.  That is why showers for multiples are considered a bit rude/tacky/showing that you don't know any better.  Getting rid of your things from the last kid is not an excuse, nor is having a kid of a different sex.  You are not becoming a mother for the first time.  3.)  Showers are a gift, not an entitlement.  If someone offers to throw you one, great!  If not, you're left with many other options if you really want to "celebrate the baby".  Throw a party.  Don't call it a shower.  

    I realize you think that by saying we're "splitting hairs" or being rigid somehow degrades our position.  It doesn't.  The reason the rules of etiquette are inflexible and not subject to opinion is to ensure that they can be universally applied across a number of regions, circumstances, even cultures, to promote universal good behavior by all.  

    You might be wondering why I'm so hung up on this shower thing (and I'm wondering why I'm going to all this trouble again on such an old thread as well) but the point that many of us are trying to make is that it's not just shower etiquette that's important.  Yes, this is the shower board so that is the subject matter.  However, when we see so many of these callous attitudes of "but I WANT a shower!" and "I don't care what all you stuck up people think, I'm planning my own!" and "My friends and family are laid back and they don't care if I do things that are rude!" and so on...it makes me wonder about how these people act out in the world.  Do they really care so little for etiquette that they make other rude mistakes that could really negatively impact other aspects of their lives?  Are they this rude in the work place?  Do they charge onto elevators before other's get off b/c of their "special circumstances"?  Do they not give up their seat on the subway to an elderly person?  Are these the type of people who invite 100 people to a bridal shower but 50 to the wedding?  Point is, it's better to practice proper etiquette in all aspects of life - it will make the people around you happier to be in your presence and that in turn, will make you happier.  It really pays off in the end.  

    Finally, if you (general you) are going to insist on bending the rules of etiquette to suit you or your own selfish wishes, for the love of God, admit it, own it, and stop trying to dress up rude behavior in the cloak of "but I think it should be this way b/c me, me, me!"  It's a thin cloak, and we can all see through it.  So can your friends & family.   
    It's so funny, because you say how you wonder how we are in the real world, I imagine most of us are pretty realistic and considerate. Being part of many wedding and baby showers, I have seen how many bridezillas or momzillas can be. My own bridesmaids were at times at odds with each other. I recognize my friends have lives, and a major event in my life doesn't mean that there lives have to revolve around me. When were these rules of etiquette created? I'm almost positive before most women went to college and were working. Life is busy and challenging. My friends and family are most likely want to throw me a shower, but what's the big deal if I help. For whoever said "not every little snowflake deserves a shower" well you sound very bitter. Being a first time mother is scary and deserves all the support she can get.
    Not sure how any of this is relevant to what I said but OK.  Also, no one said you couldn't help with your shower.  Plenty of women do and that's perfectly fine.  
  • I'm really disgusted at how rude people are to others. That's not how you tell your kids to behave, so how dare you behave that way? Very hypocritical. Very rude. Everyone is saying that people who throw their own shower are not following etiquette. But most of the people on here who are commenting against throwing their own shower is being very rude and sometimes hurtful. How is that following any etiquette, not to mention the golden rule?
  • I'm really disgusted at how rude people are to others. That's not how you tell your kids to behave, so how dare you behave that way? Very hypocritical. Very rude. Everyone is saying that people who throw their own shower are not following etiquette. But most of the people on here who are commenting against throwing their own shower is being very rude and sometimes hurtful. How is that following any etiquette, not to mention the golden rule?
    Everyone is saying that throwing your own shower is rude because it is.  There is just no getting around that - it doesn't matter what you "feel" or "believe" or what your "opinion" is (general you, not you in particular).  The great thing about the rules of etiquette (good manners) is that they are consistent, inflexible, and not subject to opinion.  This way, they can be universally applied across different circumstances, regions, cultures, etc. This is a good thing, trust me.  

