Your thoughts on First "school friends " birthday party

summerjoy578 · February 2015

Planning my daughter's 9th bday party, first party with school friends. We set the limit to 10 but our daughter loves everyone and plays with all the girls in her class plus 5 from other 3rd grade classes that she wants to invite. That total is about 20 girls altogether. I know realistically that not everyone invited may be able to come due to other things going on but on average what is the "magic" number to invite above the 10 limit so that at least 10 make it to the party? Would it be appropriate to ask the 10 girls parents ahead of time if they might be able to make that day so that if not we can be sure to invite some of the other girls on her list? I would still send invites even if her friends couldn't make it so they wouldn't feel left out but at least this way we could stay closer to 10. We rented a community center so we actually have the space to invite all 20 but my husband said no

neverblushed · February 2015

I have a few thoughts about this whole ball of wax.

First, I think you have to talk to your H, decide what you want to do, and then present the limits to your DD. A good compromise might be to allow your DD to invite the 15 girls from her class but not the girls from other classes. Also, your H may have to be flexible. If he sets 10 as the limit and she has 13 girls in her class, that's putting your DD in the terrible position of having to invite all but 3. If that's the case and your H doesn't budge, you might want to ditch the community center and actually make it a smaller party, like a sleepover or a trip to see a movie.

I would absolutely not do an "A list" and "B list" of backup invitees. The chances that kids will talk and feelings will be hurt is too high. It's just rude to do this.

Finally, kids this age understand that not everyone can come to the party. By 3rd grade, lots of kids are having a sleepover with just their best friends. It's wonderful that your DD has such a wide circle of friends. But that doesn't mean all of those girls must be included. Girls who are not in her class will understand if she has to limit it to just female classmates. Girls in her class will understand if she can only invite a few. You just don't want a situation where she invites most of the class (or the friend group) and only a few are left out.

Designermomma · March 2015

Neverblusheds advice is perfect. I was just going to say that you never know if all or none will come. I've invited the whole class before (12) and they all came and last year I did the same (18) and 3 kids came. I think it depends on timing, party location and theme too. The one that 3 came to was a little far away and on a Sunday because the venue was booked on sat.