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February 2015 Moms
loriann091
member
This is not a question...
loriann091
member
So lately I've been feeling frustrated and a little isolated, and I just wanted to vent for a moment. Please feel free to comment with your own venting or even with a "will you please shut up" as well. Whatever suits you.
First and foremost, I know how incredibly blessed I am to have a healthy baby girl. By no means is this post meant to discredit that fact at all.
However, motherhood has been a lonely experience. We live 2,000+ miles away from any family and our close friends. We have some friends in the area, but only a couple are parents who "understand". And most we don't see very often. I'm on my seventh week of maternity leave, and it's just so HARD.
I had a difficult labor and delivery (45 hours of labor, where I was stuck in the bed for over 24 hours of it. Traumatic delivery with some complications. Rough, painful, long recovery for me.)
My husband works around 10-12 hours a day, and any close friends I have in the area also work all day and have their own personal schedules. For the majority of my days, I am alone with a baby. My first baby. The first baby in both our families. And I'm going crazy.
I've met a few moms through a mommy-and-me group, which is nice, but it's not the same. It's not the same as being with family, meeting up with good friends, having help from people you know and trust, getting grandma to be babysitter for an hour. I make every attempt to get out and go to events, and I feel good, but I still come home to just myself.
My husband helps, but not as much as I need. He doesn't get up with her at night because he works the next day and I don't feel it's fair to wake him. Again, he works long hours and isn't home for the bulk of the day. He often cooks dinner, but other than that the household chores are my responsibility. So, if my baby DOES sleep and DOES let me put her down, I'm spending my time on laundry, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping, etc.
I have not had a baby-free moment in almost 7 weeks.
And I know this is what it's like. I know I shouldn't complain because, really, how "tough" is it?! Things could be so much harder. But there are a lot of times in my day when I just struggle to find the patience. Like when I have to wear her in a carrier all day long because she won't let me put her down. And I have to pee with her on my lap. And eat yet another rushed, cold meal because she just. won't. stop. crying. Or when she doesn't nurse, and instead screams and bucks her head but there's no one around to help. Or when she nurses every hour for hours on end. I could keep going but I won't...
We're moving closer to family in a few months, which is great, but that doesn't make this time any easier. I've told my husband all of this and he had a less than helpful response (basically a "I'm sorry, but what do you expect" response).
I realize this was probably an incredibly annoying post for those who actually read it, and I apologize if I sound selfish and pathetic. I could have written this somewhere private, but for some reason putting it here felt more cathartic. Thanks.
First and foremost, I know how incredibly blessed I am to have a healthy baby girl. By no means is this post meant to discredit that fact at all.
However, motherhood has been a lonely experience. We live 2,000+ miles away from any family and our close friends. We have some friends in the area, but only a couple are parents who "understand". And most we don't see very often. I'm on my seventh week of maternity leave, and it's just so HARD.
I had a difficult labor and delivery (45 hours of labor, where I was stuck in the bed for over 24 hours of it. Traumatic delivery with some complications. Rough, painful, long recovery for me.)
My husband works around 10-12 hours a day, and any close friends I have in the area also work all day and have their own personal schedules. For the majority of my days, I am alone with a baby. My first baby. The first baby in both our families. And I'm going crazy.
I've met a few moms through a mommy-and-me group, which is nice, but it's not the same. It's not the same as being with family, meeting up with good friends, having help from people you know and trust, getting grandma to be babysitter for an hour. I make every attempt to get out and go to events, and I feel good, but I still come home to just myself.
My husband helps, but not as much as I need. He doesn't get up with her at night because he works the next day and I don't feel it's fair to wake him. Again, he works long hours and isn't home for the bulk of the day. He often cooks dinner, but other than that the household chores are my responsibility. So, if my baby DOES sleep and DOES let me put her down, I'm spending my time on laundry, cleaning, dishes, grocery shopping, etc.
I have not had a baby-free moment in almost 7 weeks.
And I know this is what it's like. I know I shouldn't complain because, really, how "tough" is it?! Things could be so much harder. But there are a lot of times in my day when I just struggle to find the patience. Like when I have to wear her in a carrier all day long because she won't let me put her down. And I have to pee with her on my lap. And eat yet another rushed, cold meal because she just. won't. stop. crying. Or when she doesn't nurse, and instead screams and bucks her head but there's no one around to help. Or when she nurses every hour for hours on end. I could keep going but I won't...
We're moving closer to family in a few months, which is great, but that doesn't make this time any easier. I've told my husband all of this and he had a less than helpful response (basically a "I'm sorry, but what do you expect" response).
I realize this was probably an incredibly annoying post for those who actually read it, and I apologize if I sound selfish and pathetic. I could have written this somewhere private, but for some reason putting it here felt more cathartic. Thanks.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: This is not a question...
Hang in there, momma! You're doing great!! What's the weather like? Can you get outside for a walk? Fresh air is like heaven for me!
By giving in to whenever she starts crying you are helping her to recognize a pattern, "I get attention every time I cry" or "mommy picks me up every time I cry" etc. When she starts crying, look at her and her body language for a few minutes. Are her legs bucking? She probably needs to be changed. Is she rubbing the side of her face, or rubbing the side of her face on the mattress? She might be hungry, though try a binky first, sometimes they just want something to suck on. Feel her? Does she feel a little warm? Maybe put some cooler clothes on her. When you're not nursing her, changing her, bathing her, etc. then her being held should be minimized until she realizes that you always aren't going to hold her and carry her when she cries.
Maybe, when your husband comes home tonight, ask him to take care of her for an hour while you get out of the house, or maybe take a nice hot and relaxing bath? I know a bath always calms and refreshes me. I know he works 12 hour days, but sometimes you too need time for you. If he gives you crap for it, throw back in his face what he said to you, "I am sorry, but what did you expect?" I've had to do this several times with my hubby in the last month because he's working and I am not, but just expected me to be able to handle everything during the day while he takes the MOTN routine. Not always the case, sometimes I need a break that includes more than just sleep. You can't be expected to handle everything, and vis versa with him. You both have to take turns, especially when you have days and feeling like today. Good luck and I hope things get better for you.
I get by on calling my family, mall walking, and cooking some BA new food with baby watching from the pack n play. Just post if you need people
I took lots of your advice the past day and a half. Walks, let her sit while I ate, got out and went shopping, called some family, and I feel a bit better. Even had some wine!
I know some days are harder than others, and it'll take some getting used to. But thank you for your kind words and supportive suggestions!
@loriann091 I'm sorry you're having a difficult time. New babies are always tough, especially without family nearby. I'm in SoCal too - quite close to you. I haven't joined any groups just yet, but have you heard of stroller strides? It's an exercise group for mommies with stroller riding kids. Getting outside and doing things with other mommies might help your cabin fever.
One thing that was recently suggested to me is to try probiotics once a day, maybe in her night time feeding. I had a friend whose baby (2 weeks younger than mine) cried and ate constantly. Turns out, she was struggling to digest her milk and was becoming more gassy = fussy and thinking she was hungrier than she really was. I'm going to try to see if that helps my little gal as well because she is a gassy lady!
Also, I've sucked it up and finally started to tell my husband what he can do to help when he's home. Today I left him with the baby for an hour while I went and did a fitness class. Just an hour to myself was so liberating. It'll get better! I know it will.
It can get soooo lonely at home with just a baby to talk to!! Anytime someone wants to come over I say yes without hesitation! My husband works third shift and was getting annoyed when he'd wake up to people at the house.... He barely has to help take care of our baby so he just doesn't understand what it's like!