    This has been explained patiently over and over and over again in this thread and many others and many alternatives to "celebrate the baby", "celebrate my pregnancy", "share my joy" other than a shower that can be graciously hosted by a MTB have been presented.  I think you are mistaking people pointing this out to entitled individuals who refuse to accept the fact that what they are doing is wrong for rudeness.  Explaining good manners to someone does not equal rudeness.  You may also be mistaking frustration with the promotion of bad manners with rudeness.  I, for one, have been shaking my head through this thread, just dumbfounded at people who think it's OK to throw a gift-giving event in their honor and try to justify it with nonsensical reasons such as, "I don't believe a shower is about gifts".  It's like blind idiocy, and it's frustrating to those of us who know better.  I almost feel sorry for those people, as their refusal to adjust their position based on the good information provided (that's called learning) will limit their ability to grow.  

    I realize that this is a thread about baby showers and not something of earth-shattering gravity, but the bottom line is that people who don't practice good manners are really limiting themselves in so many ways.  It's not just about showers - people who exhibit bad manners at best will offend friends and family, at worst will limit their success professionally, personally, and socially.  They will be looked down upon by others who do know how to behave and will be judged negatively for it.  Perhaps someone they wanted to become friends with will dismiss them, or perhaps they will be passed over for a promotion at work.  Who knows?  Why not just take the information that is given here, open your mind, and adjust your behavior accordingly to comply with what the majority of people understand is polite?  Why cling to "I deserve a shower, I deserve gifts!" when you could actually better yourself by doing the right thing? (Again, general you, not you in particular).  

    Sorry, I'm just so sick of people calling everyone with good manners rude b/c we are frustrated with the stubborn/entitled posters who don't understand or refuse to admit that it's wrong and in poor taste to throw your own shower.  It is, and that is it.  
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  • I am planning my own, but it is not about being "gift grabby" at all. My family, who lives out of town wanted me to have one since it is my first, and I don't have many friends. My husband and I decided to throw the party ourselves, plus I love hosting gatherings. The shower is in two weeks, and I have planned the games, bought everything for it, and plan on cooking, baking and decorating myself. A few of the friends I do have have offered to help me, and I asked them to run the games and activites so the day of the party my Husband and I can relax. In our invitations we were very clear that what we wanted most was for people to come hang out with us and "shower us" with their love and support and gifts were not important. 

  • I'm really disgusted at how rude people are to others. That's not how you tell your kids to behave, so how dare you behave that way? Very hypocritical. Very rude. Everyone is saying that people who throw their own shower are not following etiquette. But most of the people on here who are commenting against throwing their own shower is being very rude and sometimes hurtful. How is that following any etiquette, not to mention the golden rule?
    Everyone is saying that throwing your own shower is rude because it is.  There is just no getting around that - it doesn't matter what you "feel" or "believe" or what your "opinion" is (general you, not you in particular).  The great thing about the rules of etiquette (good manners) is that they are consistent, inflexible, and not subject to opinion.  This way, they can be universally applied across different circumstances, regions, cultures, etc. This is a good thing, trust me.  

    This has been explained patiently over and over and over again in this thread and many others and many alternatives to "celebrate the baby", "celebrate my pregnancy", "share my joy" other than a shower that can be graciously hosted by a MTB have been presented.  I think you are mistaking people pointing this out to entitled individuals who refuse to accept the fact that what they are doing is wrong for rudeness.  Explaining good manners to someone does not equal rudeness.  You may also be mistaking frustration with the promotion of bad manners with rudeness.  I, for one, have been shaking my head through this thread, just dumbfounded at people who think it's OK to throw a gift-giving event in their honor and try to justify it with nonsensical reasons such as, "I don't believe a shower is about gifts".  It's like blind idiocy, and it's frustrating to those of us who know better.  I almost feel sorry for those people, as their refusal to adjust their position based on the good information provided (that's called learning) will limit their ability to grow.  

