... Stephen?

samanthaj0e

My son will be getting my last name. His father is very offended by this, and due to the fact that we both have long surnames that are difficult to pronounce, hyphenating is not an option. So my dad suggested that we name him Stephen, which is the father's first name, as a sort of compromise.

Stephen is also my grandfather's name, so I like the extra sentimentality. We pronounce it like Steven. My issue is that to me, it sounds like a very adult name. I don't particularly like it to begin with... let alone "Steve" or "Stevie" on a child.

He would be Stephen Robert, but my father is Rob so the nn Robbie is out. I hate Bobby/Bob. My mom suggested calling him Roy, which is another family name and one I prefer, but that's its own name, not really a nickname for Robert. But I can't find a nn I like. I guess that my issue is in naming him something I won't call him. Thoughts?

mommymeg143

Does the middle name have to be Robert or can you change it since you compromised on Stephen?

bbiutmcph

Personally I really like Stephen and think it's adorable on a small child. That being said if you don't you shouldn't use it just because your bf is throwing a tantrum. I'm going to assume there is a reason you are using your last name so my question to you is if you don't want to give your son his last name why would you give him his first name? I guess I need to understand a little more of the relationship to give a suggestion.

magsugar13

love Stephen robert

samanthaj0e

@mommymeg143 Yes. Robert is what I wanted, not his father's preference. It's important to me.

@bbiutmcph He's not my boyfriend. We split before I found out I was pregnant. He will be involved with our son, but not with me. I wasn't originally planning on giving our son any names from him, but my family seems to think that is incredibly selfish. It does seem like a doable compromise, because my last name is more important to me. I just am not a fan of Stephen, unfortunately.

bbiutmcph

What's his mn? Or maybe just a family name from his side then?

missteacherlady16

I get what you're saying. Personally I've always thought names like George and Charles sound weird on a baby/little kid but remember that your son won't be a child forever so Stephen (or Charles or George) is totally appropriate.

Kate0034

FWIW, I've known several little kids named Stephen (no nn) and it was adorable on them. But I hope you figure out something you love.

Sassenach1743

samanthaj0e said:

@bbiutmcph He's not my boyfriend. We split before I found out I was pregnant. He will be involved with our son, but not with me. I wasn't originally planning on giving our son any names from him, but my family seems to think that is incredibly selfish. It does seem like a doable compromise, because my last name is more important to me. I just am not a fan of Stephen, unfortunately.

I can't imagine naming my son after a guy that I split up with, even if he is his father. That just seems strange to me. Maybe use Stephen as his middle name? 

FWIW, I don't think it's selfish not to use any of this names. But you did say that he is going to be involved in your son's life, so I would still use his surname. 

Sassenach1743

Actually, and I can't believe I'm going to say this, what is his surname? Does it happen to be a name that can work as a first name for your son? 

That would seem less strange than using his first name.

samanthaj0e

@bbiutmcph His mn is Justin, and his father's name is also Stephen but I'm not too sure about other family names.

@brita722 He will have my surname. Just something I'm not willing to compromise on. I would rather give him his fn. His surname is Hubbard so it's not a very good fn, otherwise that would be a great idea!

I should add that the reason I don't want to call him Stephen without a nn is that that's what he goes by, and I don't want to be reminded of my ex when I call my son.

Sassenach1743

Why not use Stephen as his middle name?

Also, you mentioned your ex's middle name is Justin. Why not just switch them around? Justin Stephen Your-last-name.

AlyLynn07

As others have suggested, I would consider Stephen for a middle name, if at all. I don't think it's necessary to give him his father's first name just because you made the (wise) decision to give him your surname. If you loved the name, great! But if you don't like being reminded of your ex when you hear it, then I would look for something else.

Kate0034

I understand that you don't want to think of your ex every time you call your son's name. I wouldn't either.

I like PP suggestion of Stephen as middle name... But it sounds like the name Robert means a lot to you. So, what about Robert Stephen? I know you said the nn can't be Robbie, but why not? Even if your dad goes by Rob, that's not at all too close for a grandfather/grandson. Actually I think it's adorable.. Rob and Robbie.

4N6s

I'd use a different first name, your last name as the middle name and his last name for the babies last name.
If you were to get married, would you change your sons name too? Or yours? It just makes the most sense to have the babies name as the dads last name. He will have his dad's last name and all your future children will have their dads last name.

samanthaj0e

@Kate0034 You know, the more I think about it, the more I like Robbie. Robert Stephen is a great idea. I'll sit on it awhile and see if it grows on me

@4N6s Whether I changed my child's name if I ever got married would depend on a number of things. I appreciate your opinion, but it's not going to happen. As far as my last name goes, Stambaugh would make a hideous mn anyway!

whatevs89

I 100% support your decision to give him your last name. You will likely have him more often and even if the dad is involved, you guys aren't in a relationship. I will say I love Stephen but I hate Robert. It feels so blah and old but not cute old haha

Sassenach1743

Kate0034 said:

I understand that you don't want to think of your ex every time you call your son's name. I wouldn't either.

I like PP suggestion of Stephen as middle name... But it sounds like the name Robert means a lot to you. So, what about Robert Stephen? I know you said the nn can't be Robbie, but why not? Even if your dad goes by Rob, that's not at all too close for a grandfather/grandson. Actually I think it's adorable.. Rob and Robbie.

I like this idea too.

samanthaj0e

@whatevs89 I'm glad someone understands how I feel about the last name situation. It's just important to me. And Robert has just never even been a question to me. It's my dad's name, and he's my absolute rock. When I think of the name I think of my dad, not a good name or a bad name. That's how I know it's perfect.

Sassenach1743

samanthaj0e said:

@whatevs89 I'm glad someone understands how I feel about the last name situation. It's just important to me. And Robert has just never even been a question to me. It's my dad's name, and he's my absolute rock. When I think of the name I think of my dad, not a good name or a bad name. That's how I know it's perfect.

All the more reason to name your son after him. 

Robert Stephen Stambaugh, nickname Robbie. Sounds perfect!

blush64

4N6s said:

I'd use a different first name, your last name as the middle name and his last name for the babies last name.
If you were to get married, would you change your sons name too? Or yours? It just makes the most sense to have the babies name as the dads last name. He will have his dad's last name and all your future children will have their dads last name.

Why does it make sense to give the baby his last name? Why would future children have their father's last name? That might be a choice you are comfortable with and that is fine but this is 2015, women do not need to give up their name and children do not need their father's last name. OP stated more than once her name was important to her. 

I am surprised people are suggesting she give her child the father's last name. Many children have their mother's last name or a hyphenated name. 

I think you should use names you are comfortable with. The father's name as a middle name is a nice idea if you like it. My oldest son has the same name as my father. My son used to go by a younger version of the name but as he grew older they are usually called the same name. It is no big deal. They actually have the same first and last name and for a while we lived at the same address. It was still no big deal. Do what makes you comfortable.

4N6s

@blush64 just saying what I'd do! Luckily I'm not in the same position.
It's her choice and she's going to do what makes her happy, no doubt. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

blush64

4N6s said:

@blush64 just saying what I'd do! Luckily I'm not in the same position.
It's her choice and she's going to do what makes her happy, no doubt. I wasn't trying to offend anyone.

I'm not offended. I am sorry if I sounded too abrupt. I also didn't mean to offend anyone. I was honeslty just surprised and wondering why people thought it would make sense because I think it makes more sense for a woman to give her kids her own last name. (or a hypenated name) I would expect that a long time ago when it was really uncommon for a woman to keep her name but in 2015 it is not unheard of. I am all for a woman choosing the names she is most comfortable with and if that is the father's last name so be it. 

I raised my sons alone and I am glad they had a hyphenated name rather than their father's name only. I did not change my name and when I got remarried I did not change my name, I doubt I will ever change my name. Now my daughter has a hyphenated name.

Rudetomata

I agree that Robert Stephen Stambaugh sounds great! I think that Robert Hubbard Stambaugh would be fine, too. Hubbard could be the middle name not part of the last name. Maybe I missed something but do you even know that the ex wants a family name as part of the name? Maybe your ex would be perfectly happy just getting to choose a first or middle name that he likes with you having veto power. I certainly think he should be satisfied with that. For him it's probably about wanting recognition that he is going to be a big part of his son's life (hopefully) and that this is just the first of many decisions that the two of you will be making together.

kmcc14

I like Robert Stephen, nn Robbie.  My husband has the same first name as his dad, and it's not a big deal at all.  From the perspective of a step-parent, it's not just you that would have to call your child by your ex's name all the time if you choose Stephen as the first name.  Your future boyfriend or spouse would have to as well.  Maybe it's petty, but if my step-daughter were named after her mom, it would definitely bother me.

Koalaknuckles

I'm glad you're considering going with Robert instead of giving your son his father's name as his first name.

My bf and I are having problems coming up with a boy name, and like my bf's name (Zachary) so I was considering it if we couldn't come up with anything else. Although we don't really want a junior and I think it would be confusing if I called the kid and both he and his father answered. Also, we're planning on getting married and having more kids, but that doesn't mean it's not possible we'll break up someday, and I wouldn't want to be reminded of him every time I call the kid's name.

I think it's a good decision of you to give your kid your last name, and I don't think you're being selfish at all by not giving him the father's first name.

Just because he donated some sperm and is going to be involved with your son, doesn't mean he's entitled. Hell, even if you guys were still together, I think the ultimate veto power is the mother's domain. No one should feel obligated to name their kid something that they don't want to name them just because of outside pressure.

I'm giving my kid my bf's last name but he said he wouldn't care if I gave him mine. My last name is super long and ethnic though, so I don't want to saddle my kid with it the burden of having to spell it every time someone asks for it.

neverblushed

I think you probably think of "Steve" as a man's name because not many people are naming their sons "Stephen" right now.  You don't hear it on little preschool boys very often. It all depends on perspective.  I grew up in the 1970s, when "Steve" was a very common name for boys my age.  So I tend to think of "Steve" as someone in about 3rd grade.  I do consider it a classic name, rather than a dated name, though.

A solution might be to refer to your son as Stephen, letting the "Steve" nn occur naturally if people want to call him that, and he is okay with it.  We do a similar thing with my son, whose name is Timothy.  His dad and I generally call him by the full name.  On paper, he uses the full name, and he introduces himself to others by the full name.  Sometimes when speaking to him we just shorten it to Tim.  We never refer to him as "Timmy" but his friends sometimes do.  His teachers usually use Timothy.  It's just kind of evolved naturally.

ETA: I think Robert Stephen Stambaugh OR Stephen Robert Stambaugh are both fine.  

mommymeg143

Robert is my dad's name nn Robby. So, I love it. Roberts tend to be great men.

youenjoymyself

I really like Stephen.  It's a family name for me, though, so I might be biased.  And I don't know any kids named Stephen right now, which is a huge plus.

wassuphoes

I agree that Robert Stephen seems like a good compromise. Best of luck to you.

magsugar13

I am glad your child is getting your last name. I am glad you arent just doing what is expected! You will be primary parent and he should have your name.