    I realize that this is a thread about baby showers and not something of earth-shattering gravity, but the bottom line is that people who don't practice good manners are really limiting themselves in so many ways.  It's not just about showers - people who exhibit bad manners at best will offend friends and family, at worst will limit their success professionally, personally, and socially.  They will be looked down upon by others who do know how to behave and will be judged negatively for it.  Perhaps someone they wanted to become friends with will dismiss them, or perhaps they will be passed over for a promotion at work.  Who knows?  Why not just take the information that is given here, open your mind, and adjust your behavior accordingly to comply with what the majority of people understand is polite?  Why cling to "I deserve a shower, I deserve gifts!" when you could actually better yourself by doing the right thing? (Again, general you, not you in particular).  

    Sorry, I'm just so sick of people calling everyone with good manners rude b/c we are frustrated with the stubborn/entitled posters who don't understand or refuse to admit that it's wrong and in poor taste to throw your own shower.  It is, and that is it.  
    Since someone else zombied this old thread, I thought bumping the very best explanation ever of why you don't throw your own shower was in order....
    [Deleted User]onefootinthebayouSassenach1743DrillSergeantCat
  • Ok...I got tired of reading hateful and rude replies, so I am just gonna toss this out here and take off.  The whole Etiquette excuse is insane.  Most etiquette does not cross cultural boundaries, and what is considered polite in one area of the world is a horrible faux pas somewhere else.

    For example, I don't have local friends.  I am a horrible social introvert, the nearest family I have is over 200 miles away, DH family is on the other side of the country, and most of the people I talk to are online.  That being said, I have friends from all over the world.  At least some of which have suggested I throw an online shower for myself.  Now, that is so not even the plan, for multiple reasons, but primarily it is difficult to work around everyone's time zones and schedules.  But apparently this is not only normal, but completely expected in some parts of the world.  It is not considered a "gift", it is just something that you do to get help from your friends. 

    All that being said, if you want to throw yourself a shower, hey, go for it.  Try not to be pushy, but it is ok to ask for help when you need it.  If you don't want to throw yourself a shower, no BFD, don't.  Maybe you will luck out and someone else will step in and do it, maybe not. Maybe your family will help out in any way they can, maybe not.  Maybe you should grow up, put on your big girl panties, and stop judging everyone against your standards and your ideals, because I can guarantee that no matter what flag you wave that under, it is going to upset someone.  This thread turned into an inflammatory hatefest.

    As for the whole "If no one is throwing you a shower, you have done something wrong so that people don't like you"  that line makes me madder than anything.  Some of us just have problems interacting with people, some of us have PTSD and just can't deal well with social situations.  We may have good intentions, but that does not translate into being a social butterfly and having lots of friends.  We may even send gifts to every event we get asked to, even if we can't go.  Some of us, in fact, cringe at the idea of a baby shower just because we can't deal with large groups of people.  Whatever the situation, it is a personal choice and not something that should be shamed for being "improper". 

    If you need help affording stuff, but your family can't assist you, fine, ask for help, throw yourself a shower, but don't be pushy.  If you are lucky enough that you don't need help, but your family wants to do something nice, Great!! Let them throw you a shower.  But seriously, please stop being hateful, even if we are not a "unique little snowflake", every situation is different, every person is different, and what you may think of as a horrible thing may be completely normal to someone else.  Personally, I hate sushi, I am not going to stop anyone else from having it.


  • galadreal said:

    As for the whole "If no one is throwing you a shower, you have done something wrong so that people don't like you"  that line makes me madder than anything.  Some of us just have problems interacting with people, some of us have PTSD and just can't deal well with social situations.  We may have good intentions, but that does not translate into being a social butterfly and having lots of friends.  We may even send gifts to every event we get asked to, even if we can't go.  Some of us, in fact, cringe at the idea of a baby shower just because we can't deal with large groups of people.  Whatever the situation, it is a personal choice and not something that should be shamed for being "improper". 
    Wait, who said that? And even if someone did, I can guarantee that it is not the opinion of 99.9% of posters here. 

  • FemShep said:
    I'm really disgusted at how rude people are to others. That's not how you tell your kids to behave, so how dare you behave that way? Very hypocritical. Very rude. Everyone is saying that people who throw their own shower are not following etiquette. But most of the people on here who are commenting against throwing their own shower is being very rude and sometimes hurtful. How is that following any etiquette, not to mention the golden rule?
    Everyone is saying that throwing your own shower is rude because it is.  There is just no getting around that - it doesn't matter what you "feel" or "believe" or what your "opinion" is (general you, not you in particular).  The great thing about the rules of etiquette (good manners) is that they are consistent, inflexible, and not subject to opinion.  This way, they can be universally applied across different circumstances, regions, cultures, etc. This is a good thing, trust me.  

    This has been explained patiently over and over and over again in this thread and many others and many alternatives to "celebrate the baby", "celebrate my pregnancy", "share my joy" other than a shower that can be graciously hosted by a MTB have been presented.  I think you are mistaking people pointing this out to entitled individuals who refuse to accept the fact that what they are doing is wrong for rudeness.  Explaining good manners to someone does not equal rudeness.  You may also be mistaking frustration with the promotion of bad manners with rudeness.  I, for one, have been shaking my head through this thread, just dumbfounded at people who think it's OK to throw a gift-giving event in their honor and try to justify it with nonsensical reasons such as, "I don't believe a shower is about gifts".  It's like blind idiocy, and it's frustrating to those of us who know better.  I almost feel sorry for those people, as their refusal to adjust their position based on the good information provided (that's called learning) will limit their ability to grow.  

    I realize that this is a thread about baby showers and not something of earth-shattering gravity, but the bottom line is that people who don't practice good manners are really limiting themselves in so many ways.  It's not just about showers - people who exhibit bad manners at best will offend friends and family, at worst will limit their success professionally, personally, and socially.  They will be looked down upon by others who do know how to behave and will be judged negatively for it.  Perhaps someone they wanted to become friends with will dismiss them, or perhaps they will be passed over for a promotion at work.  Who knows?  Why not just take the information that is given here, open your mind, and adjust your behavior accordingly to comply with what the majority of people understand is polite?  Why cling to "I deserve a shower, I deserve gifts!" when you could actually better yourself by doing the right thing? (Again, general you, not you in particular).  

    Sorry, I'm just so sick of people calling everyone with good manners rude b/c we are frustrated with the stubborn/entitled posters who don't understand or refuse to admit that it's wrong and in poor taste to throw your own shower.  It is, and that is it.  
    Since someone else zombied this old thread, I thought bumping the very best explanation ever of why you don't throw your own shower was in order....
    Well shucks, thank you!  
    FemShep
  • PYLWhammy said:
    galadreal said:

    As for the whole "If no one is throwing you a shower, you have done something wrong so that people don't like you"  that line makes me madder than anything.  Some of us just have problems interacting with people, some of us have PTSD and just can't deal well with social situations.  We may have good intentions, but that does not translate into being a social butterfly and having lots of friends.  We may even send gifts to every event we get asked to, even if we can't go.  Some of us, in fact, cringe at the idea of a baby shower just because we can't deal with large groups of people.  Whatever the situation, it is a personal choice and not something that should be shamed for being "improper". 
    Wait, who said that? And even if someone did, I can guarantee that it is not the opinion of 99.9% of posters here. 


    My apologies, I used quotation marks on a summary statement.  I am sorry about that.  And no, I don't think that is the opinion of 99.9% of the people here, like much of the internet, the loudest people get the most response even when they are not the majority. 
    This is just a sore subject for me after I had an abusive bully boss, had a nervous breakdown, lost the ability to speak, had to leave my job, and lost contact with so many lovely ladies who I considered friends (if you can't talk, it kind of limits your social life).  Several of whom I had tried to be active in events for, but now that I am pregnant, none of them have stepped forward and offered to do anything, though I did get 3 messages of congratulations.  Which is not a huge surprise, we have not talked much over the last year and a half, and I can't be around large groups of people without having panic attacks.  But the insinuation that if no one steps forward it is something you have done, or not done, and your own fault is just upsetting.  Hence my further comment about everyone being different and each situation being different. 

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